Monday, January 15, 2007

Press Release

Coinciding with the arrival of our baby due on July 10th, I'm very happy to announce that Corky & Co. will be introducing a new line of Captain Corky action figures. I will introduce the line up after you enjoy a few testimonials from actual friends of Captain Corky, and one from Corky himself.

"Kids don't have the kind of quality toys to play with like we had back in the 70's, and early 80's, and I just can't let my kid start off life in this world with that kind of disadvantage". - Captain Corky 1/15/2007.

"I come across many people who don't have a personality or a mind of their own... and clearly it's because they didn't hang out with Corky when he was younger, and play with his Mego action figures. Fortunately I did"! -The Birdman

"Were it not for being exposed to Captain Corky's extensive super hero collection when I was younger, chances are I would have joined a fraternity in college, and spent the rest of my life working as a used car sales man, and living in my parents attic". -Kim Jong Ramone

"I was a very angry kid when I was younger, that is until Corky introduced me to Playmobil. After that I never went anywhere without a smile on my face". -Willsix

"Were it not for GI Joes, Corky never would have taken any interest in me and instead of graduating from one of the best Colleges in the county, I'd still be hanging around with the local neigborhood miscreant, Al". -The Apologist

"Corky has serious fucking issues"! -The Grumbler

The Action figures:

Gym Rat Corky: Figure comes with chafed skin, huge pecks, big biceps, and a removable 25 pound gut.

Ice cream scooping Corky: Figure comes with a purple Friendly's polyester suit, lots of zits, makes minimum wage, and runs into the girl that he has had a crush on since freshmen year of high school three times a week, while wearing the purple polyester suit.

Compulsive Corky: Figure comes with an empty 2 litter to be used as a spittoon. Figure also has no less than two cans of copenhagen on him at all times. Figure likes to drink, gamble and smoke from time to time too.

Genius Corky: This figure is fairly obvious.

More to come!


Metal Mark said...

Sounds like a good line-up. Are there going to be any vehicles of spaceships to go with these figures?

theresa said...

I don't get the feeling there's going to be a "Malibu Corky".
Still, I think you're onto something here. I'd save my allowance for at least 2 weeks to get myself a Corky.

(very funny, too)

RockDog said...

"Ice Cream Scooping Corky" would look good on the shelves in my office! I'll be the envy of all my neighbors!

HoosierGirl5 said...

What about a "Spaghetti Junction Corky" complete with a frustrated driver and an action vehicle? Or a "Derby Dog Corky" who has his own chowwagon, play food, and a blanket for watching Thunder?

I would really like a genius Corky for my classroom. He would help raise all our IQs!

PS. July is a great month! It's my birthday! By the way, my first name works for both sexes. (hint, hint)

Ms. Tuesday said...

July 10th happens to be my mom's birthday... all in all a fabulous day I would say!

To complete the collection I pretty sure you need Blogtime Corky, who comes seated at the computer desk and complusively alternates between posting blogs and comments, reading other people's blogs, checking his comments and profile views, and consulting his site meter to see who was on in the last 20 min and how long they were there for.

I mean... ya know... just so the collection is complete.... =)

Sunshine said...

My oldest son is March 22, William Shatner's birthday....yes, it's OK to be jealous Corky.

alicia said...

I was due on July 10th! I had Cam a week late and delivered him on the 17th.
Want my advice?
Let her crank the air conditioning this summer.

Kim Jong Ramone said...

We demand an Olaf Corky and a detailed explaination of who Olaf is for those who have never met him.

Steven Novak said...

I heard that the genius Corky figure was meant sarcasticlly. ;)


The Lone Beader said...

Cool. Who's the manufacturer?

captain corky said...

Mark: There are at least two vehicles in the works. One is a cutlass cierra that inevitably dies at 75,000 and the other is a golden Somerset Buick that gets abandon in Bethesda Maryland.

Theresa: Thanks. Unlike Ken, and Barbie all Captain Corky action figures are flame retardant and indestructable.

Rockdog: I'll have to send you one along with my a set of my complete works.

Hoosiergirl 5: All Kentucky Captain Corky action figures won't be intoduced until next year, but there's a fishing Corky in the works that sits at the the top of the tail water at noon during the hottest day of the year, and then goes home with blisters on his face.

17 145 546: I have no idea what you're talking about with site meter but a blogging action figure is a very good idea.

Sunshine: LOL very funny!

Alicia: Our air conditioner went out for three days last year, and my wife almost slit my throat. I'll make sure it's working this year!

KIM Jong Ramone: In time my friend!

The Grumbler said...

this lineup would not be complete without actual "captain corky", corky, complete with removable eye protection, camoflouge, paint gun, and 37 purple welts.

The Grumbler said...

oh, and i vote for olaf, too.

captain corky said...

Great link Beader!

Grumbler: I can't write for Olaf. Only he can write for himself, but the next time he's available, I'm sure he'll be more thang glad to write a post.

Steve: I heard the same thing only he had a hook on his foot.

Heidi on Vashon said...

What about the Corky companion action figure for us gals? Allysonia, perhaps?!

Sounds like a compelling collections!

bardouble29 said...

Let me know when the new lines of action figures roll out...have to get me one of each...LOL

Lady K said...

Will the action figure have any kind of "sidekick?"

What about a kung fu grip or something like that?

HEY ~ How about STRETCH Corky? LMFAO you crack me up.

17.145.546 said...

Dear 74.128.157,

You are an arse.


Yasamin said...

oh my god i want Gym Rat Corky!! ;p i can dress it up in barbies clothes and make it trapse around like a drag queen which i did to ken all the damned time for hilarities sake. lol

i wanna action figure of my own! what should mine be???

James Burnett said...

Porn Star Corky is next.

TheBirdman33 said...

No Malibu Corky, but I am SURE there will be a Wildwood Corky.
He comes complete with a wife beater shirt, a bottle of oil, and sunglasses bought at rest stop 120 on the Garden State Parkway.

Tod said...

Will all these Corky's have their own cartoon series? :)

captain corky said...

Heidi: I'm definitely going to add some girl figures. Captain Corky would be so lonely without female companionship.

Bardouble29: Nice! I'll definitely let you know.

Lady K: Yeah, the Birdman, who sits in the side car on the Captain Corky motercycle.

17.145.546: I aim to please :)

Yasamin: You will absolutely have an action figure made, one who knits and lol, and roflmao, and comes with a comic book collection and you can pull a string to make this figure talk.

James: Absolutely

Birdman: Good one dude, I'm sure you could come up with a couple 100 figures of me yourself.

Tod: Of course, and a breakfast cereal too.

willSIX said...

I think "Campground Corky" is a must-have. Comes with fishing pole and tacklebox. Unfortunately, it only comes in the "sitting on the dock" position, and does not get up or talk or move or do anything.

Optional vehicles include 3-man canoe with Bloodynose action!

kat said...


willSIX said...

And I'm not a Playmobile, dammit. I'm a lego version of Patrick MacGoohan, you philistine.

Heidi the Hick said...

Playmobil rocks. Okay Lego rocks too. In my world there's room for everybody.