Nesting

For me painting a room top to bottom is as easy as it is for most people to mop a kitchen floor. I was a painter once upon a time, and I've spent a lot of time making O.P.P (other people's property) look good. I'm not going to spend a whole lot of time painting for other people anymore. I sort of moved on from that part of my life. I still like to paint for friends and family from time to time though.

I'm off from work today and tomorrow and I'm going to be spending the majority of my time painting for a family member, my wife. As most of you know Allyson is pregnant. She went into full blown nesting mode a couple of weeks ago. She informed me that we were going to make major modifications to our apartment. Our office/spare bedroom is going to become the babies nursery. Makes sense. I also have some painting that I have to finish up in the living room and bathroom. I hate to do this kind of work on a place that we don't own, but then again we're going to be living here for one more year and it might as well look good.

I bought some supplies at the Home Depot yesterday. I have a love hate relationship with the Home Depot. The prices are great. Ladders, paint brushes, buckets and drop clothes are all priced pretty good. But the paint at Home Depot sucks. I don't understand why consumer reports likes it so much. Anybody that works with paint more than three of four times in a life time would agree with me. I also can never get out of that fucking store in under an hour, and it's not because I have a big hard-on for power tools. The check out lines are so slow! I went at 9:00 in the morning yesterday, in the dead of winter, so it wasn't too bad. But generally speaking most of the time I shop in there by the time I'm ready to leave I'm on the verge of having an aneurysm. Usually while I'm waiting for the check out person to find the sale's price for a 1.29 bucket somewhere located in isle 430.

I buy most of my paint at Porter Paints when I'm in the South. Good paint. A little expensive but much better paint to work with on a regular basis then Glidden, aka Home Depot paint. I used Grey Bisque for the living room in our apartment and Summer Lilac for the Kitchen. Allyson had a near heart attack when I told her what color I was planning to use for the kitchen, but after she saw the finished contrast between the Bisque and the Lilac she was pleasantly surprised. I never believed in accent walls until we painted one for the Birdman's mother. It turned out really good. I've also did some work for a customer who had an interior decorator pick out all the paint for their house based on the customer's artwork. It turned out amazing.

OK... I better get to work before Allyson has an aneurysm or I might just be painting at 6:26 on Sunday night.

Soup That Eats Like A Meal

Did you know that a can of Chunky Beef with Country Vegetables only has 300 calories per can? This is an amazing discovery! I've been eating this soup as long as I can remember, and when I go a real long time without eating it I start to crave it. I'm talking months people, and sometimes even years.

When I was a kid I used to eat Chunky Beef almost every Saturday at 6:00 o'clock while I watched Star Trek. Greatest show in the history of television! But you already knew that of course. Nothing like feeding my head with a double dose of brain food.

Ever since Donovan Mcnabb and Matt Hasselbeck's milf started doing Chunky Soup commercials grocery stores and supermarkets like Foodtown think they can plow in to me by charging 2 dollars and twenty five cents a can. Fuck you Foodtown! Captain Corky is much slicker than that you greedy bastards. I buy my Chunky Beef at Target for a buck twenty five a can. I also buy all of my furniture, clothes, laundry detergent, picnic supplies, and power tools at Target. They make it real easy and only charge me 19 percent interest on my Target Credit card. I even got to pic the color of my card. What a store!

Anyway, I'm was thinking about going on the Captain Corky inspired Chunky stew diet. 5 cans a day... That would be 1500 calories daily. Perfect! The only drawback to going on a diet like this would be that by my third can of the day hypertension will have set in, and by the fith can I will have died of a stroke because of the Salt content. I can't catch a break! I guess it's back to tasteless, sugarless, fatless Shredded Wheat tomorrow. Yum! I can't wait.

Stir Crazy

Traditionally the past weekend is the toughest weekend of the year for me. The week between the championship games and the Super Bowl has always been tough. The Super Bowl bye week... It's like quitting a 15 year, two can a day, Copenhagen habit cold turkey. Yes, that's how much control the NFL has over my emotions and my overall general purpose in life. I don't know if I'll ever do anything great with my life, but I do know that every year come September I'll be glued to my couch for the following 21 Sundays (excluding the cursed bye week of course). Does this mean I'm mindless? No. Football is a great, and it's worth my complete devotion.

The Super Bowl bye week would be much easier for me if I could go fishing, but it's 22 degrees outside and Kentucky is not exactly known for it's great ice fishing. Sure I could clean out my tackle box, but that only takes an hour at best. In past Super Bowl bye weekends to deal with the depression I've gone bowling, gotten high, watched television, gotten drunk, gambled and compulsively jerked off. As a result of some of these behaviors my average in bowling went through the roof, I drooled on myself and laughed really hard, killed many brain cells (so they say), damaged my liver and was very, very raw, and sore. But none of these behaviors were ever sufficient at filling the gaping hole in my soul left by the absence of football during the bye week.

This year has been different. The NFL network's been running a marathon on the previous 40 past Super Bowls, so I'm being weaned off of football instead of having to quit cold turkey this year. Also, I've been spending a lot of time admiring myself in the mirror. It feels like I lost 10 pounds over night. I was so happy with myself this morning that I went to the gym, and celebrated my success by implementing phase 2 of my reconstruction. In other words I jogged this morning. The first month was warm up. I'll be a lot more specific when I write Captain Corky's guide to exercise and good health, but the gist of it is that I did a lot of walking and dieting in January. I also gradually worked back into a weight lifting routine.

Phase 2 of my reconstruction plan is going to focus on cutting calories and running. I'm also going to be lifting 5 days a week, like I have been for the past two weeks. My new breakfast which I just started eating a couple of days ago consists of two hard boiled eggs, and a can of tuna fish. Roughly about 302 calories. Not bad. Then I'll have a pretty hefty meal in the middle. I would like to keep it around 800 to 900 calories at the most. And then for my third meal I'll have cereal, Bite Size Shredded Wheat with whole milk (The shit has no taste but fills me up pretty good and helps with other things.) Just for kicks I might have a peanut butter sandwich instead of cereal. I might even have an apple or something in between meals. Who knows? I've also been taking vitamins, and I'll continue to drink plenty of water and coffee. Not giving up coffee ever!

Sorry about the diet diversion, but like I said I'm pretty happy with myself right at this moment. Never again will I have an issue with the Bye week. Next year at this time I'll have a 6 month old baby that will be occupying my attention and the rest of my life for that matter. Mabye I'll even let Corky JR. help me clean out my tackle box sometime.

State of the Log Address: 2007

Birdman, Ms. Tuesday, Willsix, distinguished guests, Mom, and fellow Corkians:

2007 is going to be an even bigger and better year for us here at the log. I find it very encouraging at the progress, and growth that Corky's log has made in such a short time but it's just the beginning folks.

Some of you have been with the log since it's inception back in 2006 while others of you have just been added to the Roll Call as recently as yesterday. New stories will be told, and old history will be revisited. Some will get my sense of humor almost immediately. Others will scratch their heads and say, "What the fuck" and click forward to the next blog. If you're one of these people, you're a mutt (a dog with no heart).

I'm not going to spend all of the precious two minutes or so you give me ,every day, telling you all the unique and different things that are going to be changing or coming to the Log this year, but I will briefly explain three areas of the Log that will be a main focus during 2007 .

First, it is my intention to expand the Roll Call by 20,000 links. I understand that this is lofty goal, and will take time, and perseverance but with your support and my three point plan, I know that we can, and will accomplish this goal. Probably right around the same time that Corky Jr. is born if my calculations are correct.

Next, there is the matter of television. More of it needs to be discussed here on the log, and I realize that it's my responsibility to make sure that happens. If your not watching shows like Smallville, I want to know why you're not, and why you don't have a personality. Heroes is a good show. Smallville is a great show. Understand? Corky's word is Law!

Finally, by years end I'm hoping to have my first video post up... I've already added voice mail to the Corktionary for a trial run. So far so good! It looks like there might be a spot for it permanently on Corky's log, but first I have to speak with my technical advisor. I also plan on asking someone to design a flag for the Log, all in good time.

In short my fellow Corkians the state of the log is stronger than ever. 2007 is going to be a great year. Hail Corky's log!

AFC TITLE GAME

Last night at approximately 8:00 pm eastern standard time Allyson, and I were all packed up and ready to sneak out of town (in Baltimore Colt like fashion). It wasn't because we were evicted or any kind of rubbish like that. I was fed up with routing for losers. The Colts were down 21-6 at halftime, and I had this nagging feeling that I was going to hear nothing but I told you so from everybody I know, and their brother. My plan was that before I took my first phone call or looked at my first e-mail I would be living on a beech in Cape Cod, and looking for work on a fishing boat.

I would have been on the road by halftime if it weren't for my cat. The fat but beautiful bastard (Fonzie) snuck into the crawl space, and I couldn't get him out. Looking back on the incident I now realize that It was divine intervention! By the time I managed to get Fonzie out, the Colts were only down by 8. So I sat back down on the couch to continue watching the game that was no longer out of reach for the greatest quarterback who ever lived, Peyton Manning.

After the Colts had tied the game up at 21 all, I looked over at my wife, and said, "I think the Patsies might have blown their load in the first half". The third and fourth quarter of the AFC championship was amazing, and I only remember watching two other football games that were ever as exciting. 1. When the Bills, who were down to the Oilers 35 to 3 at halftime, came back to win 41 to 38. The second game was when John Elway, and the Broncos ended the NFC's 13 year Superbowl winning run by beating Holmgren and Favre..

Watching Belichick and Brady lose last night was just about the best thing I've seen all year. I do realize that it's not over yet (football season not the year). There's still one more game to play. Peyton Manning, and the Colts still have to go up against Rex Manning, and the Bears in the Super Bowl. If this game were being played in the snow in Chicago I might be worrying about it, but it's not. It's going to be played in Sunny Florida. I like the Colt's chances, a lot!

It sucks that I had to leave my pregnant wife at home to unpack the moving van, and move all of our furniture back into the apartment by herself but I was already 15 minutes behind schedule and needed to be at work.

Here we go again

For those of you that are new to the Log, the early 90's was a pretty rough time period in my life. I was in my early 20's and doing a lot of drinking, drugs and other anti-social behaviors. I was a real miscreant. Don't get me wrong, I had some very wonderful experiences with Acid, but by the end of a very quick run, the life style that I was leading was getting the best of me.

I wound up spending my 21st birthday in a rehab. Can you believe that? Fun loving, beer guzzling Captain Corky not in a bar on his 21st birthday? Yep, life is funny like that. In rehab I spent a lot of time analyzing my behaviors of the past and trying to get to the route cause of why I was using drugs and destroying my life. I wound up staying sober for four years but I never came up with any answers. My life improved a bit, but I still felt very empty inside (therapy terminology). I was lost.

Then one late Summer day sometime during the mid 90's, I was out in a farm in western Maryland with some good friends, and I held aloft a mighty beer can, poured it down my throat, and cried out "By the power of Budweiser", and I was magically transformed into Captain Corky. Born again! Given the choice between feeling dead, and sober the rest of my life or being a drunken slob, and feeling alive, I'll take the liquor every time. But still I didn't have answers to my question.

It's now 1o years later, and let's just say that I have found my answers, and not through the church, a 12 step program, or a Tom Cruise controlled cult. If you are a person who has found your answers through a 12 step program or Church and god, than I am very happy for you. If you've found your answers through a Tom Crusie controlled Cult then your a schmuck!

I've omitted 10 years of testimony from this post in order to keep it shorter. Plus there are lots of elements to that part of my life that I have not yet explored in great detail on this blog. I'm going to save that stuff for a rainy day or as the NFL likes to call it, the off season.
The reason there's pictures of Quarterbacks in this post is because I use them as mile markers for the road map of my life (Corny, I know).

PS. I watched the Bills lose four Super Bowls in a row. Very painful. It still hurts today. In 2000 I moved to Louisville KY, which is only 2 hours from Indianapolis, and I've been watching the Colts week in and week out ever since. This is Peyton's year. I'm reliving my Bills experience vicariously through the Colts. I won't be fooled again. Gulp!

PPS. For all you NFC fans check out this post I wrote before the season started about the Saints.

Like A Rock

It's a sad day here in Corkyville. I just sent my 1983 Chevy s-10 to meet it's maker. Mine was a red stick shift, and had a phat custom made ladder rack. The tow truck driver who came to pick it up was eye balling the truck pretty hard. I think he might take if for himself. He probably thought I was a complete schmuck for getting rid of it. But who really cares what he thinks. Fuck him.

That Chevy s-1o got me through a really tough financial and emotional period in my life. I bought it about 6 months after I got divorced from my first wife for about 1000 bucks. Yuppies go to therapy after they get divorced. Barnswallows buy trucks, chew tobacco, and drink beer. The engine was held together with lots of duck tape, but I never really had too many problems with it until the end. I only put about 250 bucks in to it (excluding gas), and very rarely got the oil changed. Maybe twice in 4 years. A fact I'm very proud of!

I used the truck to haul ladders from paint job to paint job. My paint company was pretty successful. I only advertised about three times a year and got most of my business from Republicans. Democrats in Kentucky paint their own houses. I did pretty good but I was working 18 + hours a day with painting and my other job. I had to make a decision for the sake of my sanity, and decided to only paint for friends and really good customers.

Anyway, I haven't driven the truck since the beginning of Summer, and I was hoping to just let it disintegrate in the parking lot where I live, but Larry (The pain in ass super) told me that I was not allowed to have three vehicles, and has been annoying me to get rid of it for months. I finally did today. That truck will be missed.

Dreamgirls

Beyonce didn't win at the Golden Globes last night. How do I go on?

Last Friday night Allyson (the hero of our story) wanted me to go see Dreamgirls with her. Here's how our conversation went.

Act I

Allyson: Lets go see Dreamgirls tonight.

Corky: Isn't Beyonce in that?

Allyson: Yes

Corky: Sorry, I don't do Beyonce movies.

Allyson: Fine I'll go with out you.

After thinking about the fact that Allyson (who likes football) was going to put up with essentially 48 hours of non stop football, and the fact that she's pregnant, I decided I'd better go with her to see Dreamgirls.

Act II

In the car

Corky: You do realize that Beyonce is in this movie, right?

Allyson: Fuck you Corky!

Act III

Walking into the theatre
Corky: (Mumbling under my breath) I can't believe that I'm going to see a Beyonce movie

Allyson: What did you say?

Corky: Nothing dear...

Act IV
The drive home

Corky: That movie was amazing. Eddie Murphy better win an Oscar for his performance.

Allyson: Jenifer Hudson was amazing, Effie White was my favorite character.

Corky: Jamie Fox is incredible in everything he does.

Corky: This musical was 50 times better than Chicago! Not better than Grease 2 but definitely very good.

Corky: (sheepishly) Allyson?

Allyson: Yes, Corky?

Corky: You were right as usual, Dreamgirls was a really good movie.

Allyson: I know Corky

Corky: Can I have an ice cream cone when we get home?

Don't get me wrong, Beyonce is really beautiful. Right after I quit dipping I had a little problem... My salivary glands were still producing an inordinate amount of saliva, and It was hard for me to go out in public because I was drooling on myself constantly. I finally realized that by looking at a picture of Beyonce for a couple of minutes I could drain just enough drool ( about a milk jug's worth) in order to function in society for a couple of hours. Enough time to go to work and get my stuff done etc.

But isn't it just a little more than coincidental that Beyonce was playing a character loosely based on Dianna Ross? Didn't Beyonce take a moment to think about this before she accepted the role of Deena Jones? Dreamgirls paints Dianna Ross in a little more favorable light then what history does but that's Hollywood. We all know the truth Beyonce. I mean Beyonc'e. Damn, I hate when I do that!

Press Release

Coinciding with the arrival of our baby due on July 10th, I'm very happy to announce that Corky & Co. will be introducing a new line of Captain Corky action figures. I will introduce the line up after you enjoy a few testimonials from actual friends of Captain Corky, and one from Corky himself.

"Kids don't have the kind of quality toys to play with like we had back in the 70's, and early 80's, and I just can't let my kid start off life in this world with that kind of disadvantage". - Captain Corky 1/15/2007.

"I come across many people who don't have a personality or a mind of their own... and clearly it's because they didn't hang out with Corky when he was younger, and play with his Mego action figures. Fortunately I did"! -The Birdman

"Were it not for being exposed to Captain Corky's extensive super hero collection when I was younger, chances are I would have joined a fraternity in college, and spent the rest of my life working as a used car sales man, and living in my parents attic". -Kim Jong Ramone

"I was a very angry kid when I was younger, that is until Corky introduced me to Playmobil. After that I never went anywhere without a smile on my face". -Willsix

"Were it not for GI Joes, Corky never would have taken any interest in me and instead of graduating from one of the best Colleges in the county, I'd still be hanging around with the local neigborhood miscreant, Al". -The Apologist

"Corky has serious fucking issues"! -The Grumbler

The Action figures:

Gym Rat Corky: Figure comes with chafed skin, huge pecks, big biceps, and a removable 25 pound gut.

Ice cream scooping Corky: Figure comes with a purple Friendly's polyester suit, lots of zits, makes minimum wage, and runs into the girl that he has had a crush on since freshmen year of high school three times a week, while wearing the purple polyester suit.

Compulsive Corky: Figure comes with an empty 2 litter to be used as a spittoon. Figure also has no less than two cans of copenhagen on him at all times. Figure likes to drink, gamble and smoke from time to time too.

Genius Corky: This figure is fairly obvious.

More to come!

Day 4

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Doctors visit

Yesterday Allyson and I went to our third Doctors visit which lasted maybe 5 minutes. All is well. Our next visit is scheduled for February 14th and that's when we'll learn the gender of our baby. Very good stuff.

I am extremely happy with our doctor and the service and treatment that we've been receiving at B Hospital East. It's been a really pleasant experience. I only have one complaint so far... Yesterday while we were waiting for our appointment I had a hard time finding something to read. I wound up reading an article in a women's music magazine about the worlds most famous virgins throughout history. The two most notable people on this list were the Virgin Mary and Adolph Hitler.

Supposedly Hitter was a virgin when he died and suffered from major sexual dysfunction according to this magazine article. That contradicts information that I learned about him on the History channel. Something about him knocking up his cousin and her being put to death because of it. Jessica Simpson got an honorable mention in this article because she waited until after she was married before letting Nick Lachey rip into her.

Besides that fun magazine all the rest of the reading material focused on family and crafts. No thanks. I rely on Doctor's visits for my health, and fishing and hunting magazine articles. I don't hunt therefore I don't buy hunting magazines but I always like to catch up with all the innovative technology their using and adding to tree stands and scopes. I also like to marvel at healty 10 point bucks even though I have no desire to shoot one myself.

I do like to fish but usually it's in a polluted river right down the street from my house. I don't get to go on remote fishing trips in Alaska that cost 10,000 dollars a day, but usually I get to read about them 15 minutes before a doctor is going to stick his finger up my ass. I always look forward to that (reading those articles not Doc's finger). So after the baby is delivered and were checking out of the hospital, and I receive one of those forms that asks, "what could we have done better," I'm going to ask them to get some Field and Stream magazines in for when we come back in 12 months for round two.

90 in 90

Basically I've spent the last year of my life working on my mental health. Now that I'm completely lucid again it's time to start working on my body. I plan on looking like, and being as strong as Colossus by July 10th ( I might not wear a leotard). I realize It's a lofty goal because I've spent the last 10 years sitting on the couch researching television, and eating and drinking nothing but pure crap. Plus I've never met anyone that could coat their skin into organic steel simply by thinking about it, but if any one's going to do it, It's going to be me.

I'm going to miss eating crap that's for sure! A perfect day for me three years ago would consist of me hitting a trifecta, McDonald's for breakfast lunch and dinner. Too me, that was a very good day. Unlike that tool Morgan Spurlock in the documentary Super Size Me, I never barfed after eating McDonald's three times in one day. My blood pressure is as good as it was when I was 17, and I'm still really good looking. I do admit that I've put on a little weight since I was 17 that I'm going to lose, and my level of energy is not as idyllic as I would like it to be... but I've got a plan that in part I stole from Alcoholics Anonymous.

I'm going to do a 90 in 90. I'm going to go to the gym once a day for the next 89 days (I started yesterday). Yesterday I spent 40 minuets on the treadmill and walked 2 miles. Then I did some light weight lifting. When I got home I was completely burned out but I was high for a good half hour from the endorphins kicking in. The high was almost as enjoyable as a good rub. I feel very optimistic about accomplishing my 90 in 90, and another factor I use as a motivator in going to the gym is that my grandmother who is now in her 90's used to walk 2 to 3 miles a day when she was in her 80's. Shame on you Corky!

Diet is another part of the 90 in 90. My primary fluids will be water and coffee (tea counts as coffee and I will probably drink an endless amount of coffee). I might have a glass of natural juice from time to time and if I'm going to drink it has to be Vodka. I'm going to try and limit my drinking to once or twice over the next 90 days because I have no desire to go to the gym hungover.

For breakfast I will probably eat hard boiled eggs and tuna fish or cereal with whole milk. For lunch I will have a sandwich or two, on wheat bread, and for dinner I will have chicken, beef or fish along with a vegetable and brown rice. Sushi or Korean food is an acceptable Saturday night treat. I can have a piece of fruit in between meals and eat snacks like pretzels and stuff.

After the first 90 in 90 I plan on doing another 90 in 90 but first things first! KJR plans on joining me on this quest( at least in the gym department). I look forward to reading his detailed plan over at his place.

Remember Winter?

Remember when Winter used to look like this picture? I grew up in a part of the world that had four seasons. Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall if I remember the names correctly. Each season had it's own distinct personality and there was something I liked about all four of them.

Very rarely do I see all four seasons every year like I used to. I can't help but wonder if it was something I said or did. It's not like I live in Florida or Alaska folks. In the Winter it's supposed to be cold and snow where I live, and I'm supposed to be wearing a jacket, gloves, a scarf and galoshes when I go outside. That's how I was programmed, and that's how I shop. I've wasted a lot of money in preparation for "Winter". Now where the fuck is it? I feel and look so stupid when I show up to work in my galoshes and it's in the mid 60's outside. It's ridiculous!

At this point I'd like to say goodbye and tell you that that I'm going outside to sleigh ride or have a snowball fight but instead I'm going outside to work on my base tan. Sucks.

To learn more about global warming please click here.

All World Number One Champion

I'd like to take this opportunity to thank Mike and Lenny for helping me deal with my minor hangover on New Year's day. I am such a lightweight these days... I used to be a real fucking pro. The number one champion drinker of all time! Now if I have more than a couple of beers I feel it the next day. Whatever happened to Corky?

I was living in DC when I achieved my status as number one drinker of all time. Every Sunday a mandatory case of beer to coincide with 12 hours of football. Happy hour at the bar 3 to 5 times a week starting at 3:30 and lasting some nights till 11 or 12. Yeah, I was a real drunk back in the day. When I couldn't come up with the money for a case of beer on Sundays I would gather up all my loose change, and by a cheap jug of whine for like 7 bucks. Good stuff.

At that time I rented a room from the former number one drinker of all time, Manny. Unfortunately the bottle got the better of Manny. By the time I had met him he was a former shell of his ignorant, racist, barnswallow (red neck) alcoholic self. Manny's brain worked on a loop (wet brain?). You knew exactly what Manny was going to say every time you spent more than 5 minuets with him. It was always fun beating him to his own stories. I lived with two other fucks in that house named Greg ( stuttering coke head) and Don (alcoholic with diabetes) who's brain also worked on a loop but was not as entertaining as Manny.

Between the four of us there was at least 4 cartons of cigarettes being smoked a week in that house and that is a very generous figure. I spent many hours on the porch of Manny's house drinking with these fellas and learning the history of the three streets that connect to Manny's street. A neighbour who was a degenerate gambler and drunk lived around the corner named Rick, but I really liked Rick, and have written about him before.

A couple of years later after I had moved to Kentucky and retired as number one world champion drinker of all time, I learned that Manny had died in his sleep... He was found by my former employer's son. The kid was poking Manny with a stick and yelling at him to get up. He didn't.

My entire experience at that house had nothing to do with me retiring as the all time greatest. Should it have been an eye opener? Probably. Was it? No. It took a lot of training to become the greatest of all time and I'm just too tired, and probably too old to start all that rubbish again. I think my wife and my parents like me better the way I am now, but every once in a while I make a public appearance as Corky, number one all world grand champion, for old time's sake.

Welcome 2007

This morning when I looked out my window as the sun was coming up, I noticed that the parking lot looked exactly the same as it did in 2006. Nothing had changed about it as far as I can tell. Take my truck for example, to my truck it's still 1983. The beast isn't even fuel injected. Corky driving around a vehicle in 2007 that's not fuel injected? That shit's not going to fly this year. Time to either donate the truck to Goodwill or blow it up in a field somewhere. I would really like to blow it up in the parking lot in front of Larry (superintendent) but seeing how it's my New Year's resolution to obey the law I'm going to discard it legally.

Speaking of the law, one that just went into affect in Kentucky yesterday is now they can pull a person over for not wearing a seat belt. I have a hard time believing that a police officer can see clearly enough into a car to determine if a person is wearing a seat belt or not. It's bullshit if you ask me. I do wear my seat belt but not because Kentucky tells me to, but because I value my life. Now I'm going to have to get my windows tinted because I don't need those freaks peering into my window for any reason, let alone to see if I'm wearing my seat belt.

Another thing I'm working on is a new theme for 2007. Last year's theme was 2006 The Year of Corky. That theme seems to work for me every year but I've decided to go in a different direction this year. I might go with 2007 Return of the Guido. House music all year long! Really becoming a Guido again for 2007 is all about wearing ribbed t-shirts from Structure. That means that I'll need to lose a little weight.

Another theme that I've been toying around is the Highway to Heaven model (I don't have a name for it yet). If I let my hair grow out I'm sure I can grow a wonderful top heavy mullet just like Landon's in the pic above. The Birdman can drive me around in a blue Malibu and we'll fix peoples lives. That would be fun and all that selflessness would get me in with the good Lord. There's so much to think about but unfortunately I won't have any time to really address any of these issues until February, after the Super Bowl.

Finally, the 2006 man of the year according to Corky, is Herman Edwards. Through his excellence in coaching the Kansas City Chiefs made the playoffs in 2006. What a way to close out a pretty good year for Captain Corky. Rumor has it that I'm 50 bucks wealthier heading into 2007. That's as good as any way to start a new year I think.