Missed Opportunities

Do you ever feel like you missed your calling in life? I know I do. Don't get me wrong, I'm very happy with the way my life turned out, but sometimes I wish I had been born 50 years earlier. I would have made one hell of a lounge singer. I could see myself sitting in a bar all night, year after year, drinking scotch and chain smoking three packs a day. Yep, I certainly would have made one hell of a lounge singer.

I've started watching all of my favorite holiday films this week in preparation for Christmas. Holiday Inn is one of my top 10 favorites. What a great film! I'm not any kind of dance expert, but I've never seen someone who could move like Fred Astaire. That dude was so light on his feet that it seemed like he could glide, he was real flexible flyer. I'm pretty sure that most people know all about what kind of singer Bing Crosby was. Ever hear that duet he sang with David Bowie? Not bad.

The best scene in Holiday Inn is a battle sequence between Bing singing and Fred dancing(they also mock each other in that scene). Fred also does a 4th of July number(that's what we showman in the business call a routine) with a smoke in his mouth and fire crackers. Almost every time I'm done watching this flick I drive my wife crazy singing (I have a tendency of butchering lyrics, but I can carry a tune) and dancing(couldn't dance to save my soul).

The world seemed like a much happier place during the golden age of Hollywood. You couldn't even be an actor if you didn't smoke two cartons a week, and all the old crooners like Sinatra for example, wouldn't be caught dead in public with out a glass of scotch glued to his hand. Now in days if you smoke your treated like a leper, and most actors you see today have water in their hands instead of Scotch. They don't live any longer as far as I can tell, and they certainly don't act any better. I bet you couldn't find two guys who are currently living on this planet that could out sing, out dance or out act Bing Crosby and Fred Astaire. Who? Matt Damon and Ben Afflec? Give me a fucking break!

Perhaps in the near future I will drink a bottle of scotch and put up some audio posts for you. I know your just dying to hear Corky the Crooner, belt out some Christmas songs.

Lady K, it's cold outside

At least that's what I hear or have read on most of your blogs today. It was 70 degrees at one point in KY today, and the shit is pissing me off! I'm ready for the cold. I want wind and snow. I want to have to wear thermal underwear when I leave my house. I want to go to a bar and drink an Irish whiskey or two. Shit, I even want to wear a turtle neck, do they even still make those god-awful things? What I don't have is any interest in flying a fucking kite at this time of the year, and that's about all you could do with yesterday's weather. It's complete and utter feldercarb!

The temperature is supposed to drop late on Thursday, and then next week it will finally be cold. At least that's what the AOL weather report told me. Those fuckers better not be wrong. I've put up with a lot of crap from them over the years, and if they fuck-up the weather report, I'm going to dump AOL like a bad habit.

Ok, there is so much ground that we didn't cover yesterday(I apologize for that) and I was almost going to write a follow up post, but I've decided to give it a rest for a day or two. I did find a fun video on You Tube that I will run for a couple of days. I hope you enjoy it.

Feldercarb

 Anytime I move into a new home before I unpack so much as my toothbrush or a roll of toilet paper I make sure to christen the new joint with this picture.

A picture of Captain Apollo and Lt. Starbuck from Battlestar Galactica (the poor man's bastardization of Star Trek/Star Wars).

Doesn't this picture inspire you?

The last video tape I ever bought was Battlestar Galactica the movie. I think I bought it for two dollars and ninety nine cents. What a find and great investment. The deal of a life time! I've replaced just about every VHS tape that I consider to be an important part of my soul with a DVD copy, but I'm not going to replace Battlestar. I'm too proud of it.

There's no need to go into the great acting, the strong scripts or the amazing special affects. At night I sleep with the VHS tape under my pillow.

But more importantly I want to focus on the most underutilized word in the dictionary feldercarb.

Feldercarb is a word that should be used at least once an hour. For example: I get tons of feldercarb in my various e-mail accounts everyday. Sometimes in the form of advertisements, and sometimes from my boss. I hate his brand of feldercarb the worst. "Frack! More feldercarb from the boss". How much feldercarb can one man produce? I only see the boss a couple of times a month, so most of the time we communicate through e-mail. Thank God. I would much rather receive his feldercarb in an e-mail then watch it seep from his mouth.

Anyway, the next show I intend on watching on DVD is the new Battlestar Galactica from the Sci-Fi Channel. I've heard nothing but good things about it, but I just don't have the time to watch it right now. With the holidays coming and football there's too much feldercarb going on in my life right now. Hopefully I'll have a chance to watch it in March when life come to screeching halt.

I really feel like I should say more about the guy that played Starbuck, but I'll leave that feldercarb for another time. If you're really starved for some Starbuck action Biddie wrote some real heart warming stuff about the guy on her blog yesterday.

The final fate of Sally Struthers

Yesterday I woke at 1:15 pm which means I woke up late! Sunday is football day in my house and I hate being late for the 1:00 o'clock kick off on my couch.

Please sing along and feel free to use your own music: When I'm late for work, I don't care.
When I'm late for an appointment, I don't care.
When people are waiting for me outside in the snow, I really don't care, but when I'm late for my couch on Sundays, I care. I really fucking careeeeeeeeeee (the song works a lot better if you actually sing it, I suggest you try singing it as if you were Carol King).
So this morning when I woke up at 1:15, I jumped out of bed and almost killed myself, and our two cats on my way into the living room. When I got to the living room, which took me less then 10 seconds, I found my wife and our friend Erika sitting on the couch watching the Gilmore Girls. " Let me get this straight, It's Sunday afternoon at 1:15, I haven't had so much as a sip of coffee, Two football games are on TV right now, and you guys are watching the Gilmore Girls? Are you kidding me"? I had to do everything in my power to resist putting my head through the TV.

Don't get me wrong, the Gilmore Girls is actually a pretty funny show. The town folk are the biggest group of freaks on television right now, and freaks are always a plus in my book. Both Sebastian Back, and Sally Struthers have recurring characters on the Gilmore Girls and how can one not truly love Sally Struthers? My wife recently borrowed five seasons of the Gilmore girls from one of her friends so it's all Gilmore, all the time at my house right now, and that's cool (anything to make my wife happy) but not on Sundays, at least not until March (My wife actually likes football, so this story is a bit misleading, and definitely intentionally sexist).

After I threw my temper tantrum, sang my song and stormed off, my wife turned off the Gilmore Girls and called me back into the living room by 1:30. I think I scared the life out of Erika though, because she was waving goodbye to me as I came out of the bedroom. "Sorry about that Erika, I can be such a baby at times".

Corky...have you ever read a Superman comic?

Wednesday night after drinking three cups of coffee at work I had a vision. I happen to have visions all the time, and some times my visions become delusional, but not this time. I'm kind of like that dude on Heroes that has to shoot dope in order for his powers to work. Currently, I only need coffee to induce my power. I spend about 500 dollars a year on coffee at work, isn't that ridiculous? Just think, If I stopped drinking coffee at work I would have an extra 500 dollars in the bank at the end of the year, but no visions. The visions are definitely worth 500 bucks a year. Plus, I read somewhere online that most Americans get there antioxidents from coffee. So basically I'm spending 500 bucks a year on my mental and physical well being. That's a good investment, right? My new motto: Fuck vitamins, I drink coffee.

Anyway, when I got home from work on Wednesday morning I started starring at my template, so I could turn my vision in to a reality. About five minutes later, I knew the only answer was to pull a Birdman, and ask Ms. Tuesday for help. So I sent Tuesday an e-mail begging her on my knees as I typed, asking her if she could modify my home page per my vision. She said yes and was very gracious about my request. It's not like Tuesday has a husband or a full time job, and a new house to put together. Nope, she just sits at home and waits for me and the Birdman to ask her for help with our blogs. I thought it was going to take her at least a couple of days to get around to doing it, but when I got home from Thanksgiving last night, everything that I asked for was finished. I almost wet myself, I was so excited. Thank you Ms. Tuesday, but like the song goes, "We've only just begun".

I'm very excited about the direction in which my vision is heading. I'm particularly fond of the Secret Origins thing. I spent a couple of hours trying to edit those posts, because when I first started this blog all those months ago, my writing was extremely rough. Now it's only semi-rough. It has a grit rating of 3 for all of you who are familiar with sandpaper.

All Star Squadron is my favorite comic book of all time, and the cover of issue number 1 is amazing. I think this comic is worth a buck fifty in mint condition. All Star Squadron takes place during World War 2. I think you will find this link very informative and fascinating.

One last thing, It would really be in your best interest to read the title of this post in a British accent, or is it Australian? I forget.

Give Us This Day Our Daily Bread

Thanksgiving is probably my favorite of all the holidays that I celebrate in earnest. As a stone-cold atheist (and avowed racist), it appeals to me on many levels. I like the idea of a holiday that centers around family not God, home not Church (or Mosque or Temple), and being thankful not worshipful. There's also the delicious home-cooked food, the opportunity to spend time with close family, and the old fashioned appeal of bundling up in some nice winter clothing. Those of you from states without cold seasons generally can't appreciate that last reason, which is why I find your cultures to be soulless, empty, sun-worshipping, and selfish.

But I digress.

Normally the Clan Six would enjoy a lively meal at one of our parents' homes (both Mrs. Six and I live in the same town as our parents). This year, however, is special. This year, we will be traveling, on the busiest travel day of the year, to my absolute, positive, most-favoritest place - EVAR! That's right! The most pointless state in the Union - Connecticut! The Constitution State! Where the Constitution was neither written nor first ratified!

Gentle reader, I know you now must be pondering why I would subject myself to such abject torture as spending my favorite holiday with a bunch of nutmeggers, eating their inferior foods and listening to their feeble attempts at topical conversation (which depart their mouths sounding more akin to clicks and whistles than to the dulcet tones you and I produce). Your question is a fair and balanced one, deserving of an answer.

It's because I will be spending the evening with this kid.

This is sure to be one of best Thanksgivings, ever.

Amen.

Thanksgiving

Most people recognize Thanksgiving as the official start of the holiday season. For me, the holiday season starts in March when I go to get my trout stamp for fishing. On the bottom of my stamp there's a little note that says, This Stamp doubles as the official start of the holiday season for Captain Corky, and it lasts until sometime in Janurary.

Due to the nature of the company that I work for, it's impossible for me to go home for what you people call the holidays. My company makes so much money from November to December that each and every employee is mandated to wear an ankle bracelet that doesn't permit us to go outside of a 10 mile radius from work. It's been 7 years since I've been home for the Holidays (this is the part of the post where you start to cry for Corky).

Here is a list of all the things I miss about Thanksgiving from years past:

1. Baking bread with my mother.
2. Driving to rest stops on the Garden State Parkway with Mike Platt, KJR, The Apologist and company.
3. John Madden and Pat Summerall calling football games (Say what you will about Madden, but Thanksgiving football has never been the same for me since he went to ABC and then NBC).
4. The lies that we told ourselves about going into the city to watch the parade. One day I will realize my life's dream and I will help hold a balloon. I have foreseen this to be true.

That's about all the reminiscing I do on Thanksgiving. Obviously, I'm grateful to be making new traditions with the love of my life. Here is my list of new traditions with Allyson:

1. Waking up and making cinnamon rolls and coffee for breakfast.
2. Watching about 10 minutes of the first football game and then cooking for Thanksgiving with Allyson before we go to my inlaws.
3. Lying to Allyson by saying that I'm going to wake up at 8:00am to watch the parade.
4. A new tradition starting at 8:00 pm on the NFL network. Watching the Chiefs beat the Broncos at Arrowhead.
5. Drinking Manischewitz wine with my father inlaw on all holidays, but I'm talking about Thanksgiving here.
6. Listening to Al (my father inlaw) apologize to the Lord for my inability to say grace.

I am extremely grateful this year. It's been one of the best years of my life.
Have a great Thanksgiving everyone!

Move over Jesus, Star Trek is on!

Star Trek has pretty much been the model that I have always lived my life by. At times I have looked to other places for answers, like self help groups, cults and religion, but ultimately Star Trek has always had the answers for me.

Take my job for instance: I work in office with a handful of people, I sit in front of a computer that makes all sorts of bizarre sounds and I don't even look up from the computer when I talk to the four other guys that work in the office with me. I work for a very conservative company that has a pretty strict dress code. We all where black shoes, khakis, and different color polo shirts. Did I mention that I only work with four other guys inside an office that can double as a bomb shelter if need be? Obviously, I make it a point to wear black pants and a green or yellow shirt as often as possible, but the reason why is our little secret.

Way before I started working for my current employer, I've always been smart enough to surround myself with people that I can trust with my life and that are smarter then me in some ways. Sometimes I don't exactly see the world the way that other people see it, so it's always good to have friends like Willsix or the Grumbler around, so I can say things like, "What the fuck does that mean"? Anytime that I've ever needed to be pulled back from the Abyss (and I've needed to be pulled back more than once) it's the same handful of people saving Captain Corky from the great void. I'd like to think that I've been there for them as well.

I don't think it's really necessary to point out all the multi-cultural women that I've been with. No need to boast! Besides, my wife thinks that I was a virgin who lived in his parents basement all my life before we met. Let's keep it that way, shall we?

With all that said, I don't think you could exactly classify me as a Trekkie. I would agree that Star Trek and television have had a very positive influence in shaping my future, my destiny and my brain pattern, but I don't think you could call me Trekkie, unless Trekkies are extremely good looking, kick ass and are cool. If that's the case, then by all mean call me a Trekkie.

Tomorrows post: The first time I sought out a new civilization, fucked a green haired woman, and corrected the social imbalance in that civilization's society, all with in an hour, and in Technicolor.

PS I added some new links to the blog and have a few more that I need to add.

Stuck

Last night I took my wife on a very exciting date. We went to Meijer at about 12:30 am. Meijer is a store that falls somewhere between a Wal*Mart and a Target, not as filthy as a Wal*Mart but definitely not as upscale as Target. Had we planned our date earlier, chances are we would have opted to go to Target instead of Meijer.

I'm glad that we didn't plan our date earlier, because I would not have stumbled across the beautiful treasure I discovered displayed on the book shelf in this picture (incidentally, the gorgeous book shelf in this picture was purchased at Target for those of you that are interested). If you don't recognize the characters featured in this ornament then perhaps you can tell me what kind of drugs you're on, and where I can get some. The name of the ornament is Triple-Dog-Dare and the three characters standing at the flagpole are Schwartz, Flick and Ralphie.

Anyone who knows anything about buying Christmas tree ornaments is aware that you have to buy these things well before December 25th. My wife bought me a Hallmark ornament called The Transporter Chamber for my birthday and I'm pretty sure that it's just about impossible to get it at this point in time. The only issue I have with The Transporter Chamber is that Mr. Scott is standing with Kirk and Spock instead of Bones, but I'll live with it (more Star Trek for you guys, I know you can't get enough).

Anyway, I was so excited when I found Triple-Dog-Dare at Meijer that I wanted to leave Meijer immediately and mount my wife in the parking lot. Unfortunately she wasn't feeling my level of enthusiasm. We also found another ornament on display called A Major Award, but we couldn't find any boxes left. My wife was much more fond of that particular ornament.

I do realize that Thanksgiving hasn't even passed yet and I'm already talking about Christmas (Sorry, Darth Holiday Hater) but I just had to share my ornamental joy with all of you.

It's 4 a.m... do you know where your kids are?

If you ever need to get in touch with me the best time to call is at 4:00 a.m. There's a very strong possibility that I'll be sitting on the couch eating dinner and watching a movie like Bully. If you don't have any plans this weekend and have never seen this movie before I highly recommend that you rent it. It's a very disturbing flick. I didn't get a chance to see it from the beginning so I hope it will be on HBO this weekend so I can TiVo it.

I'm surprised that the Birdman never mentioned Bully to me, because it his sole responsibility in life is to keep me informed about stuff like this. This movie is very graphic and I don't recommend watching this one with the kiddies. It's basically about a bunch of fucked up kids and a couple of sociopaths. If you have any interest in watching this movie make sure to read the user comments on IMDB. Very informative. A lot of us can relate to being young, doing lots of drugs and being or feeling aimless. At least I know I can. I was aimless once.

For me, the first time I felt aimless was when I was a Boyscout (I know that sounds absurd but please continue reading). I was a Scout for two years. That means that I put the uniform on and that's as far as I progressed in the Boyscouts. Two years without earning a single merit badge. No elevation in rank. I came in as a scout and left as a scout. Here is a perfect example of why I never progressed in the Boyscouts, I had an opportunity to achieve a hiking merit badge on a camping trip that troop 20 went on somewhere in Pennsylvania. While the rest of the troupe went off hiking I stayed behind to fish. "You guys go on without me, I'll be alright". I'm pretty sure that Willsix was there for that adventure. Sounds pretty harmless, but at some point I started to worry about my failure to be a productive Boyscout.

Right around the same time of my experience with the Boyscouts of America I was also starting to experiment with cigarettes and stuff. We used to buy smokes for a quarter at the local Foodtown and then chain smoke the entire pack in the woods right behind the grocery store. I wasn't exactly hanging around with the honor roll at this point in my life if you know what I mean. I was turning into a real miscreant.

My life could have very easily turned out tragically just like the kids in Bully, but fortunately for me I was recruited into a Korean militia. An organization that I belonged to for many years where I achieved many successes. It also helped me put my deviant behavior on hold until after my brain had developed to a point where at least that behavior didn't completely destroy me.

If you dig deep into the archives of Corky's log I'm sure you'll find plenty of stories about my deviant life style and a few about the Korean militia as well, but I can't tell the whole story right here and now. What would I have to talk about tomorrow? Star Trek?

Came to Believe

Have you ever had one of those moments where you found yourself questing the existence of God or a higher power? Take January 27th 1991 for example, on that very day I was 99.9 percent positive that god did not exist. I was sitting in Kim Jong Ramone's living room as I watched Scott Norwood's field goal attempt go wide right. Still, to this day I can't watch the replay.

From that moment on up until two days ago there was never a question in my mind, god simply didn't exist. Nothing catastrophic happened in my life on Tuesday that opened my eyes and my heart to God. It's real simple, I was reading the comments on Steve Novak's blog on Tuesday and he informed me that Star Trek the animated series was being released on DVD at the end of this month. This month. Next week!

You have no idea how long I have waited for this moment! 22 episodes of Star Trek that I don't remember except for maybe one or two. After reading that comment on Novak's blog I felt a calm come over me that I've never known. For the first time in my life I was completely at peace with myself and the universe. As a matter of fact I almost came on myself.

Now that I'm sure there is a god, I don't have to waste any more time pondering that question. I've got bigger issues. Do I run out and buy Star Trek the Animated series on DVD Tuesday, or do I completely restructure my Christmas list that was completed in July, throwing my entire life in to a tail spin? I have no idea what the fuck I'm going to do. Help!

I could pray to God I suppose and ask him for guidance, but I don't want to burden him right now. He's got enough to do with Star Trek 11 coming out in 2008 and all. He's got to pull off the impossible, have someone other than William Shatner play the part of Captain Kirk... Nope, I'm not going to bother God right now.

This is way to much to think about. It's a good thing that TV Land is going to be playing a ton of Star Trek episodes this weekend. It will give me some time to clear my head and gain some perspective. Thank God for TV Land.

Day 3: Today is my third day on the patch. There is not much to tell because I just slapped today's patch on my back. It's a little itchy. I also just wrote an entire post that got erased because I didn't save it as I went along and fucking blogger made me sign back in when I went to publish the post. It's enough to drive anyone to smoke or in my case chew. Mother fuckers!

Day 2: I am actually surprised at how well Nicoderm CQ seems to be working. The worst time of the day seems to be at night for me. That's when my cravings are at there worst. At night and when I eat. My meals are anticlimactic because I want to stuff my mouth with copenhagen after every meal. Last night at work I drank 3 cups of coffee and sucked on a bag of Life Savors. Overrated fucking candy.

Day 1: Saturday was day one for me. About an hour or two after I quit using I decided to replace my addiction with a compulsive shopping disorder. My wife and I went to the trendy part of Louisville and I bought 50 bucks worth of comic books in a very cool comic book shop. It's funny going into comic book shops these days. I saw a father and son in the shop and the father was the one buying the comic books. After that we went and had lunch in a place that we've never eaten at. Apparently I'm a lot more spontaneous and adventurous when I'm not chewing tobacco.

In my Nicoderm CQ user's guide (which is about the size of a baseball card and now referred to as my bible) it says that I'm supposed to be on step 1 for 6 weeks. This has to be a scam and since now I'm an expert on quitting tobacco and it hasn't been that bad I'm going to step 2 next week. The bible also says that the first three to four days are the worst for cravings. The cravings have not been as bad as I envisioned them being but I have found myself trying to shove a comic book in between my cheek and gum once or twice.

I have also been having trouble adjusting back to my schedule. I blame this on KJR who wrote a very amusing post about me over on his blog. When I stayed with him I was getting up at 5:00 am and going to bed at 5:00 pm. Just like the squirrels, birds and my grandmother. Hopefully I will be back on track soon. Hope everyone had a good weekend.

Captain Corky Announces Retirement

Louisville, KY November 10, 2006 -Reports out of Kentucky have confirmed that Captain Corky has announced that after today he will no longer use any Tobacco products. The Captain has been a prolific Tobacco user since 1989, using such products as Newport, Marlboro, Skoal and Copenhagen (sometimes mixing and matching).

At a press conference that took place somewhere on route 70 in Ohio Corky said, "I've had a good long run and I'm very fortunate to be going out on the top of my game. There are things that I'm going to miss about using tobacco, specifically the ashtrays, the endless amount of plastic bottles ranging from water bottles to empty milk cartons, and of course the empty coke cans. Without them I could never have used tobacco inside in a civilized manor. I' m also going to miss the calming affect and the buzz. When I first started using, just like most people it was for social reasons, and the more "social" I became the more tobacco I used. A couple of cigarettes at a party in the summer on 1988 transformed into a two cans of Copenhagen habit a day in 2006. Don't ask me how that happened. It's not going to be easy and I know that I'm going to have to find something else to replace the void left in my life by quitting tobacco. Perhaps chess. I have some ideas that I have discussed with my wife. Anyway, as I said I know it's not going to be easy to walk away from the game and I kind of wish I could spend a couple of days in a padded room but It's time. Plus, I'll be saving close to 300 dollars a month, that's always a good thing."
This reporter will be staying on top of this story and remember our motto: Corky's log is the place to come for fair and unbalanced news.

Lunch Date

Yesterday I had lunch with an old friend of mine named Jenny. Back in the olden days I used to spend a lot of time at Jenny's house watching football, and hustling losers like KJR at pool. That seems like a lifetime ago. I think we used to punch Jenny in the arm a lot too. Mostly out of love but she didn't always see it that way.

I don't really get a chance to see her all that often considering that I live in Louisville and she lives in Morris county NJ. For those of you asking that's like 730 miles. So I was really excited when we made plans to have lunch.

When I got to the dinner(that's where people who live in NJ go to eat Lunch, but I'm not talking about The Dinner, just another dinner in a different town) I easily spotted her. She was in the back putting one of the cutest kids I've ever seen in a baby chair. Jenny was dressed very nice and looked good. Me? I was dressed like a bum, but that's how I roll. I'm a hooded sweat shirt type of person. Always have been, always will be.

Even though It had been a while since I saw her it didn't feel awkward at all seeing her and spending time with her. We didn't spend that much time talking about the past. We asked each other about a handful of people, and then we moved on to talk about more important things like this blog for example. I spent a good 20 minutes plugging blogger and trying to convince Jenny to start her own blog. It's not like I work for the bastards or anything but if you were listening to our conversation you would think that I did. Really I just think it's a very cool way to keep in touch with people on a daily basis and meet new friends as well. Plus, I like adding links to the log.

I also spent a good time picking Jenny's brain about Pregnancy, child birth and motherhood. It's fairly obvious that her son is going to play professional football when he grows up (every father's wet dream). I could also tell that Jenny was very happy raising her son. At the end of the lunch date she let me hold her son for a couple of minutes. That was awesome. I really enjoyed spending time with Jenny and her son and I'm looking forward to reading her blog.

I spent a lot of time around babies this past week. I spent three wonderful days with Jill and Will's beautiful daughter sylvie and then yesterday with Jenny and Justin. Have you ever felt like the good lord was trying to tell you something?

Zany

This is a picture of a small town in Ohio called Zanesville. The only thing I know from this town is a gas station right off of route 70. I took this picture right after I filled up my car on the way to NJ. If you click on the link I provided for Zanesville you will learn that Dan Patrick is from this town. There was also like 110 violent crimes committed in 2003 (I'm sure most of them were alcohol related).

I spend approximately 100 dollars a year in Zanesville buying gas, sunglasses, beef jerky and coffee. Also, I spend up to an hour and 20 minutes in Zanesville annually, so that makes me kind of like an authority on all that is Zanesville.

It looks like a nice wholesome place just judging from this snap shot. The only other thing a person like me has to use as a barometer when gauging a town such as Zanesville is the condition of the bathroom that I use when I'm passing through. There's a sign in the bathroom that says, "Please notify attendant if the bathroom needs attention". I guess I could say something to the attendant like "excuse me, the toilet seat is covered with urine, pubic hair and other stuff. It could definitely use some "attention". What are ya'all a bunch of fucking animals in Zanesville or something? Might I suggest you people try following the example of other small towns in America like Livingston NJ for example. The public bathrooms in that town are so exquisitely clean that you could eat your dinner off of the toilet seats." However, I'm not one of those assholes you see all to often, that screams at people who make minimum wage unless they fuck up and put onions on my burgers at those hamburger joints you see all over the country.

Still, I'm not going to judge the entire population (roughly 25,000) of Zanesville or the entire state of Ohio because one little bathroom is out of order. As a matter of fact it's probably all of the assholes that come from places like Louisville Kentucky that are the true perpetrators of these crimes against hygiene, except for me obviously.

To learn about other small towns in America click on this link provided for you by Captain Corky. I've got lots of fun storries about that town.