Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Dick Clark


Allyson asked me what we were doing for New Years, and I told her with a gleeful smile on my face, that we weren't doing anything. I think she's pretty happy about that. I'm pretty sure that my wife's desire to do nothing on New Years is pretty much based on the pregnancy. Pretty much.

There are three theories as to why I'm not that interested in going out for New Years Eve this year:

1. I'm all partied out after an extensive 20 plus year run. It takes a lot of energy for me to go to a party folks. Not only do I have to get drunk and have a good time, but I also have to Take Over.
I'm not the guy who walks in to a room and takes over immediately. I don't have that kind of presence. I do my work from the inside out. It's a lot easier to work a room like that I think. Sometimes you don't even have to move from the spot that you first sat down in at the beginning of a party, that's when you know your game is really on.

One of the downsides of using this method is that people become very dependent on you emotionally. At most parties that's a very good thing (easier to control the masses) but sometimes someone may be overly emotional and you'll find yourself spending three hours with a person you just met listening to them cry about their life. It's a tough job but someones got to do it.

2. I'm a really nice and compassionate guy. I'm learning to understand that pregnancy is a partnership. It's tough for me folks. I was raised on TV Land. I've got some pretty archaic notions about what I'm supposed to do as an expecting parent. All I want to do is pace at work while I talk to my wife on the phone and practice packing a suitcase and calling a cab for the day when "She's ready". I promise I'm working on that.

3. I'm a border line agoraphobic. Nothing pleases me more then staying in this apartment 24/7 with the exception of work. If I could work here, I would. I just never really get tired of the apartment. There's so much to do here. So much television still to watch! Sitting here writing this I'm wondering if my wife will want to go to the park after the baby is born. God I hope not. "We can just open the windows and pretend were at the park honey". That will be fun!

I'll really just leave it up to your imagination or your intimate knowledge of me to decide what's true and what's feldercarb about my three theories.

25 comments:

Lady K said...

I'm beginning to think I was part of a set of triplets now. I'm the same way at parties, and hate leaving home. The only exception is that I like to interact with people. Then again, that's what the internet is for, right? LOL

Hope your wife's morning sickness is getting better. I'm living vicariously through you guys, ya know... ;-)

captain corky said...

Thanks for asking K! She's doing ok. Two weeks and a couple of days until the second trimester, not that we're counting...

RockDog said...

I've gone out twice on New Years Eve and I'm convinced that it should really be called "Amatuer Night"...There are too many newbie drinkers out there just thinking that they have to get drunk beyond all drunkeness...and then take it to the road.

Go watch the movie "She's Having a Baby"...pregnancy is exactly like that...and more!

Sunshine said...

First, I must say that the fact that you have acknowledged your need to dial in on her needs kicks ass. My husband is a great dad but completely sucked as the other half of a pregnant duo. He didn't "get it" until labor and delivery. A lot too late for my taste, but this is your blog...
Your willingness to hang out at home is a blessing and a curse. She is going to have a LOT of time when she feels too fat and ugly and tired to manage to see other human beings and staying home is going to be first thing on her list. Then suddenly, if she spends ONE MORE MINUTE in that place, she's going to freak out!!! Be prepared, when she finally wants to emerge from that cozy setup and see other humans, get the little one ready to go so she has some time to feel good about her appearance. New moms are pretty self conscious and if you think she's an emotional basketcase now, she's still going to be when the baby is new and she doesn't have her old body back.

Metal Mark said...

I remember my wife having aversions to certain smells during pregnancy. One of the smells was brewed coffee and the other was fried meat. So I had to live on bread and water for months.

Justin's Mom said...

I was 9 months pregnant last NYE - we stayed in and watched Midnight Madness (which we borrowed from KJR). We actually had a really nice night!

Yasamin said...

I'm a border line agoraphobic.

I'm borderline angoraphobic. fuzzy sweaters scare the hell outta me.

Heidi on Vashon said...

You're gonna be a good dad! The shut-in part will work in your favor when baby arrives.

Tip during labor: don't touch her too much. I nearly bit the x's head off when he was rubbing my hand during transition.

TheBirdman33 said...

That kid will be well travelled because he/she will be coming to nj every couple months!!

TheBirdman33 said...

I always like to take over a party the moment I walk in, with my presence. But I am not good at subtlty...

willSIX said...

As with Metal Mark's wife, Mrs. Six also could not abide the smell of brewed coffee, forcing me to drive to Starbuck's every morning before my long drive into Manhattan (it was that or try to catch up on lost sleep in the Lincoln Tunnel).

The missus, the monster and I are are all staying in for New Year's Eve, Cap'n. Apparently you are a trend-setter, but you already knew that, no?

James Burnett said...

Bro, marriage must do that to you. We don't have the kids yet and none on the way as far as I'm aware. But after 18 mos. of marriage all I want to do (and all I have the energy to do) when I'm not working is vegetate around the house.

I'm totally w/you on the NYE thing. Unfortunately I have to work. Gotta cover some stupid celebrity party in South Beach.

Drunk in Jeresy said...

Hey Capt. Corky

Can you send me a bootle of Wild Turkey (101) for New Years. The bottle you sent last year run out(5 minutes after it got here).
Oh, Well, HAVE A HAPPY AND HEALTHY NEW YEAR and Congras. on your soon be new member to the STARSHIP CORKY. May he or she bring you happiness and joyment..
I will see you all under the BIG TOP.. Happy Nude Year

Nonny said...

I totally love the way your mind works, even if I'm the one who coined the "borderline agoraphobic" term. I've been calling myself that for almost two years. I could never leave my house again and I would think that was awesome.

Last new years was spent sorting toys and organizing the playroom. I can only hope this year is just as exciting.

Plus, it's alot safer to get drunk at home :)

Ms Tuesday said...

Im hosting the party this new years...always actually. I pretty much only get wasted twice a year these days- 4th of July and New Years, because I host those parties, otherwise I am always the DD. So I too willbe home... with 25-30 of my "closest" friends.

Yasamin said...

i just wanted to tell you that i hate that pic of dick clark you have up. i come to your site, stare at it a moment, find myself growling then leave. what kinda weird primal sh*t is that?!

and no one laughed at my sweater joke.

you bunch of jerks.

Motor City Monk said...

I'll be getting super drunk at a friend's home on NYEve and will be in a hottub at midnite toasting to a small group of friends.

I'm still pissed at my wife cuz she couldn't get around to giving me blowjobs when she was too pregnant to fuck me. Bitch.

RockDog said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA...HAHAHAHA...HAHAHA (That's me laughing at Yasamin's joke so that she doesn't go all GodFather on us!)

millie said...

that is some hair on that cover.


*millie
http://nycentertainmentaddict.blogspot.com

Lady K said...

damn, brother! are you ever gonna post again? ha ha! Is the blogosphere making you even more agoraphobic? LOL

Hope you have the happiest of happy new years.

Pixie said...

I think I may be a borderline agoraphobic too I hate getting dressed up and going out.
New Years eve depresses me, always has. Another year of your life gone and all that.

Hee I will shut up now.

HoosierGirl5 said...

Aww, how sweet! You're "nesting". I don't go out on New Year's Eve. I stay home with the kids. When the new year starts, I want to start it with them!
J.

Life, or Something Like It said...

I love Dick Clark! I can't think of a better (legal) way to spend New Years Eve!

Heidi the Hick said...

The party Take Over is great. Brilliant, in fact....

as for agoraphobia, let me tell ya, Cpt. Corky, a pretend party is a hell of a lot easier!

The Lone Beader said...

Dick Clark ROCKS. If he can party every New Year's, so can you. Have a happy one!!

Cheers from Boston=:)