49

I've realized that with Max, work, the 2009 NFL Draft, Doomsday, Star Trek 11, Wolverine, Spring Cleaning (to be done in between draft picks) Mother's Day, Other Holidays, The Eminent Death of Izzy Stevens, Tax Day, and having to take out the garbage every Monday morning before the bastards get here, it's just about impossible for me to keep track of when Kid Corky comes out of Allyson's stomach and into his rightful place in the living room in front of our TV.

So to help in that department I've added a baby counter to the sidebar. I think the one that I chose, which also happens to be the first one I clicked on, adds a nice slice of ambiance to the log.

But I didn't put it up there just for me... I put it up the counter for YOU as well. I do realise that a lot of YOU have very busy schedules during the next 49 days, and for some of YOU that includes watching the season finale of Lost. I personally have already seen every episode of Lost when it was called, Gilligan's Island. And it just wouldn't be fair of me to assume that YOU'VE been counting down the arrival of Kid Corky for months, days, hours, minutes, and seconds when we haven't even been doing that ourselves.

In Short: I need to make sure that YOU and I have ample time to sort out our lives and I also want to make sure that YOU have enough time to prepare YOUR sacrifices for May 18th. I think the baby counter will help a great deal with that.

Obviously, this post is sponsored by the number 49 and the letter YOU.

Ringer Tees

For the past 15 years or so I've loosely based my wardrobe on the one outfit that Billy Batson has been wearing for 70 years.

Billy Batson magically transforms into The World's Mightiest Mortal, Captain Marvel by simply saying the name, Shazam. My transformation into Captain Corky is even simpler than that! Most of the time I just type in my E-mail address and password and within a split second I become Captain Corky, The World's Greatest Human Being. Sometimes when I'm drunk it takes me two or three attempts.

It's also important to understand that Marvel has always been one of my favorite comic book characters. He's comparable to Superman in power and I think his cape is really neat.

Before my Batson Period (1996 - present) I was mainly wearing 100 percent cotton, medium size, black tee shirts. I mainly refer to that period of my life as the Curtis Period (1985 - 1996).

But as I started to age and consume more and more beer it was clear that I could no longer pull off the Curtis style that most women were accustomed to seeing me pull off perfectly.

Fortuantly sometime around 96 I discoverd Ringer Tees at Old Navy. At first I mainly purchased black ones cuase I guess a small part of me was still trying to cling on to days and weight gone by.

Eventually I started finding myself more and more drawn to other colors. Colors like gray, navy blue, white, and colors as bold as red! Turns out red is a very good color for me, green not so much.

Currently I must own over 20 of these shirts. Many different colors, styles, and sizes, and I still buy them to this day. Right now at Old Navy you can get a Ringer for 5 bucks. That's not bad. I should also say that they are pretty comfortable and it's easy to blend in at a ball game while wearing one.

As happy as I am with all the ones that I own, I'm still searching for that one perfect Ringer. That one true color and size that screams out Captain Corky's alter ego just like a medium black tee shirt used to during my Curtis Period. One perfect Ringer... just like the one that Billy Batson's been wearing for the past 70 years.
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willSIX interlopes:

I didn't want to do this. You have forced my hand, sir.

The Lima Bean

Max has gone through some tremendous changes this month. He's gone from high chair to booster seat, which he and we are very proud of. He's also gone from being able to sign no words to about a lot of words like, table, chair, play, eat, bed, baby (his favorite) thank you, cat, dog, sleep, cereal and shit. Oh wait... he doesn't sign shit he says shit. And finally Max has added The Lima Bean to his diet.

I've always been a big fan of this vegetable and it would appear that Max gets his taste buds from me because he likes all the crap that I like, especially french fries and Mac-n-Cheese. He also likes Watermelon, banana, cinnamon raisin bread, cereal and chicken, but most of his taste for that stuff comes by way of his mother's taste buds.

Both Allyson and I are very happy that Max is willing to eat a green vegetable that he enjoys. I only buy Del Monte brand of Lima Beans. A couple of weeks ago I bought the Foodtown brand and not only did it taste like shit but the beans that are supposed to be green were brown so it looked like shit as well.

Lima Beans are pretty expensive for a can of vegetables (1.50) compared to a can of peas or corn for example, which are still probably under a dollar or right around a dollar. Of course when I got home I looked it up because I had an uncontrollable need to know why. Sometimes I find myself fondly remembering the days when I would just make up a reason for something that I didn't know and it would suit me just fine...

As it turns out the majority of Lima Beans that we've come to know and love are grown in Peru and Guatemala. They are also known as Chad Beans in some places. Since I'm one of the few people that eat and enjoy them around here sometimes in my house they are called Keith Beans.

I also learned through my extensive search that, "Lima beans contain cyanide compounds" and as a result, " They must be cooked thoroughly to allow the hydrogen cyanide gas produced to be driven off." It's a good thing I never picked one off a vine while walking barefoot through the country.

So if you or your child are having trouble finding a vegetable that you like might I suggest that you try a nice bowl of Keith Beans? They are simple to prepare: 1. Open can with either an electric or hand held can opener. 2. Poor into medium to small sauce pan. 3. Add a little butter. 4. Turn on flame and cook. A couple of minutes later depending on how soft or hard you want your Keith Beans to be you're good to go. Enjoy and don't forget to tell all of your friends about Keith Beans!

Dreaming Daily

Right now I could be taking a nap, straightening up the house, or watching last night's episode of Smallville. At some point before my son wakes up I may engage in one or more of those activities, but for now I'd like to write.

I've been having some pretty vivid dreams lately. Last night I dreamt that Max was my nephew, the neighbors kid and there were two other kids who looked exactly like Max, but I can't remember what their relationship was to me. I'm just glad there weren't four of them sitting in a car singing that terrible song, Ironic. I think one of the other Maxes might have been the paperboy from that 80's video game, Paperboy. Luckily, he didn't throw a newspaper through my window and unfortunately he didn't do any cool jumps.

The other day I dreamt that my grandmother visited me from beyond. I only had time to ask her two questions before she disappeared. I basically asked her if she saw my grandfather up there and what was it like, and she told me that she saw everyone she's ever known and that I'd have to wait to find out what it is like up there. I've had this dream before about other people and I always ask the same questions and always get the same answers.

I also had a dream about a lot of the faces I see on Facebook and either it was a crazy party without drugs or a parade that took place in Kentucky but that dream was a few days ago and who can remember that far back already.

I'm not sure why I've been remembering all of these dreams. It could be because I've decreased the amount of calories I put into my body on a daily basis, but other than that I have no idea. I'm not using any new drugs, nor am I watching anything out of the ordinary on TV. I've started watching House, but I don't think that's what causing all these bizarre dreams. It is a good show though.

I guess there's no point in over analyzing. As long as I'm not having any nightmares or pissing in my sleep I'm ok with remembering a daily dream.

Please note: When I refer to having a dream last night or the other night, I'm really talking about having a dream during the day since I work at night and sleep during the day.

Argyle Socks

It's amazing but there are only about 11 weeks until baby # 2 arrives. The rest of the family seems to be taking things in stride, but I'm freaking the fuck out.

Allyson is doing well. She finishes up student teaching next month and then I'll give her a couple of weeks after that to rest on the couch and watch some TV or read while we wait for May 17th which is hopefully the day we can schedule the C-Section for. I will also take her to see Star Trek on May 8th because I know she's dying to see it... Just like me! I may even buy her the snack of her choice if she shows the right amount of enthusiasm.

Max is doing well too. Right now he's learning lots of sign language and learning how to use the DVR. This will come in handy in case I have to call him to record something for me while baby #2 is being delivered. He's also doing lots of other shit toddlers do.

That leaves me, and like I said I'm freaking the fuck out. I don't understand why THEY always schedule movies that I want to see really bad so close to Allyson's due dates! Last time it was Harry Potter and this time it's Star Trek 11. How are they going to fuck me next time?!? Ah yes... The Avengers in 2011.

I'm also worried that son number 2 and son number 1 won't look as good as the Beaver does when they go fishing with their Argyle socks on. But I guess I can worry about that later... I do know that they'll both be better looking than the Beaver. I'm not sure about Wally though... Only time can give me that answer.

I'm not really sure if I'm freaking out about anything else. I know there was an issue with the shirt I was going to wear to baby number 2's birth but that's been ironed out by Allyson. And I really don't think there's going to be another ice storm before the kid's born. The next Harry Potter flick comes out in July so there won't be a scheduling conflict there. I guess things look pretty good right now.