Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Week 37

As of yesterday Allyson is officially Full Term! For those of you wet behind the ears that means that she's 37 weeks pregnant and basically ready to go. It seems like just yesterday I was cramming a wad of Copenhagen in between my bottom lip and gums when I got the call from Allyson (I was in NJ at the time visiting friends and family, while she was stuck in dreadful Louisville, Ky because she had to work).

I've changed so much since that initial phone call. I have a new sense of spirituality. I'm not sure when I started to change. Maybe it was the first time I heard the baby's heart beat or maybe it was when I saw the ultra sound, but it could have started way before that. Maybe I started to change when I decided to throw out my entire porn collection. I mean, what kind of DAD would I be if Corky Jr stumbled across Jane and 101 Dalmatians. I do admit to keeping my Jessica Hahn Playboy video though. She's kind of Spiritual too... Needless to say I've changed a lot of my not so suitable for fatherhood behavior since I found out we were having a kid, and I also feel like I have a new out look and perspective on life, all brought on from the love I have for someone I haven't quite exactly met yet.

Don't get me wrong, I'm still me, and I definitely love me some me, but I just feel like I have to be slightly more responsible now. That's all. Just slightly. Anyway, I have a few questions that I would like to ask you fine people since I am now a responsible adult.

1. How many people are in your household and how much money do you spend at the grocery store weekly? I need a benchmark.

2. Should I continue to spend 6 bucks a week on bottled water or should I get a Brita Filter?

3. Do you think I should pay for my Tater Mitts with a check or a credit card? $19.95 isn't bad for such a useful product!

I'll have plenty more questions in the future, but for today I think these three will do.


HoosierGirl5 said...

Dreadful Louisville, Kentucky? Come on, Cork, that wasn't nice....

#1 - There are 5 people in my household: 1 adult, 2 teenage boys, 1 teenage girl, and 1 7 yr. old. I spend a LOT of money on groceries. Easily $100 a week. But don't panic - you won't need groceries like that for a long, long time...Baby food and diapers are cheaper.

#2 - I say get the filter.

#3 - You do NOT need tater mitts. Put the credit card down slowly.

Congratulations to Allyson. I'm sure your baby will be beautiful.

Heart Of Darkness said...

1. Two people, barely any groceries

2. Invest. In the filter. Might save enough to make it worth your wile in no time

3. God invented credit card for the convenience of modern man - use it! ;)

Anxiously awaiting the rest of the Qs.

And ryc: I have no idea, but apparently not... *sigh*

Heather said...

Jessica is looking a little jaundiced in that pic. Not lacking in the boobage however.

As for your questions...

1. I easily spend $75-$100 a week on groceries for my family (hubby, 2 kids, 4 and 6 yrs old.) Juice bags are expensive. so is beer.

2. Bottled water. Hate annoying filter changing.

3. Step away from the mitts....although I am somewhat fascinated by the video on that site. And how can you go wrong with a free fry cutter thing?? Credit card.

abbagirl74 said...

Well, I am all over that grocery store question. I have a family of three and we spend roughly $250 a month. Break that down to about $60 a week. You will be spending more on formula, if Ash doesn't breast feed and diapers. That will take up half of your grocery bill, and it only gets worse after the baby gets older. My kid is now twelve and each year the bottomless pit gets bigger.

I love bottled water. I would rather do the Brita pitcher instead of the sink filter.

Lady K said...

I think it's great that you're changing. I wouldn't exactly call it "changing," as I would "morphing" into the dad you've always had inside. God, I'm a geek.

1. Just me, and I hardly spend money on groceries, unless I'm having dinner guests.

2. That Brita filter would ultimately end up paying for itself in the long run.

3. TATER MITTS??? Sign me UP! I wonder if they really work.

captain corky said...

Hoosiergirl5: I'm just kidding around about Kentucky J. It's not that dreadful. ;)

Thanks for the input.

Heart of Darkness. On what day did God create credit cards? I think they omitted that part in my comic book adaptation of the Holy Bible.

Heather: Great point about changing the filter. I don't think I can deal with that. Jessica has big hair in that pic too. ;)

Abbagirl74: $250 sounds really good. I would really be happy with that number.

Lady K: Did you see the incompetent lady in the beginning of the commercial that cuts her self with the potato peeler. That's some funny shit!

karma lennon said...

Wow-congrats on all the changes! Hmmmm...2 people in the house, barely any groceries (cause we eat out all the time)...go with the filter definitely and I have no idea about the tater mitts...although I am a bit fascinated with them.

Dan said...

Maybe I started to change when I decided to throw out my entire porn collection.

Now let's not go overboard here! Take a deep breath and let's discuss this like adults. Don't throw it away ... I'll be down after work to get it from you.

Bardouble29 said...

I am a bottled water person, but I read a report somewhere that the Britta filter is better than bottled water.

Good luck with that grocery bill...*snicker*

Do you REALLY need the mitts? The baby might need shoes, diapers, formula etc.

The [Cherry] Ride said...

Those mitts are sweet.
#1 - two people. About $120.

#2 - Brita. Better for the environment (less waste). And unless you live in a realy underdeveloped place (or Washington DC), tap water really is just as healthy or healthier.

#3 - Use the credit card and get them quicker - you need those Mitts!!

Biddie said...

We have 5 people in our house..19,16,&12 yr old girls. plus quite often we are feeding a teenage boy or two...Well, then there is Shawn and I...We spend about $150 a week on food, give or take, sometimes more. Don't kid yourself, girls can eat! We go to a discount grocery store, too, not one of those high end places where they bag your food for you.
We have a water filter, but I do buy small bottles of water from time to time also, for Jessie to take to school. The Brita is cheaper, and better for the environment..I even have reusable grocery bags!
Tater Mitts?! Where do I get some?

Blancodeviosa said...

Jessica Hahn spiritual? that's like saying Pat Roberts is spiritual. good try though

1- $300.00 or so. But i feed 4 people + a dozen random kids coming by

2-water filters still make the water taste like crap

3-how many potatoes you peel there hoss?

Aunt Jackie said...

It's just Me, Richie and the Dog and Cat... probably going to stay that way. I hope I don't regret not having kids... Who knows.

Funny slant on it all as usual Cork! :) I'm happy it's almost here for ya!

Jenny! said...

Hearing the heart beat for the first time is the most amazing minutes of you life! Well, then the birth too is like really amazing!

I buy 24 cases of water from Target brand and its like $5 bucks a week. But it's the only way that I will actually drink water, so for me it;s worth it.

There are two adults and one child in our house and we on average spend probably about $75.00 a week in groceries.

And, holy shit...why didn't you introduce me to the tater mit earlier! I want one! Badly!

I have a feeling your going to have a baby at 40 weeks and 4 days.

RockDog said...

Dan has a point...let's not get crazy throwing out porn!

Perhaps spending your free time carving a hidden access panel in the wall is a better idea...sheeeesh!

Throwing away porn...

That's not responcible at all!

Webmiztris said...

those tater mitts look pretty freakin cool if they actually work.

awww, so close, corky! are you going to become a daddy blogger? please say no! ;)

captain corky said...

Karma: Thanks! I can't blame you for being fascinated with the Tater Mitts. It's probably the most important invention since the wheel.

Dan: I leave them in a big box for you with a bow on top.

Bardouble29: The grocery bill is already a nightmare, and kid 1 is even out yet.

Cherry Ride: I used to live in DC. Now that you mention it the water was really disgusting there. New York water's the best. Delicious .

Biddie: Tater Mitts are God's greatest gift! Did you watch the commercial yet?

captain corky said...

Blancodeviosa: You know Jessica is hot and saint too.

I think we're going to stick with plastic water bottles.

Aunt Jackie: Thanks. Yep I can hardly stand it. ;)

Jenny: I just learned about the Tater Mitts a couple of days ago and now I'm completely smitten.

Target does have some really good deals.

Rockdog: Don't worry pal, I have a secret stash on the computer that no one will ever find, but that's just between us. ;)

Webmiztris: I'm too evil to become a Daddy blogger permanently , and I like to talk about drugs way too much, but I'll probably be a little soft for a couple of weeks. ;)

mjd said...

1. Two of us, heck if I know how much money we spend at the grocery. At this point in life, we are not watching pennies. Years ago, I clipped coupons and watched every penny that we spent.

2. Brita Filter, but we are lax in this area too. We buy little bottles of water. I take a few sips, leave the bottle sit partially emptied, and get a new bottle in a few hours.

3. Leave the Tater Mitts in the store and save your 20 dollars.

Congratulations, you will be rocking that new baby very soon.

Take care.

Alicia said...

Okay, here's my advice... coming from a former chef:

Shop the Farmer's Markets in the summer time. The quality of the produce is awesome... they're most likely chemical-free, and besides being less expensive, you're supporting your local farm communities.

We have a household of 4 (An almost 6 year old, a 3-1/2 year old, and me and Chris) and I spend about $100 a week because we do not eat out.
That does not include our tobacco or beer.
Of course, I have neighborhood kids coming in and eating everything, too... so I spend an extra $10 a week on popsicles and fruit snacks and juice boxes just for them.

Hope that helps.
Oh, and the Tater Mitt?

The Lone Beader said...

1. Just me: between $60-80/wk. I eat out a lot...

2. Stay with bottled water. The Brita water doesn't taste the same.

3. What the hell do you need a tater mitt for?? LOL. And, if you DO need it, I would say pay with a debit card. Works like a check, but with the conveniecs of a credit card:)

Hope this helps.

Pink said...

1. How many people are in your household and how much money do you spend at the grocery store weekly? I need a benchmark.

well just me. I spend 18 pounds a week on bubbly water...the rest of the time I eat out - caviar, lobster, whatever you can get at McKieD's

2. Should I continue to spend 6 bucks a week on bottled water or should I get a Brita Filter?

See the above. Add carbonation and you will be uber chic. If you cant afford a carbonation machine, get a straw and blow bubbles. Brita is ok..but certainly NOT tap water. Mais non! That would be uber unchic.

3. Do you think I should pay for my Tater Mitts with a check or a credit card? $19.95 isn't bad for such a useful product!

Use your american express platinum card. You get buyer protection and it will make the $450 monthly membership fee worthwhile.

over and out.

Fridaysweb said...

Save your porn, dude. Share it with Cletus as soon as you figure out he's rubbin' 'em off.

1. 4 in the house all the time, more when the kids beg for sleepovers. $300/week, but that includes 2 cartons of cigs.

2. The bottled water is fine. You may want to invest in one of those tap filters, though. If yall use formula, you won't have to boil the water if you use filtered water.

3. Credit card. It's just easier. Of course, a good .99­ veggie brush will do just as good, though. Except for the actual peeling part, but if you're too lazy to peel a potato, how will you EVER handle changing diapers?

Jay said...

Well, for groceries the best thing to do is start cutting out coupons. They can really save you lots. And maybe a Costco membership is in order. That way you can get a 25lb bag of chicken wings and always have some in when needed. They sell beer too, so it's like the perfect place on Earth.

Go with the filter. In the long run it's cheaper and you will always have fresh, clean water for Corky Jr.

You're gonna need to use the credit card on those mitts. That isn't something you get just one of. You probably should stock up on those to use as Christmas presents for the whole family!

Jenny! said...

Oh....myyyy...gawd! Target is like God's special gift for me! I love ittttt! I really want thos mits! Target does, on occasion, have really cute little boys clothes!

etain_lavena said...

hey Al capitan/....I am no way a responsible, and an adult....o no not me....but I like questions....
we are 3, we buy take out each day...but we bought veggies this week and apparently cause I am the girl I get to cook them....I dont earn money yet..well not real money anyway...thinking of becoming a striper soon, to support myself..
Then buy a filter, safe money for more beer...hey kids need to know about alcipops...hihih..kidding...
I think Jr Is very lucky to be coming into this world with a great dad like you.....Good luck to you and Allyson....I will think of you guys often....

Big Pissy said...

We hardly buy I can't help you there.

No to the tater mitt.

Yes to the britta.


kat said...

It pisses me off that the Tater Mitts guy is probably a fucking millionaire. I need a gimmick, godamnit.

Congrats on the full term status!

captain corky said...

MJD: Thanks for the advise but, I don't know if I can just say no to the Tater Mitts. They call to me. ;)

Alicia: That helps a lot. A 100 bucks a week sounds about right. I don't eat a whole lot of vegetables, but Allyson does, and hopefully Jr will too. So...Have you ordered your Tater Mitt? It works with carrots too. ;)

Beader: Allyson and I are recovering restaurant eater-outers. We used to eat out multiple times a day. And I don't think I can without the Tater Mitt. ;)

Pink: I drink lots of Golden Crown Sparkling Seltzer Water for 69 cents a liter. It's calorie Free, has very low sodium and is much more enjoyable than plain old boring water. Only the good stuff for Captain Corky. ;)

Fridaysweb: "but if you're too lazy to peel a potato, how will you EVER handle changing diapers?"

LOL I'm so fucked!!!

gawilli said...

Nix on the Tater Mitts - but if you must, they are cheaper at

We cook for two; four on Saturdays for about $75.00 a week.

Congratulations on your spiritual awakening...and just in time!

Willi and I really like Louisville. We come down two or three times a year to hear Tim Krekel play.

captain corky said...

Jay: You're on to something man! Everyone's getting a Tater Mitt and a picture of Corky Jr for Christmas this year.

Jenny: We've gotten some clothes from Target, but most are from Babies R Us.

Etain: That's a good point! If I buy a filter than I can use all that extra cash I save for beer. But I promise to drink no more than 12 daily! ;)

Big Pissy: But nothing screams, "I'm white trash" louder than the Tater Mitts do. ;)

Gawilli: I love poking fun at Louisville on the log, but it's not such a bad place. Kentucky is really pretty actually.

Kat: Thanks! Don't be to bent out of shape. We'll think of something...

Sunshine said...

1 - We spend about $600 a month on groceries. There's six of us and that factors in Zach who is "starving" all the time. I may have to buy a third refrigerator when all these kids are teenagers.

2 - I read something recently about bottled water (which I do drink, but I'm also a real savage and drink it OUT OF THE TAP too) being not as healthy necessarily....can't remember what it was, but the article was more favorable to filtering your own.

3 - I'm all about whacked out kitchen type 'em before you spend all the extra money you have on baby stuff.

whimsicalnbrainpan said...

I can't wait to see what else fatherhood is going to do to you.

1. Just me and I'd guess about $50 - $60 a week.

2. Go for the filter.

3. I'd say that one has to do with how well you pay off your credit card.

David said...

I'm still me, but I became a mercenary. No more Mr. Nice Guy, if another school district can pay me more...bye, bye!

1. 4 of us. 2 adults and 2 toddlers. We spend a buttload of money at the grocery store every week. With diapers...expect at least $120 a week.

2. What? You think you'll get fancy water? LOL! Get the filter while you can still afford it.

3. Credit Card...that way you get sky miles, or whatever, and then if you lose your house to the repo man you blame it all on the Tater Mitts!

Lady K said...

Is it time yet? Do you have your route to the hospital planned? Is there a bag packed?

LMAO, cork...I keep thinking of the scenes in "Father of the Bride 2" with Steve Martin. No offense!

I'm just excited for you, is all...

erika said...

the first two questions have been plenty answered...but the tater mitts should be owned no matter how you pay for them. it was wonderful to watch the infomercial and would really save you guys time in the kitchen and allow for your wonderful mashed potatoes more often...

Cazzie!!! said...

Ful term yayyy, I cannot WAIT!!

captain corky said...

Sunshine: I think the Mitts Scream out Corky! I knew you guys had to spend at least 500 bucks a month for that small militia you have out in Iowa. ;)

Whim: I actually have a pet name for my credit card. I call it wannabe. ;)

David: I hear that! Go where the getting good.

120 sounds realistic. Especially with cleaning supplies and what not.

captain corky said...

Lady K: The bags are packed and the route is planned. We're just waiting on the breast pump. Everything we set out to do when we found out we were going to have a baby, minus winning the lottery, is done. I appreciate your enthusiasm. :)

Erika: I think I'd like to wear them when I drink sometimes. There would just be something so satisfying about drinking a beer with those things on.

Cazzie: Thanks. We can't wait!!!

Heart Of Darkness said...

God invetned the credit card on the sixth day, and took the seventh day off, so he could go shopping.

Now I urge you to do the same.

No, I don't work for Visa, but the Visa people like me bundles anyway! :D

Crashdummie said...

”..since I am now a responsible adult.”

Bwahaaha. Wait, you weren’t being serious were you?

furiousBall said...

1. eleventy million dollars

2. filter

3. check, credit is evil

4. FYI.Jessica Hahn has boobies, two of them in fact.

The Adult in Question said...

Tater mitts are the craziest thing I have ever seen!

Jerrster said...

I bet Jessica Hahn looks older...but her boobs don't.

captain corky said...

Heart of Darkness: I can see why the Visa people like you so much: you advertise for them for free.
They love you!!!

Crashdummie: I don't think I'm ever being serious... Even when I'm being serious. Know what I mean?

Furiousball. Sometimes when my wife goes through my pants when she's doing the laundry she finds eleventy million dollars between the lint in my pockets.

The Adult in Question: Now you know what to get your boyfriend for Christmas.

Jerrster: I haven't heard from her in while, but I'm anxiously awaiting for her triumphant return.

Canadian flake said...

omg forgive me but laughing so hard at these comments I am almost choking. Wayyyyyyyy too funny. I look forward to hearing some of your funny baby stories. You sure have a way with As far as groceries go, for a gnome and 2 gremlins we spend about $120 a week..more if we decide to do some take out.. hang in there and get rest WILL need

coffee said...

Tater Mitts... why didn't I think of that?