Friday, November 10, 2006
Captain Corky Announces Retirement
Louisville, KY November 10, 2006 -Reports out of Kentucky have confirmed that Captain Corky has announced that after today he will no longer use any Tobacco products. The Captain has been a prolific Tobacco user since 1989, using such products as Newport, Marlboro, Skoal and Copenhagen (sometimes mixing and matching).
At a press conference that took place somewhere on route 70 in Ohio Corky said, "I've had a good long run and I'm very fortunate to be going out on the top of my game. There are things that I'm going to miss about using tobacco, specifically the ashtrays, the endless amount of plastic bottles ranging from water bottles to empty milk cartons, and of course the empty coke cans. Without them I could never have used tobacco inside in a civilized manor. I' m also going to miss the calming affect and the buzz. When I first started using, just like most people it was for social reasons, and the more "social" I became the more tobacco I used. A couple of cigarettes at a party in the summer on 1988 transformed into a two cans of Copenhagen habit a day in 2006. Don't ask me how that happened. It's not going to be easy and I know that I'm going to have to find something else to replace the void left in my life by quitting tobacco. Perhaps chess. I have some ideas that I have discussed with my wife. Anyway, as I said I know it's not going to be easy to walk away from the game and I kind of wish I could spend a couple of days in a padded room but It's time. Plus, I'll be saving close to 300 dollars a month, that's always a good thing."
This reporter will be staying on top of this story and remember our motto: Corky's log is the place to come for fair and unbalanced news.