We used to have a friend. (Now we have no friends. Will you be my friend?)
Our ex-friend, let's call her DumDum, attends church (Lutheran, for anyone who is keeping score) every Sunday. She has an adult son and a teenage daughter who she is "friends" with more than she's a "mother" with. (That's another post entirely...)
Recently, DumDum asked her husband of twenty-two years for a divorce. This is not earth shattering in any way, shape, or form. The husband, let's call him Phil (for Phil Anderer) has desired new tail for the past few years. Being the classic righteous Christian husband, Phil tried to convince his wife to partake in a Craiglist threesome and/or a swinger meetup with him so the cheating would be "legal". No breaking of a commandment for this guy. Because extramarital holey would be unholy.
This new-tail-wanting offended DumDum. I suppose it would offend most women. Me included, but I can't speak for you, right?
So, in a fit of pique, DumDum decided to pursue her workplace "crush", who she has worked with for about a dozen years. Her workplace crush also happens to be married with two elementary school aged children. This is not relevant to DumDum whatsoever. Why? Because Crushie told her that he has been unhappy in his marriage for the last fifteen years, and that he has been in love with DumDum for the past ten years, and he will divorce his wife and marry DumDum "within the next two to three years". DumDum has even gone so far as to openly state that it's her goal to become the new Mrs. Crushie.
In an attempt to make it a matter of months instead of those aforementioned two to three years, she has commenced carnally relating to Crushie before either she or Phil has filed for divorce.
Hail Mary, full of grace. The Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women...
What makes this even worse: Last year I came across this fantastic site. I wanted to share it with everyone I ever met in my entire life. Even my parents would think this site is hilarious. (But I haven't grown the balls to show them yet.) So, the moment I showed it to DumDum, the immediate response was:
"I'm offended. I'M A CHRISTIAN!"
Please get a bottle of sunblock so you aren't burned by the bright rays of hypocrisy radiating from that sentence.
It's not just Phil and DumDum. Too many people attend the Christian 7-11: Get Saved At Your Convenience. If you are truly observant: You don't get to select when you are religious and when you're not. You don't get to tell people that they are missing out on the Lord God Jesus Christ and then pull the most sanctimonious shit imaginable.
Yoda or whoever wrote this line had it right: Do or do not. There is no try.