Friday, November 10, 2006

Captain Corky Announces Retirement


Louisville, KY November 10, 2006 -Reports out of Kentucky have confirmed that Captain Corky has announced that after today he will no longer use any Tobacco products. The Captain has been a prolific Tobacco user since 1989, using such products as Newport, Marlboro, Skoal and Copenhagen (sometimes mixing and matching).

At a press conference that took place somewhere on route 70 in Ohio Corky said, "I've had a good long run and I'm very fortunate to be going out on the top of my game. There are things that I'm going to miss about using tobacco, specifically the ashtrays, the endless amount of plastic bottles ranging from water bottles to empty milk cartons, and of course the empty coke cans. Without them I could never have used tobacco inside in a civilized manor. I' m also going to miss the calming affect and the buzz. When I first started using, just like most people it was for social reasons, and the more "social" I became the more tobacco I used. A couple of cigarettes at a party in the summer on 1988 transformed into a two cans of Copenhagen habit a day in 2006. Don't ask me how that happened. It's not going to be easy and I know that I'm going to have to find something else to replace the void left in my life by quitting tobacco. Perhaps chess. I have some ideas that I have discussed with my wife. Anyway, as I said I know it's not going to be easy to walk away from the game and I kind of wish I could spend a couple of days in a padded room but It's time. Plus, I'll be saving close to 300 dollars a month, that's always a good thing."
This reporter will be staying on top of this story and remember our motto: Corky's log is the place to come for fair and unbalanced news.

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

Good for captian Corrky...

I caught this press conference on MSNBC last night. It was..eh..a little drab. ;)

Steve~

willSIX said...

I agree with Steven. You should have had one of those nifty backdrops they always seem to have ready for the occasion. For example, you could have stood in front of a giant red, white, and blue field with the words EMBIGGENING AMERICA repeated over and over again...or something.

Seriously, good for you. I was a half-a-pack a day smoker for more years than I care to remember. Quitting smoking was one of the best decisions of my life (that and switching to diet soda). I wish you all the luck in the world and encourage you to talk to your doctor or pharmacist about ways to help quit the foul leaf.

The Grumbler said...

i have a friend who says hypnosis really worked for him. he must be highly susceptible to the suggestions of others, though.

The Grumbler said...

ha. will thinks corky has a doctor

bones said...

Of course Corky has a doctor!

willSIX said...

Dammit, Corky, I'm a doctor, not a hypnotist!

Dan said...

You Wussie! What's the matter with smokers these days, cowering in the fear of having their lungs vaporize behind their ribs? Real men smoke until they can't talk any longer -- and then they have a good excuse to sit quietly and watch the game on TV.

Just kidding. Good move dude! What the heck took you so friggin' long?? ;)

TheBirdman33 said...

point of contention: I do not know that leaving zip locked bags full of spittle every where you go is necessarily "civilized". Either way, I am glad for you and proud of you. Keep a baggie of Big League Chew with you, it will be almost the same thing as your chew.

Anonymous said...

Congratulations! That is great. A friend of mine just made 5 months off smoking. Her doctor gave her a combination of the patch and Welbutrin to wean her off. Will you go "cold turkey"?

captain corky said...

No, I can't go cold turkey Kitty. I'm using nicoderm cq step 1. If I struggle then I will go see a doctor but I'm hoping the patch will be enough.

HoosierGirl5 said...

Hi Captain Corky...
Thanks for stopping by my blog. I am so glad to "meet" a Louisville blogger. I live across the river, but I teach in your fair city.
Good luck with the smoking.
J.

Anonymous said...

Here's me, wishing you the BEST OF LUCK with this one. Being a tobacco user myself, I know you're at the beginning of a long row to hoe. Hang in there, buddy!

Anonymous said...

good for you with stopping smoking and using the patch

Nonny said...

Way to go!!

I'm planning on doing the same thing come New Years. I tried last New Years but that didn't go so well. Perhaps we could set up some kind of support system :)