Thursday, March 01, 2007

After School Special


Last night while I was eating dinner I started thinking about all the close calls I had as a kid. It's only natural to think about these kinds of things when there's only 4 months left until the big arrival. Spiderman 3 and Fantastic Four Rise of the Silver Surfer both come out before Corky Jr does and I really haven't given either of them a second thought. As a matter of fact I barely even care. Ok... that was a big fucking lie! Fantastic Four looks incredible, and the Spidey flicks obviously speak for themselves. But you know what I mean, I've got parenting and child on the brain 24/7.
On the way home from dinner I thought it would be fun to start telling my wife about some of my favorite childhood trauma stories.

Story # 1
The first one I thought about happened at a camp ground. I can't remember how old I was but it was a long time ago. I was fishing and using one of my father's antique lures (A flying mouse). I got it snagged up in a tree and I was afraid that he was going to have a shit fit, so I climbed up the tree to fetch it. When I got to the top of the tree I slipped and started falling. I was pretty high up and the only thing that saved me from getting seriously hurt were the branches that were breaking as I fell. The branches slowed me down enough to where I only got a couple of scratches. I got a major adrenalin rush from that experience and of course nobody was there to see it happen. If it happened today some creep would be in the tree next to me video tapping the whole thing.

Story #2
When I was a kid teachers used to keep students after school when they misbehaved or didn't get all of there work done. I spent a lot of time at school after school. Put it this way, sometimes I would get out so late that the crossing guard would already be gone. Yeah! A couple of times I had to cross the double yellow line by myself. As if that wasn't traumatic enough, one time while I was walking home some fucking freak tried to pick me up. He slowed down, opened his door and motioned for me to get in. I turned white and flipped out. I turned around and ran to my friend's house screaming all the way. After I got there my friend's mom called the police but I could barely remember anything about the guy or the car he was driving. The only thing I remember is that the guy had pointed glasses. It took me a long time after that to feel comfortable walking alone. Question: Are teachers still allowed to keep kids after school? Somehow I doubt it.

Story # 3

During Christmas break one year I went with the Y to see Batman, Robin, and Bugs Bunny on Ice in New York City. Maybe it was the Ice Capades or something. I can't remember. But I do remember getting lost. Yes, there are many events in my life that have been turned in to an after school special. Problem is I didn't get to star or watch any of them (see Story #2 to find out why). Anyway, somehow I got lost from the group. It must have been inside Madison Square Garden or Radio City Music Hall. All I know is that there were thousands of people and I didn't recognize any of them. Fortunately I had the good sense to go directly to a cop and tell him that I was lost. I didn't fuck around when the shit hit the fan when I was a kid. Thanks to the NYPD I was reunited me with my group rather quickly.
I think three stories is enough for the first day of March. Be careful out there today. There's always a ton of assholes out an about on the first day of the month.

27 comments:

RockDog said...

Did you get the lure back? What were you thinking fishing with an antique???

captain corky said...

Yeah I did as a matter of fact. I probably should have put that in the story.

furiousBall said...

My father in law collects antique lures. I had a creep slow down and offer to give me a ride home once too. I was lost in an electrified cornfield once and shocked the crap out of myself.

Metal Mark said...

When I was in seventh grade we had bus rooms at the end of the day. So according to what bus you rode you would be in a different room. Then they would call your bus on the PA and you would go to the bus. Well, there were maybe five kids in our bus room that wouldn't shut up and the teacher wouldn't let us go to our buses because these kids kept talking. So the busses left and the parents of 30 kids had to be called to come pick up their kids. Me and one of my friends had th joy of being driven home by a substitute teacher because our parents were not at home and couldn't come get us.

Jay said...

When I was in like 1st grade some people showed up at our school and tried to pick me and my sister up. One of the women in the office got suspicious and said she should call my dad to make sure somebody should be picking us up. The dudes turned and ran out of the building and drove away. Scary huh?

My dad was a lawyer and had a few enemies. All of them small timers though.

Yasamin said...

yack. you were a nutty little rapscallion. ;p i'm sure just like any little boy you gave your momma a couple of heart attackes.

The Lone Beader said...

You got lost at the ice capades. What a nightmare. Actually, just going to them must have been a nightmare on its own. LOL

Biddie said...

I'm late today, Corky. Bad night....
it's funny how many close calls we have as kids. They don't seem to freak us out much, until we grow up and realize just how close we actually came to buying it.
I was IN a car with a freak once. I was 15, and hitchhiking with my friend, Donny. Donny always sat in the front seat, to keep me away from any one that might have roving hands. Well this one guy had roving hands, but they were all over Donny. We screamed our asses off until he let us out of his car.
Freak.

Beefcake Almighty said...

Strange.
My most favorite story from my youth was when my dad's dentures fell out when he was yelling at my friend and me for spilling oil on the garage floor.

Twisted Cara Bear said...

I thought all the assholes came out on the LAST day of the month??

Either way, I was out and about yesterday and today...guess I'm an asshole.

You were a very cautious kid...I would have broken bones falling out of the tree, taken a joy ride with the creepy car guy right before he cut off my limbs, and would've thoroughly taken advantage of running around NYC lost and alone....

Alicia said...

Hey Cap'n... when are there NOT a lot of assholes out and about?

Heidi the Hick said...

Geez Corky, you have cheated death and fates worse than!!!

No wonder you are the Captain...

AuntJackie said...

So that was what was wrong with today--I forgot about assholes and the 1st of the month!!! Geesh... they compound totally! There are always alot of them, just worse on the 1st!

Corky, you just chill you're going to be great parents... Don't worry.

etain_lavena said...

gosh Capitan, thank goodness that cop found you other wise you would have now been the pointy glasses dudes slave;0)
I swore a dude when he pulled over to me and my friend....weird enough I also wrote about that today....r u teleptic radar on?
enjoy the weekend:)

Heidi on Vashon said...

Awwww, poor Corky! Getting lost is the worst of all, for the kid and the supervising adult.

So are you getting a harness for junior?

Steven Novak said...

Fantastic Four looks incredible?

What the hell are you smoking Cork?

Junior really has done a number on you. ;)

Steve~

slskenyon said...

I had one of those "freak trying to pick me up" experiences as a kid. Unfortunately, that "freak" turned out to be an undercover cop.

kat said...

Sotry Two is way too creepy to laugh at.

:(

Michael C said...

Wow, you know, being a kid isn't always so safe, is it?

Reverend Sumangali Tania Pink said...

I had the creepy car experience too. I think we just hear about these things more today but these creeps have been at it a long long time.

you will teach junior to be aware without living in fear. I know it.

xx
pinks

The Adult in Question said...

They aren't allowed to keep you for more than half an hour after school. They call it detention. I've only been there once and man was it traumatic.

TheBirdman33 said...

Sorry about offering you a ride back then, I didn't know it would affect you so deeply. My glasses are far less pointy and fit my face better these days.

Theresa said...

I'm sure Corky Jr. will come up with new and creative ways to enjoy all the adventures that life has to offer!
Glad you survived, Corky. Keep it up!

Pixie said...

Some traumatic stuff there Corky!
A friend and I got flashed once as we walked past the local park one time.It was so quick we never even saw the dick, just the pubic hair.We screamed and ran. Lol

Reverend Sumangali Tania Pink said...

hey corkster, you know i think here in London the assholes don't just have the 1st and the last day of the month reserved. Theres a lot of them every day. We just call them ARSE holes

how did junior do with the lunar eclipse? I hear babies experience the tidal (amniotic fluid) pull of the phases of the moon alot!
xx
pinks

darth hater said...

apparently the silver surfer has silver junk in some of the trailers: http://www.aintitcool.com/node/31303
interested in the corksters thoughts on the subject

etain_lavena said...

Hey capitan, hope you are well:)