Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Stomach Flu



Sick, that's what I am. Some kind of stomach flu. My mouth and ass have been racing to see which one can empty my stomach out faster. It hasn't been fun at all. Projectile vomiting, diarrhea, nausea, and fever just to name a few of my favorite symptoms. My wife and mother in law both came down with the same flu, hours apart. Taking care of Max on Tuesday night/Wednesday morning was really a lot of funnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.
Thank God he didn't get it!

But I've had a lot of time to think during this very dark time in my life... We all need to be kinder to our asses. I'm going to go back to basics. Each and every time I go to the bathroom I'm going to treat my nether region the same way I treat Max's. Butt Paste, Diapers, wet wipes, the works! No more of this 2 grit toilet paper for my ass. Only the best!

This whole episode hasn't been a complete disaster though, I think I lost about 10 pounds on my ginger ale and chicken broth diet. I also think there's some color returning to my face today. That's always a good thing. Hopefully I'll be able to eat something a little sturdier for dinner tonight. Maybe some jello. Yum. But part of me wants a bloody steak and a baked potato, so I must be feeling a little better.

How's your week going? What epiphanies have you had this week?
_____________________________________________________

willSIX adds:

For those who were unable to attend, here is a short video of dinner at Chez Corky the week:

71 comments:

furiousBall said...

just head this epiphany...

Projectile vomiting, although bad, is better than projectile diarrhea.

captain corky said...

My diaper couldn't agree with you more Furious.

Sunshine said...

My disaster for the week was 6 days without a functioning washing machine for a family of 6. Do that math my friend. The pile up this morning when I could finally start doing some was so scary I took a picture of it and I'm posting it tomorrow. An entire Hobbit village could dwell under the pile and you wouldn't know it.
Glad you're feeling a bit better now, and taking care of kids when you're sick sucks ass.

Jay said...

You can cut corners in a lot of areas of life, but not with the TP. Always be willing to pay the price for good, soft TP. That's some good advice for you to pass on to Max too.

RockDog said...

As a reminder, keep some of those diapers around for the Super Bowl. You can wear them all day long and not miss a single snap or GoDaddy.com commercial.

Go COWBOYS!

RockDog said...

PS...Feel better soon!

nikki said...

Having a bad cough and a "I've birthed an almost 8 pound baby" bladder= pee=peeing my pants. A lot. Depends anyone?

Casdok said...

Compaired to your week mine has been rather dull!

Dana said...

W00t! Projectile vomiting! Nothing better than sitting on the toilet with a garbage can sitting in front of you!

Hope your ass is on the mend soon and that Max has a far better immune system than the rest of your family.

fiwa said...

oh my god, I feel for you and Allyson, that stomach flu is the worst. I can't imagine both of you being sick and trying to take care of a baby. Max is the cutest kid in the universe, but when you have that flu you just want to crawl into a corner and die. Quickly.

Hope you both feel better soon.
lovins,
fiwa

dilling said...

hmmmmn....nothing in my week compares. Feel steak-worthy soon.

Metal Mark said...

Hope you feel better. My week has been fine, my son turned two yesterday and he shares his birthday with my father so they got to have cake together.

Pink said...

well. i do hope you feel better!

here they are closing hospital wards because people are getting it. I think they are recommending that people don't come to work for 2 days after symptoms disappear.

Good luck with that!
xx
pinks

Tink said...

What do you do if you have to do both at the same time?!

Jessica said...

Hope you feel better soon!
My kids usually get the stomach flu for Christmas every year. This year, my daughter...

david mcmahon said...

Hope you're feeling better. I was crook right thru Christmas and New year and it wasn't much fun. Look after yourself.

Emmeline said...

I seem to know a lot of people who have the flu. I hope I don't catch it. That would really suck.

As for epiphanies . . . I realized this week that guys are real idiots (and often times assholes). But of course, that wasn't a NEW epiphany. (I wrote a small, unexplained rant about it on my page, actually!)

Hope you feel better soon.

Em

Tod said...

UGH! That flu thing is raging through the UK at the moment. I had it at Christmas, just my luck.

I can't imagine what it must be like to deal with a baby when all you wanna do is curl up and die. But on the positive side you do get to spend a lot more time sitting on your new toilet!

Feel better soon. :)

Pink said...

hey pukey,

how you feelin'? Hopefully not as shitty.
xx
pinks

Patti said...

My epiphany came, ironically, while in Target to buy good, cushy toilet paper. The epiphany? Target drugs its shoppers to make them overspend.

The Lone Beader said...

Oh no!!! I hope you feel better soon.

Cheryl said...

Don't hate me but I've never had the flu. I hope you're over the worst of it. At least you still have your sense of humor!

Big Pissy said...

Oh, Cork!

Nothing worse than the stomach flu...well...maybe food poisoning...

either way~glad you're feeling better! :)

Christie said...

I love wiping with baby wipes, there's something so refreshing about it. Hope you feel better soon. And your diet sounds better than mine. If anyone tells you to go on a low residue diet, walk away. Quickly. After you punch their lights out.

Ms. Tuesday said...

im a big fan of baby wipes. there are some in each of my bathrooms. Be a real man... us wipes!

Ashley said...

Did you have an assplosion?

I have worked far too many hours in the past four days to have an epiphany. The only real thing I have learned is that I am tired.

Ashley said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
whimsicalnbrainpan said...

Well my week is definitely going better than yours.

I am so sorry Corky. I hope you feel better and can eat something solid (and keep it in) soon.

Gina said...

Oh yeah, commenting this late, of course someone already took my "feeling shitty" line. Fine.

Seriously, hope you are feeling better. And so glad that Max wasn't affected!

My epiphany was that epiphanies are overrated.

katy said...

poor Corky, its been going round over here and it is a nasty nasty flu bug, get better real soon hun x
ps that poor new toilet!

captain corky said...

Sunshine: When my wife and I first moved in together we went to the laundromat. Once. Never again!
I feel your pain.

Jay: We only use Cottonelle. Only the best for our asses!

Rockdog: Thanks! I'm already feeling much better so I should be back to wearing boxer shorts by then.

Nikki: I probably could have used some depends the other day. Hopefully it will be never before I have to revisit this episode again. ;)

Casdok: I'll take dull anytime over this past week.

captain corky said...

Dana: Yep, my ass is feeling 100 percent better today.

Fiwa: Crawling into a corner and dying would have sounded like a great alternative two days ago. ;)

Dilling: Tonight, I eat! ;)

Pink: I stayed out of work for one day. I should have taken the rest of the week off, but oh well... I'm feeling better today.

Tink: Rock. ;)

captain corky said...

Jessica: If I never have the stomach flu again it won't be to soon.

David: I'm feeling good now. Thank God!!!

Emmeline: Why yes we are. I try not to be one, but sometimes I can't help myself. ;)

Tod: We broke that bronco in this week, that's for sure. ;)

Pink: Pukey is doing much better today. Thanks. ;)

captain corky said...

Patti: Target completely controls me, and everyone else on this planet. ;)

Beader: Thanks! Feeling like my old self again.

Cheryl: That's amazing! You are very lucky.

Pissy: I hope I never get food poisoning. I don't know if I could take it. Feeling better though. ;)

Christie: I read about your diet on your blog, doesn't sound like any fun at all.

captain corky said...

Tuesday: LOL! I wonder if Michael Strahan uses them. ;)

Ashley: And then some. ;) Get some rest!

Whim: I ate my first solid meal today, and I finally felt normal at about 11:00 PM last night. I'm back!

Gina: Epiphanies maybe overrated but good toilet paper is not! ;)

Katy: LOL! Thanks. I'm feeling like me old self now. ;)

captain corky said...

Mark: Happy birthday to your father and son!!! That doesn't make you the holy ghost or anything like that does it? ;)

Lizard Princess said...

You've probably already heard this, but my doctor told me that most so-called stomach flus are really food poisoning.

Either way, it sucks.
Hope you feel better!
I just made 2 comments back-to-back on Whim's blog and somehow you snuck in a comment in-between them! How'd you do that? We must both be blogging at the EXACT SAME TIME. Spooky.

CRUSTYBEEF said...

I remember that first flu as a mother..I realized then (my epiphany) how much easier the flu was when I was without children) it's sooooooo hard.

Sorry to hear about your ass and mouth competition, that's a tough one to swallow..I hope for both you and Allyson that your little one stays clear of it..I don't know what's worse, having the flu with children, or watching your little one with the flu..helpless on both sides.

Feel better!
Jewish soup maybe?

Always,
Crusty
I won't be an ass and do what my Uncle always does when he hears that I have the flu..but it will involve a phone call with the mention of the bottom of the fast food chain baskets that host the fries and oil and meat..okay, I'll stop now.

NannyOgg said...

Awww, hope you will feel better soon. Our very worst every GI trouble experience was on solstice day, a few years ago.

http://o-scientist.blogspot.com/2003/12/pox-partywe-always-celebrate-winter.html

Sending healing vibes your way,

Karen

Burfica said...

are you sure you all didn't have a touch of food poisoning??? Seeing as Max didn't get it.

Man, ever since Kiddo was a baby we have had wipies in this house. The flushable kind is the best. hehehehe

Burfica said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Burfica said...

that was me removing that, for some reason it printed my comment twice.

DJ Kirkby said...

Urgh poor you! Keep those germs to your self though...oh yeah and speaking of which, how did clever little Max manage to escape the dreaded Norovirus? Well done that boy!

Heidi on Vashon said...

That's ONE way to lose weight. Bummer!

Real Live Lesbian said...

Oh NOOOOO....not in the NEW toilet??!!!!


Hope you're feeling better soon!

Jay Cam said...

stomache flu? my gosh that sounds painful! you better get better soon!

thankfully i have been healthy this week!

Penelope Anne said...

Hope you are feeling better.
I saw this stuff at the store called Monkey Butt Rub, you may want to look into it for your tush.
Never skimp on the toilet paper man, never....always allow yourself some luxury.

marykay said...

Cottonelle with aloe always, Hope you feel better, My friend had this over the holidays we call it the rotten egg virus it sucks big time! Lucky Max you have to have a healthy baby to not catch this!

Peggy said...

At least you have that lovely new toilet to camp out near.

I really hope little Max doesn't get that!

Glad you're feeling a teeny bit better.

Aunt Jackie said...

Wow... that sucks dude! Hope you feel better. Enjoy the weekend!

HAR said...

When you have kids, there is no time to get sick dude. I feel your pain.

Pud said...

EECK!!!

Stomach flu is the worst! Hope you feel better.

Princess Pointful said...

Awwww.... poor Corkster.
Feel better soon. I'm sure your ass appreciates your concern!!

fiwa said...

Captain, sir, I'm going private on my blog today, but I found out I have to have your email address to invite you to read. Drop me a line at fiwa6831ATyahoo.com (of course replace AT with @) if you still want to read. Sorry for making ya jump through hoops.
lovins,
fiwa

Penelope Anne said...

Captain - my poem is open for voting, you said you would come back....if you would link me before the 15th I'd love you even more, but no biggie either way.

http://wannabeawritersomeday.blogspot.com/2008/01/i-am-entering-poetry-contest-yikes-and.html

Are you feeling better????

karma lennon said...

Oh wow, that sucks. Sorry to hear you guys have been feeling so lousy!!!! Hope you are feeling even better by now. Incidentally I had the best day of my year this past week and it just keeps getting better. My epiphany? I'm insanely happy. :)

Cazzie!!! said...

I hope you feel better soon you poor love, zinc cream for the bottom and some electrolyte balancing icy poles for the top end...lots of rest too huggs :(

Guilty Secret said...

Happy New Year!

Hope the sickness passes quickly. After two weeks in Thailand where the food does not exactly agree with me, I have to say you are absolutely right about taking care of your ass... hmmm, too much information?!

Biddie said...

Glad that you are feeling better, and so glad that Max can out unscathed!
You wanna know about my ephinanies? I have them on a daily basis, so really, there are too many to recount.
I'll tell you what, though. They worst TP ever is at the hospital. That stuff isn't even worth stealing!

Canadian flake said...

Glad you are feeling better...and omg that video is disgusting..lol

david mcmahon said...

Hope you;re feeling better, mate

Palm Springs Savant said...

The baby wipes are a good idea for sure... As far as being sick, jello usually makes me feel better.

Hope you are on the mend soon Corky

Josie said...

Hi, Captain Corky, I hope you are feeling better. Where DID you get that video???

Melissa said...

Hope you are feeling better....taking care of a baby is SO hard when you are sick....I'm sure Max has been a perfect angel boy though....

CRUSTYBEEF said...

I like how the post has flu and food in one story..

Upchuck! now I know where Ben caught it from! :)
haha,. have a great week Capt C!
Always,
Crusty~

nikki said...

Make sure you get the FLUSHABLE wipes. Seriously, who wants old wipes floating around.

Sunshine said...

I'll set aside one of our TVs for you when you feel sick again.

I guess we have a bunch, compared to the other people who have done that Ology meme now. We're training the kids for a life of couch potato.

Blancodeviosa said...

Ewwww... i'm outta here!

leslie said...

You're just showing off. New toilet and all...

TheBirdman33 said...

Sorry to hear that Corky. I'm glad Max didn't end up getting it though.

kat said...

I am far behind on blog reading lately but I am all caught up now and hopefully you're all better now and things have returned to normal.