Thursday, May 26, 2011

Captain Corky's Collapsible Cross Emporium

Used to be you would have to go to the streets of New York to get a really good "End of the World" prediction, but now every crackpot with Internet access can predict the Rapture any time he or she wants. With that in mind, one of these FREAKS might be right one of these days, and that's where I come in. For 59.99 you can have your very own collapsible cross.

I first encountered one of these crosses being held by a crackpot at the Pegasus Parade a few days before the KY Derby. The crackpot's shirt read: Fear God! At first I was offended that he was blocking the cotton candy guy from making his rounds, but then I got an idea... What if I shrink the three sectional cross a little so that it will fit nicely into an exclusively hand sown back pack for $39.99. Then if demons start popping out of gopher holes all you have to do is pull out your Captain Corky collapsible cross, that you take everywhere, and you're as good as gold.

Fear not Jewish friend, Corky Lab Corp is currently working on a collapsible Star of David. Please note that because the Star of David has six points it will cost a little more than the cross or the hand sown backpack. But is $69.99 really too much to pay for eternal protection? I think not.

Remember folks, not only does Jesus and God love you, but so do I! Sometimes I think you forget that.


captain corky said...

Other products we're working on currently include Kosher Holy Water. The more bloated you are from drinking the water the more protected you are.

Charlene said...

I have no doubt this will be a fantastic money maker... er blessing maker. SMILE

Peter said...

I was disappointed that the Rapture didn't happen sometime this past week; I figured no one would expect it on the 23rd or 26th, so God could go ahead with it. He must have an even sicker sense of humor than I imagine. And that poor bozo who "predicted" it seemed so earnest; I think it was a stunt to get people to think about it or send him money or both. Damn it!

Peter said...

And I'll take four crosses; do they come in different sizes? I need one baby-size; one kid-size; one normal-size; and one ignite-diesel-on-it-and-frighten-your-neighbors-size (no, I won't be lighting it--you know me better than that).

Lieutenant Ilia said...

I'd like to throw the collapsible Star of David ninja-style.