Tuesday, June 13, 2006

We now return you to our regularly scheduled program

For all of you who don't know me and Matt let me give you a little background information about us. We have really big appetites. That means we like to eat a lot. We have big, fat, unsightly, grotesque bellies to prove it, if you don't believe me ax Ian or Doug. But don't burden yourself worrying about our weight, we're going on diets next week and besides, the women we are with love us for our minds, not our bodies.

Aside from eating anything that isn't nailed down, Matt and I have big dreams, big aspirations and umm, big plans. It's just that sometimes our eyes are a little bigger then our guts. So when Matt called on the phone a couple of months ago and asked me if I could come up to Connecticut to help him paint his girlfriend's house, my reply went something like this, "Shit, we could paint your girlfriend's 2000 square foot house in like three days." You know me, ever the eternal optimist, but in case we have bitten off more than we can chew, you might want to consider bringing an old shirt and a pair of pants that you don't care about anymore when you come up to visit on Friday directly after work, Lou.

While me and Matt were painting the front of Lucia's house, with a paint brush in one hand and a calzone in the other, we were listening to the life changing soundtrack from the Broadway play Rent, and we were singing "I'll cover you" to each other, but actually I was pondering a question someone asked me. In not so many words he said, "Why do you spend your vacations painting for your freinds?" At first I thought to myself, "because I'm good friend." No, that's not it. Then I thought maybe it's because I'm so insecure and I'm afraid if I don't paint for them, they won't need me anymore. It couldn't possibly be that because if I had a serious problem, they would do everything in their power to help me, but i wouldn't have any experience in that department. Maybe it's because I'm vicariously living my life through them. The more I thought about it, the more my conclusions didn't make any sense, and then as the stomache acid came barreling up the side of my throat, burning my esophagus, the answer was painfully clear. Essentially, I'm nothing more than a dog pissing on your rug marking my territory.

Incidently, I would not recomend buying a brush like the one in this picture if your going to be taking on a painting project of your own. Buy a 2 and half inch angle slash brush. It's much easier to paint corners with.


Eddie said...

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Look forward to reading more.

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ian said...

dear corky and chicken guy:

i would be very happy to offer to help, but unfortuantely, my future in-laws are visiting and scheduled to meet my father's family for the first time friday night. pitty. especially since i am such a good painter. just ask doug and his friend droopy.

p.s. the fry guy is now the chicken guy since he filled up on ckicken at the korean place. he will also be known as the heretic.

captain corky said...

Ian, congratulations on your victory Saturday night. The Wild Card breaks out the double fisting action, oh yeah. As for the painting were in better shape then I thought, I think.

Thanks for posting the official results from Saturday's game Doug.