Friday, June 16, 2006

First officer's log

Suspend your disbelief for a second, on a couple of different levels. Suppose Tina, my mother, and Alan, Billy's father, had a love child together. Or even better, Suppose Annette (Billy's mother) had one crazy night of hot steamy ecstasy and passion with my father Jack. Have any of you ever considered what the product of that indiscretion would look like? Well, if you look over to the left at the curly haired kid drawing in the only book he intends to take home from school, the glasses, the moon boots, well, for any of you that know me and Billy or have seen the movie Napoleon Dynamite, I think you get the picture, even the obsession with numchucks and Bo staff.

A good place to start our story together would be at Otter Lake, a camping resort in the Pocono Mountains. Even back then I was playing the part of Captain Corky. Which means that there had to be another kid playing the part of Mr. Spock, because as you know every Captain Corky must have a green blooded alien from the planet Saturn. That alien from Saturn's name is Bill. I have been friends with him almost all my life. The part of Dr. McCoy in those days was played by a kid named Jeramy. Bill and Jeramy were at each others throats constantly. It was Corky's responsibility to keep the peace and more importantly keep the blood shed to a minimum. Our script pretty much read like a script right out of Star Trek. What a great fucking show.

When we were not camping or enslaved in school or at a summer camp, we were spending most of our time over at Bill's house. Camp at Bill's house started at 7: am. Doug and a kid named Ryan would show up and start playing on Bill's computer. Specificly the game Bruce Lee. The game had three screens and you could never die. The enemy in the game was like a green Buddha Martian thing. Bill stayed asleep in his bed until about 11:00 am while Doug and Ryan played on the computer. Then at about 11:00 Corky and Matt would come over and it was time to play. This is basicly how the script of our lives went for years. Again, I could go on and on for days and I will, but for now just enjoy these tasty highlights.

At a slow and agonizing pace we started to grow up, and as we got older we still hung out together. We started behaving illogically as indestructible, immortal, omnipotent teenagers often do. We worked at the show office, we went to Skin head's against racial prejudice parties. We even worked at Friendly's together. I think we worked there because we needed an extra scoop of humiliation. What better way to feel humiliated then serving rich kids, food and ice cream, from our high school, dressed in blue and white polyester. We also did lots of those other "things".

Eventually Bill went off to Wisconsin to deal with the burning of his Vulcan blood. He toyed around with the idea of becoming a Russian historian and after that he thought about becoming a teacher. I think one day he was sitting in his parent's house and broke out his Atari 1500 and started playing Bruce Lee. That's where he got the idea to go pursue a career in computers, and as they say the rest is history. He wound up getting married to a lovely woman named Jill and they just recently had a lovely daughter named Sylvie( a Vulcan name if I'm not mistaken, I hope i didn't misspell that, but if i did blame ITA, not Corky)

Along with a new family and a good job, Bill is attending law school but more important then gowing to law school, Bill is also going to be joining the staff here at Corky's log. One last thing, if it seems to some of you that I get lost in let's remember, like Billy Joel said, "I'm just keeping the faith".

1 comment:

willSIX said...

Oh, Captain, my Captain!

[Stands on desk. Portrays Puck in a prep school rendition of "A Midsummer Night's Dream". Gets in trouble with the dad from "That 70s Show". Shoots self. Dies. Comes back as the Chief of Oncology in "House". &c]

You have been, and always shall be, my friend.

As my little way of saying thank you, I've changed my image to the absolute, by far, way coolest evar picture of Spock.

For those of you who don't know where this image comes from, you've got no ST game. Seriously. None. Fo' shizzle.

As usual, everything Captain C writes above is completely accurate, unbiased, and true. Except for the part about me waking up at 11:00. Try 2:00 pm, big boy. I don't think 11:00 a.m. even existed for me until college. And wasn't it Skinheads NOT Against Grubbing?

Keep keeping that faith, Cap.

Spock (real name unpronouncable by humans, although even on Vulcan everyone just calls him SPOCK)

p.s. - Although you managed to misspell just.about.everything.else, you did spell Sylvie's Saturnian/Vulcan name correctly, and for that, I thank you.