Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Waste


I have big news that I've been dying to share with you since before we went away last weekend. As of 5/28/2008 our home has finally kicked the septic habit and is now connected to the city sewer system. I told you it was big news!

Louisville is a very progressive city and it doesn't surprise me one bit that we are one of the first cities in the world to go from septic to sewer.

Every time I flush the toilet I imagine taking the great journey the water takes from bowl to basement and finally out to sewer.

Hell, I don't even mind that we were mandated by the city to pay a contractor 2800 dollars to connect to the sewer. Truth is I've always been ashamed that we lived in a house with a septic system... Thankfully I don't have to live with that burden ever again.

I don't know if you've had a plumber out to your house in the last year or so, but plastic is all the rage as far as pipes go. All the big time plumbers talk about plastic pipes. Plastic pipes are big, clean, and white.

Absolutely No one in this house hold is going to do anything to fuck them up, so from this day forward my family only eats Quaker Oats! Lots of fiber in Quaker Oats. Plus, Q. Oats are cheap as dirt and only take one minute to cook, but most importantly they are delicious! Especially plain.


53 comments:

Dana said...

Wow Corky!! That's right up there with putting a man on the moon!! May your poop never tarnish the clean, white pipes!

captain corky said...

Dana: It is! Do you think I should write a speech about it? ;)

Ashley Ladd said...

LOL. I'v ebeen trying to make myself eat more Quaker Oats but to lower my cholesterol. I guess my pipes will thank me, too. :)

Tink said...

Congrats! Septic tanks blow. My Mom forgot to have hers cleaned one time and the "sludge" rose from the top like a big brown cake. It was disgusting!

Leighann said...

Plain Quaker Oats? Plain??!!

furiousBall said...

congrats to you and your bowels dude

Guilty Secret said...

Gross.

Jay said...

You guys have a sewer system? I can't believe how uptown you are. I hope you don't start big-timing all us regular folk now. ;-)

Canadian flake said...

Congrats on the new sewer system and bluckkkkkkkkk I say to the Quaker Oats..lmao.

Good luck with that one.lmao

fiwa said...

You sound happy about it, so your city must not make YOU pay for it. I have had friends who had to pay upwards of 10k to connect to city sewar when it was added in - and they weren't given the choice about staying on septic either.

Glad your has been a... happy tranisition!

lovins,
fiwa

Pink said...

you forgot that Q Oats remove cholesterol.

Very important for those plastic pipes of yours

xx
pinks

Big Pissy said...

OMG, Corky!

I just read the post below this one...

Thank goodness all three of you are ok.

hugs to all of you.

~Pissy

Aunt Jackie said...

Wow, got a lot going on there Captain!! I was popping in to check on you since you seem to have forgotten your poor AJ :(

Still trudging along :D

x

AJ

Burfica said...

gees that's what we are doing wrong. My guys eat tons of cheese so then they are blocked up and when they aren't the pipes are. hahahahaha

leslie said...

Holy Shit, Corky!

Crashdummie said...

Hang on, if Quaker Oats are delicious, they cant be healthy. Thats the rule dude!

RockDog said...

You never fail me with your love for waste removal. You are a true king of your craft! Many happy years of smooth shitting in your new plastic pipes!

youarekiddingme said...

Add a little brown sugar and honey to those Quaker Oats and your butt and belly will be happy.

James B. said...

Ha ha ha! You'd better add Metamucil to that diet plan to guarantee those pipes stay clean.

captain corky said...

Ashley Ladd: I've had them three days in a row for breakfast mixed with a little applesauce for good measure. ;)

Tink: We never had a problem with ours and I used to like to pretend that it didn't exist. ;)

Leighann: Well, not exactly plain. I do mix in some applesauce. It's not bad.

Furiousball: Thanks. We're all feeling a lot fresher.

Guilty: The sewer or the oats? ;)

captain corky said...

Jay: I'll do my best to stay as humble as I can, but it won't be easy. After all, I'm only human.

Flake: So far so good. It's almost time for me to make another vat of it. ;)

Fiwa: No, they did. 2800 dollars. Best 2800 dollars I was ever forced to spend...

Pink: A very good point. By the end of Summer I hope that there's a much healthier Captain Corky sitting at the computer every morning. ;)

Pissy: Thank you! I am truly grateful that none of us were hurt at all.

captain corky said...

Aunt Jackie: I could never forget you. I'm just getting back into the groove. ;)

Burfica: I love cheese too and somehow I doubt that oatmeal would taste good on a pizza. ;)

Leslie: Exactly!

Crashdummie: Maybe I'm just lying to myself. ;)

Rockdog: So far so good, pal. I have not been on the bowl for over a minute since I started eating the oats everyday.

captain corky said...

Youarekiddingme: Not a bad idea. I bet they would taste good with some honey. Right now I'm using applesauce and it's really not bad.

James B : Not a bad idea at all. ;)

katie said...

Oh, corky! that was just wonderfully disgusting and i love you for getting my day started out right. I am actually eating quaker oats this morning myself.

You have a wonderful day!

benjibopper said...

by amazing coincidence i recently wrote a couple of articles about sewage sludge, septic systems, sewage treatment, composting toilets, and other poo-related matters. congrats on this bold movement by you and your family!

leslie said...

I'm still laughing over the line, "Louisville is a very progressive city...one of the first cities in the world to go from septic to sewer."
You are one funny oatmeal filled guy!

Tod said...

So what are you gonna do with your empty septic tank? You could turn it into an underground bunker and plot world domination.

Tequila Mockingbird said...

this is such a sexy post. i actually had to get up three times and go rub one out in the bathroom because of its hotness.

congrats on your super pooper system!

jerrster said...

to keep your pipes really regular you should be eating "rolled oats" not the Quaker Dust Oats...and don't microwave it either...add apples and a little cinnamon...that'll keep you clean

Patti said...

Congrats on leaving behind the shame of the septic tank for the glory of the sewer.

I'm totally submitting that to Hallmark - they need a line of cards to celebrate this momentous occasion. Thanks for the idea.

Biddie said...

You mean that are aupposed to EAT that stuff? I was using it as wallpaper paste.......Thanks for the heads up :)

karma lennon said...

Wow. I go away for a little bit and look at what amazing things have happened!!! I so need to stop by more often!

Heidi on Vashon said...

Call the post-product "floatmeal."
Ew!

-Heidi

The Lone Beader said...

Good luck with that plan... LOL.

MyUtopia said...

That's awesome! Septic sucks. My parents had a major back up in the Arizona house this winter.

Ginormous Boobs said...

Unfair! How am I going to make fun of you for being a hilljack now?!?

DJ Kirkby said...

You need valium...lots of it and fast...I hear hysteria bubbling between the lines of this post.

captain corky said...

Katie: I'm glad that I could be there for you in the morning. I go really well with a nice sunrise and a hot cup of coffee and a nice bowl of oats. ;)

Benjibopper: Thanks. So far it's working out for the most part, but I need to be a little more diligent about the things I let go down the sink when I'm doing the dishes.

Leslie: I'm glad you get me, Leslie! :)

Tod: Either that or maybe I'll turn it into a clubhouse for Max. ;)

Tequila: Very nice! All systems are go on the super pooper system.

captain corky said...

Jerrster: I only microwave my hotdog's and burritos, never my oats. It's a personal rule.

Patti: Will the card have make a flushing sound when you open it? I sure hope so.

Biddie: I never new myself. For close to 38 years I've been eating Double Quarter Pounders and now all of a sudden I'm eating mush. What gives?

Karma: I'm a mover and shaker. Shit happens around here. ;)

Heidi: LOL! Perfect.

captain corky said...

Beader: So far so good. The pipes are still white. I think. Hard to be 100 percent certain though because they are buried in the ground. ;)

Myutopia: Fortunately I never had any problems with it. I hope I'll be able to say the same about the sewer. ;)

Ginormous: I still live in KY so I'm sure you'll be able to find something to make fun of me for. ;)

DJ Kirkby: Yes I do need Valium and lots of it! Yum!!!

Molly said...

Yes, this a grand step forward. I like my oatmeal with brown sugar, raisins, and evaporated milk...but have it your way.

Palm Springs Savant said...

An historic moment for the Corky household! I say it warrants a round of cold beers! And oatmeal, of course. or a heaping of baked beans will keep things flowing along too...

Princess Pointful said...

Wow. You are certainly taking the sudden fee for these clean white pipes all in stride...

HoosierGirl5 said...

Congratulations on living in the modern world. Louisville is quite a town, isn't it? Just don't go swimming in the Ohio...it's kinda brown right now! Heh, heh.

J.

Pink Icing said...

Pretty impressive stuff - smooth transitional stuff as well....

I've always been very grateful to the Romans and Victorians for our sewer systems. Thing is, they're extremely overloaded and with all of our unscrupulous builders I fear we are in for a massive explosion.....let's hope the UK all eats Quaker Oats........

Crashdummie said...

u and lie? naaaah.. maybe ur just bedning the truth... someone elses :)

whimsical brainpan said...

Congrats on your hookup!

CarmenSinCity said...

haha - awesome!!!!!

Cazzie!!! said...

LMO, congratulations on the hook up!! LOL. I laugh because I grew up out in the country and wll, it still is not hooked up to the town sewers yet! Ahhh, gone are the days of me stirring the shit pit to unclog the copious amounts of paper my brothers and sister would put down the toilet...and using that awful Nil Odour drops to try and make things smell nice....which really didn;t make it smell any better in the end!

MyUtopia said...

Thanks for stopping by. I love the picture of your son in the sidebar, too cute!

Ashley said...

I am embarrassed to say that I have put food down my toilet before. Evidently that is a bad thing to do. I don't have a disposal, though, and it seemed like a great idea at the time.

anne said...

Congratulations on surviving your first year of parenthood! What a cutie. Come visit again soon. Better yet, move back

Love, Annette and Alan

anne said...

Congratulations on surviving your first year of parenthood! What a cutie. Come visit again soon. Better yet, move back

Love, Annette and Alan