We used to have a friend. (Now we have no friends. Will you be my friend?)
Our ex-friend, let's call her DumDum, attends church (Lutheran, for anyone who is keeping score) every Sunday. She has an adult son and a teenage daughter who she is "friends" with more than she's a "mother" with. (That's another post entirely...)
Recently, DumDum asked her husband of twenty-two years for a divorce. This is not earth shattering in any way, shape, or form. The husband, let's call him Phil (for Phil Anderer) has desired new tail for the past few years. Being the classic righteous Christian husband, Phil tried to convince his wife to partake in a Craiglist threesome and/or a swinger meetup with him so the cheating would be "legal". No breaking of a commandment for this guy. Because extramarital holey would be unholy.
This new-tail-wanting offended DumDum. I suppose it would offend most women. Me included, but I can't speak for you, right?
So, in a fit of pique, DumDum decided to pursue her workplace "crush", who she has worked with for about a dozen years. Her workplace crush also happens to be married with two elementary school aged children. This is not relevant to DumDum whatsoever. Why? Because Crushie told her that he has been unhappy in his marriage for the last fifteen years, and that he has been in love with DumDum for the past ten years, and he will divorce his wife and marry DumDum "within the next two to three years". DumDum has even gone so far as to openly state that it's her goal to become the new Mrs. Crushie.
In an attempt to make it a matter of months instead of those aforementioned two to three years, she has commenced carnally relating to Crushie before either she or Phil has filed for divorce.
Hail Mary, full of grace. The Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women...
What makes this even worse: Last year I came across this fantastic site. I wanted to share it with everyone I ever met in my entire life. Even my parents would think this site is hilarious. (But I haven't grown the balls to show them yet.) So, the moment I showed it to DumDum, the immediate response was:
"I'm offended. I'M A CHRISTIAN!"
Please get a bottle of sunblock so you aren't burned by the bright rays of hypocrisy radiating from that sentence.
Yoda or whoever wrote this line had it right: Do or do not. There is no try.
13 comments:
Although I agree with you in theory, EVERYONE is a sinner (with the exception of one). To expect "Christians" to lead a perfectly "Christian" life means you expect them to be sinners :)
*steps down from the pulpit*
Dana - (1) I like your opt out clause (ready hypocricy)
(2) I dislike all religions (read, yes I am an atheist)
(3) You go Lieutenant Llia. (from mom of Corky)
The one posting anonymously is calling me a hypocrite? Ha!
I read that as opting out of hypocrisy?
Lieutenant Ilia, Ehhh ... not really sure ... not too worried about it either :)
Dana, no, it's the opt out clause that's hypocritical, in my view.
There is a cynical strain of Christian theological thought that holds the belief that we owe it to Christ to sin, so that his death will not have been in vain. I think it is tongue-in-cheek, but so many "Christians" live as if that's the way they see things. All the while these sinners pay lip service to "the Lord." Jesus admonished all of us when he let us know that not everyone who says, "Lord, Lord" shall enter the kingdom of heaven. We are to do God's will if heaven is what we want. I pity those who are so wrapped up in fleeting moments that they can't even search their hearts for the answer to what is God's will. More's the pity when one can so arrogantly conclude that there could not possibly be a God. Six billion sentient beings on one little planet in one little galaxy, and the logical conclusion is that the universe cannot possibly have something similar in macrocosm? Are you kidding me? Many devout atheists rag and rage on Christians for no good reason. It seems to me that they are just so full of themselves that they are offended when stupid sheep can't see things their way. And life is easier without thoughts of God originating from some silly,stupid storybook...
"Do or do not. There is no try." Wasn't that Mr. Miyagi?
Yoda:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q3hn6fFTxeo
"Six billion sentient beings on one little planet in one little galaxy, and the logical conclusion is that the universe cannot possibly have something similar in macrocosm?"
Um... science?
/ducks under desk
I think the whole point of the post is this. If you plan on espousing your love of/service to the Lord you profess to believe in....you might want to actually live by the tenets of your faith.
Especially on the BIG STUFF!! Last time I checked, adultery and home wrecking (especially with young children involved) didn't quite make the "I'M A CHRISTIAN" cut. Maybe Jesus will forgive DumDum, but here in the real world, I'm teeing off on her hypocritical, sanctimonious arse.
Jesus may forgive her but Karma certainly won't.
I'm pretty sure I wound up the agent of karma. Things have gone pretty bad (for her) since she snooped and decided to take me on.
I'm happy to learn that Mr. Ilia is intelligent and thoughtful like his wife, and that he knows a rat when he sees or smells one.
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