Thursday, June 08, 2006

Korean Food: a board game brought to you by Milton Corky

Notes:Galbi, marinated rib beef
Uk, raw beef, mixed with a raw egg and pear strips Saki, warm rice wine

Game pieces:1. blood hound, the objective of the blood hound is to hoard as much protein as possible. The blood hound will drink nothing but water and stop at nothing to devour all forms of fish, pork and beef. This player will be represented by a gnarled bone and will receive bonus points if blood is dripping down his chin. 2. Wild card, the objective of this game piece is to either eat as much protein as possible or consume as much Saki as he can. Be aware that he will never reveal his true intentions. It is also his responsibility to order the entire meal. Extra bonus points will be awarded to this player if he simply refers to a waiter or waitress as, you, in a native Korean tongue. This player will be represented by a menu in Korean. 3. Fry guy, The objective of this player is to make sure he doesn't eat enough at the restaurant. Fry guy will only eat Galbi and rice and since they don't serve Snapple at the Korean restaurant, he will have to settle for a coke. Fry guy will be awarded 100 extra points if he stops off at a McDonald's on the way home. This player will be represented by a medium fry. 4. Tea kettle, The objective of this player is to drink as much Saki as he can until his cheeks are red and he is slurring his words. Extra bonus points will be awarded if he can convince the rest of the game pieces that they are still 17 years old and can coral them into a bar after they eat. Obviously this player will be represented by a tea kettle. 5. Connoisseur , The objective of this player is talk as much trash as possible before the game. This player consumes and equal balance of all foods. Extra bonus points well be awarded if this player discovers a new Korean Beer. This game piece will be represented by a bottle of OB 6. Sly Fox, the objective of this player is to eat as much, raw beef, as she can, but do it an unassuming way while making the other game pieces assume that she is there for all the foods. Bonus points will be awarded for excessive shots of Saki and convincing other players to try new foods. This game piece will be represented by an egg. 7. Deaf Ear, the objective of this player is to slowly but surely start enjoying all the foods. Originally, this game piece would only eat Galbi, but after some persuasion from the sly fox, she now craves the shreaded raw beef as well. She is awarded bonus points for ignoring the tea kettle when it whistles. This game piece will be represented by an ear. 8. Center piece, the objective of this player is to keep the blood hound under control. She also has the responsibility of humoring the tea kettle when he starts to blow, sometimes about the state of Israel for example. Bonus points will be awarded to this player every time she makes the blood hound give her paw. This player will be represented by a leash. 9. Suit case, the objective of this player is to order 7 side dishes and bring them all home in her luggage. This player will receive an extra 50 points if she orders a dish and never touches it. This game piece will be represented by a Styrofoam box. 10. Football helmet, the objective of this game piece is to eat what ever is front of him. (He must stay in shape for football season) The player will receive an extra 25 points for trying to change the tea kettle's agenda after the meal. This game piece will be represented by a football. 11. Funnel, the objective of this game piece is to quietly consume as much alcohol as the tea kettle. This player will receive an extra 75 points for keeping the Tea Kettle's shot glass full. Be advised not to ride in the same car with this funnel on the way home. This player will be represented by what else? a funnel. 12. Shinning star. the objective of this game piece is to give the tea kettle a recurring realization that she is not an 8 year old girl anymore. She gets bonus points for saying fuck and taking shots of Saki as well. Her game piece will be represented by a doll. 13. Violet, the objective of this game piece is to stay as quiet as possible, perhaps because she is shy, but by now she is starting to realize that she will be surounded by a bunch of animals. She gets bonus points for making fun of the Fry guy and extra 10 points for everytime she is on her cell phone. Her game piece will be a flower.

Special guest game pieces include Empty wallet, the objective of this game piece is to order the most expensive food on the menu, and at the end of the meal come up with excuses as to why he cant pay. King, it is every other game pieces obligation to sit next to the king. bonus point will be awarded to all players for accomplishing such feet's as ordering a 6th kettle of Saki or consuming 40 pieces of sushi, for the kings delight. Family Man, the objecitve of this game piece is to humor the Tea kettle when he is spilling drinks on his shirt, and talking with his mouth full. This game piece gets bounus points for talking about his wife and his baby daughter. Man about town, the objective of this game piece is to come accoss charming and laugh at everyones jokes with his infectious laugh. Bonus points will be awarded if this man gets drunk and reveals a secret.

Here's how you play: Step 1. Strategically sit next to someone that is not going to inhibit you from accomplishing your goals. This is the most difficult part of the game for the bloodhound and the wild card.
Step 2. Eat and drink as much as you can.
Step 3. Take out a second line of credit to pay for your meal.
Step 4. Have fun


the wild card said...

this is the all time funniest post. i just lost my shit at work. excuse me while i compose myself

wannabe tea kettle said...

i know a really good bar in korea town with a good view of empire state building and cheap drinks and privacy

#1 fan said...

like good saki or cheese (sorry WC), better every f'ing time i read it.

captain corky said...

I aim to please. Sounds good WTK

The Apologist said...

Post Script:

1st Place: the Wild Card

2nd Place: Sly Fox (assisted by Blood Hound)

3rd Place: Tea Kettle

Last Place: Fry Guy

Honorable Mention: Blood Hound

DNP Coaches Decision: The Connoisseur

the champ said...

first of all, i'd like to thank all my teammates, the coaching staff, and all the fans. without the support of each and every one of them, i never would have learned how to overindulge as successfully as i did on sat. i would also like to thank the styrofoam container and violet for not eating much galbi.

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