Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Jet lag


I know some of you must be wondering where I've been for the past few days or so... I'm just now starting to feel normal from my trip to Atlantic City, New Jersey. I got in on Monday, but I've been battling a sever case of jet lag. Those two hour flights can be such a bitch.

On my flight out to NJ there were only about 15 people on the plane so we got treated really well by the flight attendant. Two cups of coffee and a blueberry muffin wannabe. Now that's what I call fantastic service! I probably could have had a nice ice cold half a cup of coke too. I'm also 99.9 percent sure that I could have joined the mile high club with the stewardess.

I then went to a friend's house and we drove down to the shore on the Garden State Parkway. There was comradery, talk, food and tunes playing in the car.

Once we entered AC though, I quickly removed my bible from my back pocket and held on to it for dear life until the weekend was over. On the first night we went to a couple of casinos. Well, they did. I stood outside of the casino and pleaded with the group of miscreants not to go in the den of filth and degradation. While they were inside studying the poker and roulette tables and the skanky, slutty, casino whores, I was outside reading scripture and marveling at the Lord's magnificent art. Specifically, the Atlantic Ocean. Too bad I didn't bring my fishing pole.

The highlight of the weekend for me was getting to read the priestly benediction during meal times.

The flight home was delayed and I didn't even board the plane until 8:00 PM instead of 6:05 like the ticket said I would. Work was rough on Sunday night/Monday morning. All that meditating and praying I did for my friends took a lot out of me, but I think I'm back to normal now.

Oh and I'm about 99.8 percent sure that I could have joined the mile high club with the stewardess on the return flight. I'm not sure though, because all I got from her were two measly bags of peanuts and half a cup of coke that wasn't even that cold. Still, I'm pretty sure she wanted me.



47 comments:

marykay said...

Glad your back now I can sleep again at night. I'm # 1 cool ;)

Tod said...

Sounds like fun. Did you hit any of the skanky casino whores with your bible?

Jay said...

Great job resisting all that temptation in AC man. God was testing you, especially with those hot air waitresses, but you passed the test!

Guilty Secret said...

Erm.. praise the lord?!

Knight said...

That sounds like the worst trip to AC ever! Hope you stood outside preaching and beating your bible for all the heathens souls.

Leighann said...

Are you sure it was your Bible you were beating?

I've heard rumors that say otherwise....

Blancodeviosa said...

i'm 99.8 percent sure you're full of bullarcky

Ginormous Boobs said...

Little baby Jesus has to be so proud that you were out there spreading the good word.

Dana said...

Ummm ... Corky? The correct term is flight attendant, NOT stewardess. There will be no mile high club for you!

Mike Golch said...

You say a two hour flight is a bitch,that you would not like some of the flights I was on when I was a member of the US Air Force flying from Travis AFB to Guam that to the Philipenes,that to Tiawan.Now that my friend are long flights indeed.

Biddie said...

I am so glad that you checked in with us. I was starting worry.
Of course she wanted you, Corky. You are a legend in your own mind, afterall.

Chris H said...

In your dreams more likely mate! You bloody men ! lol

Pink said...

TWO bags of peanuts? Of course she wanted you, man! That was her signal!
xx
pinks

madame x said...

You must have been in full 'Federaton ceremonial drag' to get all that attention on the flight.

;)

Patti said...

Your friends are lucky to have a holy friend intervening for them while they are carrying on with their evil, evil ways.

Now excuse me, there's a bottle of rum in the other room with my name on it.

TheBirdman33 said...

I didn't even realize you were praying...I knew you were talking but my face was so buried in stripper cleavage that you could've been saying anything.

I mean, it was a holy holy weekend and we really have to get our awful friends to convert to the ways of the lord.

captain corky said...

Marykay: I'm sorry about that. I know a lot of people count on me. ;)

Tod: No, but I hit the Birdman once or twice.

Jay: I wonder if that makes me an Eagle Scout or something...

Guilty: Exactly! You're getting the hang of it.

Knight: You bet I did. I even threw a few stones at them.

captain corky said...

Leighann: Yes, but I also beat my chest, climb up trees, and eat bananas from time to time.

Blancodeviosa: Just like Superman, I never lie. ;)

Ginormous: I'm on my way to being the pope. I just have to become a priest and perform a couple of miracles.

Dana: All I know is that the broads wanted me. ;)

Mike: Yeah, I don't think I could handle any of those flights. I would be willing to fly four hours to go to Vegas though. Lots of work to be done there too!

captain corky said...

Biddie: Yes I am! I love me some me.

Chris H: That's the beauty of this blog, all of my dreams become reality as soon as I type it down. ;)

Pink: I knew it! Now I'm 99.9 percent sure on the second stewardess. ;)

Madame X: I never leave the house in anything but... ;)

Patti: I have just added you to my list. while you're mixing drinks I'll be speaking in tounges. Or something like that.

captain corky said...

Birdman: Exactly Bird, they are sinners! Repent I say!

Heart Of Darkness said...

Guess whom else is back....! :P

mjd said...

Corky, we can always count on you to be spiritual. You set such a shining example for the rest of us.

Tink said...

You're never allowed to leave again. EVER.

Was that creepy? ;)

Real Live Lesbian said...

Did you miss the skanky, slutty, casino whores that stand OUTSIDE? You must have really been Jesused up to miss all of them!

Praise Glory! And amen.

The Apologist said...

Corky, it was great seeing you, but you have no idea how much it sucks that you live in KY. Somehow, this past weekend felt like the really good really old days, when we would run around and play in the streets long after the 6pm sirens had sounded and the street lights came on. With parents that didn't care where we were, Spring and Summer nights seemed to last forever. Oh well, back to being a grown up.

Don't worry, you can still be the crew-chief.

dilling said...

if she didn't want you, it would've been Pepsi.

Cheryl said...

My dad drives to AC every other week...give me Vegas!

Theresa said...

As a really big sinner, I'm glad for people like you in the world. Thanks for praying so much.

captain corky said...

Heart: Welcome back! I look forward to catching up with you.

MJD: LOL! I try my best.

Tink: Gulp. ;)

Real: I may have seen one or two entering the casino, but when I found myself having an impure thought I quickly jabbed a finger in my eye. That always does the trick. ;)

Apologist: It was a really good time! Kentucky does have a couple of good things going for it, like Max and Allyson. That's about it.

PS Do I have to go back to being a grown up? It's no fun.

captain corky said...

Dilling: Just imagine if it was RC Cola... The plane probably would have crashed. LOL!

Cheryl: I used to drive there quite often myself. Probably a good thing I live in KY now. And Vegas kicks major ass.

Teresa: It's the least we lesser sinners can do for you heathens. ;)

katie said...

corky's back! She wanted you, corkster-that stewardess. ain't no doubt, man. i wasn't even there, yet i am firmly convinced of it!! :)

You have a great weekend!

leslie said...

...and not even one mention of the Steel Pier and the Diving Horses.

You did mention Mr. Peanut, didn't you?
Did you mention him to the 'stewardesses'?

bonnie said...

Darling, I'm confused. Why do you have jet lag when you could've just beamed yourself up. Plus, if you had really wanted Mme. Flight Attendant, you'd have exposed your bible a little earlier and run your fingers around the soft leather cover. Irresistible.

bonnie said...

P.S. I'm putting you on my blog roll, so get over it.

Sunshine said...

Dude, I'm sure she did want you if you were wearing a Star Trek t-shirt.

willSIX said...

I find that story completely credible and not in the slightest bit an enormous pile of horse-doody.

Also, Captain Corky is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I've ever known in my life.

Cazzie!!! said...

What is Max getting his mummy for mothers day tomorrow? Something special?? :)

DJ Kirkby said...

Jetlag huh? Caused by.....hangoveritis?

CRUSTYBEEF said...

too freaking hilarious!!
That's all I've got to say.

Always,
ELizabeth

fiwa said...

Thank god you set the right example for the Max man! The world needs more men like you, Captain Corky!

:)

lovins,
fiwa

VE said...

Two bags of peanuts? Wow, she was hot for you!!

Aunt Jackie said...

Ummmm... Cork?? Am I to expect you showing up on my doorstep with a bunch of "Literature" on the Good Word??? I hope not! :P

Glad you feel good about resisting temptation... No regrets and all. ;)

Tequila Mockingbird said...

she totally wanted you. doesnt everyone? maybe you shouldve prayed about that.

The Lone Beader said...

I think I'm slightly more jet lagged than you. LOL ;)

Portia said...

Kumbaya!

Lady K said...

Wow...it really HAS been awhile since I've been here. What happened to you? You're scaring me...

Canadian flake said...

good thing you were along to save the "sinners" lmao