Saturday, September 18, 2010

"O" No

"I don't know if this is too much, but I can actually mentally give myself an orgasm. You know, sense memory is quite powerful." -- Lady Gaga

Yes, it is too much.  Too much BULLSHIT.  I thought about an orgasm for ten minutes and all that happened was a craving for nachos.

"What most people know about tantric sex is that Sting does it and it lasts eight hours. But he's not having sex continually. You can take a bath, massage your partner, listen to music. The idea is that you let the whole thing build very slowly until finally you merge with your partner. It works for me." -- Heather Graham

Oh yeah, Heather?  Then I've been having sex for TWELVE YEARS STRAIGHT.  Changing diapers at 2 AM is so partner merging.

"I mean, I have unbelievable orgasms alone. They’re always the best. They always end the way I want them to end."
"Rather than meet somebody new, I would rather go home and replay the amazing experiences I’ve already had."
-- John Mayer

Of course I masturbate to my exes on a daily basis.  Because it's healthier than a cocaine habit. But just barely.

"I think you like [sex] when you're, like, in your thirties. That's what someone told me. We'll see."  -- Paris Hilton

No wonder she looked so bored in her porno.  She was just waiting to turn thirty.


Anonymous said...

after age 50 and many years of a so so marriage, chocolate is better than any sex. It's always available, you can eat alone or in a group and your moment is your moment!! (sweet, semi sweet, white, dark, mocha) :)

Snowflake said...

don't forget

Peter said...

I can effect an orgasm in any woman, with a simple wave of my hand and the suggestion that she is, indeed, having one. Some old Jedi trick...

eric1313 said...

at least she was laying on her back ;)

Yes, I'm a dirty white boy for that remark...