My addiction to comments has spilled over into my real life. When I first started blogging I was lucky to get two or three comments in a week and those came from people that I know on the outside. Back in those days 3 comments in one week meant that I wrote some really serious shit. Now I can't function if I don't get at least 30 comments per post. Sometimes I worry that it might be something I wrote, but very quickly that thought dissipates and I blame you for letting your real life interfere with my self worth. That's right, my entire self image is completely contingent on you.
But you're not always available... Sometimes lightning strikes your computer. Sometimes you choose to spend time with your family who's come in from out of town. And even worse than those two examples, sometimes motherfuckers disappear like a fart in the wind overnight(Shawshank Redemption). That's why I now carry a comment box (that looks like a suggestion box) around with me in real life. I need my fucking fix!!! I constantly need comments. Here's how it works: I supply everyone I come in contact with with a pen and stack of index cards, and at first I carried my comment box with me everywhere that I went, but soon afterwords I started wearing it around my neck (this was my wife's suggestion). I encourage the people that I work with to comment on everything about me, from what I'm wearing to how many calories I'm stuffing in my face. If I make a joke and they laugh I encourage them to leave a comment. If they feel uncomfortable signing their names I tell them to leave an anonymous comment when I go to take a piss or get a cup of coffee.
But it gets even worse than that. I can't communicate with Allyson anymore without the comment box. For example, now when we're done having sex and laying in bed afterwords I don't say anything to her. I just pick up the comment box and shake it at her. Yeah. It's gotten that bad. I also recently just put a bumper sticker on my car that says, How's my driving? Please leave a comment at Corkyslog.blogspot.com. I'm also thinking about advertising my blog on billboards all across the Pennsylvania Turnpike. That way I can drum up a whole lot of trucker comments.
Obviously Corky Jr is going to wear a comment box around his neck too, but I'll probably wait until he can hold is head up by himself. Anyway, some of my favorite bloggers are coming back next week. You know what that means don't you? More love for Corky!!!
You complete me. ;)