Sunday, February 17, 2008

Happy Holiday

President's Day Eve is finally here!!! I'm so excited I can hardly contain my exuberance. It seems like President's Day 2007 was just yesterday, and we were going to furniture outlet stores, and car lots, taking full advantage of all the great sales that are out there, commemorating all the Lincoln's, FDR's, Kennedy's, and Reagan's who have had a strong hand in shaping America into the fine country it is today.

2008 is going to be the best Captain Corky's Annual President's Day Headbangers Cotillion Masquerade Ball, ever!!! I'm going as Ulysses S. Grant this year. My flask is filled to the brim with Whiskey and I'm ready to throw down. I'll probably wear my genuine issue Union Army Civil War jacket, cause the ladies always seem to swoon when I wear it.

Side Note: I once did a book report on Grant and got a B. It only figures that I identify with the Commander and Lush.

Usually I go as Reagan to Corky's Annual President's Day Headbangers Cotillion Masquerade Ball, because I have the looks and the smooth voice, but I thought I'd change things up a bit this year.

It does piss me off that I have work on Monday though... Obviously, I should have become a bank teller, cause those fucks get off for everything, including Groundhog Day from what my sources tell me.

Still, this year should be amazing. I've had my eye on a very hot Formica china cabinet from Uncle Bob's Furniture Emporium, and I should be able to get a 20 percent discount thanks to folks like Woodrow Wilson and Ben Franklin. The best part is that my Uncle Bob's Furniture Emporium credit account wont start accruing interest until 2012. That's fucking sweet!

51 comments:

DJ Kirkby said...

You Yanks...still as odd as ever.

Tod said...

Another public holiday? You lucky sods... I'm pushing for Druid's Day over here.

Dana said...

Can I be John Quincy Adams?? You know, he once kept his pet alligator in the East Room of the White House! Now that's worth celebrating.

CRUSTYBEEF said...

Hmmm, could you possibly pick up a pedestal table for my kitchen while you're at Uncle Bob's place? I'll be coming through Kentucky in a couple weeks, and would be happy to pick it up then! :)
Have a great weekend Capt Corky!
I can't remember the last time I was 4th over here!

BANKS HAVE GROUNDHOG DAY OFF? How BillMurrayesque of them!

ALways,
Crusty~

Cheryl said...

Happy day before to you. Of course, I'm off on Mondays, which doesn't seem quite fair on holidays. It means my daughter is with me and not at school. Not that that's a bad thing. Just saying...l

Nancy said...

Just the post I needed to wake up to, Bwa-hahahah

furiousBall said...

that is unless you work for my bank, we only have 4 holidays off a year. grant is a kick ass choice for a pres. he drank like a fish and didn't take any shit from anybody

gawilli said...

President's Day. Sheesh. I bet not many would be going as Bush.

Biddie said...

It's a new holiday over here, in the great white north. The powers that be have dubbed it family day.
All it means for us is that the pay cheque will be short.
Thanks.
Hope you get a good deal at uncle Bob's though :)

Jay said...

Of course I'll be going as James K. Polk as usual. And I'll be boring the hell out of everyone bragging about how I oversaw the biggest land expansion EVER. Bigger than the Louisiana Purchase. So take that Thomas Jefferson you arrogant elitist scum you!

The Lone Beader said...

Presidents Day Eve?? Wow. You're really looking for a reason to celebrate, huh?? LOL.

abbagirl74 said...

:) More pictures of Corky Jr. Please!!!

Portia said...

ah, the american dream:)

Pink said...

well its good there is SOME use for presidents
xx
pinks

Melissa said...

Who will Max be going to the ball as? There were some awesome sales today! Hope you got to take advantage of them.....do you at least get paid extra since it's a holiday? To me that would soften the blow a little bit....:-)

Palm Springs Savant said...

Corky- this is HILARIOUS. I can totally relate. Thanks for the chuckle.

TheBirdman33 said...

I wanted to go as George W. but I can't find a costume that looks like a useless piece of shit.

Maybe I will say the most idiotic things I can think of and walk around with a bible taking people's right away?

The Mama Bear said...

Did you find some spiffy boxer shorts for the day?????

Big Pissy said...

I know I speak for all my fellow Corkians...when I ask that you please post photos of yourself and Max in costume.

Thank you. :)

Joshua said...

Yeah I got tomorrow off also. Seeing as I'm just part time...it sucks!

Though I did end up moving this weekend so the 3 day weekend helped there.

it also helped with drinking until 4am twice this weekend! (I should blog about that)

HAR said...

Post pics of the furniture. God Bless President's Day.

willSIX said...

Dear Captain Corky,

President's Day celebrates George Washington and Abraham Lincoln. Not Ronald McDonald Hossenpfeffer Alzheimer's Reagan.

Also, Benjamin Franklin never served President of the United States.

I will only attend your ball dressed as Bill Clinton, because I hear he gets all the chicks.

That is all.

Real Live Lesbian said...

I'm swooning just thinking about your USG outfit!

scarlett said...

Got to love a man in uniform!

Happy Presidents Day Captain ;-)

erika said...

hello corky - guess how darcy and i are celebrating presidents day? by watching: *american idol *america's next top model *iron chef america *american dad.
go us!
hope you're having a good day!

whimsicalnbrainpan said...

LOL! Happy President's Day!

captain corky said...

DJ Kirby: I bet you say that to all the yanks. ;)

Tod: It never ends in this country, and I get fucked out of all of them thanks to my job. Maybe I need to take some time off... six months should do it. ;)

Dana: That would be a brilliant costume. Do you think the Zoo would let borrow a gator for the evening? If not you could just wear alligator shoes, and compliment it with an alligator purse. You do have an alligator purse, don't you?

Crusty: Uncle Bob has everything! And only the finest quality. Formica for all!!!

Cheryl: I wish I had Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday off. Then I would never complain about the days I had to work. ;)

captain corky said...

Nancy: Corky's log is replacing the morning paper all over the world! Glad you enjoyed it. ;)

Furiousball: Any President who drinks like a fish is ok in my book. After all, winning a war and running this country can be pretty stressful. Just ax Bush...

Gawilli: Apparently the Birdman is, I just hope he doesn't get assassinated walking up to the house. ;)

Biddie: Do they show Brady Bunch and Partridge Family marathons on Family Day? That would be sweet!!!

Jay: Great, while you're entertaining everyone, I'll spike all the punch, and we'll get everyone fucked up!

captain corky said...

Beader: I'm always looking for a reason to have a good time. Story of my life... ;)

Abbagirl74: I hope to post a video of little guy soon. :)

Portia: Gotta love it!!! ;)

Pink: Well, without Presidents who would we put on our money? Maybe we could put Star Trek characters on our currency. That would be fucking sweet!!! ;) Kirk would obviously be put on the billion dollar bill.

Melissa: Max insists on going as Tattoo from Fantasy Island. There's no reasoning with 7 month old babies. ;)

captain corky said...

Palm Springs Savant: Glad you enjoyed it! ;)

Birdman: Good idea, but watch out for stray bullets. Bush is not very popular these days. ;)

Mama Bear: I dream of the day that Old Navy starts selling Monica, and Bill boxers. ;)

Pissy: Well, I plan on posting a vid of Max soon. I think people are in need of a good Max fix. ;)

Joshua: Nice! Congrats on moving. Peace at last for you.

captain corky said...

Har: God bless President's Day indeed. Sadly, it's almost over and almost time to start getting ready for St Patrick's Day. Green beer and Corned Beef here I come!!! ;)

Willsix: Of course Ben Franklin was a President. Who do you think that is on the three dollar bill? Do you need me to supply you with a box of cigars? ;)

Real: I know how to make all of gals swoon. I don't like to brag, but it's a gift. ;)

Scarlett: Just to let you know, I wear my uniform to bed. ;)

Erika: Another great American institution, Television! Enjoy all the splendid viewing, and don't let any asshole tell you that TV rots your brain, cause it's just not TRUE. ;)

captain corky said...

Whim: Happy President's Day to you too!!! ;)

neroli said...

Happy President's Day to you, dear Corky---may your wig always be powdered;)

leslie said...

If you are going as Grant, then who is buried in Grant's tomb?

katie said...

Oh, Captain My Captain Corky! you crack me up. I wish you a very Happy President's Day! I love your enthusiasm for this holiday! Miss Katie gives YOU a gold star!! :)

Have a great week!

madame x said...

Gotta love a guy that goes for the formica China Cabinet when, what he really wants is a thick gold herringbone chain.

That is sooo presidental

The Reagan Grumbler said...

Corky: there's an auspicious lack of hausfraus flirting with you in the comments--what's happening?

Hey Will6: you have a lot of nerve to try and bring rational thinking to these comments.

With that said, I am crashing the ball dressed as Al Gore, the true winner of the 2000 election.

Josie said...

You guys have all the luck. We don't have a President, and we don't have a President's Day.

We do, however, have wonderful sales on Boxing Day.

Happy President's Day! :-)

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Your rock that formica, Prez!

captain corky said...

Neroli: I never leave the house without my wigs powdered, or my phaser set to kill. Ya never know when you're going to run into a Romulan... ;)

Leslie: Good question! I'll have to think about that for a while. ;)

Katie: I love gold stars!!! Can I enroll myself and Max into your preschool class? I promise I'll behave. ;)

Madame X: I'm all about the sacrifices! ;)

Reagan Grumbler: I took off the leather jacket for this post. Fear not, I haven't lost my mojo.

captain corky said...

Josie: We haven't been so lucky these past 7+ years, but hopefully are luck is about to change. ;)

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater: Only the finest quality furniture for the Corky household. ;)

Tink said...

So who is Max going as, James Madison? He was the smallest president, weighing in at 100 pounds. Max is in luck too. JM was mostly bald. ;)

Tequila Mockingbird said...

last night i fired up the bong (i only do that for special occasions) to celebrate what awesome sons of bitches those presidents were. i even had a tear roll down my cheek. granted, that was because i was coughing so hard and my eyes were watering... but it was respectful nontheless

jAMiE said...

You are hilarious, no wonder i love coming here!!!

Here in Canada we had Monday off too...well here in Ontario, not sure about other provinces..it was a statutory holiday called Family day...wooohooo!!! No awesome sales though, not yet anyway.

Jahooni said...

I will be "assisting" during the brandy and cigar hour! ;-) Those are what great assistants do for their Presidents, right?

Canadian flake said...

Presidents Day confuses me...you Americans sure do like your holidays don't ya?? LOL.

Jerrster said...

I notice Grant always has Paul Newman like blue eyes. I wonder if that is real or are they wooden contacts...(like Washington's teeth) Blue Spruce maybe?

Metal Mark said...

What I gather from this post is that it's on all of us once the football season ends.

fiwa said...

Damn! I can't believe I missed the party. But I'll go home and have a drink tonight in your honor, anyway. I'm all about drinking in your honor. ;)

Crashdummie said...

make it Captain Corky day, and I'm all in!

Ashley said...

I was trying to decide what Presidential treat to eat-jelly beans, pork rinds, peanuts??? I went with none of the above. I just found out what pork rinds are a couple of months ago. I had never really thought about it before. That is DISGUSTING.

I had to work that day, too, and it sucked. The only positive was that the commute was good.