Tuesday, March 25, 2008

THE PRICE IS RIGHT



Has anyone had a chance to watch Drew on The Price is Right yet? I caught the second half of an episode a couple of weeks ago and thought that Drew was doing a fine job. Replacing a game show host institution like Bob Barker can't be easy.

Do you even remember any of the freaks they tried to replace Richard Dawson with on the Family Feud?

Anyway, I got a letter in the mail from the IRS the other day, and it stated that the Tax relief checks are going to start hitting the mail in May and since I have a wife and a kid, I could see as much as a 1200 dollar check come sometime soon. Thank God.

And do you know what I'm going to do with that money? That's right folks, I'm going to build my very own George W Bush Showcase.

When I'm done I will be able to enjoy lazy Summer afternoons sitting in my backyard enjoying MY BRAND NEW PATIO FURNITURE.

I'll be able to serve drinks to friends and family and myself with MY BRAND NEW OUTSIDE BAR.

On those breezy cool Summer nights in KY (all two of them) I will be able to warm things up with MY BRAND NEW OUTSIDE FIRE PIT.

My son MAX WILL BE THRILLED TO PLAY IN HIS BRAND SPANKING NEW SAND BOX.

And Allsyon and I will be able to quench our dire thirst on those hot humid Summer days with a BRAND NEW CASE OF BUDWEISER.

I'll need something to cook all the HEAVENLY food that I'm going to be putting on MY BRAND NEW PICNIC TABLE SO THAT MEANS THAT I'LL HAVE TO BUY A BRAND NEW FUCKING GRILL.

AND IF I HAPPEN TO OVERBID MY GEORGE W BUSH SHOWCASE FOR MORE THAN THE AMOUNT OF MY TAX RELIEF CHECK, I'LL JUST APPLY FOR A BRAND NEW SEARS CREDIT CARD.

ALL OF THIS WILL BE MINE, REGARDLESS IF THE THE PRICE IS RIGHT!!!




66 comments:

Biddie said...

I hate Drew on TPIR. I really do. I think that he sucks.
Can Shawn and I come and sit on your new patio furniture? It sounds like a might nice dream...

captain corky said...

Biddie: Yeah, I'll even serve you guys steaks and Budweiser or whatever you fancy. ;)

Dana said...

Ummm ... Corky ... have you replaced Kirk with Carey?? I'm worried about you!

katy said...

erm corky I gotta ask ya, this BRAND NEW BUDWEISER, what you been drinking before then, I mean if it aint brand new it has to be second hand right, and second hand Bud well I am just saying!!!!!!!!!!!!

Leighann said...

I don't care much for Drew Carey on TPIR.... Not that I watch it that much. I'm waiting for Bob Barker to come out of his cryogenically frozen state to make a massive comeback!

If Dick Clark can thaw out once a year for the New Years Eve Rockin Bash, then Bob Barker can too!

The Lone Beader said...

I haven't watched a game show in so long, but I used to LOVE the Price is Right! I'll have to watch it now! :)

willSIX said...

Ok, that's got to be one of your Best.Posts.Evar.

I bid 1 dollar on your showcase. You have all overbid.

p.s.- Drew Carey blows.

fiwa said...

I haven't seen the new PIR, but I can't imagine he's THAT bad. I agree with you - look at some of the freaks that did Family Feud. Scary. It could be much worse than Drew.

I bid $420 Bob!!

I hope you enjoy your lovely new showcase, it actually does sound really nice.

Jay said...

I'm gonna spend my socialist gov't handout check at the strip club. I think it's important to reinvest the money into the community.

Knight said...

The way you announced that case of beer sounded so good I'm going to leave work and get one right now!

Pink said...

I ain't got no patio furniture, course I ain't got no patio either but then I guess without a house thats pretty hard to find.

Where kin I git me one of them tax cheques?

xx
pinks

Blancodeviosa said...

drew's a lamo..

Big Pissy said...

I don't watch game shows.

Period.

But I can't wait to see what you do with that check. ;-)

furiousBall said...

brand new cases of budweiser beat the shit out of the used cases of budweiser

nikki said...

Sorry, Barker is a legend Drew is sacrilegious. I got that letter too, I doubt I will see $1200, although I could certainly use it. To pay some bills!

captain corky said...

Dana: Bite your tongue woman! Nobody replaces the Kirk. Not even the Man of Steel could!

Katy: Unfortunately, I can't afford a lifetime supply of Budweiser so I'll go for a brand new case instead. ;)

Leighann: Bob was way too young to retire. He must be bored to pieces without any of his beauties around.

Beader: I'm not a big game show person either, but I always used to watch the Price is Right when I would stay home sick from school.

Willsix: I can't believe how many people seem to hate Drew... The poor slob.

captain corky said...

Fiwa: Don't forget to spray and over water your grass, or something like that. ;) Apparently you and I are the only two people that are ok with Drew. LOL!

Jay: That's was my first plan, but I don't think Allyson would go for that. ;)

Knight: Thinking about a nice ice cold can of beer always makes my mouth water. Just call me, Homer. ;)

Pink: I plan on turning my backyard into an island resort. It will be the classiest looking joint this side of Dixie Highway. ;)

Blancodeviosa: That's what I've been hearing. It's so good to see you! You must come to my backyard sometime for a beer.

captain corky said...

Pissy: Neither do I, unless Regis is hosting. I can't get enough of that guy. ;)

Furiousball: Yeah, have you ever had a Bud with a born on date that's expired? Grosse!

Nikki: Pay Bills... The thought never crossed my mind. ;)

Burfica said...

On a serious note and being a kill joy. Isn't it 1500 you would get back. I thought filed jointly was 1200 and then 300 for each kid???

Maybe I'm wrong, but dammit I wanted 1500 lmaooooooooo

Ginormous Boobs said...

Your outside parties are going to rock. At my last house, I built an in ground fire pit and it was glorious.

Tod said...

Ahh... Summer memories of drunkenly stumbling around the garden with a Pimms in me hand and falling into shrubbery. One of the reasons I am NOT allowed a firepit!

Can I come and sit by yours?

Peggy said...

I'm coming over with hotdogs and odd salads from obscure mid-west recipes and lots of cheap wine (don't like US beer anymore) to help you sit on the new furniture!

Peggy said...

Oh, and if you get a sand box for Max, get a cover to go with it otherwise he'll end up playing with all the gifts that the neighbourhood cats will leave in it.

Tequila Mockingbird said...

fucking drew carey. for some reason he compells me to want to take a shit on his chest. not because id get off on it (srsly, that's gross), but just because he annoys me so much.

Jahooni said...

cracking up at Leighann!
i haven't watched it once since poor bobby left and since it comes on during the day and I work... well i am out of luck now aren't I?

i got my tax check back 14,000 almost gone and no F'in bbq or bar or nothing to show for it! ;)~

ALF said...

Something about Drew Carey really bothers me, no matter what show he's on.

katie said...

Drew's a'ight. but his mic ain't long enough! remember how bob had that long ass microphone? and i sure do miss Rod Roddy.Come on down! God rest his soul.

Love the patio furniture!!

Portia said...

way to stimulate the economy!
drew's cool but i didn't even know he had a new gig. i guess his sitcom is over? ;)

leslie said...

...A NEW CAR!!!

Chris H said...

what the hell is a George W Bush Showcase anyway???? I'm an ignorant Kiwi remember!

VE said...

You are a savior to the economy...I'd add more but I'm too busy consuming...

Gina said...

Awww, that makes me almost want to go to Kentucky and hang. Almost.

Joshua said...

I think there must be a better choice than him. But, I'm sure that is a hard spot to fill.

You sure do have a nice plan for your money. I'm going to go as far and say that the next time I'm in town I should have a beer ;)


p.s. your caps lock key seems to be broked.

Patti said...

I want to be that obnoxious fool who always bids ONE DOLLAR OVER someone else's bid. I despise that person...and yet have to respect the questionable strategy.

Scarlett said...

I love Drew...I think he's doing a pretty good job of it, but I've always liked Drew and Bob Barker never rang any bells for me...he just reminded me of a creepy old sex fiend or something...lol.

I mean, you know that he had to be doing couch auditions with those girls...*shudder* .......You know I'm right! ;-)~

Scarlett said...

PS...WTG on the new family space...it sounds like it's going to be lovely...........and all on ole GW's tab! Gotta love that!

TheBirdman33 said...

I'm a big Drew Carrey fan, but to me this is like giving up on a career. Like I don't want to be famous or funny anymore, I'm just gonna be hear asking for bids for the next 50 years.

GREAT!

captain corky said...

Burfica: I think you're right. My math skills are weak. ;)

Ginormous Boobs: Those things are amazing! I love drinking in front of a fire.

Tod: Absolutely! Although I haven't officially cleared my master plan with Allyson yet. ;)

Peggy: Wine works for me! I love me some cheap merlot.

Tequila: He may just be the most hated man in television, and I never knew this until today.

captain corky said...

Jahooni: No new patio set? That's tragic... ;)

Alf: Good thing he's not running for President or he'd really be up shit's creek from what I learned about him from this post!

Katie: I never even noticed the mic thing. I'll watch for that the next time I watch.

Portia: LOL! Yeah for a couple of years now. ;)

Leslie: That would be nice! ;)

captain corky said...

Chris H: Just some nonsense I made up for this post. ;)

Ve: I try my best to make sure there is no money in my pockets or bank account at all times. LOL!

Gina: LOL! Can I entice you to come with a Mint Julep?. ;)

Josh: I HADN"T EVEN NOTICED. THANKS FOR BRINGING THIS TO MY ATTENTION! ;)

Patti: Fine, but you have to make a complete fool of yourself when they call you down. ;)

captain corky said...

Scarlett: I can't believe I didn't cover Barker's Beauties somewhere in this post. ;) Remember to spray and neuter your pets. ;)

Birdman: Maybe he just needed a steady pay check or something... He'll be missed.

Aunt Jackie said...

Geez I haven't watched the Price Is Right in years!

marykay said...

I love your post almost as much as I love Bob Barker, I haven't seen Drew since he took over, some things are irreplaceable. Take some pics of the new outdoor showcase, after May of course!

Farmer*swife said...

I always got a laugh out of the Drew Carey show. No one can replace Bob but Drew at least is trying.

George Bush Showcase!! Fantastical!! I'm excitedly awaiting my [I mean "our"] stipend or whatever you call it as well.

I was planning on buying ME [um, us] a new lap top that has all the hum-diggities for photo, dvd burning, bloggie world, etc.

DH came home extremely distressed. Seems the cotton seed hasn't sprouted...many farmers are having this problem. Could be very detrimental to us.

DH says "Don't spend any money you don't have to."

Um. Okay? But, I still get the [free money] economic stimulous check? After all, the whole idea of the thing is to "spend it" and "stimulate" the economy, right?

karma lennon said...

Haha!!! Love your plans for the money! Mine are much more boring, like move to a new place, take some acting classes, etc. etc.

Emmeline said...

I didn't read all the comments but the few I did read seem to echo my sentiments. I hate Drew Carey on The Price Is Right. He acts so listless and lazy and bored. He acts like he doesn't want to be there and speaks in a monotone, as if he's reading everything off a teleprompter. He hardly even cracks a smile! I hope he gets better. But for now, I'm not watching.

Em

Tink said...

You know what I'm going to do with my check? I'm going to buy some brand new gas for my POS car. Yay!!!!!!!

Crashdummie said...

but some things are simply priceless corky, like you and how you make us all feel! :)

but damn, wouldn't mind having those patio furniture. never mind that i dont have a patio or garden, heck, i dont even have a plant in my apartment... hehehe

Newt said...

We will put ours in the bank. The one thing Bush doesn't think we will do with it. And he doesn't want to us to do that. So, of course that is exactly what we will do.

Real Live Lesbian said...

You crack me up! But I'll be beside Jay at the Strip Club. Gotta keep that money MOVIN'!

And BTW, that is one damn scary bunny down there.

Patti said...

I make a fool of myself on a regular basis, so doing so on television is no biggie.

Why? said...

I would like to bid $1201, please, Drew.

Princess Pointful said...

I heart Plinko.

But 10am on weekdays does not tend to be in front of TV time, so I haven't the slightest clue how he is doing!

Jerrster said...

just thought you should know...go buy a "flip video cam" for capturing those candid moments of Max or you digesting food...quick and dirty vids for blog posting...you won't regret it.

captain corky said...

Aunt Jackie: Apparently nobody does. LOL

Marykay: Ok, but my backyard is in need of some MAJOR work. ;)

Farmer*swife: My wife really wants a new lap top and so do I. I could carry it in one hand and Max in the other. ;)

Karma: Well, hopefully we won't have to move for a very, very long time. I've had enough of all that jazz. ;)

Emmeline: Maybe he's hopped up on all sorts of anti-depressants since his last two shows were canceled.

captain corky said...

Tink: I say go with high octane. Nothing but the best for your POS car! ;)

Crashie: The only kind of plants I wanna grow are illegal. Someday things will be different... ;)

Newt: The thought of putting away money and saving it for a rainy day has never crossed my mind. ;)

Real: I may have to put aside a few dollars and join you guys. Do you think they'll overcharge me on beer? I sure do hope so! ;)

Pattie: That's the spirit! Will you wear a t-shirt that says I love Captain Corky when you go on?

captain corky said...

Why: Why that's a mighty fine bid, Why!

Princess: Yeah, 10:00 AM around here is fruit and cereal time!

Jerrster: I just looked at them online. They look awesome.

CRUSTYBEEF said...

Richard Dawson rocks!! I loved that guy on FF!! Always kissing the ladies, what a fun happy go lucky er,..player? :) hahahah..

Haven't seen Drew since the replacement...

but I'm happy for you for the patio furniture..when is the blogging world invited over?
Granted I gotta drive thru Indiana again, and that's a long frickin drive!

Always,
Elizabeth

Alekx said...

that or you can buy diapers and baby toys.
:-)
I'm thinking max is voting for the sandbox and a room full o toys

Patti said...

I will wear said t-shirt. No problem. But I won't share my showcase. Just sayin'.

mjd said...

Skip the Dubya Showcase, and buy the other nice presents.

mjd said...

Whew...after reading your responses, I see that the showcase is a figment of your wonderful imagination.

Cheryl said...

See...it pays to have a spouse and child. I've only got the one. Will I get $600? I have to think how I'm going to help the economy.

Guilty Secret said...

You're going to do WHAT with the KY?!

Palm Springs Savant said...

OK, I could totally hear that wacky PIR music going on in my head as I read this post. All I expected to read was A NEW CAR!!!

(cue the woman jumping up and down with the boobs falling out as she runs down the aisle) 'member that episode?

Ashley said...

I am going to put mine toward my real estate taxes. New furniture is so much more fun. Of course, I don't have a yard or patio, so they would be really unnecessary for me!