Thursday, April 13, 2006


Dear Technology,
I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for the advent of the cell phone. Thanks to you I no longer have to waste precious brain space memorizing phone numbers. I was never really that good at it anyway, so I just made due by becoming friends with people who lived within walking distance of me. Luckily for me at this time the video game industry was just getting started so kids still played outside. Jr high school (as they called it in those days) was the most difficult time of my life because I was making friends with people who lived outside of my three corner existence. I had to start memorizing mass quantity of phone numbers so I could talk to friends like Danny for example, who used to call me adnauseum to discuss what kind of gum he should keep in his locker incase the girl of his dreams asked for a piece.

Life got infinitely better for me in high school however and no, not because the teachers had finally given up on me, that was just an added bonus! The reason hs got better for me was that I finally got my drivers license and I no longer had to memorize phone numbers. Now I could just say to a friend like Bob Sage for example, I will meet you at 7- eleven around 9:00 o'clock. This to say at the least was phenomenal . Now I could use those old brain cells fore more important things.

Health teachers taught us that every time a person used marijuana and alcohol it would kill a specific number of brain cells. That's is when the light bulb went off! I started getting uncontrollably excited at the prospect. I figured I must have had tens of thousands of brains cells I wasn't using anymore on phone number storage. It was like every time I took a drag off a joint I was simply erasing a phone number. Kind of like when you delete something from your computers recycle bin. It even has that same distinct, short, crackling sound.

It is now fifteen years later and I have encountered a serious dilemma. I work for one of those fortune 500 company's and now I have to memorize enless amounts of usernames, passwords and pin numbers. I have to change most of my passwords once a month at work. I also have a personal computer and a bank account. I think you are starting to get the picture. So now I am going to have to abstain from any activity that kills brain cells until technology comes up with an answer for usernames, Ids and pin numbers. But I know Technology will. Until then I will just have to use this to get me by.

Technology, grant me the serenity to accept the things you haven't invented yet.
The courage to learn the things that you have invented for my convenience and the wisdom to know that you will.

No comments: