Thursday, July 15, 2010

It's still a man's man's man's world

When Al Gore invented the Internet, he forgot a very important component: tone. In my inaugural post, I was making fun of the fact that I haven't grown a magic pair of balls for myself. At least one person interpreted my post as being a feminist rant against evil, evil men. So, here's some clarification.

In reality, Lieutenant Ilia is far from a ball-busting baldie. (I have shaved my head, but I'll get to that later.) In fact, I think that if women ruled the world, not much would ever get done. Can you imagine Barak Obama refusing to be in the same room as Joe Biden because "he's being a major bitch"? But, if it were Hilary Clinton and Nancy Pelosi? Let's face it, you could totally see that happening. This "I don't want to ever see that woman, ever" mentality is currently in play within the leadership of a group with which I volunteer. Sadly, the "Get Over Yourself and Move On" trait is lacking in most women. And that really, really sucks.

I can tolerate girly girls... hell, I get my nails done and eyebrows waxed on a regular basis. However, my closest female friends have been strong, outspoken, and more than occasionally vulgar - stereotypical male traits. Since I can telepathically read Captain Corky's mind, I have to disappoint him right now and say that I would make for a really bad lesbian. After all the fun and games, I'd want to skip the cuddle and pillow talk and leave immediately.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go get a cold bottle of beer, turn on ESPN in HD, and scratch my crotch, all in the name of solidarity.


patrick stewart said...

1) with all these new writers here, it's no fun anymore pretending to be boo or sweets or rick kroneberg or james basilico when i post.

2) is there an implication being made by placing a femine product ad so close to Al Gore's name? (ok, so he did just leave his wife of 40 years after getting frisky with masseuse in hotel).

3) the plus side to these new writers is better grammar than corky

4) i am really much better looking than that other captain

Peter said...

True on all counts. Al Gore has superseded John Edward (and John Edwards, for that matter) as "the biggest douche in the universe." (Hat off to South Park) Gore wins only because he can help himself and chooses not to (unless you are talking about our money).

pilgrimchick said...

Hmmmm....I think part of the problem is that women are often portrayed by ridiculous programs like "Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire" and "The Real Housewives of Somewhere" as ridiculous in the exact way you describe here. The result is twofold--women believe that this is the way they should act and society at large view women through thie lens, even if they aren't.