Friday, August 10, 2007

Letters from Corky

Letter Number 1:

Dear Max,

Today you are 5 weeks old. I've learned so much about life and parenting since you were born.

Love,
Daddy

Letter Number 2:

Dear Reader,

Today my blog is I don't know how many days old. I've learned so much about human nature, friendship and correspondence. I still struggle with grammar from time to time.

Yours Truly,
Corky

Letter Number3:

Dear Future Reader,

Although it took you way too long to get here, I can't tell you how happy I am that you're finally here. Hopefully you'll be around for a long time. Please email all of your friends, family and associates a link to the log. That way they can become friends with all of the wonderful people that I've become friends with too.

Your Pal,
Captain Corky

Letter Number 4:

Dear Gut,

I'm tired of looking at you and I can't stand how you're always in the way lately. You've become such a burden. Please leave!

Thank You Kindly,
The Rest of Corky

PS Before you leave make sure to check out this exercise video I found on You Tube a while back. It's very inspirational.


58 comments:

karma lennon said...

Nice letters! Especially the one to Max. Aww....

Motor City Monk said...

Ahhhhh...Heather Locklear with bad 70's hair. That's hot.

Peggy said...

Gosh, they all looked so youthful in that little snippet.

I didn't realize that Heather is older than me!! Ha! It makes my day!

Lovely letters Corky.

Blancodeviosa said...

i like the gut one! hahaha.. i wish it were that easy

Sarah said...

please let me know if the letter to your gut works becuase if it is I have a few to write!

captain corky said...

Karma: I put a lot of thought into all of them. ;)

Motor City Monk: She always looks good no matter what!!!

Peggy: Out of all of them Adrian Zmed has aged the worst. He's pretty scary looking these days.

Blancodeviosa: I've got to get on a diet and start working out!

Sarah: I think it pissed my gut off and as a result it's bigger now. ;)

Canadian flake said...

omg too funny....haven't seen the TJ Hooker opening in a long time. I liked your letters...especially the one to max.

Lady K said...

LOL! Those are great letters, Cork! Wish I could watch the video, but I'm on laptop with dial-up for a little while. At least I'm home, right?

madame x said...

Dear Corky... I added you to my blog roll last week. You are in the company of some fine women

no no don't thank me...we thank you (funny man) and your beautiful family

(this is my second attempt at leaving a comment, the first didn't work... so I made this comment extra nice.. hope it works)

Heart Of Darkness said...

I was gonna say "Wow, first you don't get any letters for a long, long time, then all these at once?", but then I realized - one letter, many recipiants... is this a blog version of spam? LOL

Christie said...

Dear Corky,
Thank you for the lovely photos of Max and sharing your infinite wisdom with the rest of us loyals.

Love,
Corky's Nation

Metal Mark said...

TJ Hooker was a great show. Those stunt people sure earned their money though.

captain corky said...

Canadian Flake: That's the problem with TV today. No great opening any more. ;)

Laky K: Do you say you were connecting to Internet with a spinning wheel? ;)

Madame X: Thanks babe. I added you to the Roll Call. Lots of women here too, and a few dudes.

Heart: Don't say spam to loud... The blog police might come, and freeze the log for a couple of days. The bastards. ;)

Christie: Anything for a new best friend like you. ;)

Metal Mark: The best part about this opening is when he's wrestling with the plane. And I thought he was tough when he kicked the Gorn's ass. LOL!

Nonny said...

When are we getting those bumper stickers? I'm so ready to introduce this town to the genius that is Corky.

Nancy said...

Good letters ... I see "Dear Gut" as a possible pen pal forum for you. lol

Jenny! said...

Tell us how the letter to your gut works...you should also send one to your mouth telling it to stop letting the beer in!

abbagirl74 said...

The Shat with 70's hair. That's hotter.

Jay said...

T. J. Hooker was probably the height of good television. Not just Shatner, but they added the tall dark handsomeness of Adrian Zmed! I thought Heather Locklears wardrobe was a bit conservative, but she made up for it in Melrose Place.

Didn't know you were such a big letter writer. You should get a couple of pen-pals.

captain corky said...

Nonny: I've got them ready to go. I just have to get envelopes and then I'll mail them out!

Nancy: I might have to make my gut a permanent feature on the log. ;)

Jenny: I could never cut my mouth off from alcohol. Beer yes but all booze, know way!

Abbagirl74: Yeah 80's hair was a bit thick.

Jay: Adrian Zmed was great in Grease 2, and Bachelor Party. Whatever happened to him?

PS Don't google him to see what he looks like or you'll turn to stone.

Debs said...

Love the letters.

Thanks for the warning of Googling Adrian Zmed ....

*starting to turn to ston............

ybonesy said...

It's amazing that I make it to your blog the very day you have a letter just for me (future reader). I feel special. Thanks. I shall return.

her indoors said...

oh thank you, 1 for the letter and 2 for the continued photos of Max.
oh and seeing as you are so good at letter writing will you write one for my gut too!

RockDog said...

Things I noticed...

Adrian Zmed and Heather Locklear have GREAT hair!

Shatner runs much faster on Earth than he did in space...

Heather Locklear is HOT at all times...

I like porn!

Alekx said...

Captain Sheridan is hot

jAMiE said...

Oh my..such lovely letters, especially to Max...who is every bit as handsome as his father, i'm sure.

Great post!

Ashley said...

This show totally helped improve Adrian Zmed's cool factor after Grease 2. What a lame movie!

Oh wait, I just looked on imdb and it must not of. His most recent film credits are: The Craving Heart, Sex Sells, Shira: The Vampire Samurai, and the Drone Virus.

At least he got to hang out with Heather and Shat at one point.

Pixie said...

I just saw this and thought of you x

http://www.boreme.com/boreme/funny-2007/william-shatner-tribute-p1.php

Cute pic BTW.

neroli said...

Dear Corky, we are glad to know you right back.
You've been off my blog roll for way too long!

Burfica said...

ha ha ha ha wait till he gets ahold of a tube of super glue and the dog. lmaoooooooooooooooooooo

Oh let the good times roll.

Gina said...

Nice, especially the one to Max. Will you be showing him the blog anytime soon? ;)

HoosierGirl5 said...

Wow, William Shatner was really skinny back then. What year was that show on? Heather Locklear looks like a teenager!

Great letters. We love you, too.

J.

Terri said...

wow; Wm Shatner knows how to run! have you got that down pat yet?

All i can think of about Adrian is how terrible he was in Grease 2.

Gotta love new daddy's - you're too cute!

Aunt Jackie said...

Hehehe I love that... really cool post. And as usual, great photo of Max.

Cazzie said...

What? 5 weeks, seems like yesterday..where HAS the time gone?

eric1313 said...

I often wonder: WWCD?

Five weeks and counting! That kid's gonna be an astronaut! I always wanted to be one growing up, but they don't like people who wear glasses and smoke pot...

er, I mean...

no...

I meant pot.

captain corky said...

Debs: I may have to write a letter to Adrian Zmed encouraging him to eat a little something.

Ybonesy: I just knew you would be here today! Welcome to the log.

Her Indoors: Dear, Her gut, You are no longer welcomed in England. Please pack your bags as you will be deported to America, the fattest country on earth, in the morning. Thank you, Corky

Rockdog: Heather Locklear is ageless and I like porn too. Very dirty porn.

Alekx: Bonus point for acknowledging Captain Sheridan! Were we supposed to take him seriously?

captain corky said...

Jamie: Max is infinitly better looking than his Dad, and I didn't think that was possible. ;)

Ashley: I will forgive you onetime for mocking Grease 2, the far superior Grease movie. If you don't believe me that it's better than Grease just ax the Birdman. He'll set you straight.

PS I'm looking forward to renting, Sex Sells. ;)

Pixie: Awesome! I just watched it three times in a row.

Neroli: Thanks!!! I I'm going to add you as well.

Burfica: The good times never stop rolling here at the log.

captain corky said...

Gina: Hopefully he'll be writing his own blog by the end of the weekend. He'll be writing all about eating, shitting, and sleeping. His three favorite subjects.

Hoosiergirl5: It was on in the 80's and I'm pretty sure he had to get a personal trainer to slim down, because as soon as the show went off the air he blew up again.

Terri: I've based everything else in my life on Captain Kirk. The art of running like Kirk is to make sure you have very limited arm movement.

Aunt Jackie: Thanks for the kind words. :)

Cazzie: I know! Time is moving right along.

Eric1313: I always wanted to be a superhero growing up.

PS I heart pot!

her indoors said...

ha ha thanks for the letter, very sad it hasn't worked yet, but i feel it will do soon!

Palm Springs Savant said...

I don't know about the rest of you guys, but that's pretty much my daily exercise routine.

gawilli said...

Boy that's a really neat little contraption that Max is laying on. It even has a little holder for the ever important remote. Ha! They didn't have that kind of stuff back in the day. I'm taking notes for when my gramma days come.

This is a little off the subject, but I love to listen to the theme music for the television shows and how they have changed over the years.

mjd said...

Hi Corky, I have recognized your outstanding blogging efforts with an award. Look here, And the Oscar Goes to..., to read about your award.

What A Crock said...

oh my god did you see that??? that guy totally flipped his cruiser right out of police academy!! thats talent.

lol

Dearest Corketh,

I apologize for having crappy bloggers block. :( I apologize for not being able to fullfill our agreement as blogger friends. please i beg of you, do not destroy me. I will make it up. :p

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

With the Zmed workout, I'm sure that gut will be gone in no time. He was in Bachelor Party, remember? You know who else? The chick who, as Chuck Klosterman said, tried to fuck the car in the Whitesnake video.

fiwa said...

Wow - a letter to me, AND heaving Adrian Zmed pecs, what more could I ask for?!

I like letter #1 best though - very nice.

The [Cherry] Ride said...

Hey, I did e-mail a link to your log to my co-workers. And now I'm fired. Thanks alot.

Big Pissy said...

Will you please write a letter to my thighs?

Tell them to firm up!

Thanks,
Pissy

Queen of Dysfunction said...

Dear Corky,

You are beginning to scare me a little bit but I see a lucrative writing career in your future if you just give in to alcoholism and drugs.

Sincerely,
QofD

leslie said...

I've been poking around some of those really sleazy blogs you and I seem to haunt, reading your comments, and I have to say, I really love you, man. You are SO freakin' normal, in a nice, abnormal sort of way.
Thanks for being who you are.

captain corky said...

Her Indoors: I'm always here for you. ;)

Palm Springs Savant: Wrestling helicopters is always a great workout. ;)

Gawilli: I love TV theme show tunes too, and sadly, today's music can't compare.

MJD: Thank you!!! I'm undeserving and very flattered.

What a Crock: Hope you had a great birthday!!!

captain corky said...

DR. Kenneth Noisewater: I loved Kitty back in the day. She's a little fucked in the head these days.

Fiwa: Welcome!!! You know what they say... Once you go Corky there's no turning back. Or something like that...

[Cherry] Ride: Sorry about that my friend. However, I here that Wal*Mart is hiring for like 6 bucks an hour and shit.

PIssy: Dear Pissy's thighs, I highly recommend that you firm up! If you don't you're going to have Corky and Pissy to DEAL with. You do not want to get on her bad side!!!

Queen: No need to be scared... I don't bite to often.

Leslie: Glad you're enjoying my slightly off, sense of humor.;)

BottleBlonde said...

Max is ADORABLE.

May I borrow that letter to your gut? I'd like to rewrite in the form of a letter to my inner thighs.

BottleBlonde said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ashley said...

Captain and Birdman-

Is the fascination with Grease 2 that it features a naughty Michelle Pheiffer? I think Grease blows, too, so I am not really showing any favoritism.

Ashley said...

Dr. Kenneth-
Wasn't that Tawny Kitaen. And didn't she later marry a professional baseball player and burn his house down, or something that ended up with her being arrested.

CRUSTYBEEF said...

ha, I liked the letters...very creative!
Oh wait, mail man is here..could it be the arrival of my bumpersticker? sigh..nope..just more bills for that damn breastpump.
Always,
Crusty~
:L)

Pink said...

Dear Dad,

Please move all those books from around my head. It won't work. Osmosis doesn't work when you're out of the womb.

I'm just afraid that I will get buried by them in an avalanche.

Yours most concernedly,
Max

honkeie2 said...

I tried that exercise video and all that happened was that I have an over powering urge to eat dougnuts and beat up on minorities......whatss up with that?