Sunday, November 04, 2007

The House Guest


Please be advised that if you need to get in touch with God, Max, Allyson, or Corky today from 4:00 PM to 8:00 Pm ( Eastern Standard Time) we wont be available. We'll be watching the Colts play the Patriots. The most important event in the history of mankind since God gave Moses the 10 Commandments on Mt Sinai.

Does anybody have any idea what God likes to eat or drink? I don't want to fuck up and serve the Creator

something he doesn't like. I'm pretty much willing to bet my soul that he likes Budweiser though. I mean who doesn't? However, if anyone has any ideas or recipes that they wouldn't mind sharing with me I would be truly grateful. And I'd be sure to put in a good word with You Know Who for ya. I plan on making sure that my living room is immaculate when he gets here. It's no stadium luxury box,
that's for sure, but it will be clean. This Corky Vows!

If the Colts lose today it's going to be a very long and dark next two months. Still, I won't impose on our

guest and ask him to influence the outcome of the game. That would just be absurd to say the least...
Update: 11/5/2007

I almost jumped in to the Ohio River and ended it all last night after the game, but then this nice old man
named Clarence came along, and in a manner of speaking, pointed out that in fact I really do have a wonderful life. Looks like the next couple of months are going to be fantastic!
















90 comments:

TheBirdman33 said...

I say go with Buffalo Wild Wings. If it's good enough for the Birdman, it's good enough for Santa...that is who you said you have coming over right?

captain corky said...

That's not a bad idea Bird. Some wings and Mozzarella sticks, better known as cheese sticks down here, sounds really good.

TheBirdman33 said...

I will be at work til at least part way through the 2nd half. The one time all football season I have to work on a Sunday and it is during the biggest game of the year. I think if Cindy Brady and the jerk-offtriots go to the Super Bowl again I am cancelling the 14th annual Birdman Super Bowl Extravaganza.

Tod said...

I am pretty sure he likes Krispy Kremes too. After all they are divine perfection on Earth. Can you let him know how truly truly thankful I am.

Go Colts.

fiwa said...

I'd say go with the ultimate combination, Pizza and Beer. You can't go wrong with simple perfection, you know?

I swear you must feed Max a diet of jelly beans and gummy bears so he's always hepped up on a sugar high. That is the smilingist, happiest looking kid I have ever seen.

Enjoy your game!

TheBirdman33 said...

fiwa there is a flaw in your plan (but apparently not in "God's"). They are in Louisville, Kentucky...it is highly unlikely there is good pizza anywhere to be seen. Especially by Corky's standards because he grew up around the corner from 2 of the best pizza joints in the tri-state area.

gawilli said...

We've been on a Colts binge here for two days. I'm counting on a win.

Jay said...

You can never go wrong with nachos and beer. I don't know anyone who has ever been offended by those two things.

Of course, I wouldn't hang out with people who are. ;-)

her indoors said...

you fools its wine he likes he told me himself last night, what you mean it werent god thats whose name i was shouting;)

RockDog said...

He enjoys the boneless variety of buffalo wings...with all he's got going there's no time to gnaw around a bone...

In the end though it's not going to matter...

GO COWBOYS!!!

Pink said...

He drinks Molson Canadian.

What are you THINKING????

Serve him an assortment of Jesus and Crackers.

I hear He also likes wine and bread and fishes. If you run out of wine, the big dude can also just make some tapwater into a new bottle of chianti.

xx
pinks

whimsicalnbrainpan said...

I hate Budweiser. I think God would prefer a good micro-brew.

furiousBall said...

Jesus loves the shit out of some pigs in a blanket

HoosierGirl5 said...

Go Colts! Great picture of Max. Have fun,

J.

eric1313 said...

Hey, Corky, I'll offer up a prayer in the oldschool way for today's contest...

God! Bless Payton Manning, show us that you do have a plan, and it doesn't involve a stuck up, cocky U of M grad like Brady.

May he put his head down and get knocked back into last sunday, in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

Guilty Secret said...

God just likes those little wafers they give you in church, doesn't he? They claim it's bread, sometimes called 'communion' but it's quite clearly wafer.

dilling said...

He prefers hockey....just saying.

Bonnie Blue said...

homemade pigs and blankets. Good 'ol pilsbury crescent rolls with hebrew nationals (they do answer to that higher authority and since he's coming...) cut into quarters. WAY worth the little effort it takes to make em.

Oh and I hope the Colts SQUASH the Pats. I hate all that is NE related. I'm still seething over the red sox victory.

I'm hoping for a colts win here but I may have used up all my prayer in getting the Giants 6 wins in a row.

Cheryl said...

I can't comment on the game since I'm allergic to football, but your son sure does have a killer smile.

karma lennon said...

Budweiser sounds good. Maybe some nachos? And brownies! Chocolate is always good.

Bonnie Blue said...

Damn Tom Brady!

Lady K said...

Seriously, I could, but I'm afraid to even say anything here except...


GO BUCKEYES!!!!

Aunt Jackie said...

I'm getting a good feel for the "Football Season Captain Corky". It's quite the moody thing to see ain't it?!? :)

Nancy said...

We all know he likes "Jesus Juice" .... just ask Michael Jackson.

CRUSTYBEEF said...

Sorry about the Colts..I hope that the next 2months aren't too dark.
Next time bring God some little smoky wieners in a crockpot, and for his son, bring him some corn bread..homemade..that usually does the trick over here. whenever we've made those magical treats, the teams of our choice win...
wienies and corn..great combo.

Always,
Crusty~

Heidi said...

Oh it's a sad day indeed. We won't blame you for the loss, and will understand that the lord works in mysterious ways.

Melissa said...

SO sorry about your Colts....Max does look ADORABLE as always in his jersey.

eric said...

the patriots won on some GARBAGE!

Cindy-Lou said...

I think it's sort of rude to put your son in a Colts jersey. For all you know he's a Pats fan. I mean, it's not like he told you.

mjd said...

The pastor in church today touched on what would you do if Jesus came to your house. (Well, not Corky, Max, and Allyson's house...but you know anybody's house.) I suspect God would have what ever you are serving.

I see that the Colts lost...sorry Corky.

Gina said...

Oooh, ouch, the Colts lost.

Well, nothing can quite compare to the pain of a Yankee fan when the Red Sox win the Series, but I feel your pain.

And just look at that cutie guy!

Crashdummie said...

OMG corky you cant post such an adoreable pic of Max an expect me to be able to function properly and be able to read rest of your post..

ok, trying to focus.. hmm.. so, how did it go with the colts? Do I dare to ask?

captain corky said...

Birdman: I'm sick to my stomach right now. That's all I can say.

Tod: Krispy Kremes are really fucking good.

Fiwa: He's a very happy little boy, and that makes us very happy. So all people do around here lately is smile and laugh. And nobody's smoking pot either! ;)

Birdman: The Pizza here is terrible, but there's one or two places that are tolerable.

Gawilli: We'll get over it... In January!

captain corky said...

Jay: People that are offended by nachos and beer should be deported to Iceland.

Her Indoors: God may like wine, but did you know that my Cats like toilet water? ;)

Rockdog: How bout them Cowboys!

Pink: I could see it, but only when he's trout fishing up there.

Whim: Now that's real blasphemy! ;)

captain corky said...

Furiousball: Yeah, I heard they had those as during appetizers at The Last Supper.

Hoosiegirl5: It was fun until the Colts lost. But we'll see those fucks again.

Eric: Two more months of listening to all the experts and pros suck Tom Brady and Bill Belichick off. I don't think I can take it!

Guilty: I much more prefer my wafers without church. ;)

Dilling: Me and God forgive you for your sin. ;)

captain corky said...

Bonnie Blue: Last night's victory is a sure sign that the Apocalypse is coming.

Cheryl: Thank you, and be glad you don't watch. Or you would be in agony this morning too. ;)

Karma: Brownies are always a good idea. ;)

Bonnie Blue: I don't think my fragile psyche can handle it for two more months.

Lady K: My eyes are so dried out from crying, but I'll be ok. ;)

captain corky said...

Jackie: I'm completely controlled by my emotions, so there's always some kind of mood over here. ;)

Nancy: LOL We definitely weren't serving any of that yesterday.

Crusty: I'll remember that for the playoffs. ;)

Heidi: Thank you and he didn't even stay for the entire game. I guess he didn't want to deal with my sulking. ;)

Melissa: Thanks. We'll get them... next time.

captain corky said...

Eric: I hate them.

Cindy-lou: Do you think it's going to come out in therapy in 20 years from now?

MJD: That would be very gracious of him. What would you do MJD? I can't wait to read that post. ;)

Gina: Thanks. I've been crying in my coffee all night.

Crashdummie: The Colt lost Crashie. My heart is broken and my spirit is crushed, but I should be ok in a day or two. ;)

Burfica said...

I'm pretty sure god doesn't like Buttwipers beer. hehehehe

But chocolate and nacho's would be a must. Not together of course.

Emmeline said...

I was sad about the loss too. I was rootin for Colts - I HATE the pats! They were doing so well too right up until the very end. Too bad. :(

Em

Biddie said...

So, how was your day with The Creator, aside from the whole Colts thing?
My GAWD, that little boy gets cuter every day. Honestly.
When are you Allyson gonna make another? If you had two, you could race 'em. Just sayin. :)

Tink said...

I'm all about chips and dip. I really like mixing Harry and David's pepper relish with cream cheese and using corn chips to shovel it all in. But that's me. I have no idea if God would like it. I hear she's kind of picky. ;)

Peggy said...

Good wine and perhaps some lamb should do it.

Don't serve apples.

Max has a beautiful smile.

(p.s. It's a Wonderful Life is my favourite movie of all time - ever)

Cindy-Lou said...

Every time a bell rings an angel gets his wings.

TheBirdman33 said...

I think the football season is dead to me!!

kenny chesney said...

maybe god was mad at tony dungy for his gay-bashing? oh, no. i forgot that god likes gay bashing.

funny, fifty years ago god didn't like inter-racial marriage. he seems to have changed his mind on that one, though. hopefully, god will change his mind on gay marriage soon so me and peyton can make it official.

nikki said...

God likes vodka and according to my 3 year old, hates it when people crash into each other on the road. If you should happen to crash, then God will come down from heaven and yell at you.

Metal Mark said...

I am still in a daze after the Broncos got completely thrashed by the Lions (?).

Kate said...

lol I am thinking angel food cake for sure! *wink!

lol to furiousBalls comment... just having a mental picture of God digging in! lol

Anywho... hope it was fun!

mjd said...

You do have a wonderful life, and the Colts will put together a wonderful season. Even though I am not a football fan, I am sorry to see the Colts lose.

Princess Pointful said...

How cute Max looks in that jersey is reason enough to live!

eric1313 said...

The law of averages says that somebody will get hurt, so have no fear. The old Dolphins will remain unique, and Payton will still be the top daddy in the league record books.

I'll eat my Red Wing's hat if he does break the record--or a facsimilie made of candy corn, rather.

I'll even podcast it on my blog.

HAR said...

You my fine blogger friend are a riot.
Does that baby ever make an ugly face? It does not look possible.

Sorry but I am not a Bud fan. What... who said that?

Enemy of the Republic said...

God has been over to my house--we watched the World Series. He likes his wings suicide hot. This is why I still believe.

mike martz said...

metal mark--you underestimate my football genius

qofd said...

Ok, it's been two days Corky. Do you need CPR? Because I can totally send my husband out to perform CPR on you.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Sorry about that game, Cork! I was pulling for your Colts, even though they beat my Bears in the Super Bowl.

I'm pulling for the Packers and the Cowboys to get their act together, so an NFC team can win this year.

CRUSTYBEEF said...

ding ding..that's me ringing the bell...HA! I like Dr Noisewater!! GO BEARS! But yes, sorry that they lost for you. :(
Always,
Crusty~

Aunt Jackie said...

Great Update!! Glad you're more upbeat... you know that it's risky around here to be 'depressing' right?? hehe ;)

Rock on Corky!

Crashdummie said...

oh u poor thing - bet u had to "drown" ur sorrow huh?

So tell me, did u find any clarity in the bottom om the beer bottle? ;)

Christie said...

You know what bores me more than talking about computers? Football. All things football. I don't even like football type food. Beer, peanuts, hot wings; Gross. But I love you anyway, Corkster.

Ashley said...

It really is a wonderful life, Corky. Maybe you can have another baby and name her Su Su.

BTW-Heard an interview with Leonard Nimoy the other day on NPR. He has some new book out about fat people??? Would the Shat do that, I ask you?

Lady K said...

AH AM CRUSHED that you did NOT even acknowlege MAH comment to YUR POST! It's a TRAVESTY! AH am putting a KA-BOSH on YUR BLOG RIGHT NOW! If it weren't for YUR cute-ass KID pictures, I'd delete yur ass in a heartbeat!!! Fur the luv of PETE over HERE!!! LOL

Max is amazing cute.

Be Inspired Always said...

What an adorable baby. I found your blog through Marie Millard.


Oh god football? Don't even get me started.



Jillian

Canadian flake said...

ok the strike is getting to you isn't it...you are losing it right??? Just remember, even when things looked bad the crew of the Enterprise never gave up...nor will you..lol.

Besides Max is counting on you for survival techniques..lmao

BottleBlonde said...

I think God likes to eat chcken wings ... courtesy of Hooters, of course.

kat said...

I'm behind on my blog reading but I'll have you know I stopped heere first! Sorry about the results of the game. I think if you just look at Max in that shirt for the next two months you'll be just fine.

That kids smile is the solution to world peace.

The Lone Beader said...

You know I must always root for the Pats. :)

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