Wednesday, May 19, 2010

The Holy Trinity

"The Holy Trinity is, was, and always will be Total Mystery that can't, never could, and never will be understood." Rooney

Part I

There’s a fundamental belief shared by Christians, psychologists, biologists and Count Von Count that the universe is sponsored by the number three.

The Father (God) The Son (Jesus) and The Holy Ghost (The Spirit of God) are the one being that unify to form The Holy Trinity, or in simple math terms: 1+1+1= 3/t=1.

Some atheist kraut burning in hell right now named Sigmund plagiarized this idea from Christianity and called it, Id (emotion), Ego (logic and reason), and Super Ego ( polices the Id and Ego and is responsible for conscience and spirituality. The Super-Ego is very nurturing to the Ego, but can be verbally abusive to the Id and that’s why human beings hate fat people so much). Biologists believe that man + woman = baby (It never hurts to dim down the lights and put on a little Barry White when man + woman are trying to =3 but that’s just the opinion of this author). Three Trimesters later and out comes Little Ricky playing the ban-gos.

Who would win in a fight? I Love Lucy, The Lucy Show or Here's Lucy? What a cat fight that would make for!

Count Von Count can count to three and when he does it Thunders.

In order to understand the number three you have to study Sigmund’s plagiarized material, and how it is The Holy Trinity . In order to do that, a quick Bible Study will be necessary.

The Old Testament: God creates man and he’s happy and in his jubilee he gives man structure, stability, woman, and a dwelling. God encourages Adam and Eve to do the biological, Two Become Three Dance as often as possible. But when God gets angry at Adam and Eve he gets PISSED! Really pissed! It’s the woman’s fault obviously and almost always is. One particular time God gets so Pissed he flushes the entire population of Earth down the toilet. His anger isn’t even with the people of Earth...  It's for a 3rd party known as the naked men with wings.

Note: As if the Bible isn’t hard enough to follow and comprehend as it is, Scribes have a tendency to bastardize and hide critical information in books like the Bible so they can manipulate man into feeling even shittier than he already does. Now take a 3 minute break and when you come back we’ll flash forward three eons and we'll take the New Testament out for a spin.

The New Testament: Now that Dad has had a chance to cool off he decides to diagnose and treat man in person. As part of GId’s new treatment program he blesses Mary before impregnating her with Jesus (no human seed necessary) so she wouldn’t feel violated or freak out. The new treatment program focuses on concepts like compassion, brotherhood, working together, love and redemption. Some divisions of Christianity formed by Scribes a few decades later believe that the one and only way Dad will forgive them and let you come to dinner is if you apologize to him personally.

Sadly, Jesus and two other freaks are nailed to a cross and hung up do die (Jesus + 2 freaks =3). Some believe it was so a Jew could make a quick buck.

Due to a shortage of nails and wood at Cunningham’s Roman Hardware Emporium the Romans only use three nails to pin the savior to the crucifix. Three days after that Christ is resurrected and reunited with the God thus The Holy Spirit.

2000 + years later folks are still reminiscing about the good ol’ days when Christ was hanging out with hookers, lepers, and Mexicans.

In closing: We learned a lot today so take some time to reflect and regardless if you believe in God or “Sigmund’s Theory” the World is, was, and always will be sponsored by the number three.

Behold A Guarantee: 3
Behold Me: 12
Behold Humanity: 9
Behold Tragedy: 18
Behold Prosperity: 24
Behold Unity: 35

Start at minute 1:56 and Behold Doomsday: TOS Episode 35.
End at minute 4:00 and Behold Conceptualized Trinity:

Oh, and no Mexicans,lepers,hookers or strippers were crucified during the conceptualization of this profession.

To Be Continued…


furiousBall said...

"good ol’ days when Christ was hanging out with hookers, lepers, and Mexicans"

As Christ put it, I keep getting younger and they stay the same age... alright, alright, alright.

Jay said...

I've taken over hanging out with the hookers, lepers and Mexicans since Christ doesn't have time to anymore. Except I replaced the lepers with strippers.

captain corky said...

It's almost like you guys knew,know and will know where I'm going with this post.

You never answered my question about Lucy though...

Biddie said...

Ok, long has it been since I stopped by? Max is in school?
I need to do more blogging.