Saturday, January 05, 2008

State of the Log: 2008

Birdman, Ms. Tuesday, Willsix, distinguished Roll Call Members, Mom, and fellow Corkians: (Applaud Here)

2007 is over, and although it was a great year for Captain Corky and company, we mustn't rest on our laurels. (Applaud Here)

2008 is almost a week old, and there's so much to do! We've only started to inspire the human race... Without sounding too much like Karen Carpenter, "We've only just begun." (Applaud Here)

I can't speak for most of you, but when I read blogs and the news all I see is despair... It breaks my heart. When my son wakes up in the morning, before I feed him his bottle, I Que this song on You Tube. Excuse my french, but FUCK the Alphabet song. (Applaud Here)

Right now we average about 60 comments per post. We're not reaching a whole lot of people. Yet. When Jesus started his crusade how many people cared what that dirty hippie had to say? 10? 12? 50? I bet he didn't get an average of 60 comments per post in year two. (Applaud Here)

The content of our posts will deepen in 2008! We will talk about Jr's first tooth, first steps, and overall love of live! (Applaud here)

We will reach out more to our friends in Canada, England and Honah Lee (That's where that fuck Puff the Magic Dragons comes from). And we will change the world. No... really. (Applaud Here)

In 2008 we will purge our home computer of AOL forever (except for AOL Fantasy Sports, and AIM). Don't laugh at me, I stayed back in the second grade. Something about too many fights with Robert Jandoli! (Applaud Here)

The Patriots will lose during the playoff in 08! Hopefully to the Colts!!! (Applaud Here)

Corky's sex drive will be 10 times that of the average 18 year old in 2008. (Applaud Here)

Corky will shed close to 100 pounds in 2008! Hard boiled eggs for breakfast, lunch and diner. (Applaud Here)

Corky will do lots of other things, and so will other people. (Applaud Here)

In short my friends: Corky's log has been existence since 2006, prospered in 2007, and this video sums up all that I've learned from writing blog posts and reading your blogs so far (I recommend skipping the first minute of this video if you're not a die hard):


The Lone Beader said...

Ya know, I was thinkin' of doing some 3D beaded scenes from televisions shows and movies. Maybe Star Trek should be one! A beaded starship Enterprise! LOL.

Anyways, when I was in London, I ate hard boiled eggs every morning for breakfast. That was all the hotel had besides bread and cheese. LOL.

The Lone Beader said...

Oh. BTW, GO PATRIOTS!!!! (sorry. had to say that. LOL)

DJ Kirkby said...

My hands are sore from all that clapping! Happy New Year!

eric1313 said...

The Superman theme was a perfect soundtrack to reading this speech.

To the new year! May your bloggership rise to insane new heights of comedic genius.

Tanie said...

beegely beegely......

Happy New Year

Casdok said...

Great post, can i stop clapping now?!

yinyang said...

But 60 comments per post means you have a lot of lurkers, too. I just thought I'd point that out.

Pink said...

well you might lose 100 pounds but I'd rethink that diet. You could keel over from clogged arteries.


Happy New Year (applaud here)

Dana said...

ALL of that clapping! Corky, I have better things to do with my hands while reading your blog!


furiousBall said...

I have the clap now from clapping so much

Leighann said...

It really turns you on to see people clap doesn't it?? *giggle*

Feels Like Home said...

Happy new year and I can't wait to hear about all of the firsts of little max!
Here's to a great 2008 filled with lots of clapping!

RockDog said...

Captina! Happy New Year Lil Buddy! (Said in my best 'Skipper' voice)

I'm looking forward to spending another year at Corky's place...although I want nothing to do with your log...the ladies can have at that. ;)

In closing, you rock and 2008 is going to kick ass!

PS...Don't waste time reaching out to me on this bro. Reach out to NJ first... ;)

fiwa said...

Wonderful speech, Captain, my Captain! *Clapclapclapclap*

But, uh, if you go on that egg diet, pulease buy Allyson a gas mask first. Otherwise I will have to report you for unnecessary cruelty to wives. Corky jr. is a boy so he'll probably just laugh and wave his hands and feet.

Captain Corky 2008 - Conquering the blogosphere one blog at a time!

dilling said...

eggs three times a day? your poor family....

Jay said...

That was a very inspiring speech Captain. I would have giving you a standing ovation, but I didn't want to put down my beer. I'm sure you understand.

Metal Mark said...

I think the Patriots are going to go undefeated. I also think that if you eat hard boiled eggs three times a day that you will have gas that will peel wallpaper off the walls. If of course you have wall paper in your house.

Biddie said...

Do you have any idea how difficult it is to clap AND type?

Tod said...

I've never seen that intro to Buck Rogers before. We didn't see that in the UK, it's total space porn! And where's Twiki? Does he come in later with a moustache and offer to fix one of the womens hyperdrives with his huge sonic wrench?

Looking forward to 2008 and I'm saluting the log.

Enemy of the Republic said...

I promise to comment more, Captain!

whimsicalnbrainpan said...

"The Patriots will lose during the playoff in 08!"

I so hope that you are right about this!

Can I stop applauding now? It's kind of hard to type.

Big Pissy said...

A girl from here in Hell is marrying one of the Patriots in March.

Yeah...that's one wedding I won't miss!

(Applaud here) ;-)

Burfica said...

whooohoooo and I'm still here (applaud here)


TheBirdman33 said...

It's good to know there are still bikini clad sluts in the 25th century, I had forgotten that part.

TheBirdman33 said...

Should we start to expect good grammar and spelling from Corky's Log in 08 or wait another year? lol

I am still lucky if I get up to 20 comments a post and the cupboard is only 6 months younger than Corky's Log, so I say you are doing pretty well. I'm sure by the mid-way point in the year you will average 100 comments easily.

Keep up the good work

HAR said...

Corky boy, very inspirational speech. Good luck with all your goals for 2008.

captain corky said...

Beader: Great Idea. I would start at the top with the Enterprise, and then work my way down to something like... The Love Boat. ;)

PS Go Colts!!!

DJ Kirkby: Happy New Year! I hope you got a chance to rest your hands last night. ;)

Eric: I find that the Superman soundtrack is just about perfect for all occasions. I begged Allyson to let us use it for our wedding song, but... ;)

Tanie: Thanks for stopping in! Happy New Year to you and Twiki. ;)

Casdok: Thanks! Sure, and at this point I think it's safe to sit down too. ;)

captain corky said...

Yinyang: Good point! I have a lot of love for the lurkers as well. They're the unsung heroes of Corky's log. ;)

Dana: Like what for example? I'm just a little curious, that's all. ;)

Furiousball: Clap On, Clap Off, Clap On, Clap Off... The Clapper!

Leighann: Pretty much everything turns me on. Even a strong wind gust on the right day. ;)

Feels Like Home: Cheers! Max has a tooth!!! It's very exciting. ;)

captain corky said...

Rockdog: New Jersey and you, perfect together.

Fiwa: I gave my wife a break and had some chicken last night. ;)

Dilling: Don't worry every room is properly ventilated. ;)

Jay: I completely understand. You are drinking a Budweiser, right? ;)

Metal Mark: No wallpaper in this house. I don't believe in the stuff.

captain corky said...

Biddie: It's pretty easy for Max, but I think they actually call that banging. ;)

Tod: LOL! It's the actual opening to the Buck Rogers movie.

Enemy: Glad to have you aboard. ;)

Whim: My year might be ruined if they go all the way, but I'll do my best to muddle through. ;)

Pissy: Maybe you and Tom Brady will get to do the Electric Slide together. LOL

captain corky said...

Burfica: I just love reading you laugh. ;)

Birdman: Yeah, there's still hope for the future after all.

All I have to say is, Thank God for Dictionary.Com.

Har: Thank you. That's what it's all about for me, changing the world one post at a time. Um... yeah. ;)

Pud said...

Here's to hoping that 2008 will be great!

Jay Cam said...

i would be amazed if Jesus had any posts because it would mean he had a computer!

nikki said...

I really want the Patriots to lose and strangely I now have the urge to nominate you for president (applaud here).

Emmeline said...

hear hear! good speech!


Keshi said...

hey Captain happy new year! :)

Im bak.


Josie said...

"Corky's sex drive will be 10 times that of the average 18 year old in 2008."

Does your wife like to share?

Happy New Year!

Cheryl said...

Awesome State of the Log, Corky. I know a certain short-termer who could learn a thing or two from you. I wish you much success with your goals for the year ahead. And then some.

Lady K said...

okay...rockets jumping into space..

I just can't watch it until I can get me some.

Happy New Year, Cappy!

DJ Kirkby said...

CC, My hands were otherwise occupied last rest for them! I've tagged you in a blog game, c'mon over!

Tink said...

Oh great and powerful Cork, where do you get your canned applause? I'm in need of some. That and canned cheering. It always helps to have a pep squad.


Seriously, reading you puts me in a terrific mood! You're the new version of crack for bloggers! :)
have a great week!

Real Live Lesbian said...

Wow...I'm so pumped up now and ready for 2008! I'm still applauding! ;)

willSIX said...

Holy shit, that intro sucked. I remember the song from the pilot and the subsequent first few shows...but holy damn that's awful. I think I must have blocked it.

Nice speech, Cap'n. Looking forward to a new year of Cork-blogging.

karma lennon said...

LOL-you have a busy year planned too!!!! Me, I'm going to become a movie star and distinguished author and have several torrid passionate love affairs! ;)

katy said...

gosh what a lot of plans you have, but does mrs corky agree with ALL of them lol
off to soak my hands from all the applauding now!

Penelope Anne said...

Captain I wish you well on all, my family is giving me funny looks for all that clapping fyi!!!

Oh, btw...
Okay, I am begging my pals for a bit of help today and this week. I entered a poetry contest, part of my writing goal, and am asking you pop here: and if you like what you read, think about following the link at the end of the post and voting for me.
Thanks a bunch.
Your pal, Penelope

kat said...

I love the log. It's one of my favorite blogs going. I think I'm entering my second year as a reader!

Great speech, BTW. I decided to clap along towards the middle but because I am lazy I gave up after several times of clapping and returned to just laughing loudly at my screen.

marykay said...

Your year is off to a bang can't wait for all of Max's first. I am right with you on the boiled eggs and I am going to exercise more okay, you got me I will start to exercise.

Heather said...

Applaud applaud...or something.

Buck Rogers was really loud. Hubby wanted to know WTF it was - lolz.

Happy New Year!

Jerrster said...

happy new yeah corkster...looking forward to a great 2008

Ashley said...

Was that intro always so long? I remember that as a child I had such a hard time comprehending that his name was "Jill." I wasn't fully understanding the hard and soft 'g' sound then. My mom had to help me with this one.

You inserted a lot of applause, but you forgot to insert the laughing out loud! I look forward to 2008.

eric1313 said...

I like Karma's plan! I think I'll sign up on that list, too, author, hot love affairs, a few drinks, some more lines, some more love affairs.

The Superman theme would make a great wedding song! Maybe for the first dance at the reception, too.

Canadian flake said...

hmmmmmm this isn't the buck I quite remember...guess I am getting too old..lmao.

ALF said...

All the clapping.

Portia said...

(Still applauding) Well hello Corky, and welcome to 2008! I hope it is all you have said it will be. I see I am one of your first recruits from Honah Lee:)

Tequila Mockingbird said...

speaking of karen carpenter, i heard a thing about her the other day. if she and mama cass had shared a sandwich, maybe they both would still be alive.

i like the video

Aunt Jackie said...

How do you do it Corky?? That's why you remain my superhero... You know how it's done!

Can't wait to enjoy all of the fun changes and delicious dramas of the Captain throughout 2008!

Just hope to one day get even half of the comments you do ;)

Joshua said...

Here is an ABC some for Corky and Jr.

Don't say I never gave you anything =)

erika said...

i just wanted to be the 60th comment, so i could be your average. i look forward to corky's 2008!

madame x said...

Never underestimate the importance of knowing the abc song...frontwards, backwards and in a coma.... because as sure as there is an autumn mist.... One day the progeny of Captain Corky may be stopped at 2:00am in his pickup truck. If he has consumed the contents of a 12 twelve pack, now rolling empty and carefree.... with the buzz of some fresh scored Honah Lee wafting around his head. He will be able to recite the alaphabet upon command.

Don't ask me how I know this.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Okay, longest theme song ever? Was that the movie?

All I remember from that show was the little robot that said, "beedleebeedleebee." That guy ruled.

Heidi the Hick said...

Hey! I'm gonna do stuff in 2008 too!


onwards with your world domination...

captain corky said...

Pud: Should be a great one!

Jay Cam: Good point!

Nikki: I despise the Patriots. I'm going to be the Jags number one fan on Saturday. They're not coming to meet me in the White House if they win it all. ;)

Emmeline: Thanks! ;)

Keshi: Happy New Year! Welcome back.

captain corky said...

Josie: LOL! Not sure about that. ;)

Cheryl: Thank you! I hope you have a great year too.

Lady K: Happy New Year! Hope things start to go your way in 08.

DJ Kirkby: I see. ;) I'll be over soon. ;)

Tink: I bought the crowd noise in bulk at Sam's Club. I got a really good deal. ;)

captain corky said...

Crustybeef: I've always wanted to be the crack for bloggers. ;)

Real Live Lesbian: Hope it's a great one for you!

Willsix: Yeah, that song is really painful. LOL!

Karm Lennon: Sounds like a great plan!

Katy: I'm not exactly sure if she's on board with all of my plans. Most of the time she just laughs at me. ;)

captain corky said...

Penelope Anne: LOL!

Good luck with the contest. I'll be sure to vote for you. ;)

Kat: Glad you enjoy the blog, and I hope we're both here for a really long time. ;)

Marykay: So far so good, except for this minor little stomach flu that I'm just starting to recover from.

Heather: Make sure to let him know he doesn't know what he's missing. LOL

Jerrster: Happy New year to you too my friend!

captain corky said...

Eric: I agree, she has the best plan of the year so far. LOL at the Superman song being used as the first dance at wedding.

Flake: Buck was always a bit of a pervert. LOL!

Alf: It was pretty loud in here, that's for sure. ;)

Portia: Welcome! How are things in Honah Lee these days?

Tequila Mockingbird: LOL That's probably true.

captain corky said...

Aunt Jackie: I know you will. Your stuff is really good. ;)

Joshua: Those are some ABC's. ;)

Erica: Sweet 60!

Madame X: I forgot about that aspect of the ABC's. We better get to practicing it, standing on one leg with our left hands on our noses. ;)

Dr Kenneth Noisewater: Yeah, that was the movie. Painful song, but gets better after the 50th time. ;)

Heidi: Let's all do stuff in 08! ;)

Alekx said...

I'm thinking hard boiled eggs 3 times a day and a sex drive 10 times of a 18 year old might not go so well. You know who wants to bang someone with egg farts.

Lady K said...

just stopped by to say thanx for the well wishes! It's getting harder and harder to say hi!

Palm Springs Savant said...

that brought a tear to my eye. Such inspiration. Such valour. So elequent.and I love the hard boiled eggs for dinner..

jAMiE said...

Rapturous here here!

Princess Pointful said...

Sounds like the flu has helped you meet one of your goals (losing weight), but probably doesn't do wonders for the sex drive.