It's FOOTBALL, You Overpaid Pampered Pussies!

I've been reading about several NFL players who are complaining that the field they'll have to play on tonight will be "unplayable" because it will be "hard as concrete." Some twit went so far as to tweet that the NFL is hypocritical for making them play under those conditions, while at the same time touting the importance of safety in its enforcement of rules against dangerous hits. What a bunch of pansy wuss girls!!! Can you imagine the players of yesteryear whining like these sissies? It's unbelievable.

From 1982 through 1997, my friends in Maryland and I participated in the Stoner Football League (SFL). Every football season during that 16-year stretch, we'd get as many people together as possible and play a game every week. Sometimes it was four on four; sometimes we had eleven on eleven with substitutes. More often than not we had to use SFL rules, because we didn't have enough players: that meant no rushes; you got first downs by completing two passes beyond the line of scrimmage. It more closely resembled passing drills in practice than an actual football game, but we did keep score, and there was hitting and tackling and attempts to avoid such.

We never wore helmets or pads or cups; we played in every kind of weather; we played no matter what condition the field was in. I remember games in 90 degree heat; I remember games with below 0 wind chill factors where the ground was rock solid; I remember games we played under blizzard conditions. Half-time festivities included a smoke break; it's not like we were athletic in any true sense of the word. We played for the fun and the thrill of it; fortunately nobody was ever "seriously" injured in this foolhardy endeavor. (The closest I can remember was when Roger Hunter and Creed combined on a punishing tackle on some hot dog named BB, who was perhaps the only SFL player ever who could pass for an athlete. He showed up several days later in a neck brace claiming, "I wrecked my truck...")

I guess if I have a point here it's that these athletes should be in such condition and shape that they can handle a game on a hard field. I suggest that all players whining about it should join a tiddlywinks league, where they can sit in a warm room in their Snuggies on La-Z-Boy recliners and eat quiche while sipping Chardonnay chilled just so--the soft, insouciant bitches...