Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Welcome 2007

This morning when I looked out my window as the sun was coming up, I noticed that the parking lot looked exactly the same as it did in 2006. Nothing had changed about it as far as I can tell. Take my truck for example, to my truck it's still 1983. The beast isn't even fuel injected. Corky driving around a vehicle in 2007 that's not fuel injected? That shit's not going to fly this year. Time to either donate the truck to Goodwill or blow it up in a field somewhere. I would really like to blow it up in the parking lot in front of Larry (superintendent) but seeing how it's my New Year's resolution to obey the law I'm going to discard it legally.

Speaking of the law, one that just went into affect in Kentucky yesterday is now they can pull a person over for not wearing a seat belt. I have a hard time believing that a police officer can see clearly enough into a car to determine if a person is wearing a seat belt or not. It's bullshit if you ask me. I do wear my seat belt but not because Kentucky tells me to, but because I value my life. Now I'm going to have to get my windows tinted because I don't need those freaks peering into my window for any reason, let alone to see if I'm wearing my seat belt.

Another thing I'm working on is a new theme for 2007. Last year's theme was 2006 The Year of Corky. That theme seems to work for me every year but I've decided to go in a different direction this year. I might go with 2007 Return of the Guido. House music all year long! Really becoming a Guido again for 2007 is all about wearing ribbed t-shirts from Structure. That means that I'll need to lose a little weight.

Another theme that I've been toying around is the Highway to Heaven model (I don't have a name for it yet). If I let my hair grow out I'm sure I can grow a wonderful top heavy mullet just like Landon's in the pic above. The Birdman can drive me around in a blue Malibu and we'll fix peoples lives. That would be fun and all that selflessness would get me in with the good Lord. There's so much to think about but unfortunately I won't have any time to really address any of these issues until February, after the Super Bowl.

Finally, the 2006 man of the year according to Corky, is Herman Edwards. Through his excellence in coaching the Kansas City Chiefs made the playoffs in 2006. What a way to close out a pretty good year for Captain Corky. Rumor has it that I'm 50 bucks wealthier heading into 2007. That's as good as any way to start a new year I think.


HoosierGirl5 said...

Corky, I never know what to expect from you. You always make me laugh at the way you tie in pictures and thoughts that, at first glance, seem to have nothing to do with each other. Highway to Heaven and Herman Edwards? Great ideas!
Back to work for me today.

Dan said...

You're not going to be able to help people with their lives until after the Super Bowl??

You selfish bastard.

Happy New Year dude! :)

Lady K said...

You crack me UP! They've had that stupid seatbelt law down here now for years. I've never heard of anyone getting pulled over for it, but I'm glad I have tinted windows. I don't always wear mine, but you inspire me to do it, even if it IS a 5 minute drive.

Then again, I could probably walk just about anywhere I needed to go. I miss living in the country.

karma lennon said...

They have that seat belt law here in Georgia too. I never did understand how they could see into the car either. Ridiculous.

willSIX said...

Many Happy Returns, Corkster. Rumor has it a certain Blog Captain once received so many tickets for driving seatbeltless he was issued a bench warrant, but perhaps my aging memory fails.

Also, I think the new year would have to be titled 2007: Revenge of the Guido. I can't see the Guidos just returning...unless you consider blasting crap music and doing tranny-drops-burn-outs in front of the High School "returning".

RockDog said...

Good luck with the mullet thing. It's not always easy to pull off, but I think that if anyone can do it that it would be you.

Anonymous said...

why am I the fat guy with a beard and mustache in your highway to heaven fantasy?!?

Life, or Something Like It said...

I used to love Highway to Heaven! You should drive up my way. I'd love to see you and the Birdman in action.
Oh, wait, AFTER the super bowl you say? That doesn't really work for me....

Tod said...

I think you should definitely blow up your truck and then post pictures!

Sunshine said...

Michael Landon's mullet would definitely tell you to wear your seatbelt.
And blowing up the truck sounds good, but wouldn't it be cool if you could tie it in with a local charity, or the pediatric wing at your hospital (since there's a mini-Corky on the way) and offer chances at $10 a shot to push the button to obliterate the offending vehicle??
Now that would get you in so good with the Lord that Michael Landon might even be standing at the pearly gates waiting for you, and maybe even Herman Edwards, should he see an early demise due to seatbelt wearing neglect.

Pixie said...

Believe me a cop can easily tell if you are wearing your seatbelt.

Cops in the Uk have had the power for years to pull you over for not wearing one and fine you.

Now if only they would start pulling over the morons who have a cell phone in one hand and coffee or a cig in the other, driving around like they own the road.

Have a great 2007 x

Metal Mark said...

It's certainly been like Highway to hell the last few days for my beloved Denver Broncos.

The Grumbler said...

curses. blast it.

ok. you have to admit that KC lucked out with broncos losing in ot at home to SF. lucky break. admit it, and i'll pay up. oh--you have to come back east for me to pay you.

who do i root against? harm or gayton?

mark: broncos had the best rebuilding season in history of NFL. they have a new QB, left tackle, number 1 and 2 recievers, and top TE and still won 9 games. a little depth on the d-line so they don't wear down at the end of close games and they'll be fine next season.

Big Pissy said...

We've had that stupid seatbelt law here in Hell for years.

But it doesn't bother me, b/c I'd wear one anyway.

as for your theme this year~Please please PLEASE go with Highway to Heaven. Just the thought of you being driven around by Birdman in a blue car like the one on the tv show was enough to make me laugh.

The Grumbler said...

got to go with the year of the guido. think of all the randoms you will get to talk about, including my personal favorite, grimace. plus, cavariccis, reboks, iroc, the greasy touch.

"highway to imaginary place that doesn't exist in reality" is a bad theme.

Anonymous said...

I was enjoying your blog and tried to comment on it multiple times, to no avail. is there a special trick I am unaware of?

Kim Jong Ramone said...

2006 The year of Corky = Old and Busted.

2007 The year of Corky Jr. = New Hotness.

KJR = Corky Jr.'s favorite Uncle.

kat said...

Good for you and that 50 Bucks. But I would pass on the Highway to Heaven theme and go straight for something more hard edged like Herman's Head, Quantam Leap, or Saved By the Bell. If you are going to go retro telelvision - go quality!

Nonnyhatesbeta said...

Hi, I'm back (sorta). Nicotine withdrawl has me feeling fuzzy in the head. Can I be you and Birdman's first assignment? I need help, lots and lots of help. Plus, I have a totally pimped out Bonneville with super (re: illegal) dark tinted windows that I would let you borrow :)

Yasamin said...

I might go with 2007 Return of the Guido. House music all year long! Really becoming a Guido again for 2007 is all about wearing ribbed t-shirts from Structure. That means that I'll need to lose a little weight.

I just about died laughing! get the birdman to do the same and Imma start callin you guys the Butabi brothers ahahahahahahaaa!!!