Thank God for Television

It's clear that a lot of you don't understand the trials and tribulations that compulsive gum chewing can cause, and that's why I've hunted down the perfect video on You Tube to help you understand this devastating addiction much better. But before we get to that I just wanted to say, Thank God for Television.

As much as I love my wife and my kid I've been starving for some fresh television. I mean, we were getting so bored around here we actually thought about breaking out the checkers board. Luckily it's not 1935 and we found programs to watch on cable, like NFL Total Access and um... NFL Total Access.

But the 2007/2008 TV Season is finally here! So far on our weekly agenda we have Monday Night Football, Heroes, Law and Order Criminal Intent, Private Practice (New show starring Kate Walsh and some others), Without a Trace, Grey's Anatomy, Legion of Superheroes and The Batman (Saturday morning cartoon) and Smallville. I know I'm leaving off some shows on this list, but I don't want people to think that we watch too much television. Oh and obviously I still watch Bonanza and Star Trek on TV Land, and Football all day on Sundays, but those shows don't count and Football is not television. I just wonder what I'm going to do with the rest of my time...

Back in the Kentucky Groove

Unfortunately I didn't get a chance to do any fishing with Max last week while we were in New Jersey. But then again, if I wanted to do some fishing with my son NJ would be the last place on earth I would go. Unless we were going on a boat in the ocean and fishing for Fluke or Blue Fish. Then NJ would be a great place to go for a fishing trip.

I've only been back in KY for about 36 hours, and already shit is crazy. I'm working my ass off this week, I started my diet for the eight hundred and 37th time this year, and to top if all off, I started chewing gum again. I just couldn't help myself...

Those fuckers at the convenient store always put gum right in front of my face as I'm trying to check out with my stuff, In today's case a small 24 ounce cup of coffee with 3 Splendas and 4 Half and Half's. I saw the "New Look, Same Long Lasting Flavor" WildBerry Extra as I approached the counter at Super America (gas station/convenient store) and I couldn't control myself. My knees got weak, I started sweating profusely, I was drooling on myself uncontrollably, and before I new it I was chewing 4 pieces and blowing the world's largest bubbles. Oh well, I guess there are worst things I could be chewing, like Spaghettio cud for example.

In other news my diet is going great. I'm having three pieces of Extra for Dinner, and a pot of coffee. It's great to be back, but damn it's hot in Kentucky!

Hard Day

I need to hit the Powerball so I can stay on vacation for the rest of my life. I don't think that's too much to ask out of life, do you?

I love waking up between 6 and 8 to feed Max, cause after breakfast Max goes back to sleep with Mommy for a couple of hours and that gives me time accomplish my one and only goal for the morning, to go and get a cup of coffee from Dunkin' Donuts. I guess I also like to spend quality time with my hands down my pants, but what guys doesn't?

Then at lunch time it's time for lunch. Yesterday I ate at my favorite bagel joint, and Allyson ate at Dunin' Donuts which apparently is on every street corner in New Jersey now. After that we did some sight seeing on the way to a couple of department stores.

It's fun going to the store with Jr cause there's nothing more exciting than pushing his baby carriage around. Those things handle better than BMW's do. Plus, Strollers today are like Lego sets... They can turn into Igloos and shit if you get caught with your baby in a winter storm.

Dinner time is the best time around here though. Uncle Kim Jong Ramone walks in from a hard days work to find his house a mess and Max and I laying on his couch while Allyson is napping in the other room. It''s a lot like breakfast time only no trip to Dunkin' Donuts, usually Chinese food or Italian food instead. Yum!

After an exhausting day like that we all go to sleep nice and early. After all, I have to do be at Dunkin' Donuts sometime before noon tomorrow.

PS Max is having great time and feels a lot better, and is getting spoiled rotten.

First Cold

Corky Jr has his first cold according to a verbal report given to my wife by a Doctor on September 11th 2007. The little guy has a bit of nasal congestion and has been sleeping a little more than usual, but remains happy and hungry when he's awake.

When I told my friend Nate at work that Jr has a cold he was not surprised and had this to say, "My son has been sick just about as much as he's been healthy." Nate's son is a little over one years old and has tubes in his ears from liquid build up. Nate had issues with his ears when he was a baby. Genetics. Nate's also a Southern Baptist Seminary Student who's working towards his Master's degree in God. Despite the fact that he thinks I'm going to hell, we have a very good friendship for someone I just met a couple of years ago.

Willsix, a life long friend of Captain Corky's who's getting a law degree and probably going to hell too, was very sympathetic when I told him about Jr's condition in an instant message yesterday. He related that that his daughter Sylvie also has had colds before, and in fact that she was just getting over one. It's cool that I can rely on such good friends who have a little more experience in dealing with offspring than I have right now. I should be an expert by the time our 5th kid is born, but for now I'll lean heavily on friends for advise and guidance.

Update: 9/13/2007

The wife, Jr and I are leaving for NJ tomorrow to visit our friends and family. The vacation wont impact my schedule, except that I wont be around tonight or tomorrow. I have complete faith that everyone will be ok while I'm gone. Please don't waste an entire box of tissues crying over the fact that Captain Corky wont be around on Friday. I look forward to catching up with everyone very soon.

Take Care,

Captain Corky

A Perfect Day

Today is a perfect day. It's 75 degrees outside and raining ( a nice steady wet rain). The weather has finally decided to accept the fact that Summer is almost over. It's going to be cooler this week by an average of 15 degrees than it has been all Summer long, but don't quote me on that, I'm not a registered meteorologist.

It's going to get pretty busy around here this week, and probably stay that way for the next 20 years or so. I've noticed from reading other blogs that people are getting really busy all over the place. I guess that's just what happens at this time of the year. My wife went from having no jobs to having three jobs this month. Gulp. Thank God I'm on vacation next week. I need a break.

But in an hour and half Max, Allyson, and I won't be thinking about any of that Feldercarb. We'll be embracing this perfect day, and the American dream while we watch football. We really haven't discussed what were going to eat today though, but that's just a minor issue that can easily be resolved with a quick phone call or a fast trip to the grocery store. I hope ya'll find a way to enjoy this perfect day and if you're having trouble deciding what to do with this perfect day I suggest you turn on the television and watch some football. You could easily watch 12 hours worth today.

My friend Etain has entered a writing contest and could really use our support folks. She's an incredible writer from South Africa who's living in England now. Please go and read her story and if you like it, vote for her. I've already voted once, but I'm a mover and a shaker. I get shit done. Her story is under the name Etain and it's number 18.

The Birdman Cometh, Again.

The Birdman had so much fun spending time with Captain Corky Jr in July that him, his dog, and his dog's 50 pound back of dog food are back for the week. Max and I were so excited about him coming that we even scrubbed the toilet a couple of hours before he got here. I have a minor addiction when it comes to cleaning my bathroom with Clorox and scrubbing my toilet. Some of you knew that about me already while others of you just learned this right now. Other notable addictions I've had include: drinking, gambling, blogging, dieting, smoking/dipping, compulsive masturbating, eating, fishing, exercising and my all time favorite, watching TV. As it turns out I was never really addicted to any of that shit. It was all in my head. Feel free to play along at home kids! Print this page out and circle as many compulsive behaviors as you can and then you can pretend that you're Captain Corky.

Speaking of diets, I was doing really good on the one that I started late Monday night until the Birdman got here early Tuesday morning, and made me eat at Cracker Barrel Tuesday night, and then again yesterday when we went for bacon cheese burgers at W.W. Cousins. It pisses me off that the Birdman was so adamant about eating out, because I was going to make a nice soy salad for us for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And then for desert we were going to have oats. But I really can't complain too much about the Birdman... after all he was kind enough to let me finish off the box of chocolate chip cookies he bought yesterday at Rite Aid. Plus, he's done a good job of helping me and Allyson take care of Jr this week. That counts for everything around here.

Jr went to see the doctor yesterday and got 3 or 4 shots. He didn't feel good at all when he got home. :( The Doctor says he looks really good though. He is exactly where he's supposed to be weight wise at 12 pounds. He's a little on the short side right now at 22 inches, but I'm sure he's going to grow like a weed and when he grows up he should be approximately 210 pounds and 6 feet, 2 inches... Just like Batman.

Finally I would like to wish everybody a very happy and healthy NFL 2007 Kickoff Thursday. I'm picking the Colts to beat New Orleans tonight in a high scoring affair. But I wouldn't bet the kid's college trust fund on my prediction.

Captain Corky Jr Takes a Bath

Please Note: The title of this post was inspired by episode 80 of Leave it to Beaver, "Beaver Takes a Bath."

This weekend was really good and very busy for us. The 1st Annual Captain Corky Labor Day Comment-a-thon was a huge success! Mostly due to your contributions folks. Our next big project is the Captain Corky Million Comment March, and I'm also running for President in 2008, but lets finish up this year first.

On Sunday we took a day trip to St. Louis so that our good friends Doug and Celine could meet Max. This is what we learned:

The state of Indiana has won favor with me. The speed limit has been increased to 70 miles an hour on Route 64. That makes me happy. Illinois on the other hand has fallen out of my good graces. There is only about 3 or 4 places to stop between the Indiana state line and the Missouri state line. Not good when there's a baby that needs to eat! But I do have a lot of friends from Illinois who read this blog so Illinois is forgiven.

Make sure to click on this picture and check out all the action that's going on in Bumble Fuck Illinois.

Any theories as to what they might teach at the Oak Grove Learning Center?


Last but not least here's a picture of Jr wearing pants for the first time. He pulls them off nicely I think.