Friday, July 13, 2007

X-Factor: Chapter 1


My son pissed on me today, and my mother and father and wife were all there to see it. Everybody got a good laugh out of it. It's nice to be laughing, because 5 days ago Allyson and I were doing a lot of crying...

I've had so many different emotions over the past week. I naively came to the hospital, last Thursday, wearing a Superman t-shirt. I called all my friends and family and everybody was really excited. But from the moment we got to the hospital everything went wrong.

First they couldn't register Allyson's contractions. It took 4 hours to admit her into the hospital. 4 hours of me promising her she would get an epidural for the pain... 3 different nurses telling us three different things. Erika (our good friend) and Allyson's mom joined us in the delivery room and both were a great deal of help.

The next thing we found out is that the baby's heartbeat was getting weaker when Allyson contracted instead of stronger (yes people, I'm now a fucking expert on child birth). Also, her contractions were way to weak on the Rictor scale so they gave her contraction enhancement formula. Allyson's cervix would never dilate past 4 centimetres. It's supposed to be 10. Like I said, I'm a fucking expert now.

Somewhere between the 9th and 12 hour Allyson grew a fever, and we were told that she had an infection. Allyson laying in her hospital bed asked me if everything was going to be ok. "Of course it is honey". I can lie to myself with the best of them, but I have to be honest, I was a little more than worried and not for the baby, but for Allyson.

Finally the doctor was called and she decided that a C-Section would be necessary. She came in and told us about the possible, but highly unlikely risks of a C-Section, like bleeding to death and blood transfusions etc. Then I was given full surgical garb and was instructed to wait outside while they prepared my wife for surgery.

All of a sudden I'm holding Allyson's hand behind a sheet and I can see her blood traveling in a tube to my right. Not fun. The doctor than says to me, "Get the camera ready Dad" and holds up a naked blue Corky Jr. And then a new doctor called a Neonatologist tells me that Corky Jr has a fever of 101.9 and is not being as responsive as he should be. Meanwhile my wife is sitting on the table gutted open. Luckily, I did not piss in my pants and somehow I kept my composure during all of this. Pretty impressive considering I panic sometimes when I have to order pizza.

To be continued...



51 comments:

Modern Mommy said...

scary moments my friend. My heart and prayers are with you both. Glad to hear that things have improved greatly! Cannot wait for more details and pics.

tinamomy said...

On the brighter side, a picture will be posted memoralizing the pissing event, with a batman cavaet. Stay tuned to this bat blog on this bat channel.
(smile)

Tod said...

OMG...I am so glad that you all came through safely.

Jenny! said...

Child birth is like the all encompasing movie...its scary, happy, comical, emotional...every emotion you can possible think of wrapped up into birth. I had an emergency C-section too...it is so scary when you are faced with going into it, but afterward...totally not bad! Glad everyone's doing good! My fiance wore a Superman shirt too...you guys are such big dorks! I love it!

The Lone Beader said...

Wow. Sounds like you DID have to be a super hero to get through it all...

Sunshine said...

Welcome to a very exclusive club. The one where you never thought you'd be so happy and scared in your life, all mixed up together.

And it's amazing, isn't it, how someone who will literally piss all over you, well, you'd lay down in front of a train for them. For no good reason other than, I guess, they're your child and that's all that matters.

He's a lucky guy already, to have a daddy who loves him as much as you do.

CRUSTYBEEF said...

Oh God do I know what your wife is going through.
Ha, funny about the peeing..I remember that first time with bigdogg when the hose sprayed him.
Just wait until you're wiping him and the nasty curry looking yellow stuff comes spraying out of his soft rear end. GOOD TIMES! But as you already know, I'm sure you'd much rather be pissed on again and again, than to have to go through the tears.
Take Care of everyone. Make sure mommy rests. She's going to need a lot of help-even if she's superwoman. :)
Always,
Crusty~

Nancy said...

ER C-section here too ... scary at the time but the joys that follow have a nice way of pushing those scary moments back into the abyss of the brain.

My sons first out of diaper experience was while being changed on the kitchen counter, just before a sink bath. Perfect aim, straight up and arched down into the toaster.

The adventures of Max will give you a plethora of blog fodder, father =)

Gina said...

Sometimes adversity will bring out a person's inner hero, and I'm glad you were able to be so strong for your wife.

I had a scheduled C-section, not because I needed to keep my pedicure appointment, but because they were afraid if my water broke, then the umbilical cord would slip out. So, they kinda went in a little early.

C-sections can be unnerving if you've never been in surgery before, I'm so sorry they sprang it on you guys like that.

Am I cursing myself by saying my son never peed on me?

Thinking of you all, and again, hoping perhaps they release everyone early?

gawilli said...

I'd say you are an expert. What a heart-wrenching story. I am so glad things are coming along nicely. My son did that the first day home from the hospital. Some days are just like that with kids! I am anxiously awaiting another picture!

Cheryl said...

I'm glad that you're showing us the other side of Corky. What a scare! Here you're in your Super Hero shirt, thinking all will be just as planned, and then you realize that you never know about LIFE. I'm anxious to hear part II of the story, and to see a new picture of Max sans medical stuff, in his super hero bedroom, safe and sound.

Jay said...

Pretty damn scary there my friend. Thank God everyone has come through it alright.

I agree with Cheryl. We need to get Max to his social club and start preparing him for the upcoming NFL season.

Tink said...

Oh no! That's awful, Cork. I'm so glad you're telling this story now, while we already know Allyson and the baby are fine. I had to be a C-Section baby too. The cord was wrapped around my neck. Each time my Mom had a contraction I would stop breathing. Scary shit. Why couldn't that myth about the storks have been true? When I was a kid I thought it was so easy. You put in an order at Babies R Us and they deliver you a kid a few months later. Easy Peasy.

Canadian flake said...

Glad to know everything turned out well but it sure sounds scary. My labours were both bad ones and now the kids drive me crazy to prove it..lmao. Congrats again.

erika said...

reading that made me tear up thinking back to it - only a week ago today. i'm so glad he's doing better and peeing everywhere and feel so lucky that you guys are letting me share all of this with you. so, thanks man.

whimsicalnbrainpan said...

Kudos for keeping your head and being so brave in such a scary situation. I hope the little one is doing better every second. He is in my prayers.

Alicia said...

Oh my gosh, Cap'n.
I'm so sorry that had to be your first experience with childbirth.
Poor Allyson... I hope she has healed nicely, and that beautiful baby Max is improving as well.
7 more days?
:)

Here's a trick: Convince the nurses that you have NO IDEA how to change diapers, and they'll have diaper duty for a whole week!
You'll have approximately 2000 diapers to change in the first year alone... so don't feel like you'll be missing out or anything.
:)

nikki said...

Man, what an emotional story! I'm glad we know the rest of the story ends with a cute baby!

captain corky said...

Modern Mommy: Thank you. Don't worry, I've got pictures of the pictures of Max. ;)

Tinamomy: I will post that pic somewhere towards the end of the story.

Tod: Thanks. Yeah, it's a pretty wild story.

Jenny: I know that I'm a really big dork. ;)

Beader: Unfortunately, we heroes seem to be a dime a dozen around here...

jAMiE said...

Glad your family is doing well and you have been christened...take care of your happy family Captain...the time will fly i'm sure.

eric313 said...

Captain Corky
this is one hell of a saga! Good deal on writing it out in funny and dramatic form.

Pizza is quite the serious issue!

Pink said...

Wow. What a stressful time. I'm glad things are looking up.

I'm also glad he peed on you. Thats how baby boys tell you they need a few more action figures.
xx
pinks

HoosierGirl5 said...

Hi Cork...
I had a feeling something wasn't right when you said you all were still at the hospital. I had an emergency C-section with my daughter (child #2).

I know all that was so scary and you probably couldn't breathe through most of it, but you're on the down hill side now.
Glad they're both doing better.
J.

PS. And yes, just having one baby will make you an expert on all that lingo. I've had 4 kids - I can talk the talk with the best of them! Hang in there.

her indoors said...

glad Max is progressing well, hope the wife is feeling better too. so he did got you with a pee eh wait for the rest cause sure as hell it will be coming!

Biddie said...

Impressive, indeed!
I had 3 C-sections, and I slept thru all of them. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids, big time, but this is major freaking surgery!
Mind you, 1st time around, I was only 18,and scared silly...
Hats off to Allyson!!! She rocks!
Also, kudos to Max for peeing on you.
So, just a couple more days and Jr can come home right?
Don't feel about the pizza thing. It kinda unnerves me, too.

The Artist formerly Known as Purpleworms (!) said...

OMD Captain C, what a wild trip! I'm so glad everyone (including you) is doing well after all that scariness! I love the picture of max in the earlier post!! can't wait to read the continuation!

captain corky said...

Crustybeef: Max pissed on the nurse last night. That's my boy! ;)

Nancy: I'm looking forward to each and every single adventure Max and I have together.

Gina: He has to finish his antibiotics, but things are looking great.

Gawilli: Plenty of pics and maybe even a video or two. ;)

Cheryl: We can't wait to get him home!

captain corky said...

Jay: Speaking of the NFL, Fantasy football is coming up...do you play?

Tink: This baby business is pretty scary and wonderful stuff.

Canadianflake: I have a feeling we'll all be driving each other crazy really soon. ;)

Erika: We couldn't have done this without you.

Whim: Thank you. I think I may have even said a prayer or two at one point.

captain corky said...

Alicia: Allyson is doing really well. Only 6 more days now. ;)

Nikki: The story gets crazier, but it does have a happy ending. :)

Jamie: Thank you. I hope this is just a baby thing and he's not developing a freaky fetish. ;)

Eric: I could probably devote an entire blog to my issues with pizza...

Pink: When all is said and done this could very well have over 1,000,000 action figures.

Hoosiergirl5: Thanks! Only 6 more days of hospital food. Yum.

captain corky said...

Her Indoors: Allyson is doing great. Thank you.

Biddie: Pizza is some very serious shit. ;)

Purpleworms: Thanks! I hope to write chapter two tonight or tomorrow.

captain corky said...

Her Indoors: Allyson is doing great. Thank you.

Biddie: Pizza is some very serious shit. ;)

Purpleworms: Thanks! I hope to write chapter two tonight or tomorrow.

furiousBall said...

I'll pee on you too if that makes you happy too.

Terri said...

Just wait'll you experience projective baby puke! My husband even got his in the mouth!

All three of my babies were early and thankfully only one was on the scary side. I remember those days and I sympathize with you and Alyson. Here's hoping future days are happy and bright for you all!

Big Pissy said...

Cork, I was so scared for y'all while I was reading that post. :(

So happy that everything has worked out for your beautiful Max and that sweet Allyson is doing well. :)

{{{hugs}}}

~Pissy

karma lennon said...

God, that's terrible. So glad everything turned out well for you guys. And it's amazing that you kept composure. I too panic easily-if I can't figure out what I want to eat at restaurants, it ends up being a travesty and a dilemma. ;)

Bardouble29 said...

HUGS to you and your beautiful family.

The three of you have been in my heart!!!

I am so happy things are getting better.

What A Crock said...

miracles my friend.

miracles happen for a reason :) you are one strong man. I know its scary... but remember... you're superman for a reason!!!

Heidi the Hick said...

So sorry your first baby's birth was so scary! MIne only gave me a scare because they were in such a hurry to get out...except for the first one who sort of got stuck on the way and had to be pulled out... you know what? They turn out okay despite any trauma when their born. We've all got a story and his will start at the very beginning!

I can't imagine how hard it is for men at a time like this. Most guys say they felt really powerless. NO wonder my ol man wasn't allowed in the delivery room back in the 70s.

Blessings to you and your family, Corky!

captain corky said...

Furiousball: Not into that fetish, but thanks for the offer.

Terri: The baby spit up on our friend Erika and he pissed on three people. So far so good. ;)

Pissy: Thank you. The story gets a little scary before it gets better.

Karma: Eating out can be so stressful. What chain to goto next. Decisions, decisions...

Bardouble29: Thank you very much. It's great to have friends like you guys!

captain corky said...

What a Crock: I think I just might start believing in things like miracles. It's hard to deny when you see your baby for the first time.

Heidi: If it were the 70's I would have handled this situation a lot easier. A carton of smokes probably would have done the trick. ;)

Webmiztris said...

wow, that is scary. I'm glad everything seems to be working itself out in the end though. :)

whimsicalnbrainpan said...

There is an award for you at my place.

mjd said...

Corky, Thank you for the update about sweet Max. This must have been a very frightening time. Under these circumstances saying, "everything is going to be okay," is courageous as well as difficult. After all of this, being peed on and laughing is a glorious event. Take care. I will stay tuned for the next installment of the The X-Factor.

Cazzie!!! said...

Welcome to the world of being a dad.... yayyyy, you are thereby christened DADDY CORKY!!!

Crashdummie said...

omg i'm getting totally freaked here. if I didnt know the fortunate outcome I'd have nightmares for years....

.. i'm so not getting a Crashy Jr!

Heart Of Darkness said...

Haha!

be glad you're not my uncle - my cousin, his nephew, crapped on him. He picked the toddler up, the toddler smiled widely, and then my uncle had skidmarks from the neck and all the way down... however that child had his pipes connected as he was pooping back to front... LOL

Lady K said...

remember when I said I wanted to live through this experience vicariously through you? Um...

I'm SO glad I know this story has a happy ending.

kat said...

You're scarceness as of late indicated that it's been a bit of a difficult road. Poor Alison! I'm so glad she is okay and that your little guy is okay, too.

Please continue what happened soon. I can't read blogs Thursdays through Sundays! And I need to know!!!!

And ha-ha about the pee-pee!

RockDog said...

Apparently, I'm Super Slacker Man...or you posted this alte on Friday...anyhoo...

I hope everyone is doing well now. :)

Jenny! said...

I love really big dorks!

MyUtopia said...

WOW! Miracles.