It never really made much sense until I stumbled across this amazing picture of me from 1994.
I completely forgot that for one year of my life... Captain Corky was the best looking person on the planet.
I guess my shoulders and stomach could have used a little more work but other than that I was pure perfection.
Maybe that's why so many folks had such a hard time looking at me in 2008 when I weighed 253 pounds and had three chins. I went from best looking human being ever to really fat kid.
I'm sorry I let myself go. I never meant to dissapoint you.
This picture was taken in Bayonne, New Jersey when I was living with two freak brothers who owned two deaf Dalmatian's which they kept locked in cages except when they pulled them out in the middle of the night to beat them for barking to loud. I miss those guys.
It's obvious from looking at the room in this picture that it needed a paint job, but I didn't know how to paint in 1994 so I just hung pictures of Superman racing the Flash, The Three Stooges and myself on the walls. I think I had one of me in my wallet and at least one on the mirror as well. Because I'm not as thin as I would like to be in 2010 I have a picture of Ronald Weasly on the bathroom mirror instead of Captain Corky.
Today I weigh about 200 pounds. 50 Pounds less than my fattest but 35 pounds more than my bestest. In October I'm going to be 40 and as a gift to the world I'd like to get down to 165. I should probably start working out a little just to tidy up stretch marks and what not. After I become the best looking person on Earth one last time I'm going to slowly eat and drink myself to death and it's going to be glorious.