Remembering the Barn Swallow

I have decided that i'm am going to start reclassifying human species from different parts of the country as birds.

Long before such companies like, UPS and Ford started out sourcing factories and hubs from the east and left coast, to places like Atlanta and Kentucky, places like Kentucky consisted of farms, deputies named Barny Fife, truck drivers and Barn Swallows.


A Barn Swallow is a common bird that indigenous to most parts of the country. It can fly up to 600 miles a day, when migrating and it primarily eats bugs. You can find the human counterpart for Barn Swallows in most of America as well, I think I have said this before in a previous post, the NJ Barn Swallow also goes by the name Guido, Virginia has the two breeds of this bird, The Marine and the Rural Barn Swallow, but today we will be focusing on the Kentucky Barn Swallow.

The KY Barn swallow, just like its flying counterpart also has a rustic orange neck. It is important to note that most Barn Swallows from Kentucky are barrel chested, have very thick necks and the varying sizes of their guts make their limbs appear to be disproportional to the rest of their bodies. The primary diet of this kentucky bird is beef, barley, oats and starch.

At times this beef swallowing, beer drinking barn bird is unjustifiably scrutinized for it's lack of higher education, it's hatred for all that is not Barn Swallow and it's allegiance to an army that lost the only war it ever fought. If your quiet enough you can actually see the Banner of Ignorance flying proudly over the Barn Swallows nest, especially on days like today.

Please don't confuse the American farmer for a Barn Swallow, at times they can appear to be the same creature but there is a world of diffrence. Oliver Wendall Douglas, the American farmer generally works 10 to 14 hours a day, year in and year out as apposed to the Barn Swallow who you can usually find sitting in a deer stand spitting on themselves waiting for their next meal ticket to walk on buy.

Now i would be lying to you, if i told you that i didn't like beef, beer or fishing. I admit that i have a bit of the Swallow in me. I'm even crazy about a Ford truck, emphasis on crazy if you ask my father, but i really don't have any intrest in hatered and ignorance anymore, that leads to the darkside, and i've been there and done that.