I realize that some of you may be feeling a bit overwhelmed by the state of the World, because let's face it, the World's in a pretty shitty place right now. I also realize that others of you might by be feeling overwhelmed by your own personal shit storms. Your pain and sorrow do not escape me, friend.
Someone out here cares for you and is thinking about you in your time of need.
Bonus Points if you know from this song.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Friday, April 10, 2009
Easter, Passover, and the Rest
Dear Jewish reader,
Passover is my favorite Jewish holiday. I love Brisket, I love Matzoh Ball Soup, I love Gefilte Fish (NO SUGAR ADDED) and I especially love Manischewitz wine.
Here in Kentucky, you can usually find the Manischewitz on the same shelf where they keep the Mad Dog 20/20 and the Richards Wild Irish Rose Wine (often referred to as bum wine). It makes me feel very proud to see Manischewitz wine being distinguished with such honor.
Of Course, It's always wonderful to get together with family and good friends each year to see who's gained or lost the most weight. It's also really nice to meet new significant others, weird friends, and most importantly, beautiful babies.
In Short: Happy Passover Jewish Reader.
Dear Christian reader,
Christmas is my favorite Christian holiday, but that doesn't mean that I don't love Ham, Mashed potato's, Hard Boiled Eggs or solid chocolate Easter Bunnies, because I really, really do.
It's a little harder for me to get into Easter probably because a lot of the food associated with Easter is the same as Thanksgiving and Christmas and during Easter I always feel like there's something missing... NFL Football.
During Christmas time there are plenty of games surrounding the 25th of December and when John Madden talks about holidays, he talks about the important things, like food, family and football. I'm sorry but blue bonnets and fucking BASEBALL are not suitable replacements for football, so I always feel a little empty during Easter. Still, it's very nice to get together with family and friends and eat like there's no tomorrow.
In Short: Happy Easter Christian Reader.
Dear Agnostic, Atheist, Scientologist, and everyone else reader,
Passover is my favorite Jewish holiday. I love Brisket, I love Matzoh Ball Soup, I love Gefilte Fish (NO SUGAR ADDED) and I especially love Manischewitz wine.
Here in Kentucky, you can usually find the Manischewitz on the same shelf where they keep the Mad Dog 20/20 and the Richards Wild Irish Rose Wine (often referred to as bum wine). It makes me feel very proud to see Manischewitz wine being distinguished with such honor.
Of Course, It's always wonderful to get together with family and good friends each year to see who's gained or lost the most weight. It's also really nice to meet new significant others, weird friends, and most importantly, beautiful babies.
In Short: Happy Passover Jewish Reader.
Dear Christian reader,
Christmas is my favorite Christian holiday, but that doesn't mean that I don't love Ham, Mashed potato's, Hard Boiled Eggs or solid chocolate Easter Bunnies, because I really, really do.
It's a little harder for me to get into Easter probably because a lot of the food associated with Easter is the same as Thanksgiving and Christmas and during Easter I always feel like there's something missing... NFL Football.
During Christmas time there are plenty of games surrounding the 25th of December and when John Madden talks about holidays, he talks about the important things, like food, family and football. I'm sorry but blue bonnets and fucking BASEBALL are not suitable replacements for football, so I always feel a little empty during Easter. Still, it's very nice to get together with family and friends and eat like there's no tomorrow.
In Short: Happy Easter Christian Reader.
Dear Agnostic, Atheist, Scientologist, and everyone else reader,
See you around the campfire, Pal.
Your friend,
Your friend,
Captain Corky
Monday, April 06, 2009
No Soliciting
How often do assholes knock on your front door and try to either save your soul, or get you to change your Internet service provider? It happens to me way too often. If it's not a Mormon, it's a Jehovah's' Witness, and if it's not a Scientologist, it's some lame sap subcontracted by AT&T to get me to switch from a Cable modem to DSL.
The other day, Joe came knocking at my door and I had to cut the poor soul off before he got started. I told him that there was no way in hell that I would ever have a land line again, and I'd give up my left arm before I got rid of my cable modem (until something faster comes along that is).
I wasn't really mad at Joe for trying to earn a living though. Turns out that Joe moved to Louisville just about 10 years ago and is originally from Miami Florida. I moved to Louisville almost 10 years ago too, and I was raised in NJ. So we actually have a lot in common. I wonder if Joe and his wife are expecting their second child in 42 days... Probably.
Actually, I thought about asking him over for supper some time, but I didn't want it to get weird considering that I wasn't going to land him a really big commission or anything like that. Still, it would be nice to be friends with someone who has so much in common with me. Joe, if you're reading this post send me a link to your blog and feel free to drop in unannounced anytime!
The other day, Joe came knocking at my door and I had to cut the poor soul off before he got started. I told him that there was no way in hell that I would ever have a land line again, and I'd give up my left arm before I got rid of my cable modem (until something faster comes along that is).
I wasn't really mad at Joe for trying to earn a living though. Turns out that Joe moved to Louisville just about 10 years ago and is originally from Miami Florida. I moved to Louisville almost 10 years ago too, and I was raised in NJ. So we actually have a lot in common. I wonder if Joe and his wife are expecting their second child in 42 days... Probably.
Actually, I thought about asking him over for supper some time, but I didn't want it to get weird considering that I wasn't going to land him a really big commission or anything like that. Still, it would be nice to be friends with someone who has so much in common with me. Joe, if you're reading this post send me a link to your blog and feel free to drop in unannounced anytime!
Now when the Mormons or the Scientologist or the Jews for Jesus come knocking on my door on a Saturday morning around 10:00 AM-ish this pisses me off a lot! Don't get wrong I hate AT&T just as much as I hate the saved community, but a lot of times on Saturday mornings my kid is running around the living room and it startles the shit out of him when someone who he doesn't recognise bangs on my front door and invades our privacy. Makes me think about getting a pit-bull. I wonder if Joe is selling dogs door to door yet...
I also get the occasional kid selling chocolate bars for school or some dude running a landscaping company out of the trunk of his 1987 Cutlass Sierra. Once I had a person come to my door who tried to sell me steaks out of the back of her van. That's pretty shady if you ask me. Someday when I make it big I'm going to live in one of those fancy subdivisions that doesn't allow any solicitors. Sorry Joe, religious fanatics, and all Girl Scouts.
The one exception to my rule is that it's perfectly acceptable to solicit when leaving a comment on this blog. Especially if you solicit in a foreign language. I always get a kick out of that. Feel free to drop off your manifesto anytime.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)