Monday, February 26, 2007

Wardrobe malfunction

I was all set to bitch and moan about the Academy this morning but I figured they'll get enough attention from everyone else. And besides they gave Marty his Oscars for Goodfellas this year, so what's there to talk about.

Let's talk about another goodfella I know, Kim Jong Ramone! KJR is a very good friend of mine who is already starting to shop for Corky Jr (brownie points). He found this masterpiece of a onesie online. I could pretty much alienate everyone I know by putting my kid into this. You have to admit this outfit is brilliant. A short list of all the people who would shun me if they saw Corky Jr wearing this outfit: My mother, my father in-law, Willsix, and of course my wife just to name one more then a few. My father would just tell me that I was an asshole. Kind of like he did the day I came home with my first tattoo.


How many of you miscreants would pay to see Corky Jr in this one? Kim Jong Ramone is particularly proud of the Misfits onsie, but I have to put my foot down. This is the last thing the prodigal son needs to be seen in. "No fucking kid of mine is going to listen to punk rock"! he exclaimed.









Luckily I convinced my wife to have Corky Jr in a hospital and not on some farm in Upstate New York in the rain with 100,000 dirt bags. In other words the hippie shirt is out.

And finally we have the only acceptable outfit that I will permit Corky Jr to wear for the first 3 years of his life. I might allow different variations and combinations of the following colors: 1.red 2.white and 3.blue, but I'm not sure yet. Please join me tomorrow where I select Corky Jr's food, and friends for the next 20 years.


40 comments:

Biddie said...

See? Here I am, and it's not even 8am. first stop on the blog tour.
I LOVE LOVE LOVE the Misfits onesie. I do. Where were these things when my kids were babies? Seriously cool.
The Superman one is good, too.
So you think that you're to pick food, clothing and friends for the next 20 yrs or so?
Good luck with that!

Aunt Jackie said...

I for one favor the Misfits onesie... Go ahead and let the kid be cool, Long Live Punk!! He'll love you for his freedom of expression later :)

Metal Mark said...

I like the Superman one, but white has no chance against a baby.

Lady K said...

You are hilarious. I looked for my crochet needles over the weekend to start creating a blankie, but couldn't find them anywhere. I managed to find all my yarn, though!

Heidi the Hick said...

Damn, my kids are 12 and 10 and there was nothing like this back when they were babies! Cool!

Don't knock the non-hospital birth too hard. Boy was born in my living room/ bedroom. It was awesome. I didn't have to share the room with a bunch of whiners and my cat got to come visit right away! Sadly this was in the city and not out in a log cabin in the sticks. Can't have everything.

(I've got some onesies for sale! Go check out my merch site! Sadly no superman onesies though.)

This is the fun part of having babies, dude!

Sunshine said...

As an homage to the 80s, I gotta go with Reagan. But the Superman one is like a no brainer because, well, it's SUPERMAN for god's sake. My daughter had a Superman outfit, in pinks and purples of course, because her name starts with "S", shut up, it made sense to me. She was Supergirl.

I think some leather wristbands with metal spikes is next on your shopping list...all babies need those too.

etain_lavena said...

Misfits hell ye......do it....and the crowd shouts DO IT!!!!
Ok I am also prohibited from butying any punk outfist for my sister baby, but I must say she will shock her mommy all by herselve, she likes my black cutex like in LOTS...and she headbangs to my music....so I am sure Little Capitan will do it on his own;)
I got a email the other day of kiddies T-shirts, my fav one said: Daddy only wanted a blowjob:)

RockDog said...

I second what MetalMark said...white just ain't gonna last!...but SuperMan is cool!

Jay said...

Those are hilarious. I have to say I wouldn't let my kid wear the Reagan one though. I can't believe the NFL doesn't have a line of onesies. If you got the tye dye one you could also get the kid a necklace withe peace emblem on it and a bandana. That would be pretty funny.

furiousBall said...

That Misfits onezie rocks. I might have to go impregnate my wife just to buy that...she probably won't go for that...hmm...

Bardouble29 said...

I like the superman onsie. Oh and good luck with choosing friends for him!

The Lone Beader said...

Those are bad-ass onesies!! LOL. I have one for Corky, Jr. too. Check it out=:)

The Adult in Question said...

I like the Misfits one!

Big Pissy said...

I could SO see Corky Jr in the Superman onesie.

although I think his/her's should have a big "C" instead of the S.

Alicia said...

My Mom got my son a Greatful Dead Onesie when he was a teensy weensie baby.
She claimes she had no idea that those fuzzy bears were their trademark...
She simply thought it was cute.

Chris made a shirt last night that says, "I'M DANNIELYNN'S REAL DADDY"

Ms. Tuesday said...

One would THINK white wouldnt work for a baby... until you realize that white things can be bleached (and then double rinsed of course), but if he stains his colored things and it doesnt come our with detergent... you're screwed! See, white is actually much easier to clean!

P.S.- If we have a son someday, I am absolutely popsitive Hubby would demand he be placed immediately into the Misfites onesie. And I think that would be adorable!

Pixie said...

Yes superman is the way to go.
I should think they probably do mini Trekkie outfits for kids too ;)

Twisted Cara Bear said...

Oh Corky, I've got a better selection! I'll email them to you

Kim Jong Ramone said...

The people have spoken. Double bonus The Misfits hail form Jerz.

Yasamin said...

do you think i could find an adult sized misfits onesie? ya know?? i mean i would totally sport that. and nothing else.

hahahahaha!!!

karma lennon said...

Awww, I love the little tie dyed one! :)

James Burnett said...

I'm w/ya. I vote for the Superman onesie. It's the coolest.

Hey, come by. I have an "operational" kid question for parents and soon-to-be.

willSIX said...

Hey Cap'n. A mutual friend of ours had a blue onesie for his son made up that said "Made in New Jersey" on it. Always cracked me up.

Saw your parents this weekend at the most fabulous party. Perhaps you heard about it?

Diesel said...

I'd totally get that first one.

Happy Inappropriate Card Day!

NJ Mobman said...

Hey Corky, I hate to tell you this but Marty got the Oscars for Best Directer Ragging Bull, Taxi Driver and Goodfellas. The Departed got the Oscar for Best Picture. It was so nice that the Academy did this for Marty. I hope to see you next month.

Steven Novak said...

t-shirt hell.com sells KICK ASS baby clothes.

Google it, then check it out.

Trust me. ;)

Steve~

abbagirl74 said...

Awh! How cute! I just love babies and baby clothes. I spoiled my nephew rotten this past Christmas. I love babies!!!

Chucky said...

I'm sure you'll get used to seeing this too.

Heidi on Vashon said...

This post is f*cking hilarious, mostly because I really do picture your baby in each of these and then I picture the reactions of your loved ones! The S has it, and none other.

Michael C said...

I'd put my next little one in that onesie! I got to meet him back in 97. Sadly he didn't remember it...

Theresa said...

Oh, I love the phase when parents think they have complete control over how their kids will turn out. So adorable!!!

kat said...

Oh yeah, that superman onesie is *the shit*. Couple that with one of those "Got Milk?" onesies and junior will be styling for ages!

Ben O. said...

I just have two words for ya . . .

"Trickle Down"

Ben O.

Anonymous said...

ben: that was funny, but the sad part is that trickle down, supply side, or even "reaganomics" means nothing to corky. he worships reagan with zero understanding of his economic, social, or political policies.

corky: reagan once said ketchup was a vegetable to try and prove school children were getting healthy meals in cafeterias. that is an indication of his idiocy. you should be aware of the meaning of an image or onvocation of a historical figure's image before you canonize it. blindly believing in a politician, without careful examination and understanding his/her ideology leads to the election of war mongering invaders and elitists who care not for the disadvantaged. you should be embarrassed to admit that you even though about dressing your kid in a reagan shirt. next thing, you'll be preparing to put him in a Bush Jr t-shirt and say mission accomplished. or worse, you might even vote for someone like bush again.

HoosierGirl5 said...

Okay, I like the tie-dyed one and the superman one. My youngest son, who was born in 2000, has one that says, "I celebrated the millenium in my birthday suit!" Yeah!

Chosing your child's clothes, food and friends is easy until they turn 12....then you can kiss it all good-bye. I am now in full favor of pre-arranged marriages. I mean, if I like the kid and I like the parents, let's just settle the whole thing now and save us all some angst. Works for me.

J.

captain corky said...

Anon: You mean ketchup isn't a vegetable? Is it a fruit? I'm so confused... Anyway, thanks for shedding some light on the subject. I'm sorry but economic, social, and political policies completely escape my limited understanding of the world around me. As a matter of fact, I don't even think I learned to tie my shoe until I was five, or was it six? I can never remember. However, I'm pretty sure I can tell the difference between a piece of fruit and a vegetable at this point. Ketchup is definitely a vegetable.

etain_lavena said...

So A veggie Capitan.....:)...

Blancodeviosa said...

as if we don't have enough time to inflict pain and embarrassment on our children now we get to start REALLY early!!!!! ahahahaha...

Anonymous said...

bush is a vegetable, too, but that didn't stop you from voting for him. or at least that's what i hear.

captain corky said...

anonymous: Get help man.