Tuesday, December 12, 2006


Last night my wife sent me out at 4:30 in the morning to get her some Rice Krispies. She hasn't dispatched me too many times so I really can't complain. Since my wife has become pregnant I've had to assume many rolls in the home that are traditionally associated with women like, the cleaning, the cooking, and changing the cat litter. Because I'm so excited that she's pregnant, I really haven't minded doing all this woman's work. It's been a bit challenging at times, but I'm getting quite good at cooking soup and making peanut butter and pickle sandwiches.

Time has really flown by and in three weeks we'll be in the second trimester. Thank god! From what I understand women can go back to work during the second trimester. Finally, our home will be clean again and I can start eating hot food for dinner. I have also decided to take home a hazmat safety outfit from work, so she'll even be able to clean the cat litter again! And of course I'll go back to doing what I do best, sitting on the couch, and directing her.

I've heard that during the third trimester women can become very uncomfortable because they get so big. This won't be a problem for me because I've already made arrangements with her mother, she'll be staying over there for the last three months. Meanwhile I'll be living the life of a bachelor again. I'll probably even have a poker night, and you can bet your sweat ass that I'll definitely be drunk and high for most of the last three months. Also, I'll be sure to start smoking again, probably as soon as I drop her pregnant ass off at my mother in laws house.

The last barrier that I'll need to cross is finding a private clinic to have this baby at. Hospitals are too fussy about certain things for my taste. My plan is to be smoking a cigar in the waiting room while my wife is having the baby. I hope she doesn't expect me to be in there with her, I mean I've already changed the cat litter at least three times since she became pregnant. I've done my part.

13 comments:

Lady K said...

What kind of insensitive bastard are you? LOL You crack me up. I know you don't mean all that. Right? ;-)

RockDog said...

Hey Cap'n! I like the hazmat idea...you'll also need some of those after the baby comes...they're messy little things!

Dan said...

You are the perfect role model of a husband. Peanut butter and pickle sandwiches. Stopped smoking. Stopped poker night. Stopped drinking. 4:30am trips to the grocery store.

ARE YOU NUTS???

But seriously, congratulations to you and your wife.

karma lennon said...

Oh dear, you're poor wife. ;) Congrats you two!

Your Name Here said...

LMAO. The worst thing is though there really are men out there like that.

Justin's Mom said...

Thanks for the laugh, Corky! I am impressed that you go to the grocery store at 4:30am. I recommend that Allyson try bananas with a PB sandwich - it might taste better than pickles.

Anonymous said...

I really think you have sacrificed enough and it is her turn to pull the weight around there!

lol

TheBirdman33

Anonymous said...

I should point out to everyone that at 4:30am he was still watching tv and making dinner, it isn't like when most husbands have to run to the store at 4am !!!

thebirdman33

captain corky said...

True, Birdman but sometime I go at 2:00 pm which to me is the middle of the night, only its the day time. What?

thebirdman33 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Hello Kitty Fanatics R Us said...

Oh my God! CONGRATULATIONS!!!

captain corky said...

Thanks everyone!

Anonymous said...

*LOL*

are you gonna get a tiny hazmat suit for the baby too?

~Pissy