Wednesday, July 28, 2010

A Canoe Story


A few years ago on Arbor Day Eve, Alon and Olivia Wood died in a boating accident on the White Oak River while training for an upcoming canoe sprint. Due to a series of unsolved gruesome killings that took place two summers earlier, a coroner was brought in to examine the incident. The coroner’s report concluded that foul play was highly unlikely and evidence provided by a very large hole in the bottom of Alon and Olivia’s Birch-bark canoe all but confirmed that the canoe most likely collided with the stump of a Southern Crabapple Tree at an unusually high speed for a motor less boat. After the autopsy report came back three weeks and six days later, it was revealed that Alon and Olivia Wood were regular users of the human growth hormone steroid thus satisfying the coroner’s inquiry as to the speed of the human powered water craft.

Later, Barclay Chaney, a bitter racing rival of Alon’s, sent details of the tragedy to the Unites States Canoe Association and as a result, the Woods were stripped of both National Titles that they had earned. The USCA then forwarded the information to the President of the International Canoe Federation and the President of the ICF ordered that Olivia and Alon Wood could never sit in a canoe again.

Alon’s former High School Principal Dekel Egor caught wind of the story on the 6:00 O’clock news while he was putting together a jigsaw puzzle with his granddaughter Sequoia, and was so embarrassed and outraged at the boy he once treated like a son, that Dekel Egor influenced the Board of Education to revoke Woods Letter in Canoeing. Egor then consulted The Law Firm of Eilon, Elder, and Ellery in regards to having Alon Wood’s letterman jacket seized from the Estate of the late Mr. and Mrs. Wood. And not only did Olivia’s disgraced legacy scar friends and family, but it also brought profound shame to the Native American Algonquin Tribe in which she was a member of. One can only hope and pray that the Midew are more forgiving than Dekel Egor, and don’t call on the Death Spirit to pay her soul a little visit.

But the enormity Alon and Olivia Wood committed against decency, fair play, sportsmanship, justice and the overall heritage and institution of canoeing is nothing compared to the profound consequence their transgression would have on the only thing either of them ever truly treasured more than a bark covered hollowed out piece of wood propelled by paddles, their son, a crazy motherfucker named Frank.

To Be Continued...

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

wait...... what?

Jodi said...

I'm confused.....


J.

Anonymous said...

Tiffany's is one of the most well known [U]fake tiffany jewelry[/U] brand names and design houses in the jewelry [B]tiffany sets[/B] business. The quality of service, customer satisfaction and the fine designs offered by [U][B]tiffany bracelets[/U][/B] the company are one of the best in their times. The company is primarily [B][URL=http://www.tiffanysfree.com]tiffany jewellery[/URL][/B] famous for its superb quality and artisanship.

However, as this amount of beauty and quality comes at [B]tiffany jewellery[/B] a price, there are many jewelry lovers who are just not able to pay [U][B]tiffany charms[/U][/B] the high price and look for suitable replicas instead. This is the [U][B]cheap tiffany and co jewelry[/U][/B] reason there are special [U]tiffany uk][/U] designers that now offer beautifully made Replica Tiffany Jewelry and that too, at a much [B][URL=http://www.tiffanysfree.com]tiffany rings[/URL][/B] lower price.

The Tiffany's is one [B]fake tiffany jewelry[/B] of those brands that actually [B]tiffany jewellery uk[/B] mark the onset of a classic style and design on its own. Some of the designs of this [B]tiffany pendants[/B] brand name have become so common and popular, that they [B]knockoff tiffany jewelry[/B] are bound to be copied by artisans all over. These replicas are created either by [U][B]tiffany london[/U][/B] using a mass production technique or by an individual jewelry designer who is striving to [U]tiffany sets][/U] make a name for his services and capitalize on the original designs. These [U]tiffany jewellery uk[/U] kinds of procedures have made the replica business [B]pandora bracelet[/B] a very lucrative one, with scores of skilled designers [U]tiffany co][/U] paying close attention to these designs and producing them effortlessly [U][B]authentic tiffany jewelry monthly promotion[/U][/B] with same style and appeal.


It is important for [B]buyers of tiffany jewelry sets[/B]genuine jewelry lovers to notice that there are [B][URL=http://www.pandoraforyou.com]pandora bracelet[/URL][/B] fake designers who can pass off their imitations as genuine [U]pandora jewelry[/U] replica Tiffany jewelry. Before you actually buy jewelry, make sure [U][B]tiffany earrings[/U][/B] there is the mark Tiffany & Co., engraved on the [U][B]pandora bracelets[/U][/B] piece. By rule, all of replica Tiffany's jewelry carries an identification mark for the benefit of its customers.