Tuesday, May 16, 2006

BUT...THAT MAKES NO SENSE, HOW DO YOU FIGURE?



Bouncing Boy is a member of the Legion of Super heroes, he is basically a human pinball who is flexible. He is also fast and strong despite being a little overweight. This was Matt when he was a kid, and this is how our story starts.

The first time I ever saw Matt he was pretending to be Indiana Jones. He was whipping the stop sign at the corner of His Road and My Ave. Me and Billy Kelly(Bik) were watching him from a distance, sizing him up and critiquing his playing methods. He definitely had some potential.

One day in the winter I think, another friend of ours befriended Matt, and informed me that he would be playing soccer with us. I did not want to play with Matt for a reason I wouldn't remember by the end of the day. At first, I refused to play with Matt, but Lou or Prince Valiant if you will, subtly told me that indeed we were going to play with Matt . Lou threw me to the ground and dug his knee into the side of my head until I submitted. This is how differences of opinions were settled in those days. We played Soccer and Matt turned out to be ok, and in a Kevin Arnold like manner, I wound up eating dinner over his house that night.

We have too much of history to cover in this brief character profile, but here are a few more highlights from our friendship. Matt is a very stubborn human being. One time we were all getting ready to play a group game called war. This game is called paint ball today. Matt didn't want to play with us, and he had to be home at 8:00 PM, it was like 7:40, so instead of going home he road his bike around the sidewalk in circles. We watched him and made fun of him for it. We suggested that it was attention seeking behavior, but Matt to this day insists that it was just good time management skills. We coined this behavior model the Bicycle Bit.

Matt was the most obedient child I had ever been friends with. When we would watch rated R movies during sleep overs and birthday parties, Matt would sit in another room. He wouldn't cross the main street in our home town and I could never convince him to come with me to the local convenient store. So every time we achieved one of these milestones together, it was nothing short of epic.

As Matt got older he sought out the answers to his own questions by joining cults. That is why I will now call him Nightwing. When Robin grew up he became Nightwing a cool super hero in his own right but was always a member of a team and never had his own title at least not until 50 years after his creation, I think it only took Matt 30.

First Matt got his black belt in tae kwon do. Then he became a teen and college age peer leader in an organization called Tigs. He learned to juggle from a kid we refer to as The Clown who he met at Tigs. The clown actually was a member of, The Ringling Brothers Barnum and Baily Circus. His body control was amazing. We went bowling with The Clown once and after 5 or 6 frames of bowling strikes with his right arm, he got bored and began bowling strikes and spares with his left arm. Then Matt joined a cult of Yoga instructors. His Yoga cult leader was also a swinger, and discussed the sensitivity of his girlfriends nipples the first time I met him. This guy never had money and always made his students pay for his food. I think I wound up paying for part of his meal the first time I met him, and I didn't even belong to his fucking cult.

Finally, Matt decided that he didn't need these cults and packed up his bags and moved to Connecticut, where he found his current girlfriend who is a very nice girl. I heard a rumor that Matt might be moving to Boston in the fall to become a profit sharing big bad manager of a BFP Franchise. He also became interested in real estate. He acquired his first property last year and I'm sure he will acquire many more. If you need a painter give me a call Matt.

In short, Matt is my longest active friend. He lit a candle at my Barmitzvah and he was in my wedding party. I consider him to be my little brother in the grand scheme of my life.

3 comments:

Grimace said...

corky, don't forget the swoop.

Kim Jong Ramone said...

You forgot the Friday's cult and the duality of being a tigger and a bartender.

Anonymous said...

I don't know this Bicycle Bit of which you speak.

The Comedian


PS other than that, this was by far your best entry to date.