Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Hot Dog Surprise

After experimenting with many different Hot Dog brands, I've finally settled on Ball Park Franks (made with Beef, Pork, Turkey, and other things that I don't like to think about). My brand in New Jersey was Weaver, but I can't find them in Kentucky and I'm pretty sure that my taste buds are now completely partial to Ball Park.

Five minutes ago, I was going to write a Hot Dog cook book. The name of the book was going to be Hot Dog Surprise. Hot Dog Surprise is a concoction that I've perfected throughout the years. It consists of an unspecified number of Hot Dogs, chili beans, cheddar or mozzarella cheese, and a secret ingredient (rice, that's the big fucking surprise). My second recipe for the book was called Hot Dog Egg-stravaganza. Consisting of an unspecified amount of Hot dogs, scrambled eggs and rice. My wife found this particular recipe to be utterly disgusting, but she likes Hot Dog Surprise. Both recipes have a jingle that I sing while I'm cooking either of them.

Some rules that I live by as far as Hot Dogs are concerned:

1. I do not eat beef franks unless It is a chili cheese dog, and outside of my home.
2. Hot dog buns never cross the threshold of my home, unless I'm hosting a barbecue.
3. I prefer my Hot Dogs to be either boiled or nuked.
4. I make an exception to rules number 1 and 3 when I'm camping.
5. I only buy Ball Park franks.

At this point you're probably wondering why I never wrote my book about hot dogs. Unfortunately, I could only come up with 3 recipes and two jingles for my book. My third recipe with Hot Dogs is an unnamed concoction that consists of an unspecified amount of hot dogs, spaghetti and ketchup. I also discovered that a hot dog cook book had already been written by some other freak, but it's okay. I've moved on with my life. Really.

Two other book projects that I've also had to scrap: Turning everyday household items into spittoons and Pot, an Empty cigarette pack, a roll of scotch tape and you.


Anonymous said...

Ew, hot dogs are gross. Bleh!

Anonymous said...

Boiled hot dogs...there's a law against that in several states.

By the way, do we get to hear the hot dog jingle???

Nonny said...

You're a freak! But that's why I love you. I was so onboard with your hotdog cookbook, sorry its already been done.

I had an idea for a book about a year ago called "In Their Shoes". The concept was I went around to strangers and asked them if I could try-on their shoes and then take pictures of my feet in their shoes with a short bio about the person. I never went through with it because it would have consisted of talking to people. No can do.

Anonymous said...

I agree with rockdog. Boiled hot dogs should be a federal offense! I prefer mine baked or bbq'd.

My sister-in-law made something called "hot dog surprise" once...the surprise was the marshmallows...I'm still shuddering.

Metal Mark said...

I eat hot dogs maybe twice a year.

Pixie said...

I haven't had a hot dog in years but I was wondering do you like the bun split on the top or the side ?
I think top is the way to go.

willSIX said...

First off, Cap'n, I have two words for you: Hebrew National - they answer to a higher power.

Second, boiled hot dogs are only good at Yankee Stadium. Literally.

Lastly, I give you The Octodog

Don't say I never did anything for you.

captain corky said...

LOL! Now that shit is freaky!

Ms. Tuesday said...

the only way i like hot dogs is cut up in mac n cheese. =)

Anonymous said...

I will only eat Hebrew National.
And not because I'm jewish... but because there isn't anything scary in them, like chicken lips.
Offals... that's what they're called.
You wanna know how they get the mechaniclly seperated meat?
They spin the chicken, turkey, beef, pork bones in a big vacuum thingy until the scraps of meat left on the bone get pulled off.
That's how chicken McNuggets were born.

Anonymous said...

I pretty much only eat beef franks.

I'm not much for rats and leather boots in my hot dogs.

Maybe it's just me. ;)


Anonymous said...

Seriously...a roll of scotch tape and me? I'm on board with THAT one. LMAO

Life, or Something Like It said...

I would LOVE to hear about the scotch tape idea....

HoosierGirl5 said...

I totally agree with you on the Ball Park franks. Delicious.

I only like hot dogs if I'm at a ball game, camping, or if they're off a grill. Something about cooking them about outside, I think.....

As for your comments about eating out in Louisville, how do you know? Where the heck do you live?

The Grumbler said...

i used to eat hot dogs with eggs in raman noodles. H saw me do this many years ago and lost her shit. i told her i learned it from watching corky.

p.s. i just had a self concious moment where wondered if some people think that my image is actually a picture of me in jets gear. that would be terrible.

Anonymous said...

HotDogs are only good if they have a "natural casing" it is the crunch ala nathans or any hot dog cart in NYC. That is what makes a good hotdog.

Anonymous said...

miss me? lmao! im havin issues. lets move on.

hot dogs. not only are the scrumptious... but they are associated with the grossest stories i have ever head/read. trust me. i live the double life of hotdog lovin/hatin.

and just so you know.. wanna live dangerously? try Bar S hot dogs. somewhere on that labels it says "other stuff" lol

The Grumbler said...

Here's the thing about hot dogs. They are all terrible. The reason we like them is because we eat them at fun places and events--baseball games, barbecues, the circus (one of my favorite places to pig out).

Nathan's hot dogs are firm evidence of this theory. Go to any Nathan's at a rest stop on the highway or in a food court. The dogs stink. But when we all get together on July 4th and eat them at the hot dog eating contest in coney island and then ride on a roller coaster, they somehow taste great.

That's why yankee fans like yankee stadium dogs.

willSIX said...

That's why yankee fans like yankee stadium dogs.

Yeah, that and the fact that they're fraking great.

TheBirdman33 said...

I enjoy a good hot dog with mustard and ketchup. Either a dirty water dog or off the grill.