Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Today

Part of me wanted to eat a couple of Peanut Butter sandwiches for dinner when I got home from work this morning. Another part of me wanted to have turkey, Swiss cheese and salami on toasted whole wheat bread instead. That part of me won. No onions, lettuce or tomatoes ever go on my sandwiches. Never!

Currently I'm in the middle of doing a side painting job which should take me about another week and half to complete, but today I'm not going painting, because I'm staying home to watch the kid. I'm thinking about packing him up and going to the mall with him to Stair at MILFS while I drink a cup of coffee.

I also wanna steal shit from the Hallmark store and throw it in Max's baby carriage, but I know that if I get caught Allyson will kill me, and I know that the women in the Hallmark store will be fawning over Max and I'll never get the chance to make my move. Plus, I'm 37 years old and it's really inappropriate to steal Christmas ornaments and pixie figurines when you're 37 and male.

Or maybe I'll take him fishing with me today. That way I can use four poles instead of two. Two for me and two for Max. Perfect. I could attach a fishing pole holder to his car seat and if he goes flying into the lake I'll know he has a big one on the line, but don't worry, I'll go after him.

OK, maybe I'll just stay home and wipe drool off of Max's chin all day. That's always fun.

Max looks like he's having a lot of fun playing with my mom in this picture.

62 comments:

abbagirl74 said...

What a cute little munchkin!!! Oh, he is just soooo sweeeet.

her indoors said...

he sure does look like he is having fun.
no worries i will eat the peanut butter sandwiches for you, i cant stop eating, the medication is making me hungry! off to eat and eat and eat byeeeeee

Casdok said...

ahhh hes soo cute!
Ill have you onions!

karma lennon said...

He looks like he's having a blast! You guys have fun today!

marykay said...

Fishing a good thing stealing shit from hallmark not so good ex sister-in-law did that with baby buggy did I mention they are now divorced!

Jay said...

I'm glad to hear that you don't want any of that crap from the garden on your sandwiches. That stuff can go in some anorexic models salad or something.

Fishing would be a really fun day out, but since Max probably won't clean the fish for you the mall is probably a better idea. You can just hang out at the food court and wipe the drool from his chin there.

furiousBall said...

There is nothing babies like more in their car seat with them than a live fish fresh from the lake.

Jessica said...

Oooh, you're a naughty daddy! ;-)

Gina said...

Listen, the women LOVE seeing Dads with their kids. Hubba-hubba knows this. An even better strategy, or so I am told, is to mis-match his outfit so the women think you have done it all by your lonesome and that you were so overwhelmed by taking care of the kid by yourself (such the commitment!) that they cannot help themselves but coo and talk to you.

leslie said...

No, No, NO! Do not steal Christmas ornaments and pixie figurines! Go to the toy store and steal some action figures for Max's carrier, to dangle above his head.
Just think...when you have 7 kids, you can have 14 fishing poles...

dilling said...

whatever you choose, have fun...smooches to jr. from me...

Nancy said...

Such a happy baby!
... and Max too *wink*

Webmiztris said...

you want to steal stuff from the hallmark store? all they got is crap! you must really be a legitimate klepto if you want to steak from them. :)

Burfica said...

yup max is loving the grandma attention.

I vote for staying home and being a veg. Lay on the floor, let max climb all over you. it's really satisfying

Princess Pointful said...

I would like a ceramic figurine of a bunny with reindeer ears on him.
Thank you.

david mcmahon said...

Aye, a fishing pole holder - now you're talking! He'd enjoy it, too!

fiwa said...

Max looks happy in every picture. I think you should go to the mall - coffee, milfs and mall walking... it's all good.

Melissa said...

The pic of Max and your mom is too cute! I say go to the mall...it's easier to steal stuff when your kid is old enough to grab it and then you can play stupid - How did THAT get in the stroller? :-) I have to check Allie's stroller before we leave any store b/c she loves to grab stuff when I am not looking!

Pink said...

Nope.

I can read baby face.

That look says: "help me! This lady is wiggling my hands and talking gibberish. Someone call the cops!"

Its just one of my many talents.
xx
pinks

The Lone Beader said...

I like to eat peanut butter straight outta the jar. :D

Cheryl said...

Yes, I think your wife would get a little pissed if you got arrested for shoplifting. And, at Hallmarks! BTW, have your bought your 'Baby's First Christmas' ornament yet?

Aunt Jackie said...

I think Max is the happiest cutest baby I've seen in a long time... Makes me almost wish I had one... almost... :)

Enjoy yourself!!

HoosierGirl5 said...

Cute boy.

XO,
J.

Big Pissy said...

Max is SO the chick magnet!

Such a doll baby! :)

Ashley said...

I am sorry, did you appear to want to leave your house??? You have cold cuts, beer, cable television, and a kid. Why would you leave? That is like a slice of heaven. If I had cable, I would never leave my house.

Jerrster said...

fuck me....could life get any better?

sorry 'bout the fuck me thing.

jAMiE said...

Mmmmm, peanut butter, i could go for a peanut butter sandwich right about now!

captain corky said...

Abbagirl 74: Thanks. :)

Her Indoors: I've been eating peanut butter like it's going out of style lately. I love the stuff.

Casdok: Thanks. I'll gladly give you any and all onions I receive. ;)

Karma: We wound up lounging about all day today. So much for going to the mall. Maybe next time. ;)

Marykay: I best behave. It's a good thing we stayed in all day yesterday. ;)

captain corky said...

Jay: Yeah, I'm not a fucking rabbit, and I use beer and liquor to clean out my colon. And my liver too. LOL

Furiousball: We didn't do any fishing yesterday unfortunately, but we did make some remarkable upgrades to our fantasy football team so everything is ok.

Jessica: That's me! ;)

Gina: LOL! That's a great plan, but If I implement it my wife may leave me on principle.

Leslie: 6 kids = 12 fishing poles. I love it. ;)

captain corky said...

Dilling: No smooches for me?!? ;)

Nancy: Yes I am! And so is Max of course. ;)

Webmiztirs: LOL! Do you know how much I could get for some of those ornaments on E-Bay next month? I'll be filthy stinking rich. ;)

Burfica: You know me so well. I did stay home and Veg. :)

Princess: I'm sure I'll find a few of those next time I go. ;)

captain corky said...

David Mcmahon: I hope to go on lots of fishing trips with him when he gets a little older. It will be a lot of fun.

Fiwa: He's really happy most of the time. Unless he's hungry of course. Just like Daddy. ;)

Melissa: When Max and I go to the mall when he's a little older I'll check his stroller... after we get home. ;)

Pinks: You could make a lot of money with that talent here in the USA, or you could wind up in Bellevue in a nice padded room with a nice tight jacket, and a helmet on. ;)

Beader: Me too. Usually with a spoon, but sometimes with just my finger. ;)

captain corky said...

Cheryl: Not yet, but we will sometime this month, maybe this weekend.

Aunt Jackie: He's a pretty happy little guy. He smiles and laughs more and more every day. He doesn't always smile when he has gas though. :)

Hoosiergirl5: Thanks!

Big Pissy: Yep, he's doing a good job around here. ;)

Ashley: Don't worry, I didn't. ;)

captain corky said...

Jerrster: Maybe if I had some pot and a little more money, but that's about all I can think of.

Jamie: Yum! I'm having two for breakfast this morning.

neroli said...

That stuff in the Hallmark store just defies description, doesn't it---it's like an accident, you just feel so compelled by it...

I'm loving the picture you've described of you and Max going fishing. A great way to start the day, with a happy picture.
Thank you!

Tod said...

You know what would look great on my Christmas tree this year? A stolen ornament from Corky and his accomplice.

Guilty Secret said...

I miss stealing too :(

Being a grown-up has its down sides.

Enemy of the Republic said...

Try peanut butter with honey. It's really good.

Max is born to fish, to paint and to drool. I love him.

Tink said...

It should be a sin to be that cute. The kid, not your Mom. Although I'm sure your Mom is a lovely lady. I mean, the tiny part of her head that I can see looks nice. Not that I'm checking out your Mom or anything. I don't swing that way dude. Strictly dickly. But I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that either. Gay people ROCK. Not that they rock more than straight people. I tend to think that all people, no matter their race, sexual preference, or stance are equally rockin'. So anyway. What was I saying again? Oh yeah! Your kid is freakin' adorable!

Canadian flake said...

ok if you are gonna use Max to steal at LEAST make it something that he will get some enjoyment from..lol.

He is getting sooooo big and gets even more adorable everytime I see a pic...thanks again for sharing.

fiwa said...

I just dropped in again to say my new blog is up: http://fiwaese.blogspot.com/

Have a good night!
fiwa

Crashdummie said...

"'s really inappropriate to steal Christmas ornaments and pixie figurines when you're 37 and male."

Why is that? Then again, you can always blame it on Max - he could melt anyone with those eyes and his laughter...

Spamboy said...

Perhaps if you team up with Winona Ryder, you could get her to snag what you need while you & the kid distract the MILFs.

Cazzie!!! said...

Just gorgeous :)

Jenny! said...

Strollers are perfect for stealing books from BOrders...did I just say that outloud??? I was kidding of course! So fucking cute he is!

Bardouble29 said...

Wow he has gotten SOOO big and is super cute!! I am just making rounds to let everyone know I finally have internet and will be able to be around again!

gawilli said...

Grandmas love babies. Hey. That should be me.

Christie said...

I really must get myself another baby. Or stop reading your blog, because every time I come here I see pictures of that cute baby and my hormones get to churning. Damn you, Corky, damn you.

Lady K said...

Dude, you had me with the turkey, swiss, and salami. Where are the pictures? Inquiring food critics want to know!

mjd said...

Fishing sounds like a great choice, but I am sure that you would not let Max fall into the lake. In any event, I trust that you are enjoying the weekend.

BottleBlonde said...

You dirty old man, using your kid to stare at milfs.

I knew there was a reason why I liked you so much!

slskenyon said...

Nice picture from "Supersize Me" there. That was a wacked-out film.

Since you are a 37 year old male, I am sure that if the Hallmark ladies found any merchandize you pilfered in with Max, they would immediately assume that it had wound up in there accidentally somehow given your premise.

HAR said...

I vote for stealing, MILF cruising and fishing all in one day!

erika said...

tell max happy 3 months for me.

Debs said...

Max is growing and still so cute!!

eric1313 said...

Happy three months--may they all be that way.

Sandwhiches? Meat, cheese and various condiments--veggies are curious side items I occasionally eat, like when smothered in cheese. (except corn on the cob grilled right in it's husk is the bomb!) Buttered toast makes every sandwich better, at least right now...

Good thing Corky Jr.'s milf education is being do thoughtfully "engineered" at a good age!

Palm Springs Savant said...

Corky jr is a crowd pleaser for sure! Why even go out when you have his great smile to stare at!

Alekx said...

I wish someone would stay home and wipe drool off my chin

TheBirdman33 said...

Your lack of condiments on sandwiches has always made me aware of how many issues you have.

TheBirdman33 said...

Stealing from Hallmark just wouldn't be the same without Ihab Sahli and you know it.

CRUSTYBEEF said...

How precious!!! He's such a brighteyed baby!!
So, #2 soon? :)
Always,
Crusty~

kat said...

He is so adorable - it's ridiculous really to have that much cute in one kid.

I like how you use Max to get your dirty work done of staring at broads and stealing collectibles. You crack me up with that.

CRUSTYBEEF said...

How about peanut butter sandwiches with marshmallow fluff?
YUMMIE just don't drink Coke with it..your mouth will be fizzy.
Always,
Crusty~ :)