Friday, August 03, 2007

This Cold Sucks





I have a nagging little bitch of a cold. I've had it for three days now. I'm slightly ache. My nose has been slightly running during the day and stuffed at night and my stomach has been slightly upset. It's not like I have uncontrollable diarrhea, but I have had to go a few more times than I care to go in one day. As a result my asshole is slightly sore.

My main concern about this cold is that I don't want little Max to catch it. For Pete's Sake, he won't even be 4 weeks old until 10:37 AM today. I've considered staying out in my car until this freakin cold passes, but Allyson needs to sleep, and somebody has to take care of Max from 5:00 am until 12 or 1 in the afternoon. So the way I see it I have about 5 options:

1. DayQuil is a pretty good choice. I wouldn't use it if I had bad cold, but for a little shit cold like this it helps. It doesn't really do anything for my sore ass though.

2. I could smoke some pot... pot is great for aches, sinus pain, runny noses and facing life. But I don't have any right now. Plus, I don't need to hear that annoying voice in the back of my head that tells me it's fucked up to smoke pot. I blame the media and the educators for the paranoia that I experience when I've smoked weed, not pot.

3. Tylenol Cold and Flu is worthless! Tylenol is great for fevers and headaches, but they should really stay away from trying to help out with other symptoms.

Please Note: I've read that aspirin is good for heart attacks and every time that I have a panic attack I pop an aspirin or two. Calms me down. But I don't think I'll be taking any aspirin for a cold.

4: Since moving to Kentucky I don't really live in walking distance of any bars that I would frequent since I'm not a fucking biker. Biker bars ok if you're a biker, but I'm not a biker and the fact that I'm surrounded by biker bars in my neck of the woods is simply ridiculous! Anyway, this is the reason why I'm not drinking a couple of Irish Coffees right now. It's too much of a mess to make myself at home. But when I lived in DC and had the flu or a bad cold I would always hit the bar and have a couple of Irish Coffees and I always felt better. Always.

5. When I'm really sick, but not sick enough to need antibiotics I reach for Theraflu. It's the best of the best as far as I'm concerned. The only problem with it is that you have to heat it up and drink it like it's tea. Also, it's really nasty tasting. But it works. It really does.

Obviously I'm talking about cold medicines that I take when I need to be awake or want to be awake. I guess pot and booze would help if I wanted to go to sleep, but I'm on Dayquil right now so pot and booze are irrelevant. I also tend to drink tea and eat chicken soup when I'm sick, but tonight I had Pizza Hut. That can't have anything to with my upset stomach...

Have a great weekend everyone.

72 comments:

Guilty Secret said...

Aw Max is such a cutie! Hope you feel better soon.

nikki said...

Did you take the liquid dayquil? That stuff is NASTY. But, feel better soon.

The Lone Beader said...

Yea!!!! Smoke pot!! In my blue bus with Webmiztris! LOL.

Feel betta soon...

Spamboy said...

Alka Seltzer cold medicine. Tastes like ass, but does the trick.

Motor City Monk said...

If you have any diaper rash cream or ointment laying around, it really does wonders for chafed ass. Go ahead and use Max's stuff, I'm sure he won't care.

captain corky said...

Guilty Secret: Thanks for coming by and welcome to the log.

Nikki: It is nasty, but that's part of what makes me feel like it works.

Beader: I wish I could. ;)

Spamboy: Good point. I went through an alka Seltzer phase and should have talked covered it.

Monk: Not a bad idea. I use A and D ointment sometimes when I get back from walking/running at the gym. It's been a while though. A long while.

karma lennon said...

Sorry you're not feeling well! Take the Dayquil during the day and pot at night and I'm sure you'll be 100% soon!

Melissa said...

Feel better soon and try not to give Max any cooties! :-)

etain_lavena said...

hahahahhaha...Al Capitan, get some bum cream from the baby it will work...hahahhaha....its for bums so logicly it will work...geez...dont be a pthead man....;)
hope you feel better soon, enjoy the weekend.
HUGZ

Sunshine said...

Smoke the pot....just because.
Then, get some Claritin-D and it will clear your head and that shit does NOT let you sleep, so beware when you take it. It is an OTC med, but I think they keep it behind so you have to ask for it, at least here they do because it has some ingredient kids get whacked on or whatever. But, it's a miracle, you are VERY alert and your head is clear in under an hour.

Lady K said...

SMP! SMP!

Feel better soon, cork. Those little bitches of colds are the worst.

leslie said...

My old time, general practitioner used to say, about colds, "You can take something for it, and it will go away in 2 weeks, or you can NOT take anything, and you will be over it in a fortnight."
Getting your colds is what makes babies have strong anti-bodies...so when the alien invaders from other planets get near him, in the future, he can ward off the evil forces...

captain corky said...

Karma: Sadly I have no pot so I guess it's going to have to be Nyquil and night and Dayquil during the day. ;)

Melissa: Thanks. I thought about wearing a bandanna around my the house, but I don't want to scare him.

Etain: Even thought I have a little bit of a cold I'm off from work. That always kicks ass! You have a great weekend too.

Sunshine: That's a pretty good motto. I'll have to try that Claritin-D sometime.

Lady K: It's not real fun. The cold's pretty fucking annoying actually.

Peggy said...

I can work through a nasty head cold if I've got DayNurse which is the same sort of I'm-going-to-make-you-feel-better orange that DayQuil is. Just remember to wash your hands before you touch Max. He should be okay as he is still getting loads of antibodies from his mother. Babies are VERY durable.

madame x said...

Oh man...that punked out feeling is the worst isn't it.... no wait taking Dayquil is the worst...unless it's taking NyQuil..now, THAT is some nasty tasting s#^t.

take it easy

Queen of Dysfunction said...

It's only fucked up to smoke pot if you don't share with your kid by blowing the smoke in his face.

Gina said...

Hubba-hubba swears by having a big, huge hamburger when he is sick. He seems to think that it works.

I also like to call him "witch doctor" for the crazy remedies he comes up with.

captain corky said...

Leslie: Thanks for the advise. I'm always up for parenting tips.

Peggy: I'm pretty obsessive when It comes to sterilizing my hands before I touch Max. It's the hospitals fault. ;)

Madame X: It's all nasty and makes me feel really weird, but not weird like I like my weird.

Queen: LOL! Sure beats playing Mozart for the little tyke.

Gina: I'm going to have to try the witch doctor's remedie for dinner. ;)

Christie said...

Ah, Corky! You got my cold. Dayquil always makes me loopy and feel slightly drunk. When I was sick and my kids were babies, I just tried not to kiss them (I know it's hard not to) and washed my hands constantly. There's not much else you can do. And I highly suggest not eating Pizza Hut, that can't be good for your poor bunghole!

Nonny said...

This post was only slightly disgusting, thanks for the 411 on your asshole.

Tylenol is shit, it's worthless, I wouldn't give it to my fucking dog. It has never cured my headache, now Excedrin in the shit, for headaches, not colds. I usually take Pot for a cold myself. Don't believe the hype, pot is all natural. That little "above the influence" dog can bite me.

Tod said...

I recommend:

1. sticking twists of tissue up your nose.
2. deep heat spray for your aching body.
3. a big fluffy cushion for your sore arse.

Whatever you do though don't mix the remedies up with the orifices.

Nancy said...

Sure it's not allergies? Get some Claritin-D and roll a doob ... you will feel much better!

Oh yeah, no smoke around that adorable baby! Git-chor-azz out in the garage like a good pot-head!

Aunt Jackie said...

Sick Sucks!! Feel better soon, and surely don't infect Max!

BTW: Lovely shot of the cat and Max looking at apparently the same thing!!! Sweet!

Jay said...

You could always take Beandryl too. Of course that stuff makes me feel really drowsy. And at bedtime just throw back a couple of shots of Scotch and then one shot of NyQuil. Works every time.

captain corky said...

Christie: Dayquil makes me feel a little loopy too. I think I'm ok now though.. It's almost time for bed.

Nonny: Tylenol is highly overrated. Pot is completely underrated. ;)

Tod: Got it, no deep heat spray up my ass.

Nancy: It could be, but It's probably a little head cold. Don't worry no smoking or dipping around the kid.

Aunt Jackie: I think they were both looking at me, because I'm really cool.

Jay: Might have to take a couple of shots and then take some Nyquil. That would certainly knock me on my ass.

Burfica said...

followed you over from Canadian Flakes blog. Hope you don't mind.

When I have a cold like that, I still take my reg allergy meds, dayquil pills, in between those doses I take a sinus pill, and I do theraflu religiously I do almost overdose that way, but hell I'll either feel better, or not care how I feel anymore. Lmao

fell better soon.

Cindy-Lou said...

At least everything is only slightly off...

her indoors said...

poor you, hate colds, how about some hot toddies, rum with hot water lemon an sugar, dont do nowt but its real nice to drink!
hope you are better real soon and Max don't catch it

HoosierGirl5 said...

First of all, Max is getting more adorable every day. I love the picture of the cat sitting by him.

Second, I hope you feel better. I swear by Advil Cold and Sinus. Works every time. Of course, the alcohol will make you feel better, but you won't be able to function for awhile.

Hang in there.
J.

Heart Of Darkness said...

"It's not like I have uncontrollable diarrhea..."

So, it's the controlled kind? :D

captain corky said...

Bufica: Thanks for stopping by and welcome to the log. I was bit worried early this morning when I took Pepto Bismol along with Dayquil. I kind of felt like I was making a bomb or something.

Cindy-lou: Including me. ;)

Her Indoors. A hot toddie sounds yummy. I hope I feel better too.

Hoosiegirl5: I've never tried Advil Cold and Sinus. Advil is pretty good for headaches. I'll have to try it out.

Heart: Very good point. ;)

CRUSTYBEEF said...

I hope you're feeling better!
If for somereason you do get the little guy sick, look at it this way, It's one less cold he'll have in his lifetime..and it will ultimately help him improve his own immune system by giving it something to fight off.
When my first born was 5weeks old, he caught croup from a child at his daycare..and that turned into pnumonia (sp??) it was awful, but I maintained that, "one less cold mindset and it helped to offset the parental guilt factors. :)

POT? get it, do it..and if all else fails, just dress yourself up like an elderly person that has extreme nausia (damn it, sp again!!) and you'll have a nice perscription for some herbs. Just wait until 420 to smoke it.

Hope you feel better!
Always,
Crusty~

Jerrster said...

Theraflu.....the wonder drug....besides French Champagne.

cheers...hope you're feeling better soon.

Ashley said...

Sucks to be sick on the weekend. Hope you are feeling better soon. I find a good, sappy movie really clears me up from all of the crying.

Alekx said...

Followed your link from Flakes and Burficas blog. If you mind, I can't help that. :-)

Tequilla!!!!! It may not cure a the cold but you sure won't give a shit for a few hours. Be careful with it though or the tequilla monsters in the morning will be worse then the cold.

Debbie said...

If you really want to prevent little Max from catching your cold, you must constantly wash your hands.

Feel better!

Sarah said...

I have always liked honney lemon tea with a coughdrop dissolved in it. Happened by accident once but I love it. Probably not as much fun as pot though.

Big Pissy said...

Man, nothing worse than "butt burn"!

Ouch!

Feel better soon, Cork!

p.s. I love Max!

mjd said...

Oh, I am sorry that you are ill. When feeling ill, I drink immunity drinks, take throat lozenges with Echinacaea, and/or Cold-eeze. Admittedly, these are probably not curative, but the power of suggestion is healing for me. I hope that you feel better soon.

dr sardonicus said...

Dude, you're in Kentucky. One thing about the South, only bikers and other assorted lowlifes go to bars. Everybody else says they're going to church, as they sneak their brown bags through the back door.

BTW, Kentucky is the #2 pot-growing state in America. Only California grows more weed than Kentucky.

RockDog said...

You do realize that this is Anal Sex Month...could explain the sniffles...

jAMiE said...

Oh i hope Max doesn't catch your cold...i hope i don't either..(i'll be washing my hands when i leave)...feel better soon Captain...we need you in good health!

ps...enjoy your weekend too!

Cazzie!!! said...

2 of my babies have it t is just awful isn't it..take care

captain corky said...

Crustybeef: I feel a lot better today. If I had some I would smoke at 4:20, 4:22, 4:25 and so on etc. ;

Jerrster: I'm feeling a lot better today. Never took any champagne for a cold. I'll have to look into that.

Ashley: I only cry once every 10 years and I used up all my crying 4 weeks ago. ;)

Alekx: New friends are always welcomed here at the log! Tequila is one drink that Captain Corky should probably stay away from. Just ask my wife. ;)

Debbie: Thanks. Since coming home from the hospital I keep hand sanitizer in every room. I'm only slightly compulsive. ;) Good to hear from you!

captain corky said...

Sarah: I like tea with lemon in it too and I make everyone I know drink it when they're sick. Me? I eat Pizza Hut. ;)

Big Pissy: But burn isn't fun at all. Luckily I feel much better in that department too. ;)

MJD: I usually drink a lot of tea when I'm really sick, but this time I guess I wasn't feeling bad enough. For the most part I'm much better today.

Dr Sardonicus: Why do you think I love it here so much? And I need to find me a good church. ;)

Rockdog: I never got the text message...

captain corky said...

Jamie: I don't think Max is going to catch it. He seems like a pretty resilient little guy. He did spit up on his shirt tonight though. Took me three wipes to clean up.

Cazzie: Sorry to hear that, but I know they're in good hands with you. :)

Metal Mark said...

That's a good picture of the cat. Oh, wait there's a baby in there too.

The Artist formerly Known as Purpleworms (!) said...

Love your new look. From JT to TJ/ Just don't go putting up any pictures of Denny Crane any time soon! Summer colds are miserable - sorry you caught one. Take it easy and ebjoy whatever remedies seem appropriate!

Debs said...

I hope you feel better soon.

gawilli said...

Yeah! What Tod said! And I didn't know Ky was the #2 pot growing state. Huh.

4 weeks old at 10:37 a.m. That's pretty cool that you think of that. Hope you feel better. I agree that babies are pretty resilient. Within reason anyway.

Palm Springs Savant said...

although I hate the taste of Nyquil/Dayquil, it does work. To fight colds, I swear by ColdEeze and a Jamba Juice "Coldbuster"

dilling said...

here in Canada, we have Cold FX...it doesn't work for everybody(like my poor guy), but if it DOES work for you(like me,yay), it is a godsend...

Jenny! said...

Don't worry about your cold...what are you doing to make your assshole feel better? I have heard that rubbing a mixture of hot sauce and jalapenos on your asshole helps to soothe!

Actually...spicy foods are good for clearing the sinuses!

I hope you feel better soon...I would gladly smoke up with you!

neroli said...

Dear Captain, may I please not only offer to you my Best Wishes on your speedy recovery, but extend to you a Commendation from All Mothers Everywhere for volunteering to cover a dedicated block of time so that Allyson may sleep...even with all of your bodily afflictions.
And you like Rothko.
Worth two gold stars in my book!

Enemy of the Republic said...

A shot of whiskey, preferably bourbon, with honey in some tea--Earl Grey hot. You will be right as rain. But not for the baby! And my son never got anything from kid's medicine unless it were a prescription.

captain corky said...

Metal Mark: Poor Fonzie is the most neglected member of our family these days.

Purpleworms. Don't worry, NO Denny Crane anytime soon.

Debs: Thanks!

Gawilli: We love our pot out here. Just please don't tell anyone. ;)

Palm Springs Savant: I should just pop the pills, but all I had was the liquid. Tastes like shit, but like you said, it works.

captain corky said...

Dilling: I'm feeling much better today, thankfully.

Jenny: My ass feels a lot better today. Hope you're having a good weekend!

Neroli: Thanks! I actually really like taking care of him. I love feeding him.

Enemy: I'm feeling much better and as a result I'm drinking some red wine. It's good for my heart. ;)

Chucky said...

Hope you're feelin' better sir!

Pixie said...

Hope you feel better soon Corky.

Heart Of Darkness said...

Good point, yes, but how about a good answer to go with it? I so need to know that about you! LOL

Biddie said...

None of that crap works for me...I'm down with a cold or some flu like shit now, too, but I don't have a baby to take care of.
I hope you're feeling better. Hugs for Max.

kat said...

You should try anal ease for your butt issue. I don't have first hand experience with the stuff but I'm guessing that if it helps things going in it has to help things going out, too.

Hmm... I've gone too far again haven't I?

kat said...

Um I just re-read my comment and I want to make it clear that I have never used anal ease or ever done anything that would make me need to use it.

Just wanted to clear that up.

Canadian flake said...

Hang in there,hope you feel better soon. I hate catching colds because I am allergic to decongestants so there isn't anything I can really take. I just have to suck it up and let it have it's way with me. That can be fun where sex is concerned...not so much when it is a cold..lmao.

TheBirdman33 said...

You will never fully understand how frustrating I find it that you can write, " I stubbed my toe today, it hurts"

And you immediately have 55 comments. I find that infuriating!
lol

Webmiztris said...

lol, pot always does it for me. no matter what the ail is, I feel better after smoking a bowl! the anti-drug ads don't phase me a bit because I KNOW how well it works! :) when they gonna legalize that shit anyway??? LOL

Keshi said...

LOL @pot!

I just recovered from the flu...it's lethal to my ooomphness...thank God its over!

I hope get better soon Captain. And that baby is a cutie pie!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

**I hope YOU get better

:)Keshi.

eric313 said...

Careful around the kid with that cold! I bet you've already heard that one a million times this weekend before just now.

Never give the baby NyQuil, no matter how much you think it's begging for it.

captain corky said...

Chucky: Thanks pal. I am.

Pixie: Thanks. I feel good today.

Heart: I'm way too modest to talk about that kind of stuff. ;)

Biddie: Not even pot? I hope you feel better!

Kat: You're a virgin, aren't you? ;)

captain corky said...

Canadian Flake: I really hate being sick, but I feel much better today. Today anything is possible! ;)

Birdman: Spend less time on Craig's list, and more time making new friends and your comments will skyrocket. Don't share this secret with anybody!!!

Webmiztris: Hopefully in our lifetime. I don't know if anything is more absurd than a plant being illegal.

Keshi: I'm doing good today, and thanks!!!

Eric:313 If he's anything like his dad he'll sneak it when I'm not looking. ;)

TheBirdman33 said...

I've always thought it was amazing that you have a protocol for your sick meds. I usually just drink extra orange juice, stock up on vitamin C and try to get adjusted by the chiropractor more than usual