Monday, December 31, 2012

January Gym Guy

It's the most dreadful time of year for the Gym Rat. Next week there will be a massive influx of fat people showing up to the gym at all hours of the day. Gym Rat will go to the gym at her usual time only to find January Gym Guy limping on her favorite treadmill.

To begin with, Gym Rat is already in a shitty mood cause she had to park in the grass due to January Gym Guy taking up all the parking spaces that are readily available in February through December. It's fucking cold in January. And although Gym Rat runs 5 miles a day she's not dressed or accustomed to dealing with the arctic wind that she'll have to endure walking from her car to the front desk.

Another thing that's gonna piss Gym Rat off is the fact that January Gym Slob will probably be working out in jeans demonstrating his utter lack of conviction and commitment to getting into shape. This will just rub salt on Gym Rat's wind burned face.

And of course January Gym Guy wont be able to keep his eyes off of Gym Rat. It's bad enough when Gym Rat feels a set of perverted eyes looking her up and down, but in January she'll have an entire room full of slovenly creeps eyeballing her from head to toe and drooling on themselves. It's really unfortunate.

Luckily for Gym Rat the first wave of January Gym Guy will be eliminated from getting into shape contention thanks to the NFL Playoffs. One good weekend of beer, wings, and shitty pizza will  knock off 75 percent of January Gym Guy.

The next 9 percent of January Gym Guy will pull a muscle trying to impress Gym Rat and that will be the end of him until next January.

12 Percent will work out so hard to ensure that the other dudes in the gym don't think he's a pussy. January Gym Guy wont be able to move for a month after the monster workout, but at least he's not a fucking pussy!

2 Percent of January Gym Guy will place a stop payment order on his February dues withdrawal. He can take that shit up with a collection agency.

1 Percent of January Gym Guy will become Aquaman and do nothing but swim at the gym.

That leaves 1 Percent of January Gym Guy and if everything works out according to the master plan Gym Rat might be getting asked out on a date in March.


1 comment:

Molly said...

Good luck to Gym Rat and Gym Guy. I am happy to see that your blog is semi-active. Take care.