Wednesday, April 12, 2006


Dear Mr Boyer,
After a long day of fishing or a hard night at the office I fine nothing more therapeutic than spending some quality time with my old friend Mike. I don't usually meddle in other peoples affairs but when I hear a voice crying out to me I have no choice but to do what I can for a friend, after all that is what Mike would have done. So tomorrow night when you get home from work I would like you to do as I do. Greet your dog. Take off your shoes. Put on your slippers and crawl in to your favorite recliner. Oh... I almost forgot to tell you to make sure to turn on your television and tune in to TV Land.

First TV will bring you a nice glass of Little House On The Praire. Perhaps a 1974 vintage. If they offer you a 1982 vintage kindly thank them but refuse it unless that is all that they have. Tell them you would prefer a 70's vintage. The 80's vintage happens to be a bit too syrupy. You will find this is an excellent way to relax and more importantly unwind. They say that Little House is very good for the blood. I think you will enjoy watching Laura grow up to become a beautiful and upstanding woman, under the love and guidance of her father Charles Ingles. After the hour is up you will find yourself in good spirits. But pace yourself Boyer! You don't want to consume to much Little House with out a little something in your stomach.

After an hour or 58 minutes or so, TV will bring out the orderves. Do not pass up on the Highway to Heaven. The tase is simply divine. You could say its to die for. Here you will be introduced to Jonathan Smith and his friend Mark Gordan(an ex cop and recovering alcoholic). They tour around the country helping people that might have lost their inspiration, for example. Also there is a secret about Jonathan but I don't want to spoil the surprise. I often find Highway Heaven to be a great source of material when I am having theological discussions with co workers who happen to attend the Southern Baptist Seminary. By now you should be feeling very nice, maybe you are even starting to feel a little inner peace. But the buck doesn't stop there Boyer.

Its time for the main course. A grand buffet of morality, adventure, romance and action. Of course im talking about Bonanza. Here we follow the adventures of the Cartwrights. There is Ben the father. Adam the scholar and oldest brother. Hoss the middle son, the "gentle giant." A man who I have never seen bested in a fight not even by Chad Fike or Dolph. And the youngest Cartwright Little Joe. Just as morally strong and every bit as formidable as the others. An interesting side note( all three of the Bens wives died of natural causes). What are the odds? In one episode you find Joe befriend a half white, half Indian man who is out to kill Ben(gulp). The Cartwrights always helped the week and helpless until either they put them back on the right path or they had to drill a whole with a bullet right between their eyes. Incidentally the Cartwrights seem to have been a great role model for the genxers. The three sons are all in their 30's and they all still live at home with pops. Don't be bashfull about helping yourself to seconds with the Cartwrights Boyer. There are exactly 430 helpings to be had. This treasure ran from 1959 to 1973. Not bad, pretty good.

In short I guess what I'm trying to say is don't give up on your dreams Mr. Boyer. Little Joe never did. Jonathan never will and although Charles never achieved his dreams he never gave up on them either. And neither should you. So get back on the horse and start writting as brilliantly as you ever did.

your friend,
ps. I never really understood what was ment by the expression, "watching TV is a waste of time".


Boyer Coe's Calves said...

Dear Cap'n Corkster, I read your blog to me about LHOP and also Bonanza. I have three graduate degrees and went to the Iowa Writers' Workshop to put a cherry on top. I should have watched the Walton's. Those Baldwin Sisters really had the right recipe. So anyway, I'm just writing to say that after you made me quit writing yesterday, you made me stop watching television today. That's because I don't get TV Land. So now all I have is waiting for your next installment which seems to come out about 4 am in the morning and after I clean the coffee off my pants I have nothing to do all day but wish I had watched more teevee. So, thanks alot. Boyer

Heather B. Armstrong said...

i am retiring from blogging, too. capt corky has run me from the business