Friday, July 09, 2010

Before I was Fat

It never really made much sense until I stumbled across this amazing picture of me from 1994.

I completely forgot that for one year of my life... Captain Corky was the best looking person on the planet. 

I guess my shoulders and stomach could have used a little more work but other than that I was pure perfection.

Maybe that's why so many folks had such a hard time looking at me in 2008 when I weighed 253 pounds and had three chins. I went from best looking human being ever to really fat kid.

I'm sorry I let myself go. I never meant to dissapoint you.

This picture was taken in Bayonne, New Jersey when I was living with two freak brothers who owned two deaf Dalmatian's which they kept locked in cages except when they pulled them out in the middle of the night to beat them for barking to loud. I miss those guys.

It's obvious from looking at the room in this picture that it needed a paint job, but I didn't know how to paint in 1994 so I just hung pictures of Superman racing the Flash, The Three Stooges and myself on the walls.  I think I had one of me in my wallet and at least one on the mirror as well. Because I'm not as thin as I would like to be in 2010 I have a picture of Ronald Weasly on the bathroom mirror instead of Captain Corky.

Today I weigh about 200 pounds. 50 Pounds less than my fattest but 35 pounds more than my bestest. In October I'm going to be 40 and as a gift to the world I'd like to get down to 165. I should probably start working out a little just to tidy up stretch marks and what not. After I become the best looking person on Earth one last time I'm going to slowly eat and drink myself to death and it's going to be glorious.


Mike Golch said...

Corkyas it stands right now I would love to be 253lbs.I only have 30 more to go.My highest this time was 310.

captain corky said...

Hang in there Mike. Just eat chicken, brown rice, and cereal and you'll be alright. Oh and make sure to sneak in a pack of Pop-Tarts every once in a while for the sake of your sanity. Only 400 calories per pack. I call the delightful pastries lunch and have them every night around 12:00 AM at work. Nothing beats a pack of Strawberry Pop-Tarts and a 45 cent cup of coffee to wash them down with.

Hoosier Girl said...

Hubba, hubba! What a hunk!


captain corky said...

Yeah, Joey Mcintyre is definitely the best looking New Kid and absolutely the most talented.

This link says it all. I remember the first cry I had to this song like it was yesterday. ;)

Peter said...

Keith, last time I checked, I weighed 205 with clothes on. When I was in Tenleytown, drinking at least six pints of Sierra Nevada Pale Ale at Babe's and having Booker's cooking for supper practically every day, I never went above 165. The big difference is that here in LA I can't walk everywhere I need to go. What a shame!

Metal Mark said...

I got up to 250 a few years ago, but now weigh about 205. I would like to lose more, but then again I am running 20 miles a week and lift every other day so I feel pretty good overall for a 40 year old dinosaur.