Wednesday, February 27, 2008


As some of you know, and for others who are about to find out, Vodka is my AOC (alcohol of choice). I drink it straight with ice, and drinking a bottle this size in one sitting is not a problem. High school guidance counselors, Preachers, and criminal enterprises disguised as health care organizations, who charge people 20,000 dollars for one month of treatment, may tend to disagree with me.

These days when I do drink Vodka, I usually drink ALONE, and only after Allyson and Max have gone to bed, on a Friday or Saturday night, once or twice a month.

Sometimes I let the ice melt a little to make my drink a little smoother, but after the first glass it all goes down like water anyway.

After I start feeling a little buzzed, or even sometimes before, I make a playlist of music, either on Youtube or Itunes. This is usually the first song I listen to: Song Number 1.

In the past I've written posts while drinking, but I've learned that for me, they basically read the same as if I was completely sober when I wrote them. Spell check becomes a major fucking issue, but besides that, it's pretty safe to Blog While Intoxicated.

After I've listened to Song Number 1 for about an hour, I move on to Song Number 2.

At this point in my life this is the only time that I truly enjoy listening to music, unless I'm on a 723 mile road trip to NJ from Kentucky, or scrubbing a toilet.

Usually somewhere between Song Number 2 and Song Number 3 I wind up breaking the seal. When I was in my 20's I could go as long as Song Number 5 before I had to piss like a race horse.

Please note: This scientifically proven formula is based on Vodka and no other type of alcohol. Obviously my bladder would be breached much quicker if I were drinking beer, for example.

By the time Song Number 1o rolls around, It's almost 6 in the morning, my vision is blurred, wet brain has set in, my stomach is growling, and I'm completely soused, stewed, tanked, totaled, zonked, glazed, hammered, hosed etc. God only knows what I am doing between songs 6 through 9... and only God knows what those songs are/were.

Twelve hours later I start to feel like myself again. Forty Eight hours after that, I don't have the shits anymore, and by the time two or three weeks have gone by, it's time to start listening to some music again.


abbagirl74 said...

Oh my goodness! Am I the first one to comment! This rocks!

Tod said...

I used to get well blotto on Vodka at work. I had to disguise it in a Coke can though so nobody would find out. But I think my stagger gave me away... that and my stupid sozzled cry baby liver.

DJ Kirkby said...

My dad used to love Black Label Vod. I like Zebrufka (Polish vodka with buffalo grass in the bottle), don't laugh, it is LUSH! Made to drink srtaight form the freezer!

Mike said...


Ice cold vodka is the stuff that drunks are made of.

It causes drunk driving and best friends to fight.


Good shit.

furiousBall said...

I used to be a crown and ginger ale guy, but vodka is more affordable, but without the fun purple bag

Dana said...

I'm with you on the AOC, but Smirnoff?? I've got to have Grey Goose with a twist of lime!

I can hardly wait until I get home and have a chance to check out your musical selections - no speakers at work :(

Leighann said...

Wonder Woman likes Vodka :)

Knight said...

Vodka is my fav hard liquor. I don't even care what the brand is.

Send in the Clowns? Really? That is not the most uplifting way to start a night of drinking.

The Lone Beader said...

You know what they say about folks who drink alone...

Jay said...

Am I the only one who isn't really into Vodka? Mr. Nonconformist here I guess. I prefer tequila.

willSIX said...

Dude, it's all about the single malt.

Also, mon Capitan's shits can be directly traced to the use of Smirnoff, internationally recognized by lord and peasant alike as total crap.

Tequila Mockingbird said...

i heart you even more! despite my blogging name, vodka is my AOC too, but i'm more of a ketel one fan. and because i'm only a burgeoning alcoholic, i do need to mix it with cran cause i cant drink it straight.

captain corky said...

Abbagirl74: Today is your lucky day!!! I suggest you play the lottery tonight. Someone's got a win, might as well be you. ;)

Tod: LOL! The word sozzled is being added to the Corktionary as we speak. ;)

DJ Kirkby: Laugh?!? I'm gonna have to try that stuff. ;)

Mike: "Ice cold vodka is the stuff that drunks are made of."

Definitely the quote of the week!

Furiousball: Yeah, that's pretty much why I drink Smirnoff. Plus, I really like the nifty new design. ;)

captain corky said...

Dana: I love Smirnoff. I guess I'm just a cheap date. ;)

Leighann: Even Wonder Woman has to unwind, and untie sometimes. ;)

Knight: Vodka is the drink of champions.

I really like to sulk quietly when I drink sometimes. ;)

Beader: All lies perpetrated by the establishment and the white man. ;)

Jay: I generally like to drink a bottle of tequila right before I'm going to kill someone. It helps get me in the mood. ;)

captain corky said...

Willsix: LOL! Maybe I should upgrade to Sky or Kettle One. But the shits could have something to do with the two cans of Spaghettios I eat after a night of heavy drinking. ;)

Tequila Mockingbird: In time you won't need the cran, but I hear it's good for... stuff. ;)

Farmer*swife said...

I, too, am a vodka girl. Have expensive taste but lately a tight budget (have to be able to afford the Shiner Bock and the wine too) :) Oh, and Hubby's beer.

I like Tito's but it jumped way up in price. So, I'm a Svedka girl. Hey is that from Sweden? Wonder if r.e.h. can get me a better deal? LOL!

I'll have to pop over and ask him!

The Mama Bear said...

Vodka did me in during college, so now I prefer a good rum, or some Southern Comfort when I feel the need to indulge. You sir need to stop drinking alone, because you listen to some messed up music when you do.

whimsicalnbrainpan said...

Uh... Sounds like fun.

Portia said...

i wish i could blog when drunk, what a beautiful combination:) oh well it's my own rule and the babies don't let me drink that much anyway.

Pink said...

I get to song 2 and I'm asleep. Not before I've drunk blogged first with a few 'fuck' and 'pisses' thrown in cuz I love to cuss when I'm drunk :)


Pink said...

Hey you lazy drunk...

Get on with it...the Oscars are over and you didn't win this get on with the making of 'CUTE MAX, and the legend of THUNDERPANTS'

Emmeline said...

I love Vodka as well, don't care what kind it is, but Smirnoff is what I'll buy if I'm the one paying at the liquor store. BUT, I don't drink it straight. Sorry.


PS Nice music choices! I especially like the Speed Racer one.

marykay said...

I knew I loved you for a reason.. first song choices I love all of them from St.Elmos fire theme the year I graduated to speed racer from my early childhood memories now its Grey Goose and Spongbob things haven't changed much...

Jahooni said...

I've called AA and they will be over tomorrow morning...;)~

I am with Dana on this one... you must try a different kind. The kind that is usually up higher or locked in the cabinet. Make sure the wallet is full before going to the store. ;)~

RockDog said...

Hey! I've seen one of these drunken web cam nights! It was kick ass. I swear if I were there you would have hugged me too many times... LOL!

Canadian flake said...

hmmmmmm maybe it is time to switch to milkshakes?? LOL

Blogget Jones said...

::sigh:: Drinking never really did anything for me. Try as I might, I never reached a real buzz. I could drink my friends under the table, and still be standing. Then, I'd just get sleepy.... :o( I envy those who can enjoy drinking! Although, I'm not sure I envy the aftermath!

:o) BJ

Joshua said...

Yeah I'm drinking right now.

100 proof vodka.


Joshua said...

Oh and I'm drinking alone too.

Well me and Mr. Zoolander.

captain corky said...

Farmer*wife: I switch to merlot from time to time. It makes me feel sophisticated when I'm sitting all alone at 4:00 AM on a Saturday night. LOL!

Mama Bear: Don't worry, I just like to feel down sometimes. Most of the time I feel very up! ;)

I enjoy some Southern Comfort once in a blue moon, but when I want a dark liquor I like Dewars.

Whim: It is, especially when I start making friends with all of my hallucinations. ;) Oh wait... That's acid. ;)

Portia: Drunking while blogging is kind of like eating a Reeses Peanut Butter Cup, Two great tastes that taste great together. ;)

Pink: I bet you smoke when you drink too. You sailors are all the same. ;)

I can't believe me and Johnny got fucked again!!!

captain corky said...

Emmeline: I'm surprised to hear that you like to drink. Yeah Smirnoff has a nice moderate price, and works just as well. ;)

Marykay: Nothing like sitting down to an episode of Spongebob with a Vodka Tonic. You're a girl after my own heart. ;)

Jahooni: Damn, I wish I had a dog! LOL!

Rockdog: Yeah, I was pretty drunk that night. LOL!

Flake: Sorry, I don't really like Kahlua. Too sweet, and not strong enough. ;)

captain corky said...

Blogget Jones: That's crazy and unfortunate. Well, at least there's drugs, gambling, eating or rock climbing to choose from! ;)

Welcome! I look forward to reading your stuff.

Joshua: We're two peas in a pod, buddy!

katie said...

wow- i am impressed with how well behaved you are on vodka.....for me, i take 3 or 4 shots and suddenly my top's off and i'm dancing on the bar to Salt-n-Pepa's Push It...Pa-Push it real good!!!

er, um, this has only happened a handful of times in my life, Corkster and mostly in college and well, i believe the evidence has all been burned.

anyways, i loved watching the clip of St. Elmo's Fire.....god, i love emilio estevez and the whole mother effing brat pack!

Have a great day, Corky! :)


Vodka is just so pretty! So sleek and clean looking! IT hydrates me just looking at it! I think you have a wonderful AOC! MIne? Budweiser and wine.
Nice mix, I know!
I'll honk when we drive thru Kentucky for ya!
Look for the blue Mommoville!!

nikki said...

Vodka is my drink of choice too, although I don't drink that piss water Smirnoff.

Pud said... got to do what you gotta do to keep your sanity!

Gina said...

I don't drink anymore really, since I am allergic to alcohol, but when I did I was all about the rum and mixing it with whatever sounded good at the time.

Your song choices rock!

Emmeline said...

Really? Do I come off as a teetotaler in my posts? I love to drink. I have only been drinking regularly for about a year now, since before that I DID go to a school where it isn't allowed, and I AM one to follow rules. But once I graduated (which was December 2006) . . . well, suffice it to say that there is more alcohol in my fridge than food. But that could be because I don't really cook! :)


Guilty Secret said...

I tried to get into drinking vodka straight when I was going through my angst phase aged 17, but I just wasn't hard enough to make it work.

I wish I was as hard as you, Corky.

captain corky said...

Katie: I try my best to behave. I'm much better than I used to be. ;)

Crusty: I heart Budweiser too. I take a lot of heat for it sometime, but those people just don't understand what a perfect beer is. PS Have a great trip!!!

Nikki: Maybe I need to upgrade, but I do drink the Bud, the piss of beers, too. ;)

Pud: Exactly! I'm glad that somebody gets it.

Gina: Since you don't drink anymore, I take it that you pop pills or shoot dope maybe?

Ya gotta do something for fun. ;)

captain corky said...

Emmeline: There's nothing wrong with teetotalers, I had just assumed from the type of school that you went to that drinking (like a fish ;) was something you did. And anyways, who needs to eat when there's all that booze in the fridge.

Guilty: You can be, by joining Captain Corky's gang. We all wear gold shirts, and black pants and we are really, really tough. ;)

Ashley said...

Vodka is my aoc, too. I prefer mine with some Kahlua and milk or cream.

Incidentally, the Love Theme from St. Elmo's Fire is, to this day, the only song I ever memorized for the piano and I can still play it by heart twenty years later.