Friday, February 01, 2008

Corky Shares from the Heart

1. I usually take one packet of Splenda in my coffee.
2. I've never done coke.
3. I wanna believe in everything that you say, because it sounds so good
4. Sometimes I run.
5. Sometimes I hide.
6. Cream is absolutely essential in any cup of coffee I drink.
7. I've never done heroin.
8. I once misspelled heroin.
9. I spelled it heroine instead of heroin. Pink remembers.
10. I don't wanna be so shy.
11. I drink two to three cups of coffee at work, every night.
12. Once or twice I 've had to drink water, because I was hungover.
13. There's a good chance that I'm the Birdman's father. He's a little sensitive about it though, so you might not want to mention it to him.
14. Sometimes I'm scared of you.
15. I was born in North Carolina.
16. I was adopted at the age of three.
17. The first time I drank coffee was around Will Six's 12th birthday party.
18. It got me buzzed and COFFEE it the true gateway drug.
19. I think I was 14 the first time I made myself clam.
20. I haven't missed a day since.
21. All I really want is to hold you tight treat you right.
22. Oh baby baby, the reason I breathe is you.
23. I hate onions. They're fucking gross.
24. Despite my appearance, I really like Star Wars. A lot.
25. I must confess I still believe .
26. Budweiser is my favorite beer. I love the shit.
27. Smirnoff is my favorite Vodka.
28. A filling once fell out of my mouth while I was doing IT.
29. I've done it many TIMES.
30. I played with your heart, got lost in the game.
31. Oops!...i did it again.
32. I have a son named Max.
33. I have a wife named Allyson.
34. I have two cats.
35. I prefer Grease 2 over Grease 1.
36. So does the Birdman. Coincidence?
37. Tuesday prefers Grease 1 and for the life of me, I can't understand why.
38. I lived in DC for a while.
39. I drank like a fish, and painted houses for a living.
40. I've been blogging since before I was in the womb.
41. Johnny Nogaerelli is so much cooler than Danny Zucco.
42. I love mushrooms, but not the kind you make with salad.
43. I'm probably going to take a shower today.
44. I hope the Giants win the Super Bowl.
45. I hope this post finds you well.
46. The Shawshank Redemption is one of my favorite movies of all time.
47. Hope.
48. I only fart once a year.
49. It's true.
50. I used to write a post every day, and most of the time I would get a rush from writing.
51. I don't get that way to often anymore.
52. Blogging is a drug.
53. I like Miller light too, but not as much as Budweiser.
54. I prefer the prequel trilogy to the original Star Wars trilogy.
55. I'm all about the Force.
56. Kirk would find a way to defeat the emperor without the lousy stinkin Force.
57. Heinz is my Ketchup of choice.
58. I really hope Wayne Knight gets his own show someday. That fucker is funny!!!
59. I hope the fuckers at Free Credit Report.Com rot in hell.
60. Both Tink and Sunshine make lots of lists.
61. I'm starting to get really excited, Christmas is only 10 months and a few days away.
62. I'm thinking about putting up the tree while we watch the Super Bowl.
63. Swiss cheese is very important to the success of a good ham sandwich.
64. If it weren't for ABC Check, Corky's log never exists.
65. That would be a good episode of the Twilight Zone.
66. Anybody watching Flash Gordon on the Sci Fi channel?
67. I've only seen one episode, but I'm going to give it a whirl.
68. Coke and Pepsi with Splenda in it is rancid.
69. People really seem to think that green is a good color on Max. I wasn't so crazy about all the six to nine month green he has, but the people have spoken.
70. Poor Britney Spears...


Anonymous said...

Wow first comment. Except it probably won't be by the time I get done writing it. Oh well. Anyway, I also prefer the star wars prequel trilogy. I don't know, I guess it's because they're all young and innocent . . . ? Who knows. Nice list, and thanks for opening up. :)


Jay said...

"35. I prefer Grease 2 over Grease 1."

Two Words: Michelle Pfeiffer

Two More Words:: Cool Rider

The Mama Bear said...

You are so like Papa and your Star Wars, and your Kirk over Picard, and now Grease 2 over Grease this a man thing?????

I once broke my wrist while doing it, I take 3 Splenda and preferably flavored creamer in my coffee, I love the BUZZ.

furiousBall said...

I once pulled a pin out of a surgically repaired broken middle finger whilst doing it with a woman of color. That was awesome.

Dana said...

Shawshank Redemption is one of my top five favorites, and I don't believe for a moment that you are shy!

captain corky said...

Emmeline: Most Star Wars fans like Empire the best. I like Sith the bes,t by far. "Lord Corky, rise."

Jay: Four great words, and incredible sound track!

The Mama Bear: I think it is. We men love to drink our beer and watch Grease 2. ;)

Furiousball: Awesome!!!

Dana: I sprinkled in a bunch of lines from Britney Spears songs, and that line was one of them. Please don't tell anyone. ;)

jAMiE said...

Wow..i don't know what to say about all of that....except to say somehow i doubt number 48. i don't know why...but i do....say it ain't so?

fishing review said...

Yay, Shawshank Redemption is definitely one of my faves too.

Tod said...

Man, this is one of your best posts ever! I love it! And I always suspected that you were the Birdman's father... tho when you decide to tell him make sure he isn't holding a lightsabre. Just saying.

Cheryl said...

Confession time...I've never seen a Star Wars movie. Does loving Shawshank Redemption redeem me?

Biddie said...

I feelbad for Britney Spears, too. Yeah, she's a head case, but she misses her kids. That has to suck.
Grease 2? No way. Danny Zuko is WAY better.
Thanks for sharing. I always knew that you were a sensitive guy :)

Josie said...

"The Shawshank Redemption is one of my favorite movies of all time." Me too!

Britney Spears? She has no talent, she's not very attractive, she's not very bright, and yet she is consistently the leading news story in all the media. Hollywood can forgive any transgression except being forgotten. She clearly has not been forgotten, and yet - what has she done? She's crazy like a fox.

Maddy said...

What a good sharer you are.
Best wishes

Melissa said...

I have learned so much from this post, and I thought I knew you pretty well! I too hope that Wayne Knight gets his own show too....he is mighty funny!

By the way, the soundtrack to Grease 1 is way better then Grease 2 - come on Summer Nights is a classic!

RockDog said...

I'm going to try and overlook the whole "Grease 2 is Better than Grease 1" thing because it's bullshit and clearly you're drunk.

Pink said...


I was reading and thinking - I remember that...and then you said it ;)

Been a good ol year, Corks.

I hope you've already farted for 2008 because its getting a bit stinky in here.

Oh maybe thats the swiss cheese or the diet coke with splenda !

I'll be praying for you Sunday. Not for your team. You.


Mike Golch said...

Wayne Knight probuly will not get his own show,for this reason he has been type casted as a supporting player.When he was Newman he rocked when He was the cop on 3 rd rock from the sun he rocked,bu alais he will always be cast as a supporting cast member.

whimsicalnbrainpan said...

I feel so much closer to you now.

Go Giants!

katy said...

wow no. 48, do you know the time and date this will happen?!!!
i love bud, but i prefer Grease 1 sorry!
glad you are ready to admit to being Birdman's dad, it is about time you let him into this now OK!

Burfica said...

Okay corky, put the coffee down and step away from the cup. Slowly, slowly. Okay now take a deep breath and drink this water.

Man...I dunno what drug you were on when you did that list, but I want me some of that shit.

Wait maybe I'm already on it, cuz I think I understood most of that.

Casdok said...

Cant believe you mentioned christmas!!!!!!!!!!

Guilty Secret said...

Blogging *is* a drug... here we all are, always chasing that high, trying to feel something close to that first time we hit the 10 comment mark!

The Lone Beader said...

I admire this post because there are a lot of alcohol references, but Budweiser?????????? Please tell me that was a typo. LOL. :/

captain corky said...

Jamie: I would never exaggerate for the sake of writing a funny post. Never ever. ;)

Fishing Review: Ever go fishing in Hackensack river? I hear the fishing is awesome!

Tod: Yeah, he does seem to have some unresolved anger issues. LOL!

Cheryl: For you, I would recommend the original trilogy, but Shawshank is a step in the right direction. ;)

Josie: If she doesn't slow down she's going to be dead by 30. I hope somehow she's able to find Corky, and resolve her issues. ;)

captain corky said...

Maddy: Thanks, I was an ace in kindergarten, and then it was all down hill from there. ;)

Melissa: I'm here to teach. It feels so good when you reach out to people and you can draw them in. Helps me sleep better at night. ;)

Rockdog: Have you ever seen Grease 2? It's one of the greatest films of our lifetime.

Pink: Haven't farted yet, usually happens around St Patrick's Day. All that green beer and fish. ;)

Mike Golch: It's really a shame! He's so funny.

Thanks for stopping by.

captain corky said...

Biddie: I really do feel bad for Britney: She went on a meth binge the other night. Pretty crazy shit!

Whim: Thanks for letting me open up to you. ;)

Katy: You're right, I'd better tell him so he can resolve all of his issues. ;)

Burfica: I'm just high on life! That's all... ;)

Casdok: It's the most wonderful time of the year, and I have to get ready for it, because it's coming soon. ;)

captain corky said...

Guilty: True dat! One comment is too many, and a thousand is never enough. ;)

Beader: Love Bud! Real men drink Budweiser, and so do classy women. ;)

Leighann said...

Grease 2?? What are you, some kind of a communist?

Shawshank Redemption is a GREAT movie!

This was a most excellent post Corky!

Gina said...

I can only eat onions when they have been transformed into onion rings. And even then, there needs to be more batter than onion, if you know what I mean.

I KNEW we were meant for each other! Shhhh, don't telll Allyson... ;)

Oh wait, except Grease 2 sucks.

Never mind.

Bonnie Blue said...

Heinz is the ONLY ketchup. There is NO other. There's a diner on rt 17 in NJ, refuse to eat there because they don't serve Heinz...funny thing is...they have a vintage Heinz sign near the cash register.

The coke and pepsi with splenda IS horrid. Makes no sense though since there are so many other times that splenda tastes great in something.

Not gonna touch on Grease 2 since it sucks ass.

Palm Springs Savant said...

totally with you on Shawshank- I think about that flick ALL THE TIME. But Grease 2? I'll have to set up a Grease double header to re-analyze. Maybe my perspective will have changed some. I've always been hopelessly devoted to Olivia. I mean Sandy.

HAR said...

why don't you have a dog?

moved my blog.

Anonymous said...

I should clarify, walking in front of my mother in tighty whitey's while scratching your sack is certainly REMINISCENT of my father, but doesn't MAKE you my father.

Sorry for the confusion and I am sorry that me and my mother saw you in tighty whitey's scratching your sack...

dilling said...

Splenda will pickle you....try Stevia...I don't understand why they make things like Splenda when there is Stevia. The growers of Stevia need better marketing. I can't stand either of your beer choices. I am a beer snob. Except for Faxe. Which you probably can't find down there. I don't like any star wars that doesn't have Chewbacca. I have always believed.

madame x said...

16. makes my heart..... ache. I hope it was good for the 3 year old.

captain corky said...

Leighann: Are you trying to tell me that Grease Lightning is a better song than Score Tonight? Impossible. ;)

Gina: Hey Gina, take a look over here, I'm your king pin honey, and I'm getting in gear. ;)

Bonnie Blue: I love Jersey Diner's. The Golden Touch in East Hanover is my home away from home.

Palm Springs Savant: I look forward to hearing your new findings. Grease 2 forever!

Har: We're going to get a dog soon. Max seems to love dogs.

captain corky said...

Son: I'm sorry that I didn't tell you in person, but if you come to Kentucky soon we'll have that catch in the backyard that we never had...

Dilling: Chewbacca is in Revenge of the Sith. Now that's a movie. I think I'm brainwashed very easily, cause I love Bud. Three beers and I've got the perfect buzz. Maybe I'll have a shot of Vodka or two for good measure.

Madame X: Saved my life. Took me a while to figure it all out, but it did. ;)

Bonnie Blue said...

Jersey diners are great....just that particular one with no Heinz is bad. I just spoke to a friend and she told me she had dinner there....I said...the no heinz diner? That's what it's referred to. LOL


DJ Kirkby said...

There is an award waiting for you over at mine on tomorrow's post but you have ot come in costume to collect it, do not ocme dressed as CC, that would be cheating. Decribe your costume in my comment box, take your award, enjoy the free bar and leave when you wish.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

One fart a year? Is it like a stored up, monster, hour and a half fart? If so, can you post a video of it?

Pink said...

Ok Corks - only for you -

Go Giants!

I know that for you, football is like oxygen.

Have a fun day

erika said...

congrats on the superbowl man! i prefer grease 2 as well :)

Anonymous said...

Go Giants! Go Eli! I'm just sayin'.

I haven't seen Flash Gordon on the Sci Fi channel, but I remember it as a little kid. I did see Flesh Gordon once. Really.

nikki said...

I totally respected you until you said Smirnoff was your favorite vodka. What the hell is wrong with you?!

Heidi the Hick said...

1) gosh you look handsome today

2) newmannnnnn.....

3) I feel sorry for her

4) blogging is a drug. Yep. Must go hit up my comment section...

kat said...

Shawshank Redemption is one of the greatest movies EVER. It is my personal favorite.

And don't ever try heroin. It kills. Just ask my father.

Stick to heroine instead. That comes with titties.

Tequila Mockingbird said...

agreed. blogging is addictive. sometimes i get the shakes when i go too long without it.

my fave vodka is ketel one.

i hate onions too. they smell like filthy hobos.

how the hell were you doing it that a filling fell out of your mouth? i want to try that position.

Princess Pointful said...

Onions are really damn disgusting.
Nearly as disgusting as Grease 2 (you really can't be serious about that!)

Ashley said...

I was about to say only nine months until Miracle on 34th Street, but you watch that all year round.

I didn't care who won last night until the Giants won and the Pats coach left before the last play. Now I hate him even more than before. I do actually know his name, but don't know how to spell it.

Joshua said...

Was that a list?

wastinawayincubeland said...

This post found me very well. Thanks for your concern.


Tink said...

Lists rock. This is probably one of my favorite posts of yours yet. It's because of the list, man. They're like crack. Although to be honest, I've never done crack. The name alone is scary. If it were all that fun wouldn't they have named it "Woohoo!" instead? Btw, have you heard that the makers of Lost and Cloverfield are making a Startrek movie?

Lady K said...

You crack me up, and have inspired me to just write a list when I've got nothing else to report. I've got lots to report these days, so the list may not be soon.

I agree with just about everything you just posted. Keep writing, no matter what!

Real Live Lesbian said...

"COFFEE it the true gateway drug."

I love a good gateway.

Jahooni said...

Love this post!!!!! It makes me feel good just to read it. Budweiser really? I have to take points off for that! ;-)

captain corky said...

Bonnie Blue: Good thing there are no diners in Kentucky or I would way 300 pounds. ;)

DJ Kirkby: Thank you, and I hope you liked my costume. ;)

Dr Kenneth Noisewater: It's a painful day when it comes, and unfortunately I never know when or where it's going to hit.

Pink: It was a great game!

Erika: Me and Allyson were as happy as pigs in shit!

captain corky said...

Gawilli: It was a beautiful thing! ;)

Nikki: I know it turns you on. ;)

Heidi: Thanks, I always like to dress my best when I'm sharing from the heart. ;)

Kat: True. Sucking on titties is much more enjoyable than shooting dope. ;)

Tequila Mockingbird: Blogging is a beast, but how else am I going to become famous? ;)

captain corky said...

Princess: Grease 2 is probably one to top 5 greatest films of all time. Trust me. ;)

Ashley: You know me so well. ;)

Joshua: Not sure what it was. ;)

Wastinawayincubeland: Thanks for stopping by! Grease 1 was ok... If you like that sort of thing. ;)

Tink: I'm praying that the new Star Trek film is good. That's an example of the kinds of things I pray for. ;)

captain corky said...

Real: I just don't know if COFFEE is a true Dell Drug. Was that painful? ;)

Jahooni: Glad you enjoyed it. Always remember though, Budweiser is the king of beers. ;)

Big Pissy said...


There is just SO much to learn about Cork! ;-)

Patti said...

I've never even seen Grease 2. Don't tell Birdy...

Keshi said...

fantastic list! :)


Canadian flake said...

Are you sure you have never done heroin? Cause I am thinking maybe you misplaced....oh nm....

No worries...I still think you rock, oh great one...even when you do get off on an odd ramble..lmao

Canadian flake said...

oopsssssss did I just say you "get off"???

Ok NOW I am blushing...going to the cornerrrrrr now...


leslie said...

I need for you to stop feeling sorry for Britney, and go to Leslie's Blog to pick up your award...I'm not carrying it all the way over here.

Professor J said...

Poor Britney Spears, indeed. I like you Captain, even if I am more of a Deep Space 9 kind of a girl.

Crashdummie said...

wicked way of geting more info about u cc! Well, i bet u & birdman prefer Grease 2 due to a certain Michelle Pfeiffer... and I bet you dont believe in life BC - vefore coffee ;)