Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Toothpicks are the new Copenhagen


About 3 weeks ago I finished taking the Nicoderm patch. Life was great back in those days. I would wake up around 5 or 6, make myself a nice pot of coffee, and slap on the patch. 15 minuets later I was in heaven, especially during step 1 when I was getting 21 milligrams of nicotine a day. It was a very fulfilling routine and I was actually enjoying nicotine more than I had in a really long time. Plus, it was nice to receive all the accolades from friends and family about quitting. I really wish Copenhagen would have joined the party and sent me a retirement plaque or at the very least a little thank you card. Maybe the plaque would have said something like,"Captain Corky, thanks for 18 years of service 1989-2007." That would have been nice.

I spent my last day on the patch (step 3, 7 milligrams) in beautiful scenic New Jersey (while I was on vacation with Allyson) and it seemed like it was going to be a pretty smooth transition from patch to patchlessness(contrary to your personal opinion that's a real word). But then the Nor'easter hit and I was stuck in Kim Jong Ramone's house for two days... Two days with nothing to do but adopt Kim Jong Ramones's mannerisms and peculiar habits. (My freinds and I have a chameloeon like component to our relationships and it only takes about 5 minutes of spending time together before it's 1987 again). All of this, plus the fact that I was completely tobacco free for the first time in however many years. Needless to say I was going stir crazy within hours and I was also neurotically pacing. (Thank you KJR).

Around 1:00 PM I couldn't take it any more and I started to go through KJR's liquor cabinet looking for a nice bottle of Vodka. Don't ask me why but Kim Jong Ramone looked at the clock, looked at me, and started to freak out. He called my wife, who was upstairs reading at the time, to come down so they could run a quick intervention on my ass. Kim Jong Ramone and Allyson were successful and I gave KJR the bottle back at 1:05 PM. As a consolation prise for not drinking the Vodka I rewarded myself by grabbing a box of toothpicks out of KJR's kitchen cabinet. That was then and this is now.

Sometimes Allyson complains about sticking her hands with toothpicks when she's doing the laundry. I now have a mandatory box of toothpicks located at every place I sit my ass, both cars, my computer, the TV room and my desk at work. I can't go any longer then 15 minutes with out a toothpick, and I even pick in the shower sometimes. One thing I know for sure is that picking is a lot cheaper than Dipping. 89 cents for 250 picks. Not bad, pretty good. That reminds me, I still need to call my broker and dump my Copenhagen stock and replace it with some Diamond stock.


28 comments:

RockDog said...

That last one looks like you were starting to carve something...what is it? A small totem pole? A mini tiki statue? A double headed...oops, wrong blog.

etain_lavena said...

whahahahaha...I am sorry Capitan...but it is something like trading one bad habit for a not so bad habit;(
Have a good weekend:)

Karmalennon said...

Oh, wow. I'm quitting smoking in the soon and this is not making me look forward to it. Last time I tried, my thing was straws. I would always chew on straws.

Blancodeviosa said...

well hell. i need to quit too.. damn it, i have tried patches and still lit up, so in theory i guess i could have killed myself. it's that gosh darn will power thing. good luck to ya. your a better man than i

captain corky said...

Good luck with quitting ladies. Can I offer you a pick instead?

Have a good weekend Etain.

Rockdog, thanks for stopping by man! Care for a toothpick?

Pixie said...

Good job quitting Corky, I know its hard!
Toothpicks can be quite vicious with their nasty little points.

Lady K said...

I need to quit smoking. I smoke menthols, so the mint picks would probably work for me. A really good incentive is that I'll probably save over $150 a month!

As for you, don't let anyone see you with a "frilly" pick OR a mini hot dog hanging out of your mouth. That would just be weird.

furiousBall said...

Ever since UL Washington played SS for the Royals, I always thought toothpicks were cool. Didn't Bruce Lee kill a bad guy by shooting toothpicks out of his mouth into his eyes? Even cooler then.

Jay said...

Good job quiting Corky. And toothpicks are better than chewing pens and pencils. So what all kinds of flavors do those thing come in?

Michael C said...

I went through a pick phase. Now it's been replaced with 3-4 pieces of gum at one time.

captain corky said...

Pixie: Thanks. In all honesty the only thing that really keeps me motivated not to chew is my wife's belly.

Lady K: No frills for me. I only buy named brand stuff.

Furious: I'm not sure if Bruce ever killed anyone with a toothpick but I have great respect for Jeet Kune Do (The way of the intercepting fist).

Jay: I made the mistake of buying a pack of colored toothpicks. They tasted like rubber cement. It was pretty gross. Right now I'm using flat and round. Round are more durable but are considerably more dangerous.

Metal Mark said...

I quit smoking in 1998 after smoking a pack and a half a day for 11 years. I went to dipping Skoal for a few months and then went down mint snuff and then quit altogether. Although I initially had to chew a lot of gum and had some hard candies as well when I was quitting.

Heidi on Vashon said...

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
But it's better than chew.
XO

Apertome said...

Congrats on quitting! I quit smoking last year -- I used a little bit of Nicorette gum, but only when I really, really needed it. The key for me was riding my bike. It helped get out some of that negative energy, get healthier in general, and the fact that I couldn't seem to improve my biking until I quit was big factor, too.

I still get cravings sometimes, but they usually don't last long, so it's pretty easy to wait them out.

Anyway, great job!

Anonymous said...

Ya know, they make flavored toothpicks. You might like those too!

The Lone Beader said...

I like the minty flavoured toothipicks:)

Beefcake Almighty said...

Come on...

Nothing satisfies like a fresh Cope.

Glad to be of help.

Big Pissy said...

EWWWWWWWWWWWWW! Chewing is NAS-TY!

So glad you quit!

eric said...

they'll totally be taxing toothpicks as a luxury item soon. it's a conspiracy by the tobacco industry and all.

kat said...

I was all on your side through this whjole entry until you admitted to toothpicking in the fucking shower.

That is so weird! Does the toothpick get all soggy? How does it not splinter off and mush out?

Theresa said...

I'm going to pick up a box of toothpicks at the store today, not just because I want to be exactly like you when I get big, but also because I quit smoking a while back and I still get fidgety, especially when I'm around other smokers ...... but mostly because I want to be exactly like you when I get big.

Cheryl said...

I had a toothpick-addicted boyfriend, way back when. I keep a plastic model in the car that I use all the time. Toothpicks rule. I use them instead of flossing. I know, but it's what I do.

Lots of ex-smokers out there, including me. 14 years. I couldn't have done it without the patch.

Ms. Tuesday said...

Im feeling an inordinate ammount of concern for your teeth... all that constant chewing... I feel a destist visit in the near future.

Proud of you for makeing it this long! I lasted 3 months over the summer when I quit smoking, then the anxiety got the best of me and I decided being a smoker wasbettert han being a wretched bitch.

Tod said...

I quit twenty years ago and dealt with it by knawing my arm off. If only I'd thought of toothpicks! :)

Aunt Jackie said...

Hmmm, toothpicks are cool... Here in Memphis we have a restaurant called "Huey's" where there are thousands and thousands of toothpicks in the ceiling... and writing all over the walls. It's accepted--it's encouraged. I finally learned how to successfully launch my toothpick through a straw into the ceiling.

Know what else is cool?? Mint dental floss, i'll have to talk about that sometime soon on my blog, that and maybe my own toothpick stories :)

Happy Easter Captain!

Yasamin said...

my pal debbie quit with this pill and her dr. it really worked and she's been ciggie clean for months now. :) i dont care if you chew on burlap. ;p its good that you're doin something.

just stop puttin them in your pockets. jerk. lol

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