The Car Accident Conclusion

I posted this on facebook last night: At approximately 4:30 this afternoon an uninsured and unlicensed driver of a black Ford Explorer lost control of her uninsured father's SUV coming around the bend to fast, but thankfully my Mercury Sable and the side of our house were there to prevent the young teen and her three friends from getting seriously hurt. Other than that I had a lovely afternoon. How was your day?

And now for the rest of the story:

I heard the breaks squeal but did not hear the impact of the crash because I was sitting at the computer with headphones on listening to Your Wildest Dreams. So I  got up to look out the window to see what was going on. I saw cars slowing down up the street and didn't see anything down the street and since I live on a fairly busy street that has miscreants driving by at ridiculous speeds on a fairly regular basis I didn't think anything of it.  So I sat back down and put the headphones back on and started the song from the beginning.

A few moments later my mother in law was banging at the door with one hand and holding Ben in the other. That woke Max up and I found him standing in front of the door to the computer room looking very puzzled and slightly worried. I took him by the hand and went to the front door where Sharron's gesturing for me to come outside quickly.

We step out and there's a black Ford Explorer sandwiched in between the side of my house and the Mercury Sable that shuttles me back and forth from the convenience store up the street when I need gas, beer, lottery tickets or twip.  Sharron happened to witness the crash and gives me a quick rundown explaining the details. She also informs me that the police have been called, and then darts off with Ben and Max so I can deal with the crisis.

Four girls and one guy all around eighteen years old emerge from the truck and it's clear that the youngins are in shock.

The driver of the truck was most noticeably upset . Her head hit the windshield and there was a knot on her farhead. All five of them are in disbelief. They keep apologizing and at the same time were trying to figure out what had the fuck had happen.

I tell them that they are lucky to be alive and how bad it would have been if they hit another car or the other side of my house where Max was sleeping etc. Then I asked them if they were all wearing their seat belts and the admit that they weren't...

AND I SEIZED THE MOMENT THAT I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR ALL MY TV LAND LIFE! THIS TIME I WASN'T PLAYING THE PART OF EDDIE HASKALL, OR THE BEAVER.  I CLOSED MY HANDS FIRMLY AND PLACED THEM ON MY HIPS AND I LET THE LITTLE SHITS HAVE IT. I GAVE THEM THE BEST WARD CLEAVER THEY'LL EVER GET ABOUT SEATBELT SAFTEY. AND IT WAS GOOD.

So good that I had to sneak off to the back of the house right afterwords and light up a smoke. And it was the best cigarette I ever had. I never could have imagined it would be that good.

Allyson arrived home from work around 5:15 and unlike me, she had a look of horror in her eyes. It took her a couple of seconds but she managed to pull it together and drove into the yard because the driveway was otherwise occupied.

As I'm explaining the situation to her one of the passengers of the black Ford SUV says "hello Mrs. A"  and it turns out to be one of the little juvenile delinquents Allyson taught when she was subbing for a woman on maternity leave.

5:30 had arrived and the mob in front of my house was starting to get bigger. Various relatives of the kids were starting to show up, neighbors were coming home from, but the cops were still nowhere to be found. And the girl who was driving was still in pain, and because it was a head injury I insisted on calling the cops. Again.

I started explaining to the 911 operator what had happen and what was going on with the girl and the operator following procedure asked me for my address, but before I could finish telling her the street number she started to get short with me and told me that the police had already been notified, and I lost my shit on her. Five minutes later the entire Louisville fire department showed up at my house.

The cop finally came right before the fleet did and he was a dick. A REALLY BIG DICK who never even got out of his car. He was under the impression that it was some kind of backing accident and since it happened on private property it wasn't his or the city's responsibility. He also told one of the girl's family members that arresting some guy up the street took more precedence than responding to out call for help. Finally, Allyson set the prick straight and he was like, “Well that’s a horse of a different color.”

A few hours later after the cops and the fire department were long gone and Max and Ben were back home and in bed, the Ford Explorer was finally towed away around 8:15ish. The mother of the driver thanked me and told Allyson how much they appreciated the way we treated them etc.

Here it is in a nutshell:  I watched the entire system fail step by step by step right before my beautiful blue eyes. Both of them.

From the unlicensed & uninsured motorist to the police department that I pay for with my taxes, to the insurance companies that denied my claims (the next day) cause I only have liability insurance on a 1997 Mercury Sable. I also watched the relief in the mother of the drivers eyes quickly turn to fear and anger as she was assessing the damage, almost like a wounded wild animal about to be put in a cage.

It was surreal. So I turned to the place that I always turn to when when I'm feeling absolutely hopeless. I turn to Television.

Obviously, this one was a no brainier for Television and before I could blink, it was the mid 1950’s and I was in Milwaukee Wisconsin standing outside of Arnold's watching the burger joint burn to ground. It brought tears to my eyes, as it does every time I watch this episode. Poor Chachi had forgotten to turn off the burner because he was so excited that Joanie was finally going to let him take her up to inspiration point.

The Fonz completely lost his cool when he first confronted Chachi and screamed at him over destroying Al Delveccio's livelihood and dream. Chachi started crying and ran off like a little bitch.

Basically this is the formula plot for every third episode of Happy Days. During the first seven or eight years of the show it would then become Richard Cunningham's job to show The Fonz a different way to approach and resolve a situation.

Just like the first meeting between these two iconic figures. Richie shows the Fonz that there's a better way to life than beating people up and being a gangbanger by showing up to fight the Fonz despite having no chance of winning at all.

People always think that Ron Howard left the show to become a producer and win Oscars in Hollywood but that's not true. Richie left the show because The Fonz finally internalized what Richie had been showing him year in and year out.

Jumped The Shark... Jump this shark! Douchebag.

Anyway, after the voice of reason settles the Fonz down, he offers to help rebuild Arnold's by becoming a silent partner and then offers Chachi a second chance, just like Richie gave the Fonz.

I like the concept Garry Marshall had for this show. I wonder where he got it from though.

As always, I finished my milk and cookies, thanked Television for saving the day and helping me to process my feelings, and turned televison off.

And that's what I'm gonna do for the girl that scrapped the side of my house and caved in the door of my beautiful electric blue 1997 Mercury Sable that's still running like a champ despite the damage. I'm gonna get an estimate for the car and I'm gonna bring it to her house a long with a sweet little letter from Captain Corky explaining to her something, something whatever something the Livingston Mall, The Apologist, something, Eric P, something,1989.

Note: If I give you a ride in the Sable make sure to put a pair of safety goggles on. The broken glass keeps coming and coming and coming no matter how many times I vacuum the bitch.

 Even though the system can ultimately fail you, Richie Cunningham's fundamental philosophy never does.

And I'll extend my hand to the girl who hit my car just like my parents extended their hands to me back in 1973 when I was their kid living in a very broken system.

It's the most important thing I've ever learned and despite a little turmoil in my life here and there, I learned the lesson at a very early age.

Writing this brings me back to something willSIX wrote for me a long time ago when I despratelty needed a smile.

When I was younger some folks often mistook this simple act of putting my hand out as some kind of ego trip and that made me smile. Later as egos got bigger some mistook this for stupidity, and weakness and lots even told me so, and I just smile.

When I was living in Red bank and kind of lost a friend came down and did what I did for him years earlier. And you should see how big the smile on my face is right now just thinking about it.

Basically this the episode of Happy Days where Richie, Potsie and Ralph are about to get pulverized and out of a casket or in through a window comes the Fonz to the rescue. Those episodes are always a good time.

I look for Richie and the Fonz everywhere I go and they always show up in the most peculiar places. I found one in Tenlytown when I looked up and a guy painting a window on a forty foot ladder once, and wound up spending three years of my life drinking beer with him and a few others like him at bar called Babes Billiards. And again, people made the same mindless assumptions that they always do about people they don't know. Sometimes at the bar as I was sipping on my Bud draft this would make me smile.

I can go on and on and on, and I will cause writing this feldercarb really, really makes me smile. And it helps me sort out the endless amount of reruns in my head. Just not right now though  cause I'm past due on some much needed sleep.

I'll leave you with this: I hope that end of my life, or yours which ever comes first, we get to look at each other and have one last smile together. That's all that matters to me and that's all that ever will.

P.S. I’m going thank Garry Marshall for all the inspiration and  then ask him for the money to fix the door on my car cause the Fonz doesn’t live in Louisville, Kentucky, unfortunately.