Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Whatchu Talkin Bout, Corky?

No but seriously... I worry about my kid. A lot. Obviously I worry about all the real world bullshit that might affect him one day, but that goes without saying. I also worry about all the things a new parent worries about: Is he too hot? Is he too cold? What are those fucking noises he's making? He's not sick is he? Did he eat enough? Is he eating too much? etc. I haven't asked this many questions since Spock died at the end of Star Trek II, the Wrath of Kahn for Pete's sake!

All those worries are enough to give someone an ulcer already, but what I really worry about... I'm talking about the kind of shit that wakes me up in the middle of the day in a cold sweat type of shit (I work at night) is, What happens if Max becomes another fucking Arnold Drummond?
What I haven't told you is that a picture of Max is going to replace the bear on the Similac can in their 2007 "Knock your wife up" Christmas campaign. Also, he's slated to play Angelina Jolie's 23rd adopted kid from a third world county. In the movie Angelina's character goes all the way into Louisville Kentucky to retrieve this kid. It's a very touching movie.

Max is going to be making some serious cash folks! So I worry... Will he grow up to become a former childhood star asshole like Mccully Culkin or even worse... Corey Feldman? Will he sue me and try to get the courts to emancipate him at 16 because I spent all of his money on action figures? That would suck if Max turned out to be that annoying. I think I would have to disown him. I can't even imagine him becoming as annoying as Corey Feldman is.

However, he could also turn out like Ron or Clint Howard did. That would make me very proud. Those boys were raised right. That reminds me, I'm going to have to call Ron in a couple of weeks and get some parenting tips.

But, then again maybe a career in Hollywood just isn't meant to be. I wont be disappointed if Max winds up doing something else with his life. I'll love him no matter what he does.

In the meantime here's another movie produced by Corky Vision. Please Note: Corky Jr is a little older in this piece and Allyson's voice makes her debut on to the silver screen.


Heart Of Darkness said...

God, just don't let him turn into a new David Hasselhof...!

Burfica said...

That was definatly a real smile. hehehehe

And don't let him grow up to marry a ho like Paris Hilton either. bleeeeeeeechhhhhhhhh

Modern Mommy said...

totally cute smile, and I can tell you from experience that the first and last thing our kids become is us, so shape up! Just kidding, but it is a sobering thought.

karma lennon said...

Omg, he's so freakin' cute, I think I want a baby now! ;) Seriously, he has a great smile and there's no way he would grow up to be like any of those child stars. He'll be in the good category like Jodie Foster. I own a book on former child stars. I think you'd like it.

Tod said...

Sorry for your angst but even the title of this post made me lol. Corky Jnr is such a cutey. And most of my smiles turn out to be gas...

Ashley said...

You know you have to have another kid, right, because Clint Howard has absolutely no career without Ron to cast him.

At work now, so I will watch the video later.

Jenny! said...

Holy crap Max is cute...and so is your Batman shirt!

Heart Of Darkness said...

Hey, did I mention he's got a great smile???? :D

leslie said...

This is a funny post Captain. I laughed out loud at, "What are those fucking noises he's making?".
That was a real, honest to goodness, "love ya, Dad" smile, not gas. Meanwhile, Mom is over there shlepping the camera, and taking the director's guff..."Did you get that? Did you get that?"

leslie said...

Oh! And the Similac "knock your wife up" Christmas campaign...hilarious stuff.

Jay said...

I know we all have our disagreements about television. I think Alice on the Brady Bunch was a scheming conniving witch and Nell Carter was a great Nanny who made great sacrifices to take care of those kids. Other's may disagree.

But, I think we can all agree that Mr. Drummond was the worst parent of all time. Each of his kids turned out crappy.

Peggy said...

Gas doesn't make babies smile, their parents do!

He's great and has a beautiful smile. Those will get better and better.

etain_lavena said...

ag gosh Al Capitan, he is sooooo awesome....Shame...cute...:)
dont worry about that.....worry about when he turns into a teenager...arrrgggg...hat apparently is bad:)

whimsicalnbrainpan said...

Don't worry, there have been plenty of child stars who have turned out just fine! Sure some have had rough patches but most of them get through it. With you as a parent I'm sure Max will do great.

Feels Like Home said...

There is nothing in this world that is better than a baby smile!! He is adorable!

Christie said...

Corky, my husband is going to kill you if somehow figure out how to have another baby. I'm blaming you and your adorable baby pictures and videos. That gurgly noise gets me every time.

I thought I should tell you I actually stopped on Star Trek at 6:30 this morning and watched for like 30 seconds. Capt. Kirk was whining to Spock about something, and Spock was all uppity about it. And then I decided infomercials would be more entertaining.

Tink said...

How do YOU know he doesn't have gas? Hm? :D

LOVIN' the videos. Keep them coming Cork.

Queen of Dysfunction said...

That smile is priceless. Aren't they just fabulous?

(My screen is kind of grey and blue. So Allyson also made her debut on something other than the silver screen!)

Gina said...

Awwww, look at how much Max loves his daddy!

I would say that was definitely a smile! You tickled his cheek and he liked it!

What a cutie!

By this time, my son was in his full-blown colic mode which had him screaming literally 8+ hours a day, so I am not used to a smiling, happy infant.

neroli said...

Cork, you're killin' me with these baby videos; I'm really sappy these days as it is without any additional outside prompting!
Of course Max will have days---you know it, Allyson knows it, he for sure knows it.
But you and Allyson will make all the difference in the world for him.
You know that.
That being said, Max's smile is wonderful... Allyson has a great laugh...
and I'm signing off before I start to get all blubbery...

fiwa said...

Who cares why he was smiling - that WAS a smile! He's pretty cute, I think he has more potential to be the next Peter Brady than Arnold Drummond.

the suit case said...

could you sit him up already. geeze get a pillow or velcro or duck tape or something.
please this kid is always on his side. going to think the world is lopsided.

Nancy said...

So cute, and indeed, a real smile.

Allyson ... =( do you have Corky's cold now?

Keep makin" those video's Cecil B. DeCorky


I hate to tell you this C, but the questions only get worse as they get older..but it's truly worth it..just wait until he rests his head on your shoulder for emotional comfort..your heart will continue to grow for him.
Scary isn't it?
Perhaps you could get lucky and he could be the Kirk Camerons of the young tweens..H.o.T when I was young..


p.s. Poor Alyson sounds like she has a cold..I think Max is cuter than the gerber baby,..and that's saying alot being that I have three young boys..what a cutie.
You guys ever come to chicago for the beer green river irish st Patricks day, I'd be happy to watch him for you. :)

Canadian flake said...

Heyyyyyyy maybe Max can be the new captain of the enterprise in a new star trek series?? Whatcha think?? good idea?? LOL He is a real cutie.

HoosierGirl5 said...

Oh my gosh, he is SOOOO cute. And yes, that WAS a real smile. I have 4 kids. I am an expert.

Your voice doesn't sound like I thought it would. Hmmm.


The [Cherry] Ride said...

The world will need a new Hof, so this could be a good thing.

Cazzie!!! said...


Anonymous said...

That really is a fantastic smile!

Not the best debut for Allyson, she sounds SO TIRED, I'm surprised she let you put that up.

Anonymous said...

Oh by the way, Max is laughing AT you, he told me.

Aunt Jackie said...

Not only is he adorable, but he's already WAYYYY better on film than Keanu Reeves... ;)

her indoors said...

you are a star Max and you have your very own fan club.

Pud said...

Don't worry. It will all work out in the end.

Love the videos!

captain corky said...

Heart: Too late, I already ordered him his Members Only jacket. ;)

Burfica: I think he'll have enough sense to stay away from ho like that. ;)

Modern Mommy: I'm not real fond of sobering thoughts, that's why I drink. Only when I'm off duty of course. ;)

Karma: Have you ever seen the top 100 Child Stars on VH1. I love that VH1 crap.

Tod: I can usually tell when Jr has gas since he has gas 22 hours a day in one way or another. ;)

captain corky said...

Ashley: We plan on having at least two more. I want 11 so I can field a team but I don't know how crazy Allyson would be about that. ;)

Jenny: Thanks. I got the shirt at Target the other day, pretty cheap, not that I'm a tightwad mind you.

Heart: Thanks! :)

Leslie: That Allyson's a real trooper. after all, she puts up with me. ;)

Jay: That Mr. Drummond was a real bum. His solution to everything was to just throw money at a problem. Too bad about Plato though...

captain corky said...

Peggy: Actually, now that I think about it Max turns read when he has gas. Thank you for the kind words. :)

Etain: Hopefully he'll be a better teenager than I was. God help us if he's not. ;)

Whim: Thanks Whim. I like seeing you back in action. :)

Feel like Home: I get all goofy and happy around all babies now. Are babies a drug?

Christie: 1. Captain Kirk NEVER COMPLAINS!!! 2. 20 Seconds yesterday equals 2 hours a day next week. What color shirt can I order you? ;)

captain corky said...

Tink: He usually turns red when he has gas and squirms. He had gas really bad yesterday. That part of what babies do. They have gas. ;)

Queen: He really is fabulous! Your nice comment has me feeling all fuzzy and warm. ;)

Gina: Max is just learning how to hit higher octaves. His feed me cry is going to shatter glass soon.

Neroli: Thank you for the kind words. I do my best to make people laugh and cry all within a two minute span of time. Corky's log: Better than TV!!! ;)

Fiwa: Peter Brady turned out ok and he did save that girl at the toy store. He's ok in my book

captain corky said...

Suit Case: Just for you I'm going to stand him on his head this morning. ;)

Nancy: Allyson's cold is much worse, but so far neither Max or I have caught it, knock on wood. ;)

Crusty: I love questions Crusty. I still ask them to this day. Thanks for the kind words. :) I have a lot of friends up Chicago way thanks to blogging. I May come up and visit some day.

Canadian Flake: Great Idea!!! Are you trying to get in my pants? ;)

Hoosiergirl5: What did you expect my voice to sound like? Deeper?

captain corky said...

[Cherry] Ride: Perhaps he'll star in Bay watch 2025.

Cazzie: Thank you.

Birdman: I put it up while she was sleeping (snicker, snicker), but she's actually happy with it because Max does such a great job.

PS Are you sure he isn't Laughing Out Loud?

Aunt Jackie: And he's a lot smarter!!! ;)

captain corky said...

Her Indoors: He's a very popular lil guy and he doesn't even know it.

Pud? Thanks. I'll keep putting them up from time to time.

Motor City Monk said...

It amazes me how such cute and innocent things can grow up to be such terrors.

Sorry - Max is just reminding me of my once easygoing child who is now 10 and trying to give us a stroke.

mjd said...

Very funny Corky, Max is indeed a star. With your outlook,"I'll love him no matter what he does." you should have no worries about the grown up Max. He will be as kind, clever, and stunning as his parents.

RockDog said...

Great video!

I think he'll be alright...unless he doesn't like football! LOL!

Blancodeviosa said...

It is normal to worry about the kiddies. But I don't think you should sweat it too much. He will be fine!
My only advice is talk, talk, talk to your children. They actually like the interaction more than they let on.
I thought I bored my daughter with political talk, but then overheard her educating her friends on the differences in the parties.

Debs said...

Oh the baby pains....I want another baby. *Pause* ok it passed.

HE is sooooooooo cute! The smile is very real.

When my kids had gas..there was no smile involved. Just a very strange expression.

Sarah said...

The camera loves him. possibly he will be the crossover athlete/actor that so many strive to be. Grounded of course in his love of all things Star Trek.

honkeie2 said...

They dont stay that small long enough. Gas always makes me smile!

captain corky said...

Monk: It amazes me how many people stair at us in the department stores no matter how many kids they may have in tow. LOL

MJD: Thanks. I hope he's happy.

Rockdog: Thanks. Think the vid needs some naked chicks?

Blancodeviosa: I love talking to him. I'm going to try and read to him every day. I've got a lot of books I need to catch up on. ;)

Debs: Max actually turns red when he's uncomfortable.

I made him smile again this morning. This kid's a lot of fun!

captain corky said...

Sarah: With this kid anything's possible, but then again they once said that about me. LOL

Honkeie2: That's why I plan on having lots of them. ;)

Jenny! said...

I got home from work yesterday...and my fiance was wearing the EXACT same shirt...fucked up right! He got it from Target too...what is wrong wiht you boys and your comic shirts! I was like...he he he...Captain was wearing the same shirt! He just thinks I am odd now!

The Lone Beader said...

Adorable, Corky! Almost makes me want to have one of my own someday... :)

Alicia said...

Was there a big poo in his diaper after filming was complete?


Then it was a real smile.


Cameron used to crap his pants everytime my Mom talked to him on the phone.

He's 6 years old now...
Thank God he got over that.
It could make for some awkward situations.

captain corky said...

Jenny: I also bought a Marvel shirt that has the faces of the Hulk, Spiderman, Captain America and Wolverine. These shirts fit so good. I'm going to buy many more of them.

The Lone Beader: Thanks Beader! Ya just never know. :)

Alicia: No poo. He can be a stinker at times though. Damn Iron in the formula.

LOL at your Cameron comment.

furiousBall said...

Not an owl fan apparently. What a great smile.

Pink said...


Can I borrow him? Just till he leaks or squeeks or something ;)

jAMiE said...

Awwww, he is darling...looks like a real smile to me...he loves his daddy so!

Corey Feldman is annoying with a capital A......but Corey Haim is off the charts, have you seen that new show, the Two Coreys? Man...Haim makes Feldman seem normal now.

I agree with Jay though...father Drummond raised three messed up kids.

Jenny! said...

He has the whole collection! You boys are such nerds...I wonder why I love ya'll so much...probably b/c I am a nerd too! BUt don't tell!

Canadian flake said...

"Great Idea!!! Are you trying to get in my pants? ;)"

Well do ya blame me??? You are a trekkie and make good lookin babies...hee hee (just kidding wifie..lol)

Keshi said...

haha ur funny! and hey dun think too far ahead Captain. Max is gonna be a great dude anyways. :)

Bloody CUTE too!


James Burnett said...

Been a while since I stopped by, but I see Corky Jr. has joined us. Congrats. And I don't think you have to worry about him becoming Arnold. You'll steer 'im right.

eric313 said...

That is totally the kind of stuff that every parent is scared shiteless about. Nobody wants that to happen, or any of the other illnesses that can crop up. Gary Coleman's condition was actually caused by a kidney problem he had since birth, and it stunted his growth almost completely.

Good luck with everything. And Wrath of Khan ruled, it was my favorite of all the original star trek movies.
"the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, or the one"
how grand and how simple.

captain corky said...

Furiousball: After I was done who-ing at Corky Jr I finally learned how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop, but you'll have to wait for he next installment of Corky's log to find out.

Pink: You'll even fall in love with his squeaks and leaks. That's what happened to me. :)

Jamie: I've got to catch that show. I'm pissed at myself that I haven't seen it yet!

Jenny: I won't tell anyone and I only play a nerd on Corky's log. In real life I'm fucking cool like the Fonz!

Canadian Flake: "You are a trekkie and make good lookin babies..."

This is pretty much what I'm going to say to God when he asks me what I did with my life. Do you think I'll get in? ;)

captain corky said...

Keshi: Thanks for the kind words. :)

By the way, I'm going to take your advise and cancel all of the college campus tours I have set up for him next month. ;)

James: Thanks! Glad to see you my friend. Just remember the log's always open.

Eric313: I loved all of them too, and it's hard to argue that two is not the best. I also liked 1, 3, 4, 5, and 6. All great works. :)

Laurasia said...

Now that is just too cute. You really do know how to make em' don't you Cork?!

Love the movies. Keep em comin.

Lady K said...

With parents like you guys, Max is going to be a winner no matter what he does in life. Keep it up, buddy!

Webmiztris said...

too cute! as long as you don't send him to Hollywood at age 6 to become a star, I think you'll be OK!

captain corky said...

Laurasia: Thanks! I didn't know I had it in me.

Most of the credit should go to Allyson anyways. She's the good one. :)

Lady K: Thanks! How are you feeling?

Webmiztris: Don't worry. his acting career will probably end when he's either one or two. Then he'll go into politics or some shit. ;)

Biddie said...

Of course it's a real smile...he's thinking of me!
And CLINT Howard? Creepy. Say it ain't so. Not our Max.

captain corky said...

Biddie: He always smiles when he thinks of you. ;)

kat said...

My misery disappeared after seeing Max's smile! He IS the cutest little boy in the whole wide world! What a lucky mommy and daddy!

(thanks for praying to yourself in the mirror that i would be okay! i think it helped - i came here and feel better!)

Abby J said...

I for one, was a big fan of Arnold. I think you should be more concerned with him turning out like Willis, really.
Cute freaking kid. I can't believe he belongs to you. I don't mean because he's cute of course... but you know, you've got a KID! Little Corky is all grownsd up.
Looks like you're enjoying him!

eric313 said...

Yeah, three is also really good, and four was hilarious.

But wrath of khan had some of the coolest space battles in any sci fi movie. They were literally stalking each other in the Motara Nebula, and the taunting--I love saying to people "I'm laughing at the superior intellect..."

"Khan(or any friends name here)...you bloodsucker. You've managed to kill just about everyone else, but like a poor marksman,
you keep--
the target!"

Short clipped lines, the truest sign of acting genius...

captain corky said...

Kat: Glad I could do my part and I hope you have a much better Sunday. ;)

Abby J: Never use the G word around here again. Peter Pan aint got nothing on me. ;)

He really is amazing Abby.

Eric313: One of my all time favorite lines comes from Star Trek 3, "Don't mince words Bones, what do you really think?" The way that Shatner delivers this line is priceless. And I've been asking people this question for years.

Heather said...

Don't hassle the Hoff!

Thanks, now I have KITT/Knightrider music on the brain...dun uh....dun uh....dun uh....dun uh dun uh dun uh.

Your kid is still freakin' cute ;-).