Wednesday, October 24, 2007

What about me God?


Dear God,

How come you like Tom Brady better than me? Tom Brady has won 3 Super Bowls, has millions of dollars, dates Super Models, and is perfect in almost every way. I on the on the other hand, have never even played high school football, have less than millions of dollars, only dated a hand full of girls most of whom I met in taverns at 3:00 o'clock in the morning or at lock-ins that the Birdman dragged me to back in the early 90's (my perfect wife excluded of course) and clearly I am not perfect. But again I ask, why is Tom Brady > than me?

I realize that at times in my life I've batted under 500 when it comes to obeying The 10 Commandments, but I find it hard to believe that Tom Brady never coveted his neighbours wife when he was young and dumb. Oh wait... Tom Brady's perfect and he's your favorite son. It wouldn't surprise me in the slightest to find out that you like Tom even better than you like Jesus. In the great pecking order for all eternity it goes: Tom Brady, Jesus, Corky.

I apologize for venting my frustrations to you in this manner, and I realize that you're very busy what with the End Times coming very soon and what not, but I just thought I would be honest and share my feelings with you. I feel much better now.

59 comments:

her indoors said...

i like you more than Tom Brady :-)

Nancy said...

I bet God's order is more like Jesus, Corky, then Tom .... proof is in the family .... look at Allison and Max VS Bridget & OOPS!

Melissa said...

Tom Brady doesnt have the cutest baby Max ever like you do, so clearly you are higher on the pecking order....

leslie said...

This is fishing for props for Max if I ever saw it. Here you go...
You have the cutest baby in the world. Cuter than Tom.

Heather said...

Does it count as a strike against him that he's on Bill Bellicheat's team? Cheater, cheater, pumpkin eater.

Does that help?

And Max is waaayyy cuter.

Jay said...

Last year I promised God that if he let the Colts beat the Pats and win the Super Bowl I wouldn't complain anymore about the way the sports media slobbers all over Tom Brady. I had no idea that God would then send Randy Moss and Wes Welker to the Patriots for late round draft picks like that.

I have to look back and see if I promised not to complain forever, or just for a while. Man, that God has a funny sense of humor.

captain corky said...

Her Indoors: Thanks! You have impeccable taste.

Nancy: One thing I know for sure is that Max is definitely much cuter than OOPS. ;)

Melissa: Thanks! He's doing all sorts of amazing tricks now. Like Giggling, rolling over and holding his hands together.

Leslie: Me fish for comments? Never. I always come right out and ask for them. ;)

Heather: It does a little, but next week when the Colts beat the Patsies I'll be extremely happy.

captain corky said...

Jay: One time when I was wrapped around a toilet bowl I promised God that if I got through the night I would never drink again...

I guess I owe him an apology for that one too. ;)

Go Colts!!!

karma lennon said...

Lol. That is an amazing vent. I like you better than Tom Brady though. Mainly cause I don't know anything about him other than he left that one girl for the supermodel while she was pregnant. So yeah, you're way cooler in my book!

Crashdummie said...

I wouldn’t bet on that – I have never heard of Tom Brady, but I have heard of you corky…and since we all know the Higher Powers adore mean, it means you are definitely > Tom Brady!

Guilty Secret said...

What?! The end is nigh?!

Look busy, everyone!

Lady K said...

cork ~ who needs to win superbowls? Tom Brady will fade away like dust in the wind, but you'll ALWAYS be a winner.

Sunshine said...

Yeah, but Tom Brady isn't as funny. And I bet Max is way cuter than his kid. You've got it where it counts, Cork.

Metal Mark said...

Well, ummm, you don't have to wear that ugly helmet almost every Sunday and sometimes Monday nights.

Gledwood said...

I hate it when the rich and famous moan about all their money. Well send me some of that fucking cash you twerp!

furiousBall said...

Tom Brady's blog is filled with stories about the difficulty of being rich and talented. Whereas your blog is funny and about your great family. Corky's blog wins easily.

Bonnie Blue said...

Ok, so Tom's kinda hot but what else does he really have? lol His son doesn't even have his name and that whole thing with Bridgette is a mess...so yeah...you have it better than him. Also....every time you fuck up, it's not recorded for all th e world to see. ;) See, lemonade out of lemons....always.

fiwa said...

Nah, he loves you more. You got Max, the cutest baby ever born. He's just throwing Tom the rest as a bone to make up for it.

jAMiE said...

Tom Brady......who is Tom Brady? It's you all the way in my book!

dilling said...

Who is Tom Brady? I never really liked the Brady Bunch anyway...except for Tiger and he couldn't help that he was a Brady. I like you so much more. You are much more perfect than any ole Brady...
However, if we're talking about the Waltons.....

Princess Pointful said...

You are a way better daddy than Tom Brady!
(for reals... read the tabloids and compare it to your doting self)

Gina said...

No no, it goes Tom Brady, Gina, then Corky. Sorry, you gotta wait your turn, dude.

qofd said...

Hey, when God gets back to you can you ask him when he's going to help me win the Lotto? Just curious. Thanks!

Aunt Jackie said...

Corky,

I think he did a way better job on you than Tom Brady, and I agree much better Dad too! Who cares about his money? You got all the wit, charm and intelligence. ;)

Burfica said...

you sure you're all the way up there in 3rd cork??? Wouldn't max come before ya?? hehehehehe

Ms. Tuesday said...

brady smrady... he's a scum bag and you are not. well not anymore so far as i can tell. you'll come out on top at the final judgement.

mjd said...

I like you better than Tom Brady. In fact, I have been missing you. Your last post was on Saturday, and you have not visited my not-so-interesting blog in the last few days. But, maybe you have been anguishing over this supposed Tom Brady idolatry, that and the End of Times.

HoosierGirl5 said...

I like you more than Tom Brady, too...but where are the pictures of Max? You're depriving me.

J.

The Lone Beader said...

I would like Tom Brady much better if he just didn't talk...

Biddie said...

Tom Brady? WTF? You have Allyson and Max. PLEASE, you have it all :)

Enemy of the Republic said...

I got a secret: TOM BRADY SOLD HIS SOUL TO THE DEVIL! God can't stand him. He'll get his later. It's just too bad that we have to endure his good fortune in this lifetime.

Keshi said...

LOL!

**dates Super Models

wud u like to date bitchy super models who cud dump u at the drop of a hat? :)

Keshi.

neroli said...

Captain, I've never liked Tom Brady. Since I've met you, I've liked him even less ;)
Today was BG's birthday. We were watching Star Trek in syndication at 6 Am as is our before-school ritual. BG said he's a big fan of yours.
SO there.

kat said...

"why is Tom Brady > than me" is one of the funniest things I have ever seen written on a blog.

I am laughing so hard at that. Oooh - it's too good.

Casdok said...

Apology accepted!

Tod said...

Never heard of Tom Brady. What's he holding? Is it a box of biscuits. I like biscuits. I bet biscuits are top of God's list too.

eric1313 said...

He lucked out to be drafted by a good team. Yeah, he's better than Bledsoe, at least for the Patriots he is.

Yeah he dates supermodels.

So does freakin' Jeff Garcia.

You aren't jealous of him are you?

Well, maybe a little...

Put Brady on the Lion, and he's a go nowhere headcase who they make retire at twenty six.

captain corky said...

Karma: Thanks! I like you 1,000,000 times better than I like Tom. Actually I hate Tom so I just like you period.

Crashie: You come from the same school of math that I do. I like that. ;)

Guilty: LOL!

Lady K: Exactly. When all is said and done I'll be much bigger than Brady.

Sunshine: Thanks. You always know when to say the right things Sonia. :)

captain corky said...

Metal Mark: Excellent points!

Gledwood: Exactly. I hate when they moan about anything. Why do I have to hear that shit.

Furiousball: LOL! The trials and tribulations of being filthy rich and talented most be really boring stuff.

Bonnie Blue: "every time you fuck up, it's not recorded for all th e world to see. ;)"

Thank God Bonnie! LOL

Fiwa: Very true Fiwa. ;)

captain corky said...

Jamie: He's just some nobody. LOL

Dilling: LOL! I could never compare to that damn John Boy.

Princess: Yeah, but he can throw a football farther. LOL

Gina: That goes without saying. ;)

QofD: LOL If I do would cut me in for a 100 bucks?

captain corky said...

Aunt Jackie: And don't forget good looks too. I know... I'm really humble too. ;)

Burfica: Max always comes before me. I can't compare at all to Max.

Tuesday: I try my best not to be a scum bag these days. ;)

MJD: I really haven't given the End of Times too much though. I'm too self absorbed for that. ;)

Hoosiergirl5: I'm working on getting a new video up very soon. ;)

captain corky said...

Beader: LOL You guys doing pretty good in all sports up there right now.

Biddie: Your comment make me want to click my heels three times and say, "There's no place like home." ;)

Enemy: He must have! Nobody is that lucky... except Tom Brady. LOL

Keshi: No. Plus, I love to eat and it would annoy me if they sat there and watched the whole time.

Neroli: I learn something new every time I watch an episode of Star Trek Neroli. It's my Bible. ;) Happy Birthday to BG!

captain corky said...

Kat: I'm glad you liked that. I've been dying to use it for a while now. ;)

Casdok: Thank you Mam. Can I have a cookie? ;)

Tod: I don't know about God, but they love biscuits here in Kentucky.

Eric: No, but Jeff Garcia is one of my fantasy QB's and I love Jeff Garcia sound bites. "I didn't feel real crisip." LOL

True, if Brady were a Lion he probably would have blown his head off by now.

CRUSTYBEEF said...

yeah, I think you're much cooler and nicer than Tom Brady..plus, you were apart of your child's birth whereas he was excluded.

Sucks for him with all that money he can't go back now.

I'm hiring you as my blogging bodyguard with all of your superpowers and all to help ward off the disgruntled folks that are beginning to pop over in CB land..from that post on Tubal Ligations How Will I know?
So, how much do you charge to be an online Capt blogging guard?
I won't require that you carry my children as Britney Spears does..
I'm easy going and won't give you grief for not being a Cubs fan. :)
Always,
Crusty

whimsicalnbrainpan said...

I like you more than Brady (who I think might be the Anti-Christ BTW).

Cindy-Lou said...

He's got perfect teeth.

If I can steal a chair from Taco Bell, you can steal a bird picture from a restaurant.

Rum makes me soooo happy, but leaves me with a headache the next day.

I missed you. sniff.

Big Pissy said...

All that really matters is that you feel much better now.

p.s. We need a new picture of Max! Thank you. :)

scarlett said...

Glad you were able to get that off your chest ; )

Cazzie!!! said...

Hhaha, hey, you ARE blessed...you have Max, and your lovely wife, nothing could be sweeter :)

Pink said...

well at least you're IN the pecking order. That is quite an accomplishment, considering your blaspheming ways.
xx
pinks

Shrink Wrapped Scream said...

Um, I've never even heard of Tom Brady, but seeing his picture, I can understand where God's coming from.. (sorry mate)!

JINKS said...

Oh, Corky...my son.

What ever gave you the idea that Tom is my favorite son?

You know you are the cats-meow, the bee's knees.....

Now stop whining and make more Max episodes.....please.


Love Dad.....uh, Big Daddy to you!

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

That son of a gun is good at football, he's good-looking, and he's given more rogerings to Playmates than Scott Baio, Tommy Lee, and Mini-Me combined.

Terri said...

I'm so sorry to share this with you Corky, but did you see this???

http://movies.yahoo.com/mv/news/ap/20071026/119343720000.html

it's a sad, sad day.

eric1313 said...

The Jeffster is good for a quote--but I had no idea he was worthy of being a fantasy QB.

Where's he playing this season?

TheBirdman33 said...

I dispise Tom Brady with a passion that is hard to explain. He might as well be the one hijacking my condo!!!

BottleBlonde said...

Oh my! I THANK you for posting that pic of Tom Brady. Masturbation material!

Sorry, was that rude of me to totally disregard your hatred for the man? How about this to make you feel better: you have much lovelier feet than him.

eric1313 said...

Hey, it's another Sunday...

Maybe this is the week somebody knocks Brady's block off his shoulders!

Ashley said...

And, he has hosted Saturday Night Live one more time than you have. You would have been a crapload funnier.