Thursday, May 24, 2007

In Remembrance of the Jersey Shore

I have an overwhelming desire to pack my trunk full of beer, put my pregnant wife in the passenger seat of our car, and drive form Louisville Kentucky to Seaside Heights, New Jersey directly after work tomorrow morning. It might even be stronger than just a desire. It might be a biological instinct.

Here's how it works on Memorial Day Weekend. It doesn't matter what decade it is by the way. I spend 4 hours in bumper to bumper traffic on the Garden State Parkway to go 90 miles or so(paying for the privilege to drive on this road I might add). I spend the first 3 or 4 hours in Seaside (commonly referred to by many as Sleaside) trying to find a room because me and my cohorts were too stupid to book a room on the busiest weekend of the year. Finally I find a room for 80 bucks a night, well it's more like a closet, but it has a really uncomfortable cot to pass out on. I'm told not to worry about the yellow police tape or the chalk outline in front of the motel by the woman working behind the counter who barely speaks English, and has flies surrounding her.

I complain about the motel to somebody like the Birdman or Kim Jong Ramone for about 10 seconds, put my shit in the closet and start sucking back a Budweiser. 3 Beers later I feel fantastic and I am in complete love with the ambiance of the Hotel. Especially with its proximity to the closest liquor store, and the ocean of course! Have I ever told you how much I love the ocean. I love the ocean a lot. Holy cow I love it!
Now it's time to get ready to go out. Going out translates to walking up and down the Boardwalk for hours ad-nauseum. Yes... It's true, Captain Corky and Crew had to take lengthy showers, put gel in our hair and cologne on our bodies in order to do this. This can very easily take up to 2 hours especially with the Birdman who used to have to conference to pick out an outfit. I won't scare you by describing some of the outfits we wore.

The real magic happens on the Boardwalk folks. Somebody in your party will throw up from drinking way to much back at the motel. This is mandatory and 100 percent guaranteed. Not me. I can hold my liquor! Hours will pass and inevitably my group of friends will meet two girls for the 5 of us. Happened almost every year without fail. For the four days that I'm there I eat Sicilian Pizza for every meal. And of course stupid looking gorillas will go out of there way to make idotic faces at you. Not much you can do about that but laugh at them.

But the real reason I went every year is not the beer, nor the hot ladies, or the 80 dollar a night motels. It was the Sicilian pizza all along. It doesn't get any better than Sicilian Pizza. Trust me. I think we might have played volleyball on the beach, swam in the ocean and also got some sun while we were there also. ;)

When you get a little older feel free to save 2 hours of your 4 day trip so you can go down to AC and lose about 500 bucks in a half hour, but that's more of a story for my therapist...


Have a fantasitc 3 Day weekend! And make sure to stop by Rockdog's blog to get details about his Saturday night radio show.










41 comments:

Jenny! said...

It sounds like the perfect getaway for your very pregnant, almost ready to deliver wife! I sure she would love it. Is is required that you talk like an undeducated dago (don't know how ot spell that) when you go there???

Jenny! said...

Actually, when you drink enough, anywhere is a great place for the holiday weekend!

captain corky said...

LOL Jenny. It's spelled G-u-i-d-o.

RockDog said...

"Hours will pass and inevitably my group of friends will meet two girls for the 5 of us"

LOL! DUDE! I can't count the many times that happened to us! All 5 of us jockeying to be one of the "lucky" ones! LOL!

Thanx for the plug! The show is gearing up to kick ass!

Jenny! said...

Thanks, good to know!

Laurasia said...

You know, I went to Jersey once. I was surprised to see that it wasn't much, but then again, I was nowhere close to the boardwalk OR the beach. At least I don't think I was. I was there for roughly 20 mins before I headed back to Syracuse. The drive there was beautiful though.

Not the same? Okay, okay...

Gina said...

Because you love it so much, I will not make fun of the Atlantic Ocean or Atlantic City for that matter.

But since you are from Jersey, is it the Mets or the Yanks?

whimsicalnbrainpan said...

I've been to Atlantic city once or twice. I prefer (is it White House?) subs to the pizza though. I hope you have a great weekend!

kat said...

Yay Seaside RULES! I used to stay at The Candlelight Motel. Just off the boardwalk and a block from the beach. If I close my eyes and think real hard I can almost smell the sand!

Cheryl said...

Sounds a lot like Ocean City, MD. Brings back a lot of memories. Have a great M-day weekend.

Kvatch said...

I have an overwhelming desire to pack my trunk full of beer, put my pregnant wife in the passenger seat of our car, and drive form Louisville Kentucky to Seaside Heights, New Jersey directly after work tomorrow morning.

And apparently an overwhelming desire to be divorced.

I kid. I KID!

abbagirl74 said...

Looks like fun. Do you think NYC has your favorite pizza? I will be visiting there in the fall. I would love to try some.

Jay said...

Some day I'm going to visit the Jersey shore and find out what's so great about that place. My great grandfather and great grandmother lived in Elizabeth NJ after immigrating from England. I've never been there though.

Alicia said...

Ahhh, New Jersey.
I worked in BAY HEAD right over the bridge from POINT PLEASANT.
I remember that in the winter I could drive to work in 15 minutes.
In the summer it took at least an hour.

Lady K said...

DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT!!!!

It could be your last "getaway" for you two before your life changes forever. Then again...When Cork Jr. gets old enough, the little getaways will get even better.

Have a GREAT, HAPPY weekend, no matter what you guys do, Cap'n!!!

captain corky said...

Rockdog: That 5 to 2 ratio sucks ass. It especially sucked for the other 4 guys who had to fight over the 1 remaining girl.

Jenny: Knowing is half the battle. YO JOE!!!

Laurasia: Exactly, You've never truly experienced New Jersey until you see Captain Corky strut down the boardwalk. That's when everything will become clear.

Gina: Gina: I'm an NFL Elitist, but my people are Yankee fans.

PS. I'm always up for some good Jersey humor. ;)

Whim: NJ subs are awesome! I'm a real snob when it comes to the east coast and food. You have a great weekend too!

captain corky said...

Kat: I love the salt air more than just about anything.

Cheryl: I've been to Ocean city once or twice. It's exactly the same. ;) I think the seafood might be better in Maryland though. Blue Claw crabs are the best!!!

Kvatch: Either divorced of stoned to death. You know me, I'm not particular.

Abbagirl74: New York has the best pizza in the world, but then again New York has the best food in the world. You're in for a real treat. Trust me.

Jay: There are much nicer beaches in the world, but there's just something about the Jersey shore. Elizabeth NJ is about 15 minutes from where I grew up.

Alicia: I know your hiding a deep dirty secret... Deep inside you're really a Jersey girl at heart. Don't worry I won't tell the Beefacke or anyone back in Colorado.

Lady K: Corky Jr will be spending a lot of time in New Jersey. You don't expect him to get any culture here in Kentucky do you? ;)

Have a great weekend!

Cazzie!!! said...

Sounds like a wonderful experience all round...taking the good with the bad and all :)

Reverend Sumangali Tania Pink said...

I forgot it was Memorial Day weekend. We have a 3 day here in the UK too! Why, I don't know...but I don't question bank holidays!

I'm off to Switzerland and as its my birthday Sunday I'm hoping to eat cheese and chocolate and do a bit of hiking!

Now get on that road and get your bum to the JS.

Or not.
xx
pinks

Tink said...

That sounds like an awesome way to spend the holiday weekend. Hoop and I are going to drive to Orlando tomorrow to ride coasters at Universal. Everyone says we're idiots. "This is going to be the business day of the year for the parks!" But we're idiots with free tickets. Oh yeah.

furiousBall said...

Sweet amigo. The Shore is great. You know what you need to get the book Flotsam for your child. It takes place at LBI.

captain corky said...

Cazzie: For the most part is was always a lot of fun!

Pinks: Have a great birthday, and a wonderful trip.

Tink: I know I would be very happy in Florida. So much to do! But I would spend most of my time fishing and it's quite possible that I would never be heard from again.

Furiousball: The shore is great! It's been a while since I've been to LBI, but I remember doing some good fishing there.

The Lone Beader said...

That pizza looks so good right now.

Aunt Jackie said...

Wow, that looks fun. I had the urge to leave for Hot Springs this weekend myself, but can't do it right now :(

If you ever get to Memphis, you guys go eat at Corky's Barbecue--lol It's not the "Best" of Memphis but name novelty! Sorry, scattered thoughts today.

captain corky said...

Beader: I know! I've daydreamed about opening up my own pizzeria here in KY and importing the dough and sauce from the East Coast.

Aunt Jackie: I actually live pretty close to Memphis. One of these days I'm going to make it down there.

TheBirdman33 said...

I can't wait to take Corky Jr. down there and teach him the five little words that will get him in with ANY female on the boardwalk-
"Wanna get a funnel cake?"

I'm sure I will still be dating 18 year olds then, so when we only find 2 girls the ratio will finally work out!

TheBirdman33 said...

*For the uninformed reader, I should let you know that Corky, Myself and pretty much anyone we ever travelled with is a black belt and spent our childhood hitting things.... that being said:

One of my favorite things to do on the boardwalk is the "BIG DICK GAME" which Corky at some point has talked about on the log. It is the "I can do (insert innane thing here) better than you. And playing it on the boardwalk, with a punching game WAS AWESOME. The thing that made it especially fun was the way things are set up...
a bunch of meathead guidos would always be there with huge " I can't touch my own penis" kind of muscles and tank tops (wife beaters) throwing AWFUL punches at this thing and making fools of themselves when the little power meter barelyl moved. Then our goofy, un-threatening asses would walk up and be like "Can we try?" and almost knock the thing clear out of the arcade, cause it was really about WHERE you hit it and we knew HOW to hit things. Like I said, it was supposed to be a punching game, but at our cockiest and most well practiced, it got to the point where The Apologist was stepping out to the center of the boardwalk and taking a leaping start spin kick back in to the arcade. (COrk I swear I've seen him tornado back kick one of those things from half way across the boardwalk)

GOOD TIMES

TheBirdman33 said...

Not much of a sicilian pizza fan and I actually think most of the pizza down the shore is shit, compared to the places we go up north. But you couldn't leave without a TUB of Curley's Fries-the biggest thickest crinkle cut potatoes ever.
And at least one cheesesteak.

TheBirdman33 said...

You also were not a man, unless you raced your friends on the go carts at the end of the boardwalk.

TheBirdman33 said...

Ok, I had to link you to my 3rd post ever which is almost 200 posts ago because it is really good AND touches on a lot of what we talked about here:

http://thepantry33.blogspot.com/2006/07/wanna-get-funnel-cake.html#comments

I wish I knew how to HYPERLINK that, Corky if you can fix that...have fun.

angry ballerina said...

Ahhhh summer....

Metal Mark said...

I have never done much of anything for Memorial Day. That pizza sounds good though.

captain corky said...

Birdman: There are a lot of good Pizza joints on the Jersey shore. Especially in AC. I like the one right by my parent's place. Thanks for stopping in. I expect you to be more regular from here on out.

Angry Ballerina: Thanks for stopping in. :)

Mark: At this point I would give my left arm for a slice of Jersey Pizza.

Big Pissy said...

Except for the pizza, it sounds a lot like any summer holiday weekend at Panama City Beach, Florida. ;-)

have a great weekend, Cork!

Malnurtured Snay said...

Looks like Ocean City, MD! Makin' me nostalgic.

eric said...

if some day you ever find yourself in myrtle beach, s.c., you'll be experiencing my version of your experience.

Ms. Tuesday said...

Corky, how do you post a blog about Sleazside and not mention Midway Cheesesteak?? C'mon! I personally have driven down the shore in the middle of February just for one of those bad boys. (The trip only takes like 38 minutes then).

And Birdman, you have a technical advisor, may I remind you...

captain corky said...

Pissy: I've been to the Redneck Rivera once or twice before. They would give me a Kentucky drivers license until I went at least once.

Malnurtured Snay: It seems like wherever there's a beach, great seafood and lots of broads and beer I've been there before.

Eric: Someday I'll do the Carolinas. I was born in NC but haven't really been back to often.

Tuesday: The Birdman and Kim Jong Ramone are real whores for Cheesesteak and they swear by one of the joints in Wildwood. I'm not real crazy about anything made with onions though.

captain corky said...

The name of the place is Russo's. I just confirmed it with the Birdman.

Ms. Tuesday said...

yes yes, he goes on and on about it.... but its 38 min to Midway and 3 hours to Wildwood so.....

And you can definitely get it without onions at Midway

=)

TheBirdman33 said...

I don't eat anything with onions!

I get my cheese steaks with american cheese and green peppers, and ketchup...sometimes I will through potatoes on there as well, but not at Russo's.

The quality of Russo's is worth the extra 2 1/2 hour ride.