Monday, May 15, 2006

Proudly serving the nastiest food since 1934

Once again i'm here to talk about the piss poor quality of food in the south and midwest, because once again i'm hungry. I don't know if I should change the name of my blog to Corky's pig roast, or create a cartoon character for my blog, who's name is Corky Pig. Corky Pig's trademark will be a box of instant mashed potatoes, and every time he has an adventure, it will end with him sprawled out on a couch, unable to breathe because the flakes from his box have expanded in his stomach.

This is a picture of Steak-n-shake as you can see. This is the Souths answer to the diner. The diner can be found in just about any town in New Jersey. The diner a cleverly designed franchise, owned and operated by the Greeks, that specializes in pork roll sandwiches and french fries with mozzarella cheese and gravy. I have had the unpleasant experience of witnessing communist's ask for American cheese on their fries at the diner, and once, I was forced at gunpoint, to watch an atheist order his fries without cheese..

The sheer brilliance of these Greeks, is that every time you go into a diner, you think that it is owned and operated by independent proprietors. However, I don't see how they are making any kind of a profit, because they actually use good, quality ingredients in their foods. There french fries actually have a potato in them, for example. There cheese actually comes from the stuff of cows.

Steak-n-shake on the other hand serves potato skins, fried at 500 degrees for two days at a time. The burgers are so greasy that you could use them to change the oil in your car. Their idea of spaghetti and meatballs is, Spaghetti that has been soaking in hot crock pot for days on end, topped with chili and spray cheese. I do have to admit that they do have one desert that is tasty. It's a strawberry shortcake treasure with a biscuit burried at the bottom of your strawberry's, ice cream and whip cream. I shamefully admit it's not bad.

One night me and my wife were guzzling down some greasy hamburgers and spray cheese fries when we saw a horrific sight. A bride came into the Steak-n-shake on Dixie highway after her wedding in, full gown. My wife started laughing uncontrollably, and I started to have a panic attack, because I couldn't decide if it was the most tragic thing I had ever seen or the funniest. These kinds of violent shifts in emotion can be dangerous to the heart, not to mention the artery clogging, grease funnel I used to call my throat.

Look folks, I don't have a problem with people who like to go out to eat after a great night of drinking and eating, but please, help prevent Corky from choking on his food. Leave the wedding gown at home next time.


tinamomy said...

Just a few "facts" about the "diner" phenominum (You come by your bad spelling honestly - from MOM


tinamomy said...

Whooops, here's the link..

captain corky said...

Maybe we could learn to spell like my wife does. She finger spells everything with sign language, like when ever i ask here how to spell words like to, too and two.

bob bailowitz said...

here's a question for english grad student: how do you spell the 2 in this sentence: there are 3 kinds of 2's in the english language.

Another English grad said...

As, I've told Mr. Bailowitz several times, you would spell it phonetically: "tü" But apparaently that ruins the joke because he always pretends he doesn't hear me.

Anonymous said...

I GET IT there is a gag that I have ANTI taste...but I enjoy a good double bacon cheeseburger and shake from Steak N Shake BUT I should point out that the nearest one is over 1000 miles from me so if I eat there twice in the same year it is a lot and if I lived near one, I might not enjoy good ol' Steak N Shake quite so much.

The Comedian

the family reunion said...

It's obvious that you get your taste buds from Scranton Pennsylvania, comedian